Always With You

by Hannah Ellis

“He’s always been odd. Not a bad guy though, really.”

  Chapter 51

  EVELYN – February 1995

  “Wait,” Todd called, jogging up beside me in the darkness. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” I was so upset about Beth turning up, but I really didn’t want to talk to Todd about it. “Please just go home and leave me alone.”

  He kept quiet and slowed his pace but didn’t leave. Eventually, I turned on my heel and snapped at him. “What are you doing? Why are you following me? Just go home! Go away!” When he looked hurt, I felt guilty on top of everything else. “I’m sorry, Todd. I’m fine though, honestly, I just want to be alone.”

  “I only want to make sure you get home okay,” he said, earnestly.

  I frowned, annoyed by him but also feeling sorry for him. He was such an oddball. No wonder with his strange family life. “Okay,” I said as shouts drifted eerily from a nearby house. “You can walk me home.” I paused and set off again. “Thank you.”

  He kept quiet and strolled along beside me. I was already drunk, but when we reached the Croc, I insisted that Todd have a drink with me to thank him for walking me back. At least he cared, I thought to myself. Joe was too busy with Beth to worry about me.

  “You did a good job with this place,” Todd said, as we walked through the dimly lit grounds of the Croc.

  “It was mostly Kai,” I said, remembering how different it had been when I arrived. “It does look good though, doesn’t it? I just need to get Stan to install a pool in the next month and my work here is done!”

  “You only have a month left?”

  Sadness overcame me once more. “Less actually.”

  I used my key to the office and let us in. My valuable items were kept in the office fridge – chocolate and alcohol.

  “It’ll be weird without you around,” Todd said.

  “I left you something,” I blurted out. Todd looked puzzled and I grinned at him. “I hid it a while ago. One day, when I’m long gone, you’ll find it and think of me. You’ll laugh!”

  “In the hotel?”

  I nodded. I’d been thoroughly amused when I’d sneaked around hiding photos in the hotel. There was always a way to get round Arthur.

  “You should laugh more,” I said, suddenly concerned about Todd. He had a funny old life, and I wondered what sort of person he’d be if he didn’t live in his father’s shadow.

  “You should go to bed,” he said, looking at the beer in my hand and shaking his head. “I better get back. See you at work.”

  “Thanks for walking me home,” I called as he left.

  Chapter 52

  LIBBY – August 2017

  Kai kindly lent me his car to drive Andrew to the airport.

  “I’ll see you soon,” Andrew said, wrapping his arms around me as we stood before the security gate.

  I pouted and pulled him closer to me. “I don’t want you to go.”

  “I don’t want to go either.”

  “Message me when you get to Cairns?”

  “Of course!” He took my face in his hands and kissed me tenderly. “You could just come with me . . .”

  “Don’t tempt me.” It had crossed my mind to head back to Cairns just to have a couple of extra days with Andrew. I wasn’t sure when I’d make it back to Kununurra though, and I just didn’t feel like leaving yet. Everyone had been so welcoming: I hadn’t found the blood relatives that I’d hoped for, but I felt like I’d found a family nonetheless.

  “I’ll see you in a few weeks,” I said, trying to be positive as I fought off tears.

  He kissed me again and squeezed me tightly before releasing me. “I’ll call you later.”

  I watched until he’d disappeared through the security gate and then headed back to the car.

  My emotions were a jumble when I pulled up outside of the Croc. I missed Andrew already, but I felt so at home in Kununurra and was glad I’d made the decision to come to Australia. Nothing had worked out how I’d planned, but I’d had the most fantastic adventure of my life.

  My phone connected to the Wi-Fi and when it buzzed with a call, I stayed in the car to answer it.

  Uncle Rob appeared on the screen. “Why don’t you ever answer your phone?” he said, a look of surprise on his face that I’d actually answered.

  “Hello!” I said. “Nice to see you too! You always call when I’m asleep, that’s why!” I’d been messaging them often, and they were up-to-date with the Joe situation.

  “How are you?” he asked. “You look nice and tanned.”

  “I’m fine,” I said. “It’s been a weird few weeks but I’m fine.”

  “I told you not to go over there. You’re too far away. What if you need us and we couldn’t get to you?”

  “Uncle Rob,” I said, feeling emotional. “I just needed to do this.”

  “You don’t need anyone else though – you’ve got us.”

  It dawned on me why he’d been so against me going. “You know that no one could ever replace you, don’t you?” I said. “You’re like a dad to me and that won’t ever change.”

  “I just worry about you when you’re so far away.” I could see him getting emotional, and the screen turned briefly to the wall while he shouted for Mel. He’d composed himself when he reappeared with Aunt Mel hovering over his shoulder. It was nice to see her face.

  “I’m sorry you didn’t find your father,” she said.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I said sniffing. “It really doesn’t. I’ve had such a great time. When Mum died I thought I would never make any more memories of her and never know any more about her. But I met all these people who remember her, and they’ve told me all these stories that I never knew.”

  “That’s amazing,” Mel said, tearfully. “I can’t wait to hear them all.”

  “You’re being looked after then?” Rob asked.

  “Yes!” I told him, laughing through tears. “Stop worrying!”

  “And you’re still coming home in a few weeks?”

  “Of course. I miss you!”

  “We miss you too,” Rob said. “And you need to come and sort Heidi out. She’s round here all the time complaining about her love life! She’s driving me mad.” Mel gave him a slap on the arm.

  “Give her a hug from me! And the boys too. I better go.”

  “Love you!” they shouted before they disappeared from the screen.

  My face was blotchy from tears when I walked into the Croc, but I was smiling nonetheless. I was surprised to see Cam, sitting alone at the bar. “Kai not around?” I asked.

  “He just nipped out,” he said, eyeing me intently. Cam had seemed like a lot of fun at the rodeo, but I wasn’t sure what to talk to him about now we were alone. Plus, he looked like he’d just crawled in after an all-night party. Maybe he had.

  “I was looking for you, really, anyway.”

  “Yeah?” I said, sitting beside him.

  “It’s such a blast from the past,” he said, shaking his head. “You’ve just taken me back twenty years!”

  “It’s been so much fun meeting you all. I think it’s helped me a lot.”

  He was quiet for a moment, and I was just starting to feel awkward when he spoke. “It took me a long time to get over Evelyn leaving,” he said, a sad glint in his eye. “Our little gang fell apart for a while. I got a job out at the diamond mine – I’d fly out there and be gone for weeks at a time. Things just weren’t the same around here.” He paused, lost in his thoughts. “Joe moved on eventually. When Cassie arrived on the scene.”

  It was incredible the impact she’d had on people’s lives, and I wondered if she’d had any idea of the effect of her leaving the way she did.

  “I can’t believe how much people remember of her,” I said.

  “Some things stay with you,” he mused. “And guilt is hard to shake.”

  His words confused me as he pulled his wallet from his back pocket, flipping it open as he passed it to me. There was a photo of a boy and a girl.
“They’re my two,” he said. “Jess is fourteen and Daniel’s ten.”

  “Cute.”

  “They’re a handful,” he said lightly.

  He didn’t take the wallet when I tried to pass it back but leaned onto the bar. After a moment, he turned to look at me. “I’m fairly sure they’re your brother and sister.”

  My eyes darted between the wallet and Cam. I frowned, trying to figure out if he was making some weird joke. “What?”

  “I didn’t know about you,” he said, his eyes begging me to believe him. “I promise, I never knew Evelyn was pregnant.” He was silent for a moment and my head spun. “But she left because of me.”

  “I don’t understand,” I said. “I thought she left without telling anyone . . .”

  He shook his head miserably. “I drove her to the airport. Watched her leave.” I looked at him and waited for him to go on. I was finally getting my answers. “I don’t have a good excuse. Joe’s ex turned up one night. Evelyn was upset. We were drunk. One thing led to another . . .” I felt sorry for him as he battled with a mistake he’d made so long ago. “I didn’t want her to leave but she said it was for the best. She said Joe could never know.”

  “You didn’t tell anyone?”

  “Not a soul,” he said. “All this time, I never told anyone.” When he turned, his eyes were filled with tears. “I’m so pissed off that she didn’t tell me about you. How could she not tell me?”

  “You don’t even know for definite,” I stammered.

  “I knew as soon as Joe rang and told me you’d come around asking if he was your father. I know because that’s exactly the sort of person Evelyn was. She’d keep it to herself just so she didn’t hurt anyone else. She was so worried about coming between me and Joe.”

  “But you can’t be su—”

  “I am sure,” he said gently. “I knew as soon as I saw you.” He pointed at the photo of the girl in my hands. “I know because you look exactly like my other daughter.”

  Tears rolled down my face.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to upset you. But I couldn’t not say anything.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “I’m glad you told me. You could’ve just kept quiet.”

  “No, I couldn’t,” he said quietly. “How could I keep quiet? All this time I’ve lied to Joe and now it’s all going to come out.”

  “You don’t have to tell him,” I said, crying and realising why Mum kept me to herself. She loved Joe, and she must have loved Cam too, in some way.

  “I do have to tell him,” he said, his features softening. “You’re my daughter. Everyone’s been telling me how great you are, and I just spent one evening with you and I can see how amazing you are. I don’t want to keep you a secret. I want everyone to know you’re my daughter. At least, if that’s okay with you?”

  “It’s okay with me,” I said, wiping at my tears. “I just wish people would stop making me cry!”

  “I’ve gotta go and talk to Joe now,” he said. “I might be back to cry with you in a bit!” The worry must have been clear on my face. “I’m kidding! He’ll be right.”

  “Really?”

  “We’ve been friends forty years. This is going to be one awkward conversation! But it’ll be fine.” He stood and looked down at me. “I still can’t quite believe all this myself.”

  “I’ll see you later?”

  “Definitely,” he said, grinning.

  Chapter 53

  EVELYN – February 1995

  When Cam appeared in the doorway, I was crying with my head on the desk.

  “So Beth’s back,” he said, wincing at the sight of me. “Leslie wanted me to check on you. You okay?”

  “No,” I spluttered. “I think meeting Joe was the worst thing that ever happened to me.”

  Reaching into the fridge, I got a beer and held it out to Cam.

  “I reckon I’ve had enough,” he said.

  “It’s my hour of need,” I said, pushing it at him. “Don’t leave me to drink alone.”

  He dutifully cracked the can and took a swig, sinking into the chair opposite me.

  “I really wish I’d never met him,” I said.

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “I do actually. Because I should have spent the year travelling all around Australia and meeting all sorts of different people, but all I’ve done is hang around here and wait for him.”

  “You’re just drunk,” Cam said. “You’ve had an ace year. And you did meet all sorts of people.”

  “But how can he just go back to Beth?” I asked, my voice raised.

  “He hasn’t. She’s just upset. They’re not getting back together. He loves you. He’s moved on.”

  “No!” I snapped. “His ex turns up and he asks me to leave. They’ll be together as we speak!”

  “It’s not like that,” Cam insisted. “You’ve had too much to drink. Just go to bed. Everything will seem better tomorrow.” He moved to the fridge and handed me a bottle of water. “Drink that or you’ll have a killer hangover.”

  There was no avoiding the hangover at that point, but I did as I was told, drinking the water and moving in the direction of my room.

  “What happened with Leslie?” I asked at my door. “I thought things were looking good at the New Year’s party.”

  “Who knows?” he said, slumping against the doorframe. “She went cold again. I guess it was just a drunken thing.”

  “Why don’t you just ask her how she feels?” I said, beckoning him inside and closing the door behind him.

  “Because it’s quite nice to live in hope,” he said, flopping back on the bed. “And if she knew how I felt and she didn’t feel the same then things get weird. I’ve thought it through.”

  I sat beside him and squeezed his knee. “Well that’s crap.”

  “It is, isn’t it?” he said, smiling. “Aren’t we a sorry pair?”

  I didn’t move my hand from his leg when he sat up, and in my inebriated state, kissing him seemed completely natural. The surprise was how much I enjoyed it. I could sense his hesitation and knew that part of him wanted to stop. We didn’t though; we sat kissing, my heart rate steadily increasing. My hands finally moved from his hair and trailed down his torso before tugging at his T-shirt, desperate for skin contact.

  “Evelyn . . .” He stood to pace the room. “We can’t.” His eyes pleaded with me. “I should go.” He didn’t move towards the door, but just stopped and stared at me. I didn’t want him to leave. Why should I be alone when Joe’s with Beth? I didn’t want to be alone.

  When I moved and put my hand on his chest, looking up at him longingly, I knew he wasn’t going anywhere. “We can’t,” he said again, sounding pained as he looked towards the door. I knew I should tell him to go; he needed me to kick him out.

  My hand on his cheek brought his face to mine and our lips met again. Soft for a moment, slow. He pulled away and I was sure he would leave. His hand was on the door. He opened it and closed it again. There was no going back then. He was all over me in a second, kissing me harder and faster. We were on the bed, pulling at each other’s clothes.

  I closed my eyes and forgot all about Joe.

  Chapter 54

  EVELYN – February 1995

  The light was still on when I woke. Outside, it was dark and everything was still. I didn’t move a muscle, and it took a moment for things to come into focus. Calmly, my eyes trailed over Cam’s tattooed skin, his body tangled with mine. I closed my eyes. Maybe when I opened them again, he’d be gone and none of this would have happened. I didn’t want to open my eyes, but when I did they filled with tears. I nudged Cam; his mouth twitched to a lazy smile and he ran a hand through my hair, pulling me closer to him.

  “Cam,” I said, my voice a croak.

  His eyes snapped open and he shot away from me like I was poison. “Oh my God,” he groaned, burying his head in his hands. “What did we do?”

  I pulled at the sheet to cover myself and tears fell down
my face. Cam hastily grabbed at his clothes. For a moment, I thought he was just going to leave. Then he inhaled deeply and sat beside me on the bed. “I’m sorry,” he said. Why’s he apologising? It’s my fault. “I’m so sorry.”

  I felt horrible and leaned into him, crying on his shoulder. “What do we do now?” I asked. How can I fix this?

  “Joe’s never gonna speak to me again,” he said, before letting out a string of profanity. “Why didn’t I just go home? What’s wrong with me?”

  “It was my fault,” I said. “I kissed you. I’m so sorry.”

  He rubbed his temples, every muscle tense. “He’s my best mate.”

  “I thought he was with Beth,” I said, searching for my defence but knowing I had none. “Why did she have to come back?” I should be waking up with Joe. I’m supposed to be lying in his arms now, happy and glowing. This isn’t how things are supposed to be.

  “I’ll never be able to look him in the eye,” Cam said.

  I felt sick. “It’s my fault,” I said again.

  Cam ignored me. “This is gonna kill him.”

  “Joe can’t know,” I said, as my brain whirred to life and I fought to make a plan. To make everything right again.

  “We can’t just pretend nothing happened!” Cam said with anger in his voice. “We have to tell him. You reckon we can just carry on as though nothing happened?”

  “I don’t know,” I said desperately. “I’ve no idea.”

  Cam leaned onto his knees and we sat in silence for a moment.

  “I should leave,” I said eventually.

  He straightened up. “What?”

  “I’d be leaving anyway.” A plan began to formulate in my head. I can’t face Joe. He can’t know about this. “I’ll just go now.” I glanced at the clock and made my calculations. “I can get the eight o’clock flight out. I’ll be gone before anyone notices. All you have to do is keep quiet. Don’t tell Joe.”

  “Well that’s insane,” he said with wide eyes. “We’ll talk to Joe. He’ll forgive you and you can stay.”

  Tears flooded my eyes and I knew he was right; Joe would forgive me. That’s the sort of person he was. “He might forgive me,” I said. “But I’m not sure he’ll forgive you. And you really think the three of us can still hang out and everything be fine?”