All I Need

by Kathryn Shay

  “I wasn’t jumping to conclusions, but a lot of people will.”

  “Any advice on dealing with this?”

  “Go talk to her. Figure it out together.”

  “She’s the last person I should see.”

  Reed jammed his hands in his pockets. “You got anything to hide?”

  “No. Nothing.” At least he hoped not.

  “Then act like it.” Reed started to walk away but turned back. “Have fun shopping with my wife today, but make sure she sits periodically.”

  “How far along is she?”

  “She’s starting her second trimester. And don’t tell her I told you she should sit.”

  “I won’t. You look happy, Reed.”

  “As an ever-lovin’ pig in shit.”

  He’d intentionally used a Southern colloquialism. “Apt description for a Yankee.”

  * * *

  “Okay, kiddo,” Delaney Shaw said to Kassie. “That’s enough to try on now.”

  Enough ? Chase thought. The cart he’d insisted they take so Delaney wouldn’t lift anything held jeans, dresses and tops. Shoes and boots. “Geez. This is going to cost me a bundle.”

  Kassie’s eyes widened.

  Damn. “I’m teasin’ you, honey. Buy whatever you like. But Grandpa gets to approve.”

  Now she rolled her eyes. That was better.

  “Want me to come inside with you?” Delaney asked.

  His granddaughter’s jaw dropped. “Like help me dress?”

  “Sort of.”

  “Nobody’s ever done that for me.”

  “Whatever you feel comfortable with, Kass.”

  “Not this time.”

  At least the store provided them with chairs. Delaney dropped down beside him. She’d always been a pretty woman, with dark hair and Irish blue eyes, but now, her face glowed with the pregnancy. And real contentment emanated from her body language. “Before you say anything, I know you saw Reed at the academy today. And I’m positive he told you to make me sit.”

  Chase shrugged. “I would have done that anyway.”

  “It’s okay. It makes him feel better to take care of me.”

  “Now that trait is in our genes.”

  “Firefighters’ genes for sure. But you know there’s more at work with Reed.”

  Chase knew the broad strokes of his friend’s situation. When he was a captain in New York, he’d lost all his men in a fire, had survivor’s guilt which led to PTSD. Thankfully, he’d found this woman to help him deal with that. For a second, Chase envied the two of them, wanted what they had.

  Delaney nodded to the dressing room. “She’s right, Chase. Nobody was there to do those intimate things with her.”

  “How did she get through them? Buying a bra. Getting her period.”

  “I don’t know. She’s never talked about it.”

  “I’m trying to read her needs, but I’m so afraid I’m going to overstep.”

  “Like I just did?” Delaney asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I overstepped.” She touched his arm. “And the sky didn’t fall down. Raising teens is trial and error, Chief. Even the kids know that.”

  “I’m rusty, I guess, and things were so different when Scott was born.”

  She squeezed his arm to comfort him.

  Kassie paraded out in the first set of clothes. “What are those things on your feet?” he asked.

  “Converse high tops.” Bright green.

  “I used to wear them as a kid only in white.”

  “They’re back in,” Delaney told him.

  His eyes narrowed. “Aren’t those pants a little tight?”

  “Grandpa, they’re leggings. They’re supposed to be tight.”

  “I like the shirt,” he said. ”But it’s got holes in the shoulders.”

  “Dr. Shaw! Can you get him to behave?”

  But Chase could tell she liked his teasing.

  She tried on three pairs of jeans. He wondered how many pairs one kid needed. But he didn’t say anything for fear of her reaction to his earlier comment.

  “Ah, I like that one,” he said when she came out in a dress. “Good to go to dinner in.”

  Kassie wrinkled her nose. “It’s a little froufrou for me.”

  “Froufrou?”

  “Frilly.” Delaney studied her. “I like how it swirls at your knees. And those ruffles at the cap sleeves look great on your arms. But it’s your decision.”

  “Maybe.”

  There were more casual clothes. The shorts were too skimpy, but what to say?

  “I love the outfit, girlfriend,” Delaney said before he could formulate a response. “But you won’t be able to wear those to school. They have rules up here about short shorts.”

  “Yeah, I don’t feel comfortable in them anyway.”

  “You got great legs, though.”

  Kass headed back into the dressing room.

  Chase turned to Delaney. “How do you know when to object?”

  “I didn’t object. I told her the consequences of buying something like that.”

  “Did you like the shorts?”

  “Yeah, I got a couple of pairs.” She winked at Chase. “They drive Reed nuts.”

  Chase laughed out loud. No wonder everybody loved this woman!

  Chapter 7

  * * *

  What a day! First the inflammatory photo in the Rockford Sentinel. Then the Junior League representative asked to see a copy of Vanessa’s speech. Apparently, the woman thought Vanessa was too brash sometimes in her presentations. Offended, Vanessa refused and offered to cancel her appearance at the luncheon. Unfortunately, the woman said they’d go ahead with the talk.

  And then there were the meetings with her staff. Her chief of staff, Abigail Rogers, was off now, Vanessa ran the show. She’d kept her communications manager after the meeting, and had been clear in what happened at dinner and insisted she deal with this alone. Carolyn Reese, who usually agreed with her, was unhappy. Later in the day, the staff counselor, Susan Summers, had come to see her, but she’d been low-key about the photo.

  She’d also gotten calls.

  Dawson: What was that all about in the paper? I’m afraid it makes a fool of me, Vanessa.

  The newspaper itself: Care to comment, Madam Mayor?

  Finally, two council officials phoned.

  One was distressed: We can’t have anything like this happening, Madam Mayor. A relationship between you two is conflict of interest, and could be construed as sexual harassment.

  But a female member who ran her own business had a different take on the situation. Don’t let them make you cower, Vanessa. Stand up to them. If you don’t, they’ll be on you for your whole term.

  Jeannine Marks had run for mayor against her, but took the loss graciously. Vanessa had encouraged her to run for the council, which she did, and suggested they have lunch as soon as things settled down.

  Her shoulders tight, her lower back aching, Vanessa glanced at the clock. Seven p.m. Later than she thought. She’d sent Betsy and the rest of the staff home at six.

  Leaning back into the chair, she pondered what to do with her night. She definitely didn’t want to go home to the emptiness of her mayoral residence on East Avenue. Get something to eat? Maybe.

  Or she could call Holly. See if she and her parents would let Vanessa stop over. Energized by the notion, she clicked into contacts and Holly’s number. The other end rang. And rang. And rang. Then, “This is Holly Michaels. Leave a message.”

  Insecurity reared its ugly head. Was Holly screening her calls? Screening Vanessa out?

  Vanessa disconnected. “Shit!”

  “My mama would wash your mouth out with soap for usin’ that curse word.”

  She raised her head, and found Chase Talbot in the doorway. Her heart beat faster at the sight of him. All day long, she’d planned her strategy: mostly, it was to freeze him out when he called. And for the rest of her life. But, damn it, he was slouched against the do
orjamb, looking sexy even in his uniform with a navy windbreaker hooked over his shoulder. He must have left his office on the seventh floor to go home and stopped to see her.

  Everything about him was casual. So she’d match that.

  Again, she sat back in her chair. “Do you think it’s wise to be here?”

  “Well, I don’t rightly know. If you want me to leave, tell me and I will.”

  “No, come on in. We should talk this out.”

  “Promise me something before I cross this threshold.”

  “What?”

  “No yelling. From either of us. That’s been working for us since our truce.”

  “I think I can do that.” She’d been trying with all her department heads to be calmer, more solicitous of their opinions, gentler when she disagreed. So it was the least she could do with the chief.

  She rose and gestured to the couch grouping across the room. They took seats on the sofa. Up close, she could see his cheeks were red from sun he must have gotten today. His hair was a bit damp and was combed back off his face more.

  “How was your day?” he asked. They both knew what he was talking about.

  “Very busy. Lots of phone calls.”

  “Bad ones?”

  “A couple of people were supportive.” She told him about Jeanine Marks, about Betsy. “But some of the others from the council and outside of it challenged my...our...ethics.”

  Frowning, he held her gaze. And she was struck by the fact that this man listened, took the gravity of the situation for what it was. “I’m sorry.”

  “What about you?”

  “Me? I checked my calls, but I hid out at the fire academy most of the day.”

  Though this was serious, she laughed. “You look like you were outside.”

  “Yeah.” He sat back and stretched his arm across the back of the couch. Beneath his white shirt, which sported the chief epaulets, were an impressive set of muscles. “We train recruits for stamina by doing what we call confidence walks, where they suit up in their gear...sixty pounds’ worth—and walk for miles. That way, they’ll have confidence in a fire that they have the strength and stamina to handle the incident.” He chuckled. “The instructors were glad to let me take over.”

  “The weather was pretty warm to be doing that.”

  “Yeah, it was. I took off the helmet they gave me and opened the turnout coat. Told the kids to do the same. It was hotter than hell.”

  “Didn’t you have meetings at your office?”

  “Actually, today was my day to visit the academy and the firehouses. I go to different stations every other week.”

  “I know. You skipped the firehouses?”

  “I did. The guys would never say anything to my face, but I’ll bet there’d be snickers. Besides, Ben Cordaro is my buddy, and I had lunch at the academy with him and Reed Macauley to talk about the situation.” He rolled his eyes. “And then I went shopping.”

  “Seriously?”

  He told her about Delaney and Kassie.

  She was enthralled. And a little bit jealous. “I can’t even remember the last time I went shopping with my daughter.”

  His expression turned sympathetic. “Isn’t that going any better?”

  “Actually, it is. I took your advice and went over to her house. My way of telling her I wanted to see it, and her.”

  “What happened?”

  She sipped her coffee then told him the details.

  “I’m sorry your father ruined it.”

  “Not completely. I enjoyed being with her for an hour.”

  He stared at her. “So how long are we gonna avoid the subject, Vanessa?”

  Her name sounded like an endearment as it rolled off his tongue. Stifling a shiver, she said, “Let’s tackle what the paper published. In the short term, we either have to address the implication or ignore it.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I decided, too.”

  “So, which one did you pick?”

  “To ignore it. That might douse the flame.”

  “I don’t want to comment on the story either, so I’m game. But as far as the future goes, we can’t be seen in a compromising situation again, Chase.”

  “Damn!” He looked genuinely miffed. “I was just starting to get to know the real you. I’m not sure I want to forego that.”

  “I’m not sure you have a choice.”

  “There are always choices.”

  “No, not in this.” She shook her head for emphasis and to remind herself to enforce this decision. “No more dinners, no meetings outside of this office. We’ll be professional when we have to be together. And I won’t call you in the middle of the night again.” She remembered how sexy he sounded on the phone. “Same for texts or voice mails to see how my parents are.”

  He cocked his head. “How are they?”

  “They seem to be doing well.” The hollow feeling in her stomach returned. “I wanted to see them for dinner tonight, but Holly didn’t answer her phone.”

  “So, you’re free for dinner?”

  “Chase, didn’t you hear what I said?”

  “Yeah, and I know we have to steer clear of each other. I don’t like it. As matter of fact, I hate it, but let’s share one more meal. We’ll order for my office and I’ll go pick it up.” At her hesitation, he added, “Sort of like a Last Supper.”

  That made her laugh out loud.

  “We can say goodbye in private.”

  She had a sudden vision of Chase leaning over her, naked, brushing his lips over hers. The image was fleeting, like others she’d had for the last couple of weeks. “Um...”

  “Come on, Vanessa. We’ll kowtow to the press and the officials, but we deserve a night together.”

  “I suppose it couldn’t hurt.” After all, they were in the mayoral office. They were both adults, not horny teenagers. He would never do anything without her consent.

  He fished out his phone. “Where do you like Chinese from?”

  * * *

  “Bless her heart, she picked out this crazy footwear: Converse sneakers, clunky shoes and low boots to wear with dresses!”

  “That’s in, Chief. Holly wore those kind of boots with a skirt the last time I saw her.”

  He set down his carton of spicy chicken lo mein and picked up his glass of wine. He’d gotten a bottle as a gift from Ben Cordaro and brought it down when he’d run up to his own office to get the food. He’d convinced Vanessa to indulge by saying the Last Supper had vino.

  Continuing their conversation, he said, “At least they weren’t combat boots.”

  Chopsticks poised at her mouth, Vanessa asked, “What do you mean?”

  “Remember I said when Kassie came to live with me, she dressed in all black?” Vanessa nodded. “With it, she wore combat boots.”

  “You never explained why.”

  “I don’t know. Scott never told me she was into that kind of thing, and I hadn’t seen her in about six months. But he did say moving back to Rockford would be good for Kassie. Must be she was having troubles, hence her appearance.”

  “What happened to her mother, Chase?”

  “That I do know. She and Scott met in California when he went out there to be a smokejumper. She was a clerk at a pharmacy. She got hooked on opioids after her second pregnancy, and there was some talk of her stealing them from the place she worked. It was all downhill after that.”

  “How old were the kids?”

  “Kass was eight, Colette a toddler.”

  “How did Scott manage?”

  “Smokejumpers have time off in big chucks, because of their vicious schedule when a fire does break out. So he was with them a lot.”

  “Your poor family.”

  “Luckily he found a nanny for the days or nights he couldn’t be home.”

  “At least he could afford one out there.”

  Chase could feel himself flush.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You paid for the help.”


  “Yeah, after I tried to convince him to come home right then and move the family in with me. But he loved that job.” His throat got thick. “If he’d moved to Rockford, he’d still be alive.”

  Vanessa took a sip of wine. “I’m so sorry, Chase. His death had to be excruciating for you both.” She waited. “But Kassie’s better now, right?”

  “As I said, no more army gear. But she’s still hurting, I can tell.”

  “So are you.”

  He sat back on the plush leather. Now his gut was churning. “I don’t talk about that much. I try not to dwell on what I lost.”

  Reaching out, she squeezed his arm. “Okay, but you should be hurting. His death wasn’t that long ago. How do you channel your grief?”

  “Exercise. Lots of it. That’s how I could keep up today with the recruits. You?”

  She stiffened a bit. “What do you mean?”

  “When you became estranged from your family five years ago, what did you do?”

  “Throw myself into my work.”

  “I guess I didn’t do that because Kassie and Colette needed me.”

  She pushed her food away, too. “I’d rather have had Holly to dote on than my job, but for a while she wouldn’t see me. I should have fought harder for her.”

  Rising from the chair, he cleared their cartons away and poured more wine. He sat back down, intentionally closer to her this time. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

  “I guess. Since we won’t be having any more conversations like this.”

  “I looked up the reference to a scarlet A after you said it to Paul in the hospital that first night. It’s a symbol for adulterer.”

  “Yeah.” She stared over his shoulder, faraway now. “I had an affair. Paul was always furious about my work. That I spent too much time on it. That I was too ambitious. We fought a lot, and finally, he started sleeping in the spare room. Holly was at college by then. I, um, knew someone for a long time who I got too close to, both physically and emotionally.”

  “I can understand that.”

  She cocked her head. “Why?” Her eyes widened. “Did you ever...”

  “Cheat on my wife? I’m afraid so.” He gave a sigh, thinking back to his fragile, disturbed spouse. “Celine was bipolar. She had some bad periods and they were constantly changing her meds. I went to a conference for a week while one of her sisters came to stay with her. I...had a fling, I guess. I...” His hand fisted. “I wanted to feel like a man again, not a caretaker. Still, I broke vows.”