The Ex Factor: A Novel

by Whitaker, Tu-Shonda

Instantly Monica's heart filled her mouth. “If that's what you want,” she mumbled.

  “Let's go,” Sharief said to Celeste.

  “Bye, Aunty,” the kids said one at a time to Monica, kissing her on the cheek on their way out.

  “Aunty,” Kori said, standing at the door, “can I take the rest of the pizza home?”

  “Nawl, Chief.” Jamal snorted. “I'm 'bout to eat that.”

  “Yes, baby,” Monica said, pushing her heart to the side. “Go and get it.”

  Kori ran back into the kitchen, grabbed the pizza box, and ran back out.

  “Monica—” Sharief said, standing on the stoop as he turned around to face her. She stared him in the eyes and slammed the door in his face.

  (Imani)

  “LOOK Y'ALL!” IMANI danced in her seat, pointing to the DJ booth. “See Kree?”

  “Goddamn, do I?” Quiana said, checking Kree out from head to foot. “That's a pretty motherfucker.”

  “Hold up, bitch, don't get it twisted, that's me right there,” Imani snapped.

  “Oh ai'ight, Imani, you got that.” Quiana smiled.

  Imani blushed as she looked Kree up and down. He was dressed in all white in honor of the all-white Dons and Divas party they were at. Kree wore slightly baggy Versace dress pants with a cuff that fell over the top of his matching square-toed gators. His rayon pointed-collar shirt lay on the side of the DJ table, while his wife beater clung to his well-defined chest. The tattoos that ran down both of his muscular arms forced Imani to lick her lips. His long braids swayed back and forth over his shoulders as he held the earphones to one ear, listening for the precise beat to blend the next song into. He bounced his shoulders. “Awwl shit ladies,” he said into the mike, “it's coming…it's coming… get ready… get set… 'cause here it is… the end-of-the-summer anthem … and to all the men, don't be mad, just do better the next time!” Instantly Keyshia Cole's “(I Just Want It) To Be Over” bombarded the speakers and everybody in the club started dancing.

  “This is my shit!” Sabrena screamed, dancing and sipping on her Cisco martini.

  “Fa sho',” Tasha agreed. “This that same shit I was singing to Fuquan's ass last night.” She did a spin, her dollar white Chinese slippers helping her to slide. “I told him, Beat it, niggah…it's over!”

  “Y'all already know who I need to sing this shit to,” Imani said, dancing and tossing her layered flip to the back and over her shoulders.

  “Home girl,” Sabrena said, “I cut the shit out this flip.” Sabrena was proud of herself. She knew for a fact that she was the fliest bootleg in-house beautician around.

  “You sure did, Brena,” Imani said. Hell, and tonight, if no other night since Walik left, Imani knew she was fly. She wore a white linen halter dress with a deep V-cut in the back and the front. The cut in the front dipped all the way to her navel and the one in the back stopped at the top of her ass.

  Kree watched as Imani did the damn thing, making his dick pulsate with each movement. All he could envision was bending her over and fucking her from the back.

  Once the song finished playing and another song blended in, Imani took a deep breath and sat down. “Yo, this shit is fiyyah!”

  “Oh hell no.” Sabrena giggled as she, Tasha, and Quiana took their seats.

  “What happened?” The girls looked around.

  “See them niggahs right there?” Sabrena pointed. “I have fucked all four of 'em.”

  Imani, Quiana, and Tasha looked at her as if she was crazy.

  “This is why I don't like to get high wit' yo' ass.” Tasha rolled her eyes. “ 'Cause you start fucking up my shit.”

  “Bitch, my buzz is steady, it's yo' shit that's questionable. I know exactly what I'm saying. See them two, they're brothers.”

  “What?” they all screeched.

  “Hell, I ain't know they were brothers. They got different daddies or something.” She paused. “Although their dicks do look alike. And see that older guy over there? That's their uncle. He got the biggest dick of 'em all. I ain't know he was related to them until I went to their family reunion and spotted the niggah. He was cool, though, he was there with his wife anyway. And see the one standing beside him, that's their baby cousin, I was his first.”

  “Ai'ight,” Imani said, “that's enough. Look, y'all.” She crossed her legs and sipped on her apple martini. “My sister told me that somebody told her that Shante had her baby.”

  “Oh, is that right?” Quiana said, pissed off. “I can't stand that bitch. My cousin did tell me she saw her over on Rogers and she didn't look pregnant anymore.”

  “You should call that ma'fuckin' Walik,” Tasha said, rolling her eyes, “and cuss his ass out! Who the fuck does he think he is? Have you heard from him?”

  “No.” Imani looked down.

  “Has he come to get Jamal?”

  “No.”

  “Has he given you any money?”

  “No.”

  “But he's having babies by this trick?”

  “Yup.” Tears started to form in Imani's eyes.

  “Well, that niggah is owed a cussin'-out! Here,” Quiana handed Imani her cell phone, “call that niggah.”

  “He doesn't answer numbers that he doesn't know and if I call from my phone he won't answer at all.”

  “Oh hell naw, I don't give a damn. You better take this phone and call that niggah!”

  The music was so loud that the first time Imani dialed the number and the phone rang she could barely hear it. “I'ma have to go outside and call him. I can't hear.” She looked toward the DJ booth and mouthed to Kree, I'll be right back.

  The girls walked outside, and Imani pressed redial. Walik's phone rang three times before his voice mail came on.

  “Make sure you cuss his ass out!” Tasha yelled.

  “Uhmm-hmm,” Sabrena agreed.

  “Walik,” Imani began, “this is Imani.” She turned her back toward her friends. “I'm real sorry about what happened between us. I miss you. Jamal cries every night and we need you in our lives. Whatever it is we can work through it.” After that she hung up.

  “I should punch you in the face!” Quiana snapped.

  “Hell yeah,” Sabrena and Tasha said simultaneously. “I can't believe that you just played yourself for that pussy-ass-soft-ass niggah …” Sabrena rolled her eyes. “Why you always gotta be the stupid one?”

  Before Imani could respond, Quiana's phone rang. Imani looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Walik calling back. “This is him now. Hello?” Imani anxiously answered the phone.

  “Yo.” After hearing the voice Imani realized that it was Shante who'd called her back. “Look darlin', Walik is eating my pussy, so that makes him busy. And he don't give a damn how sorry you is. And as far as that li'l fat-ass kid you got, Walik will be getting a paternity test. The only kids he can be sure of are the two he got by me. So like I told you before, play your fuckin' position!” She hung up.

  “I gotta—I gotta—go kick ha ass!” Imani shuddered.

  “Who was that?” Sabrena put on the screw face.

  “Shante.”

  “What the fuck she say?”

  “She said that Walik was eating her pussy… and she called my baby a fat-ass li'l boy!”

  “He is a li'l chubby, Imani,” Sabrena said, “so don't worry about that. But what else the bitch say?”

  Imani rolled her eyes. “Bitch don't talk about my baby! Anyway she must've stolen Walik's phone because he don't play with nobody checking his messages and he especially don't play with nobody talking about his son. Wait till I tell him, I know he gon' gank that bitch!” A sly smile ran across Imani's face. “Y'all, I don't have time to argue no more. I gotta fuck her up.”

  “Oh I understand,” Tasha snapped, “I understand quite well, 'cause I'ma be the one to put that ugly bitch in a choke hold. Best believe dat.”

  “Plus,” Imani chuckled, “that bitch looks mad stupid because I know for a fact that Walik don't even eat pussy.”


  “Yo.” Sabrena frowned. “Let me inform you, home girl. I have heard many chicks swear up and down that their man don't eat pussy but when I fuck his ass, he can't keep his tongue off my clit. Don't ever fall for no shit like that.”

  “Whatever.” Imani brushed Sabrena off. “Let me finish, the bitch had the nerve to say that Walik would be getting a paternity test for Jamal—”

  “Oh no, the bitch didn't!” Tasha snapped.

  “And she told me to play my position because he had two kids with her.”

  “I knew that other li'l kid was his. I knew it, that ma'fucker looks too much like an alien not be a mix of Walik and Shante!” Sabrena screamed. “Oh we going over there. That bitch is doin' too much talkin' and we need to put up the hands now!”

  “Oh, now y'all feel me?” Imani said.

  “Damn real,” Quiana agreed. “Let's be out.”

  The girls—all dressed in different variations of white linen dresses—removed their earnings. All of them but Tasha, who wore her Chinese slippers, agreed to take off their stilettos if need be.

  “You better slap her ass as soon as she opens the door,” Sabrena snapped. “My cousin lives in the building so he'll buzz us in and then we'll proceed right to her apartment.”

  Imani was quiet on their ride to Shante's. She was determined to bust Shante's ass immediately. Enough of the mouth. It was time for Shante's ass to be dragged… again.

  The girls parked in front of the building and each got out the car. Sabrena pressed her cousin's buzzer. “G-G,” she said, “it's Brena.” A few seconds later he buzzed them in. They caught the elevator to Shante's apartment, and once they were in front of the door, they made Imani stand behind them in case Shante looked out the peephole. Then when Imani snuck up from behind, Shante wouldn't know which direction the whup-ass was coming from.

  “Yo,” Sabrena said as she pounded on the door, “this that 5-0 knock, make a niggah jump out their sleep.”

  “Imani,” Quiana said, “you better pull that bitch's eye socket out!”

  “And if you don't,” Sabrena chimed in, “I got a knotted shoestring in my purse. I'll put it around that chicken's neck and cut that ho's air supply off. Have her ass lookin' like SpongeBob!”

  “Shhh, y'all, here she comes,” Tasha whispered. The girls stood still as they heard the heavy footsteps approaching the door.

  The door flew open and to their surprise, there was Walik, with no shirt on and his boxers twisted to the side. “What the fuck y'all fat asses want?” He looked them up and down. “What, y'all came to do somethin'?”

  “Oh hold up, niggah,” Sabrena spat, “ 'cause I'll beat yo' ma'-fucker ass, ain't nut'in'!”

  “Wait a minute, Sabrena,” Imani said as she stepped to the front. The first thing she noticed was how Walik's boxers were twisted. This niggah been fuckin'. Immediately a chill came over her.

  “Didn't my girl tell you that I was eating her pussy?” Walik said nonchalantly, looking at Imani. “Now, what the fuck is you at my door for?”

  Caught off guard, all Imani could say was, “You talkin' to me?”

  “Oh we 'bout to throw!” The girls grunted and groaned; Sabrena took off her shoes.

  “Wait—wait,” Imani said. “Just let me talk to him. Walik,” she repeated, “are you talking to me? Did Shante tell you to say these things to me?”

  “Shante?” Walik frowned. “Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?”

  “So you really are talking to me?”

  “Who the fuck else am I talkin' to, ma? Yo, check this, you must be stupid! With your dumb-ass friends, all in my grill. What you bring 'em around here for? So they could hear the truth? Listen, I told you that I don't want yo' ass, so stop sweating me. Take ya lazy ass and go get a job! I hope you can work better than you can suck a dick, you dry-mouth bitch! I swear to God yo' tired ass is just a used-up jump-off! On the real you like a stray dog around here, any niggah that feed you can keep you.”

  “Walik—”

  “Don't Walik me, ma. See a niggah can't be nice to you. Naw, I gotta get gully. Now I'ma tell you this only once, don't come back around here, ya bum bitch! 'Cause I ain't got nothin' for ya Work First ass. Go get a job or go get a pimp. But then again a pimp can't do nothin' for you, ya head game is ridiculous. Rotten-assfishy-ass-infected-ass-pus-leaking pussy. And to think you use to beg a niggah to eat that shit. Fuck off, tramp! Ya bum bitch! All I can do for you is come around from the first to fifth, take ya money, and give it to my wife. Other than that… what's the use?”

  “I'ma beat yo' ass!” Sabrena took a swing at Walik.

  “Sabrena!” Imani yelled. “Stop it! Fuck him. Fuck you, Walik!” “Fuck me?” Walik chuckled in disbelief. “What's left to do with you other than run a train on you? The only thing yo' stank ass can do for me is play like Imodium AD and drink the shit from my asshole. You knew your place was on your knees, now you tryin' to stand up? Stop playin' ya'self!”

  “You got two kids with her, Walik?” Imani cried.

  “Yeah, bitch, he sho' do,” Shante snapped, stomping to the door. Once she was standing next to Walik she placed her hand on her hip, twisted her lips, and placed her neck in full motion. “And what? And he married me when he was locked up—”

  “You married her?” Imani was in disbelief. “I can't believe this!” “Believe it,” Shante said. “Ya played ya'self. Dumb ass! I told you I ain't goin' nowhere!” Shante's eyes looked as if they could pop out of her head. Imani peered at her. She looked shorter and stockier than Imani remembered, but still and all she wouldn't hesitate to beat Shante's high-yellow ass. Imani took a swing at her and Walik blocked her fist out of Shante's way. “What I tell you about disrespecting my babies' mother?”

  “Babies' mother?” Imani couldn't believe it. “She wasn't your babies' mother when you followed my ass in the club. She wasn't your babies' mother when you were lying in my bed fucking me! Babies' mother?”

  “Bitch, beat it,” Shante yarned, “can't you see he's tired of you?”

  “What the fuck you think yo' light-bright ass is, special?” Imani frowned at Shante. “All his ass gon' do is come runnin' back to me when the clearance sale on irregular pussy is over.”

  “Irregular pussy?”

  “Irregular pussy, damaged goods. That's what the hell I said and I ain't stutter! Now come wit' it.”

  “I'm the wife, trick.”

  “The wife? Bitch, please, you was just an address for the parole board. 'Cause if you were all that, he would've stayed with you when he first got outta prison and you would've been at his mother's for his get-free party.”

  “Whatever,” Shante blew Imani off. “Wasn't no party, so stop lyin'. Dumb ass!”

  “No, sweetie, you're the dumb one. At least I don't have fiftyfive kids by his ass.”

  “Whatever. I ain't on welfare.”

  “I guess not, since I reported yo' ass for fraud.”

  “You reported me?”

  “Anyway.” Imani turned her attention back toward Walik. “I can't believe that you really have two kids by this trick and you married her? I've been with you since I was thirteen and you married her?”

  “Maybe I did, maybe I didn't, don't even worry about that. And as far as my kids, yes, I got two with Shante. Now skip yo' ass outta here and go find yo' punk-ass li'l DJ.”

  “Oh, so that's what this is about? You mad over a niggah I ain't even fuckin' wit'? And here you having babies by this bitch! You really got two kids with her ass?”

  “Did I stutter? Yes… two kids. Shante's last two kids is mine. So go away. I have a family, ya fuckin' retard!” Before she could open her mouth, he slammed the door in her face.

  “Why the hell did you stop me from busting his ass!” Sabrena turned on Imani and pushed her on the shoulder. “Now I wanna bust yo' ass! Why the fuck you let him talk all that shit to you and you ain't say or do nothing? I could've kept my earrings on for this bullshit! I should beat yo' ass!”

  Ima
ni did her best to hold the tears back. She felt like the epitome of stupid. She felt as if all the air in her body had been stolen and all she had left was a hollow shell filled with the echo of Walik's harsh words: Get ya lazy ass a job, ya bum bitch!

  Truthfully it never mattered to Imani before about being on welfare and only having a job when she needed some extra money for clothes and shoes. Hell, who really wants to work anyway? Especially if you can stay at home, get money, put ya feet up, and get fucked, then what's the use of wasting your time having a job?

  But now it felt different. To hear ya man call you lazy and to tell you to get a job! and your position was on ya knees anyway, and to say it not only in front of your friends but in front of the girl he'd left you for, felt as if you'd welcomed death and kissed its feet.

  “I promise you if you take that niggah back that I won't say shit else to you!” Sabrena spat as they got into the car.

  Imani didn't respond. Besides, taking him back wasn't the issue. She would take him back in a heartbeat… but it was his words that couldn't be taken back. And the embarrassment; that was the issue. He'd taken her heart, opened it up, and pissed inside.

  She never felt the car move as Tasha drove to her and Sabrena's building and dropped them off. Imani and Sabrena caught the elevator and quietly went their separate ways.

  Imani walked into her apartment and flopped on the couch. She took her hands and covered her mouth as she screamed… and screamed… and screamed.

  Half an hour into screaming she wiped her face. As she went to go to the bathroom her phone rang.

  “Hello,” she sniffed, trying her best not to sound upset. “Wassup, ma, I thought you were coming back? That's fucked. You just jetted on me.”

  “I'm sorry, Kree. I really am. I wasn't thinking. It's just that things got crazy and we left in a hurry. It's a long story.”

  “Yo, where ya li'l man at?” “My sister's.” Damn, that bitch gon' cuss me the fuck out, Imani thought, remembering the drive-by drop-off she did with Jamal.

  “Ai'ight,” Kree said. “Well, look, Papi got you some chocolate cheesecake and some Cristal. Let me come check you.”