Keep Her Forever

by Maria Jackson

  “You haven’t even seen Diamond yet,” I told her. “You have no idea what you’re in for.”

  “I can’t wait.”

  “No, seriously, you have no idea. The seven of them together hit lethal levels of cuteness.”

  Cindy put her hand in the box, petting all the beagis she could reach. “You seem different.” She paused to gasp as Dipshit let out a soft whine. “I think these dogs have changed you.”

  “In what way?” I asked. It’d only been a couple weeks since I’d seen my old roommate. We used to hang out all the time, but she’d moved to the other end of town.

  “You’re more open,” she said. “Less guarded. I never would’ve caught you getting excited over puppies before. I don’t think I heard the word ‘cute’ come out of your mouth once when we were living together.”

  Maybe she was right. I did find myself getting excited over the puppies more than I used to ever get excited over anything. Funny to think I’d changed so much in such a short amount of time.

  “Puppies are magic.”

  I leaned back on my heels, then immediately stood up as Diamond strolled into the room. She was the queen of the house these days. All the puppies worshipped her, especially since they still made frequent trips to the milk bar. Heidi and I pampered her, too, so she got whatever she wanted.

  “My favorite,” I said, leaning forward and reaching out to her. As usual, she came straight up to me for her hug.

  “You like her best? The puppies are cuter.”

  “I guess objectively they are,” I admitted. “There’s not much in the world as cute as a litter of newborn puppies, but Diamond is something special. She’s my friend. We’ve bonded. I remember what she was like when I found her, and look at her now. She’s completely blossomed.”

  “Makes sense,” she said. “Do you think you’ll keep all of them?”

  “I couldn’t,” I said. “I’d love to, though. If I could keep just one, it’d be Diamond.”

  “You can’t do that?”

  “I’m not completely sure,” I admitted. “It’s a foster situation, but I don’t see why the rescue wouldn’t want me to adopt her. I guess I’d feel weird owning her by myself. She’s half mine and half my roommate’s.”

  “How are things going with the new roommate, anyway?” Cindy gave the puppies one last pet, then headed for the couch. “I kind of hate her for taking my room.”

  “Whose idea was it to move?” I asked jokingly as I went along with her.

  It was totally amicable when Cindy moved out. She got a job pretty far away, so it was totally understandable that she wanted to go. It didn’t matter much for me. Renting out a room was necessary when I bought the house. Now that my blog had grown a bit, it was optional.

  I’d considered leaving the room vacant and turning it into a proper office. Sometimes I wished I’d stuck to that plan. But having Heidi around might just be the best thing that had ever happened to me.

  “Anyway, she’s great,” I said. “She’s cool, and fun. Really nice. Knows a ton about dogs, of course…”

  “I feel like you’re not saying everything you want to say.” Cindy fiddled with the remote. Even without looking my way, she gave me the impression that she could see right through me.

  “I’m not leaving anything out,” I said. “I mean, except that she’s gay.”

  “I see… Is that a problem for you?”

  “Of course not,” I quickly said. I’d been debating coming out to Cindy, and instead she was probably getting the impression I was a homophobe. “We actually kind of, well… we’ve kind of been connecting.”

  Cindy nearly dropped the remote control. Setting it down gently instead, she turned to gape at me. “You’re into a girl? Your roommate?”

  I bit my lip, trying to think of the best way to phrase this. When I spoke, my voice was practically a whisper. “Having her around has kind of made me think a lot more about my sexuality. I didn’t want to admit some things. Now I’m trying to convince myself that my happiness is more important.”

  “Well, wow. I’m happy for you. I’m a little surprised, but not too much. I guess there were some signs.”

  I winced. “Like what?”

  “Your Internet browsing history, for one thing.”

  “Hey, I look at pretty girls’ pictures for my blog.”

  “Of course you do. You just happen to masturbate to them, too.”

  Something tight inside me released, and I let out a genuine laugh. Cindy was still going to accept me, no matter who I was attracted to. This was actually easier than I’d expected.

  Cindy wasn’t the same as everyone else in my life, though. My family would be a completely different story. The first time I tried to come out, they forced me back into the closet for ten long years.

  At least I’d successfully stood up to them once, but it was hard enough getting them to accept my career as a style blogger. Even when I showed them the income statements I was receiving and the house I’d been able to buy, they shamed me for not doing the white-picket-fence thing.

  When I told my family about my job, I got a little heated. That made things even worse. In my family, any display of emotion only led to mocking. They called me irrational if I showed that I was angry, or a baby if I ever got sad.

  “A grown-up must never cry,” my dad used to snap every time he saw me getting teary. It added up to more times than I could count, starting when I was around five. The thought made me bitter. I was only a little kid. Of course I wasn’t a grown-up.

  “A little weird dating your roommate, isn’t it?” Cindy asked. “Seems like a whole can of worms.”

  “We’re not dating yet,” I hurried to say. “We’ve barely agreed that we’re interested in each other. We’re actually planning to test the waters tonight. It could go absolutely nowhere.”

  “That would make it even worse to be living with her.”

  “I guess we’ll see how it goes. I think we might have something good. I really like her a lot, and I think I want to be with her. We already know each other pretty well, so it’s not like moving in after a first date.”

  “Maybe.”

  I shrugged. “What’s the worst that could happen? If things go wrong, she can move out. No harm, no foul.” I licked my lips, pulling Diamond closer to me. The only problem was that I didn’t want Heidi to leave. Not ever. Seeing her go might actually break me.

  With so much to worry about, I almost let the anxiety overwhelm me. Diamond lapped at my hand, and I took a breath and scratched her head. Despite all the worries, there was a lot to look forward to… like my date tonight.

  Cindy and I were still playing with the puppies when Heidi got home. When she came in the door, my breath caught in my throat. She’d found an empire-waisted top to wear. Although it was as beat-up and faded as everything else she owned, it accented the narrow part of her torso the way I’d told her it would. I wondered if she’d changed after work especially for me. Half the time, she was still wearing her uniform when she got home.

  Cindy nudged me. “That’s the roommate? Damn, you have good taste. She could even turn me gay.”

  I rolled my eyes at her. “Thanks for the vote of support.”

  We both stood up, making the puppies around us scramble, and Cindy headed for the door. She introduced herself briefly to Heidi, but seemed to not want to get in our way.

  “See you later,” she said, giving me a wink before leaving.

  Alone with Heidi again, I swallowed. “Hey,” I said softly.

  “Hey.”

  We stood there looking at each other, and then I hesitantly leaned in. The peck I gave her was brief, but satisfying. I’d been thinking all day about kissing her lips.

  I kind of wished she’d pull me in for another extensive make-out session, but instead she pressed a finger to my lips. “What are we doing tonight?” I asked. “I was thinking I could take you shopping, since we were talking about it.”

  “I have something else planned, actua
lly. You said you wanted to see the Spider-Man movie, right?”

  “Yeah, but it’s opening weekend. I doubt there’ll be any tickets left.”

  “Good thing I bought them last night.”

  At the theater, Heidi brought me popcorn and drinks despite my protests that she’d already paid for the tickets. “I want your first date with a girl to be special. You’re not paying for anything.”

  Taking my popcorn from her, I shrugged. “It already is special because you’re here.”

  We headed into the theater, standing slightly apart. We were too loaded down with snacks to hold hands, but I felt like everyone around us would somehow know we were on a date anyway. It made me a little nervous, although logically I knew the general public wouldn’t regard me like my parents did.

  The theater was only half full as we sat down. We got seats near the back, where the teenagers would probably make out. I’d never been that kind of teen myself, and my recent revelations about Heidi and women in general explained why.

  The ads played, and Heidi whispered in my ear about which movies she wanted to see. She vocally reacted to the cheesy romance shown in one preview, and then gasped and cowered at the explosions in another.

  I wondered if she’d keep talking like this through the whole movie, because if so, her cuteness might be more than I could take. She was just so genuine, so open and enthusiastic. Considering how much we had in common, I was realizing more and more how much we were different.

  When the movie did start, Heidi went quiet. But I was still conscious of her being next to me, munching on popcorn and taking sips of her drink. What was going through her head right now? Was she as nervous about being near me as I was about being near her?

  I was barely even aware of Spider-Man running across the screen, blowing stuff up and seducing Mary Jane. No one in the movie could hold a candle to the person I was sitting next to.

  I put my hand in my popcorn bag, then took it out and took a sip of my Coke instead. As I put the drink back, I glanced over at Heidi again. It was a shame I didn’t have the nerve to rub her knee in public.

  What would she even do if I tried? I figured she’d be receptive to it, given that we’d kissed a few times. Hell, we’d both called this a date. She’d even said straight-out that she liked me! Why did it make me so nervous, then? Was I worrying that other people would see?

  Surely I had the guts to at least take her hand. Biting my lip, I glanced at the screen. I’d completely lost track of what was happening in this movie. Another sip of my drink did nothing to quench my thirst. I moved my hand toward Heidi, then drew it back again.

  I’d completely lost my focus. I stared at the screen for an hour, lost in thought. Every time I considered reaching over there, my heart began to pound. It had to happen by the end of the movie. This would hardly be a date if we didn’t even touch.

  That brief kiss when she got home was nothing. I needed to let her know I liked her for real, and that I was willing to show it in public. But as I tried to move my arm, my heart hammered even harder.

  Closing my eyes, I pursed my lips to steel myself. No matter how panicked I was, I was going to do this.

  I grabbed her hand in one clumsy movement. Finally! Too bad I also knocked over my still-full bag of popcorn. It plummeted to the floor, kernels scattering.

  Heidi’s hand was in mine, and I clutched it way too tightly as I righted the bag with my feet. She looked over at me, blinking in surprise.

  “Isn’t this crazy?” she whispered. “I can’t believe Spider-Man’s cousin was working for the bad guys.”

  Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I nodded. I kept her hand in mine until the end of the movie, first leaving it on her knee, then eventually bringing it over to my thigh. She didn’t resist me at all, and every time I moved, she turned to smile at me. My heart quieted down a bit, although I still had no idea what was happening on the screen.

  Eventually the movie ended. We were quiet on the walk to the car. “What did you think of it?” Heidi asked as we walked inside.

  “I didn’t see a minute of it.”

  She looked at me inquisitively.

  “I was really nervous about, um…” I gestured at our interlinked hands. “I couldn’t concentrate.”

  “What?” Heidi asked. Now she looked at me as if I was crazy. “You don’t need to be nervous. I’m the one trying to impress you. That’s why I went to some effort for this date.”

  “You? Impress me? But you already have.” I buckled my seatbelt, embarrassed by how many of my inner thoughts I was revealing. “You didn’t need to plan anything special. I’m impressed by who you are.”

  She covered my hand with hers. “Let’s go back to our place.”

  FOURTEEN—HEIDI

  If I’d known a date with a straight girl could be so pleasant, I would’ve started asking them out years ago. I chuckled lightly to myself as I thought about the opportunities I’d missed out on. If all it took to get a girl was uncovering her latent homosexuality, I could handle that.

  Then again, none of the straight women I’d come across had anything on Topaz.

  She brushed her hand over my knee again right before getting out of the car. Her new shyness was endearing, and I held myself back from laughing directly at her. She always seemed so confident when she was telling me what to wear or talking about monetizing a blog. But when it came to being with a girl, she clearly had no clue what she was doing.

  Not to say that was a problem. I kind of liked the innocence. And I was more than happy to teach her whatever she needed to know.

  “I had a nice time tonight,” she said, giving me another sweet glance before pouring food in Diamond’s bowl.

  For my part, I opened the door to let Diamond outside on her leash. “I had an amazing time,” I said. “I’m so happy you suggested this.”

  With the mama dog taken care of, I checked on the puppies in their box. Some of their eyes were beginning to open. I was painfully aware of Topaz’s presence behind me, though. And I could only procrastinate like this for so long before facing her.

  This was a difficult time. I definitely didn’t want to rush her in any way. I was usually quite willing to have sex on the first date. What can I say? I was a modern young woman, although I was fine with waiting as well.

  On a normal date with someone inexperienced, I would probably have parted ways for the night at this point. Maybe set up a second date first. But Topaz lived in my home, or rather, I lived in hers. And going our separate ways at this point would feel like cutting things short.

  “What do you feel like doing?” Topaz asked, stepping closer to me so her breath brushed my cheek.

  Heating up, I stared at the ground as I answered. “You don’t want to know.”

  Her voice lowered. “What if I do?”

  It was probably a bad idea to look in her eyes. Doing so would only tempt me more. I did it anyway, and immediately regretted it. She looked serious, and lustful. There was no innocence in her gaze. She looked like she was ready to be taken to the bedroom.

  “This was only a first date,” I reminded her. “There’s no need to do anything before you’re ready.”

  “Heidi, I nearly had a heart attack when I took your hand in that movie theater. I think I deserve a reward for being so brave.”

  I wanted to roll my eyes, but I had no humor left in me. I wanted her with every fiber of my being. “What kind of reward were you thinking of?”

  “Why don’t you come up to my room and find out?”

  Swallowing my nervousness, I led her up the stairs. She’d been forward-thinking enough to make the bed, which made me feel a little better. It was like this was what she’d hoped would happen. Then again, this was the style queen we were talking about. She probably made it every day anyway.

  “I don’t know what you want to do,” I said nervously, putting my hands on her hips and working up the nerve to look into her eyes again.

  “I thought you were into me,” she s
aid. “What kind of things have you been fantasizing about?”

  My throat was dry. I couldn’t exactly deny how many times she’d graced my bedroom fantasies, but I’d find it difficult to speak any of them out loud. “Why don’t you tell me what you want?”

  “You’re the one who took me out for such a nice date. It’s your turn to get what you want.”

  “I thought I was supposed to give you a reward. Make up your mind.”

  She bit her lip, slowly and languorously. “Pleasing you would be my reward.”

  This woman was going to kill me. “Topaz…”

  “I don’t know exactly what’s on your mind,” she said. “But if you won’t tell me, I’ll have to take an educated guess.”

  She reached down and cupped my ass. I shivered, licking my lips with anticipation. Did I want to know what kind of educated guess she could make?

  “No, no, no,” I said, using every bit of willpower I had to move her hand away. “I’m not going to introduce you to a new sexuality by making you pleasure me. It’s your first time doing anything. I want to show you how good it can be.”

  “So you’re going to make a guess of your own?”

  A soft growl emerged from my throat. “You could say that.”

  I pushed her over to the bed, where I straddled her and kissed her again. I grinded against her lightly, unable to resist taking a tiny bit of pleasure. But only for a second—any more than that, and I wouldn’t have been able to stop.

  I kissed her neck and her collar, eagerly listening to the soft sounds of appreciation she made. When I peeked at her face, her eyes were shut and her mouth hung open. She looked completely overcome with pleasure.

  I licked my lips, tasting the sweat from her neck. She was delicious, and I intended to taste a lot more of her.

  “I feel like I’m going to go crazy if you keep doing that,” she choked out.

  “What would you rather have me do?”

  “I thought you were going to guess.”

  Once more I chuckled. If she wanted to play it that way, I could play it that way. I moved back enough to tug off her pants, along with her panties. She closed her legs shyly, but I’d already caught a glimpse of her extremely lickable folds.