The Tao of Pam: Pam of Babylon Book # 6

by Suzanne Jenkins

  They still hadn’t said anything to each other, but during the game, he held on to her with his arm around her shoulders. During the commercial breaks, he got up and would offer to get her wine refills or snacks, and was very solicitous. He went to the bathroom and came back to sit next to her. It had taken forty minutes to formulate what he wanted to say to her.

  Muting the TV, he took both her hands into his and looked into her eyes. Her heart was pounding so hard, she hoped he would say it was a horrible mistake, he’d never let it happen again, could she forgive him. But he said just the opposite; he was in love with her. He thought he loved her when he first met her and watched her during the pregnancy and her struggles with Ed while they lived at the beach. He didn’t know how he was going to live without her now, and hoped she felt the same way. They had so many obstacles, he didn’t even know if it was possible for them to be together. Lisa grasped his hand in return.

  “I love you, too. But I’m married. And my poor mother! We can’t hurt Pam.”

  Dan looked at a spot on the wall above her head. Pam! He’d forgotten all about her. He’d just had his feelings crushed by her in the farmhouse kitchen that morning, and he was already having sex with her daughter.

  “No, we can’t hurt Pam,” he echoed. But he knew that this was just the beginning of a life with Lisa. “I never wanted children until I met you.”

  “That’s insane,” she said, refusing to believe it.

  “Well, it’s true. When I saw you pregnant with Megan, you were so sexy and so lush, I wanted to jump you.”

  “Stop! Dan, that’s gross. I was referring to you as my stepfather then, for God’s sake.”

  He snorted, laughing. “I’ll save the rest of my confessions for another time.”

  She stood up, and he watched her as she walked away from the couch. “Look, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want something to happen for us. But my life is complicated enough right now.”

  Dan sat back and looked at her. “You’re right. I won’t make any demands. I want to get help for your husband, too. My intentions are divided, but they were before tonight.”

  “Can we be together and not be together?” she asked, whispering. She went to him and sat on his lap, while he pulled her hair back and kissed her.

  “Yes. That is what we are going to do. I am here, in your life, saving your crazy husband from himself.”

  “Oh God, poor Ed. I want him to be safe.”

  “Safe is key. Let’s just take it slow. We’ll be together whenever it’s possible, and if we are ever able, we’ll really be together.”

  “Dan, that is the worst double-talk I have ever heard,” Lisa said, laughing.

  “Well, it’s for your sake. I’m free, remember? Your mother dumped me for good on Monday.”

  “You’re too young for her,” Lisa said.

  “That’s a load of crap.”

  “It is not,” Lisa said defensively.

  “Well, it’s a nonissue now. I should never have gotten so involved with her. If I’d waited just a few weeks, you’d have come to New York with pathetic Ryan, and we’d have met.”

  “My mother was already involved with you.”

  “No, not that weekend. You coming home and then Brent showing up five hours later put a hold on it,” Dan replied. “We didn’t sleep together until the following week.”

  “Oh my God! Too much information,” Lisa said, laughing. She looked up at the ceiling. “I hear footsteps.” She got off his lap. “I’ll go see if Ed’s up.” She left the den and went up the stairs.

  Ed was stumbling around the bedroom.

  “Are you okay?” she asked gently, going right to him.

  “I have a terrible headache,” he said, moaning.

  “This is the second one this week,” Lisa replied. “Dan’s here. Why not come down and have a little dinner. You might have low blood sugar.” She took his hand and led him down the stairs.

  Dan heard them coming and was waiting at the landing. “What’s going on, buddy? You look a little pale.” He reached out for Ed’s other hand, and they led him to the kitchen table.

  “He needs to eat,” Lisa said, getting busy with leftovers and the microwave.

  Dan sat with Ed, who seemed so disengaged, he didn’t ask about his arrest case or question why Dan was there in the first place. Lisa cut up his chicken and buttered a dinner roll for him. Ed ate a little bit, hungry after all.

  “I don’t want any more,” he said, pushing his dish away. “I better go back to bed.”

  Lisa got a bottle of headache remedy out and gave him two pills and a glass of water. Dan helped get him back up the stairs, and together they undressed him and got him back into bed.

  “He better see the doctor tomorrow. He’s had bad headaches like this for weeks now.”

  Dan nodded his head.

  “I’ve got breakfast at the farmhouse in the morning. Do you think you can take him for me if I can get him in right away?”

  “Yes, I can do that,” he said.

  Lisa tucked Ed in, and they left the bedroom, closing the door.

  “Where do you sleep?” Dan asked, looking around the upstairs hallway.

  Lisa pointed to a door at the end of the hall, next to Megan’s room.

  “The maid’s room,” she answered. “Fitting.” But she laughed.

  “I’m going to spend the night,” Dan said, and Lisa nodded her head. She got sheets out of the linen closet and took them down to the den. They made up the couch together, and eventually, they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

  Chapter 19

  Cooking breakfast for Ben Lawson and Deborah was a treat for Natalie after a fabulous holiday weekend. They ended up staying at the cabin together, relaxing, reading the paper and enjoying each other’s company. On Tuesday, Deborah found a job at the local café as a prep cook; she’d peel potatoes and mix salad greens, take money from customers and deliver food to them if the servers were taking a break. It was a good job for someone with a short attention span, she said. “I’ll never get bored, that’s for sure.” Zach was coming the next weekend, and then he’d be at camp in New Hampshire for the rest of the summer.

  By Wednesday, Ted was tired of sleeping on the couch in his office even though it was the most relaxed he’d been in months. He dialed Natalie’s number.

  “Hey, mother of my child, what’s new?” Ted asked.

  “I was wondering if you were going to call me,” she replied, whispering. “I’ve had a man in my bed.”

  “Well, congratulations! That’s great news, Nats. He’s a lucky man.”

  “I feel like the lucky one,” she said. “You were the last one.” They both laughed heartily.

  “I’m calling to ask if I can hole up in your apartment,” Ted said. “I moved into my office when we got home on Saturday, and the couch is getting uncomfortable.”

  “Oh, Ted, I’m so sorry,” Natalie said sincerely. “How’s Ashton taking it?”

  “I’m not sure,” he said. “We haven’t talked.”

  Natalie was surprised, but kept her mouth shut. Ashton was in bad shape if he wasn’t hounding someone to death. The thought even came to her that he might be dead in his First Avenue apartment. That Ted wasn’t concerned was worrisome to her. Maybe after they hung up, she’d call Ashton.

  “Of course you can stay in my apartment. I’ll call the super to let you in tomorrow. There’s a key on the key ring in the hall closet. It’s all clean, and the sheets are changed; you just need to buy food.” They chatted a while longer with promises to stay in touch.

  Natalie dialed Ashton’s number, and it rang for a full minute, a message coming on that his mailbox was full. She shrugged her shoulders; if he wasn’t maintaining his phone, it wasn’t her fault if she couldn’t get in touch with him.

  While Natalie worried about him, Ashton was taking the train downtown. Every hour for the past two days, he’d tried to call Ted. He even dialed Jack’s old number, both his cell and office phones, and th
en the house number. A man answered, repeating hello over again, and finally hung up. The thought of hanging around the apartment, unable to work because he was so preoccupied, increased his anxiety. Finally, he decided he was going to sneak up on Ted.

  Taking the train was the best way to get downtown secretly. He stood out only because it was so obvious he was trying to disguise himself, with dark glasses and a baseball cap on backwards, baggy jeans and a long sleeved T-shirt. He got off the train at City Hall and walked to Ted’s office building, not bothering to stop at reception. But when he got up to Ted’s floor, the door was locked. Ashton was confused. He was sure Ted would be staying in his office rather than getting a hotel room. He keyed in the number to Ted’s phone, but like his own, it went unanswered. Defeated, Ashton left and walked back uptown toward the train. It didn’t occur to him to try Natalie’s apartment.

  On a whim, he got off at Penn Station. Conflicted, he was determined to have a confrontation of some kind, and since it couldn’t be with the wayward Ted, it would have to be with either Natalie or Pam Smith. He dug a coin out of pocket and flipped it in the air. Heads, Long Island, tails upstate. He reached down for the penny, put it back in his pocket, and got on a train headed for upstate New York.

  ***

  On Thursday before seven, Dan left for his apartment to get ready to get to the farm. After he finished there, he had to spend time in his office and help Lisa find a therapist for Ed.

  Lisa folded up the sheets they’d used on the couch and went upstairs to get Megan. “Good morning, baby!” she said, reaching into the crib to pick her up. She tried to stay focused on the care of her little baby. It would be so easy to let her slide down the scale of priority because she was such an undemanding little thing. To prevent that from happening, Lisa would always put her first. Lisa would brush her teeth and get dressed, but then it would be all about Megan unless she was safe in her crib sleeping. So she changed the baby’s diaper and sat down in the rocking chair to nurse her. When she was in this position, she decided she would not think about Ed or Dan or what had transpired the night before. When Megan finished, Lisa dressed her and put her in her play yard, toys within reach. Tiptoeing into the master suite, Ed was up and dressed.

  “Oh, do you think you should go into work today? Dan said he’d take you to the doctor later this morning.”

  Ed looked at her, confused. “Why wouldn’t I?” he said. “There’s only two more days. I’ll see the doctor next week.”

  Lisa didn’t relish having him home, moping around all day, and he seemed lucid and in a better mood.

  “Yes, of course. I’ll get your breakfast.” She picked up Megan again and went down to the kitchen. She made toast and coffee for Ed and heated up rice cereal for Megan. Spooning the cereal in to her mouth, she didn’t notice Ed leaving the house without eating or saying goodbye until she heard the garage door opening and saw him back out of the driveway. Her phone rang as she watched him. It was Dan.

  “All charges were dropped,” he said simply.

  “Ed went to work,” Lisa said. “Do you want to call him yourself?”

  Dan agreed to make the call. Neither mentioned what had transpired the night before. They said goodbye and hung up.

  “Come on, baby,” Lisa said. “Let’s go pick up granny and go to the farm.” She grabbed the diaper bag and her purse, and she and Megan headed to Babylon.

  Pam was waiting in the doorway and came out waving when Lisa pulled up. Seeing her mother’s smiling face, Lisa felt the heat flooding her body; the first acknowledgment since the act itself that she’d betrayed her in some way. She wasn’t going to rationalize it. Sleeping with someone’s boyfriend the day after a breakup was wrong, no matter how you looked at it. Pam opened the door and slid in.

  “Tomorrow, I’ll pick you up. It’s really out of your way to drive here,” she said.

  “Okay, that sounds good,” Lisa said, and then measuring her words, she told Pam about the charges being dropped. “Dan called with the news.”

  “Oh,” Pam said. “I suppose I’ll have to accept the fact that he’s in your life.”

  “He’s going to use his resources to get Ed help,” Lisa said.

  Pam looked out the window. “I’ll have to see how much it bothers me to see him at the farm. It will determine whether or not I keep doing this, no matter how much I enjoy it.”

  “It seems like it would be difficult,” Lisa said. “Like rubbing salt in a wound.”

  “We’ll see,” Pam said. “I’m not making any decisions today.”

  “There are other places you can cook, Mother.”

  “I like the atmosphere there,” Pam said. “I like the kitchen garden and the greenhouses. All of it. That it belonged to someone I thought loved me was even better.”

  Lisa felt sick. “I hope it’s worth it to you.”

  Pulling up to the farm, Lisa could see Dan’s Porsche pulled in front of the mess hall, the sick feeling coming over her again. Pam got baby Megan out of her car seat while Lisa unfolded her stroller. Dan was waiting for them, standing with his arms folded over his chest.

  “Oh God, maybe I’m making a mistake by not forgiving him,” Pam said, whispering.

  Lisa stumbled on a piece of gravel, trying not to barf. If Pam made a play for Dan, what would he do? If he’d been sincere the night before, he’d have to resist her. But if he’d lied about loving Lisa, about wanting her ever since the first time they’d met, if it had been spur-of-the-moment lust, he might be tempted to go back with Pam. She certainly had more materially to offer him than Lisa did.

  “You’ll know soon enough,” Lisa mumbled so only she could hear.

  When they reached the kitchen door, Dan was holding it open for them to pass through, smiling. “How are you both today?” he said, taking the stroller from Lisa. “How about if I push her majesty around the parking lot while you two cook?”

  “Okay,” Lisa said. “Thank you.” She determined that Pam was out of the vicinity and wiggled her nose at Dan, who laughed. He turned away with the baby.

  Pam was putting an apron on and threw one toward Lisa. “Let’s make biscuits,” she said. “If you’ll fry bacon this morning, I’ll make the dough.”

  Lisa got a large package of bacon out of the refrigerator while Pam measured flour and shortening out and started to knead it. She rolled it out and cut rounds out with a drinking glass.”

  “What goes good with rolls?” Pam asked.

  “Cheese scrambled eggs,” Lisa said.

  “That sounds good,” Dan said, pushing the stroller into the kitchen from the mess hall.

  Lisa lost her appetite seeing him. She needed to pull it together. If they were going to have a secret relationship, she couldn’t get sick every time she saw him. Lisa looked at her mother, who was rolling biscuit dough with a vengeance.

  Lisa put the cooked cheese scrambled eggs into large stainless-steel steamer pans as each batch was finished. The rolls were coming out of the oven with a golden crust, piping hot. Pam brushed melted butter over the tops. Helpers Dan had recruited came in to set up the serving line, and in a few minutes, they opened the doors to the hall, and hungry farm workers filed in. Lisa stood at the end of the line, putting slices of bacon on plates the workers offered up.

  Dan stood off to the side, pushing Megan back and forth in her stroller as she napped, watching Lisa. He wasn’t aware of it, but Pam was watching him, debating whether or not she still wanted him in her life. He had the most beatific expression on his face, and she walked toward the doorway to see what it was he was looking at with such admiration. Or who. Because when she stepped through the opening her daughter, Lisa was the first person she saw, licking her lips in a seductive way, subtly gyrating her hips dancing to music on the radio. Dan nodded his head in her direction, and then they both laughed. It only took seconds, but Pam saw the interaction between her Lisa and Dan, and she didn’t need any other confirmation. Her gorge rose, and she stumbled over the threshold of the kitchen,
running to the bathroom in back until the feeling passed. She looked up in the mirror, the fluorescent lights wrecking havoc with her skin and makeup.

  How long had it been going on? She put her head in her hands. She had to confront Lisa right away. Was this months in the making? Or recent? She’d been with them both, and they’d admired each other in what she thought was a loving way, not what she just witnessed. He was lusting after Lisa, almost in a daze. Her years of denial, of turning the other way, had brought her to this moment. She was not going to allow them to get away with it for one second. When they were done serving breakfast and Lisa brought the empty pans in to load into the dishwasher, Pam stood off to the side, observing while trying to stay focused on the clean up. There was definitely something sexual going on between her daughter and her former lover. The sooner she finished in the kitchen, the sooner she’d be able to confront Lisa. She never needed to speak to Dan again for the rest of her life. But Lisa, Lisa would face her whether she liked it or not.

  Neither Dan nor Lisa noticed Pam’s abrupt change in countenance; they were too wrapped up in each other. Lisa was spooning scrambled eggs into Megan’s mouth while Dan looked on, laughing and commenting about the baby’s appetite. After she was finished eating, Megan got busy wiping down surfaces. She went out to the dining room to clean the tables, leaving Dan in the kitchen with Pam, but they didn’t speak. Pam was incredulous that three days before, he’d propositioned her for sex while they were in her bedroom, and now he didn’t notice her staring at him. Her anger increased exponentially while she cleaned. At eleven, they were finished.