Somewhere to Belong

by Caitlin Ricci

  I came with a cry that I half buried into the pillow. I rolled over onto my side as I shook. I didn’t like lying in my own wet mess.

  He panted my name and then came too, groaning into the phone. “Eli….”

  I nodded. I didn’t really know what to say either. “Thank you?”

  He laughed, and I smiled as I tried to quiet my breathing. I wasn’t doing a very good job of it, though. “Yes. Thank you. Are you going to go shower now? Or do you take a bath normally when you’re alone?” Grayson asked.

  When I had the energy, I’d shower. But now I desperately needed that nap that he’d interrupted. I was so glad that he had too. “I’ll shower later. Nap now. Nice long nap.”

  Grayson chuckled. I could practically hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll be showering now. Take care of yourself. I’ll be home the day after tomorrow. We should go out to dinner when I get back.”

  I shrugged. I only cared about my quickly approaching nap, but I liked where his mind was. His simple words reminded me that I wasn’t just good for sex with him. “Sure. Food. Could be good.” I yawned loudly and made no attempt to cover my mouth to muffle the sound. “Bye now, though.”

  “Of course. Have a good nap, Eli. I’m glad I called you.”

  I smacked my lips together and pulled the pillow farther under my head. “Me too. Bye.” I hung up and was asleep in a few minutes.

  Chapter Ten

  Grayson

  I WAS home by two, thanks to taking an earlier flight to get away from a big storm that had been creeping up the East Coast. When I got there, I was disappointed to see that Eli wasn’t, but I assumed he’d had to work. So I walked around my house instead to see if it felt different now that someone else was living in it.

  Everything was neat, but some things were not where I’d left them. The TV remote was on the ottoman. I liked it on the TV stand. And when I turned it on, I noticed that Eli had left it on the crime drama channel. The smell of microwave popcorn lingered in the kitchen, but there was no other evidence of it, and I wondered if that had been his idea of lunch. I wanted him to eat healthier foods. I wasn’t about to try to control what he did or ate, though, so that was just wishful thinking on my part.

  I went upstairs and checked the bathroom. I saw one of the towels hanging up to dry, and there was a blue toothbrush lying on the sink. Mine was kept in a glass. His bedroom door was closed, and as much as I wanted to, I resisted the urge to go in there and invade his privacy, only to assuage my own curiosity.

  They weren’t large changes, but they were the signs that someone had lived in the house in my absence. And having those little additions to my house made me happy in a way I hadn’t expected.

  I showered to get the stink of the airplanes and airports off of me. Too many people around me always made me feel a bit dirty, and airplanes were the worst for that. Hundreds of people sharing their germs all at once and no way to get away from them. It was a germaphobe’s worst nightmare. For me it was a necessary nuisance.

  As I was drying myself off, I heard the front door open and close, followed by heavy footsteps, like Eli was wearing boots. I put on a sweater and a pair of jeans. I came out of my room and found Eli sitting down in the front entrance as he tried to pull a pair of cowboy boots off his feet. He was struggling and kept wincing as if he was sore.

  I hurried downstairs and crouched in front of him, ready to help. “Hey,” he said, leaning against the wall and letting me take over as I began pulling his right boot off, despite the dirt caked onto it.

  “Hello. Will I be upset about why you seem hurt?” I hoped he hadn’t made any ridiculous choices, including going back to his old apartment and whatever waited for him there.

  Eli gave me a long look, then smiled. “Sorry. I’m tired. It took me a second to figure out what you were asking me. I thought for a moment there that you were going to be pissed about a horse throwing me. Don’t worry, Grayson, I haven’t been back to my place since I came to stay with you. I got bucked off and landed in the steel round pen fencing today. Hurt like hell, but I’ll be okay. It just happened an hour and a half ago so that’s why I’m still in so much freaking pain.”

  I was relieved to know it had only been a horse that had caused his pain, though that was bad enough. “Are you always getting thrown? It seems to me that you fall off more than should be normal for someone who likes to ride horses.” I had his first boot off and moved to the second.

  He laughed, then stopped abruptly and rubbed at his ribs. “That’s not good. Ow. Yeah, I get thrown a lot. But I’m also the one who works with the young or inexperienced horses. We call them green horses. I get to evaluate them, and I know enough to do some training. Today’s ride was going just fine too. Excalibur, that’s the gelding I was riding, was doing just fine. He’s got some problems that will need to be fixed, but he’s not awful. But then a car backfired down the street, and he flipped out and bolted toward the wall. I tried to pull him away from the fence since I didn’t want him to get hurt, but then he swung hard to the left and I fell sideways since I’d been balanced so far forward and really didn’t have any stability. I think I need a bath, some painkillers, and a good night’s sleep. Then I’ll be all better.”

  It sounded incredibly dangerous, and I also tried not to be disappointed that I wouldn’t get to have dinner out with him. “That seems like a good plan. May I help you up? Then we can go get something to eat.”

  “Sure.” Eli smiled at me and offered me his hands. I helped him to his feet, and he picked up his boots to take them upstairs. I didn’t even care that they were filthy and coming through my house as he headed upstairs. “I’ll be ready in a half hour. Pick where you want to go. Please.”

  I should have been more concerned about him and less interested in still going out to dinner with him. But I couldn’t help smiling. I’d been looking forward to going out with him since we’d decided to days before, and my desire to have him to myself had only increased in the hours leading up to the moment I’d gotten off the plane at Denver International Airport.

  “Only if you think you’ll be okay.”

  Eli laughed, then winced as he looked over the landing at me. “It’s fine. This isn’t even close to the first time a horse has thrown me into something hard. Nothing’s broken. I’m just bruised. And at least this time you see me with bruises, it’s because of a good thing. I was working with a horse, and now we know he spooks at car noises. That’ll be good for the new owner to know. When he gets adopted.”

  “I admire your optimism,” I told him as he headed into the bathroom.

  “Being around the horses makes me happy. They don’t expect anything out of me.” Eli went into the bathroom seconds later, and I took out my phone to find somewhere that would be good for us to have dinner.

  I settled on a steakhouse as he was coming out of the bathroom, this time with just a towel wrapped around his hips. He had a bright purple bruise on the left side of his ribs, but he didn’t seem to notice it as he leaned over the railing and looked down at me where I was sitting on the couch with my socked feet up at the ottoman.

  “What did you pick for us for dinner?”

  I didn’t say anything for a few moments since I couldn’t keep myself from staring at him. He looked great in just the towel with nearly all of his muscles on display. He was lean and toned, and I missed getting to touch all of his smooth skin and feeling him jump under my hands.

  “Grayson?”

  I pulled my attention away from his stomach and the barely there trail of hair I knew would flow right under his towel, even though I couldn’t see that hair now. “Yes?”

  Eli was grinning at me. “Food?”

  “Steak.”

  He nodded and went into his bedroom to get dressed. With him gone, it gave me a break to think clearly for the first time since he’d come through the front door. Part of me wanted to have him naked all night, and I would order in for us. I knew that we could have fun then. But he was bruised, again, and I
had wanted to take him out to a restaurant for dinner instead of keeping him in my house. There would be time enough for that later. I wanted to treat Eli to a nice meal for tonight.

  Eli came down a few minutes later, wearing a T-shirt and a pair of jeans that were fairly clean. I was starting to realize that most of his jeans had dirt from working with the horses embedded into the fibers. They’d likely never get as clean as they were to begin with. And, surprisingly, I was okay with that. I made sure that I was always well dressed and clean, but Eli had a reason for having dirt on his jeans and around his cuticles. It wasn’t that he was sloppy or simply didn’t care. His reason was he worked hard and spent his days outside with horses that needed help.

  He winced as he sat down on the couch next to me. We were only six inches apart, but I would have preferred us to be closer. We still had hours before I’d take him out to dinner. Even if I made it an early date, we still wouldn’t be leaving the house for at least an hour.

  So I took a chance and put my arm around his shoulders to see how much he would allow. If we were having sex, I knew I would have free rein with him and that I could do whatever I wanted to him as long as he still enjoyed it. But this wasn’t sex. This was me wanting to touch him in a friendly environment that lacked any sexual intimacy. And I felt the moment he tensed as I laid my hand against his shoulder.

  I pulled back instantly but he shook his head. “It’s okay. I’m not used to being touched by someone who isn’t Mason and when sex isn’t involved. It’s weird, but it’s okay.”

  With him giving me that explanation, I returned my hand to his shoulder, and after a few minutes, I pulled him close against my side. He closed his eyes and laid his head back over my arm. That pinned my arm to the couch, and I knew it would become uncomfortable in a while, but for the moment I loved the simple, intimate act of sitting so close together on the couch as if we were a couple and not just friends who had sex.

  “How were your flights?” he asked me. He still didn’t have his eyes open.

  I smiled at him, even though he couldn’t see my expression unless he was peeking. “They were good. No turbulence at all really, which is surprising coming away from the mountains. How was having the house to yourself?”

  He got a soft smile across his face. “Quiet. It was nice not to have neighbors, and to be alone for a little while.” He popped open his eyes. “I’m sorry. Not that I meant that I wasn’t glad that you were back. It’s your house after all. And—”

  Eli tried to sit up, but I placed my hand gently across his chest, holding him there against the back of the couch, and my arm, for a little while longer. “It’s fine. I knew what you meant. I haven’t lived in an apartment since I graduated from college, but I can imagine how it must be for you. I certainly didn’t enjoy it when I had to live there.”

  “What college did you go to?” he asked. I was glad that he was becoming more curious about me. I had so many questions for him. I wanted to know about his life, more about his family, his hobbies outside of listening to eighties music, watching old horror movies, and working with horses.

  “Yale.” I was proud of my education and my degree. “I went in on a scholarship. Where did you go?”

  He turned his head to look at me, and I traced the smooth muscles up his chest to the side of his neck. “I didn’t. I barely graduated from high school.” I stilled my hand against his skin, and he must have been able to tell how surprised I was by his admission, because he sighed. “Is my lack of a college degree going to be a problem for you?” Eli asked me bluntly.

  I shook my head. I saw no reason why it would be. “I was surprised, but I don’t think less of you for not going to school. Was it a matter of finances?” I had to stop myself right there. I was surprised at how easy it had been for me to leap in and begin to offer to pay for his college degree. Not that I couldn’t afford to, especially now that I wasn’t paying a mortgage of any kind, but it was more that I’d already realized how independent Eli was, and I didn’t want to offend him with my offer. I also didn’t want him to think that my offer would come with any strings.

  “No. I just never saw much use for it.” He turned so that he was facing me on the couch, with his legs pulled up under him. It put his cheek against my arm instead of the back of his head. I laid my hand on his thigh instead. He didn’t ask me to move it. “I started working at Green Acres not long after I finished high school. Evaline needed a full-time assistant and offered to train me and give me a place to stay if I worked my ass off for her and the horses. I did everything I could for her until the rescue got to be too big for just the two of us. Then she helped me get an apartment nearby and on the bus route so that I could get there back when I didn’t have a car. The rescue grew fast, especially once a big neglect case hit. Then she was overrun, but she loved it. The point I’m trying to make here is that all the schooling I’ve ever needed was what Evaline gave me, and the only job I’ve ever wanted is at the rescue. I’ll be her assistant until she’s no longer able to take care of it, and then when that happens, then it becomes mine to be carried out under her directions.”

  He shrugged to finish off his bout of information, and I simply stared at him. He had everything he ever wanted, and it was so different than what I did. I enjoyed my expensive meals and my luxury car and my fine suits. He was perfectly content working with horses all day.

  “You really are happy working there. Aren’t you?”

  Eli smiled at me as if he absolutely was. It was the contented kind of smile of someone who had everything they’d ever wanted in life, and I was envious of him. “I am. If you ever want to come do some actual work with the horses, I could show you around a bit. You wouldn’t be able to ride any of them, because of legal reasons and liability stuff, but you could pet them, and I could introduce you to my favorites.”

  I didn’t have the shoes, the shirt, or the pants for such an adventure, but I nodded anyway. Getting to be a part of his world, in whatever fashion he’d let me, meant more to me than any pair of shoes that would likely be ruined by going to a barn with him.

  “Are you going to make me clean out stalls?”

  Eli laughed and shook his head. The action made his hair fall over his eyes, and I reached up and brushed his hair back before he could raise his hand to do just that. He blushed and ducked his head a bit, but that made his hair fall even more forward, so I gave up and simply ran my fingers through his hair as he brought his head against my shoulder.

  “I only make the people who annoy me muck out the barn. So don’t annoy me, and I won’t make you shovel horse shit.”

  I chuckled and pulled him closer. Then I tilted his head back so that I could kiss him. I let my mouth linger over his as I tasted him and the toothpaste he’d just used before coming down. I used mint. He apparently liked cinnamon. I didn’t like that taste, but I knew that I would put up with it as long as I got to keep kissing him.

  Someone knocked on my front door, interrupting us, and I sighed as I got up to answer it. Eli had a full-blown pout across his bottom lip as he watched me go to the door. He might have meant his expression to be cute and perhaps a little sexy. But watching him pout, and knowing he was sad because I was no longer kissing him, went straight to my cock.

  I shook my head as I opened the door, but I froze as I saw Nigel there on the other side, standing on my front porch with a bottle of red wine in his hand. “Welcome back to Colorado. I thought we could catch up. It’s been a few weeks since I saw you last.” He let himself into my house, and I looked between Nigel and Eli as I wondered how quickly I could get Nigel out of my house so that I could get back to giving Eli all of my attention.

  Chapter Eleven

  Eli

  I LOOKED at the well-dressed man who was about the same age as Grayson and also black, and I realized they were probably friends and I had no reason to be jealous or uncomfortable with whatever-his-name-was being there. Grayson looked just as surprised at him showing up as I felt, but I was mostly ann
oyed that I didn’t get to keep kissing Grayson because he was there.

  “Nigel, this is Eli. Eli, this is my friend Nigel.”

  So he was just a friend, then. That was pretty obvious actually. I’d seen the profiles of the guys Grayson had been with on the app, and Nigel wasn’t even in the right age range. He liked his guys a lot like me. Twenties to thirties, a little muscular, and white. That didn’t bother me. But the way Nigel was looking at me, like I was a particularly interesting puzzle, was starting to unnerve me.

  “So you’re Grayson’s bit of rough. Well, you’re certainly pretty enough.” Nigel put the bottle of wine down on the island and went over to grab a few glasses. “Do you care for wine, Eli?”

  I got off the couch to go stand closer to Grayson. “No, but thank you.” Things were tense enough without Grayson clamming up, so I wished that he would snap out of it sooner rather than later.

  “Not old enough to drink yet?” Nigel taunted me. And I knew it was a taunt because of the sharklike grin he gave me at the end as if he was daring me to say, or do, something that would piss Grayson off enough to get me thrown out on my ass.

  But I just smiled at him, giving him the same expression I reserved for people who wanted to adopt but I thought would be better off with a plastic model horse than a real horse that would likely kill them with their own stupidity.

  “No, I’m old enough. I just don’t like the taste of red. What’s a ‘bit of rough’?” I was sure that it was an insult of some kind. But I wanted to know exactly how I was being insulted before I got all upset about it.

  “He’s implying that I’m slumming it with you,” Grayson quietly told me.

  Oh. Was that really all it was? Well, okay, then. “You are. So that makes sense.” I figured it was time to be extra nice to the person who had tried to insult me and failed. “Nigel, we were going to go out for steaks. Would you like to join us?” I wanted Grayson to see how much I could handle, how strong I really was, and how meeting his friend, even unexpectedly, didn’t have to ruin my evening with him. I still wanted dinner. And I still wanted him in bed with me that night.