Somewhere to Belong

by Caitlin Ricci

  “Have you ever worked with a nonprofit before?” she asked me.

  “Only yours.”

  “Could you learn the taxes and send out letters requesting grants? I do those tasks right now, and as much as I adore Eli, I think he could use some help with them. I’m not saying he’s stupid by any means, but he lacks business sense and sometimes becomes overwhelmed when I put too many papers in front of him.”

  That was good information to have. I would be doing the taxes, then, assuming we ever filed jointly. Which would mean that we would be married. That was a new and frightening thought, but not as much as I expected it to be. I would spend more time thinking about that later, when we’d been living together for a lot longer than we were now.

  “I could learn those tasks,” I told her.

  “That would be wonderful. Do you think that six months would be an appropriate time frame?”

  She’d lost me again. “Six months to learn them? Or what are you hinting at?”

  “If you’re comfortable with requesting grants and going through a nonprofit’s taxes in six months, which would put us at when we need to send our taxes out, then I’ll step down. That will give Eli months to get used to being in control more. I hate that Thrall had to die for me to realize that I’m ready to take a few more days off a month. I won’t ever entirely step back, but I believe Eli is strong enough to handle this place on his own. And, let’s face it, I won’t be here forever. It took Thrall’s passing for me to realize that I need to start handing over the reins of this place to Eli so that this rescue can continue on after I’m gone.”

  I loved her idea, and I was sure that when Eli heard it, he would think it was just as wonderful. He would get to run the rescue, and I would be helping him do it while I handled paperwork, which I was good at.

  “When would you like me to begin?”

  “I’m surprised you’re willing to take a job without pay, given your experience. Is it just to be near Eli more often?”

  That might have been part of it. And I did want him to be happy and the rescue to succeed so that he’d always have a place here. But money wasn’t a factor for me in that equation.

  “I do not need to be paid anything for my work at this point in my life if it is something I care about. And Eli is someone I care deeply about, and he loves this rescue very much. That is enough reason for me to want to help you in whatever way I can. I came here hoping that I could find something to do that would allow me to facilitate a change in my life, and I believe you’ve given me that opportunity.”

  “Are you able to come back next week so that I can show you the process of asking for grants and trying to get local companies to donate to us or sponsor one of the horses or a new building project?”

  She looked so hopeful, as if I was doing something great for her. But really I was the one who was excited to begin. “Yes, that will be fine.” I hadn’t been this excited to go to work for anyone in years.

  We shook hands, and I rose from my seat. “Thank you for your time, and the opportunity to help your rescue. I’ll go find Eli and say goodbye to him, and then I’ll be on my way.”

  “Take care of yourself, Grayson. I am so glad we met. That’s fate. Do you believe in that?”

  I didn’t, but she looked so sure of herself that I didn’t want to disappoint her. Still, I had the moral code to know better than to lie to an elderly woman, even if it was to make her happy.

  “I actually don’t. I’m sorry.”

  She waved her hand at me. “Don’t be sorry. And don’t you worry about it either. If fate exists, which I believe it does, then it will still be here for you even if you never believe in it. That’s how things like this work.”

  I was sure it would be. “Have a good rest of your day, Evaline.”

  “You too, dear. I’ll see you next week.”

  I left the office to go searching for Eli, but it actually didn’t take me that long to find him since he was heading straight toward me with Mason fawning over him as they walked together. If I was more of a jealous man, I might have cared that Eli’s best friend was hanging on him like he was Eli’s biggest fan. As it was, I was far more focused on why Eli was holding his wrist against his chest with his other hand wrapped around it protectively.

  “What happened?” I asked him.

  He shrugged, and though he might have been trying to downplay things for Mason, as he often did for me when he was hurt, I knew enough to look at his eyes. He could hide a lot, but his eyes gave away all of his secrets, and right then I knew how much pain he was in. He was practically screaming it.

  “Eli….”

  He shook his head, but not at me. “Mason, really, I’m fine. See? Grayson’s here. He’ll make sure that I get an ice pack. I’ll let Evaline know that I got hurt, and then everything will be okay. Go back to work. You don’t have to worry so much.”

  “You sure?” Mason asked him, hesitating.

  Eli nodded. “Yeah. Totally sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” Mason briefly touched his shoulder, and then Eli and I were alone at the edges of the property.

  “I’m taking you to the hospital. There’s one not too far from here.” I expected some kind of an argument, because I knew how stubborn he could be. But all I got from him was a resigned sigh, and that in itself told me everything I needed to know. He’d gotten hurt, and it was serious enough that he wanted to get it checked out.

  “Fine. But I need to tell Evaline what happened first and I don’t have health insurance, so we’re going to go to a clinic instead of the hospital. No way in hell can I afford an emergency room visit.”

  I began to argue with him and also tell him that I would be paying for it so I wanted him to have the best care possible, when he walked away from me and headed into the office where Evaline still was. I followed after him and made sure he sat down on the couch. He was too pale to be standing right then.

  Eli turned to Evaline. She looked so worried about him, and I understood that intensely as I ran my hand down his back. I knew he was there, and that the injury was likely minor since he was still walking around and coherent, but I needed that physical connection to him right then just to know that he was okay and close to me. It was as if I couldn’t stand to have any distance between us. Even an inch was too much space.

  “One of the horse’s leads got wrapped around my wrist when they reared. I’m sorry that I was careless. It won’t happen again. But it hurts enough that I’d like to go get it checked out. Is that okay?”

  Evaline pursed her lips at him. “Is that okay? Eli! You should already be heading toward a doctor. Go! Next time, text me. Or call me. Or have Mason come tell me that you needed to go. Don’t waste time explaining to me that you got hurt when you could be getting patched up. Shoo!”

  I wanted to smile at her tone, and I might have if I hadn’t been so worried about Eli and she hadn’t been so irate. I got him to his feet, and we headed to my car. That he couldn’t buckle himself in was a surprise. That he gasped when the seat belt settled across his chest, and his wrist, which he still hadn’t moved, bothered me.

  “Now that we’re alone, tell me how serious it is.” I knew where an urgent care clinic wasn’t too far from the rescue. I’d passed it on the way coming down, and I headed there now.

  “Probably broken. Shit.” He was annoyed, but at himself or the horse or the situation as a whole, I wasn’t entirely sure.

  “How bad is your pain right now?”

  He closed his eyes and leaned back against the seat. “Somewhere between cry like a baby and curse like a sailor. Not the worst I’ve ever been in, but I forgot how much it hurts for these little bones to get messed up. I’d rather get a fractured rib any day, though some people say that hurts more. I find that only really hurts when I breathe too deeply. Or try to laugh. This just hurts all the time.” He shook his head, but he kept his eyes closed. “Tell me about your meeting with Evaline. It’ll help distract me. What did she want?”
/>   “It’s what I wanted actually. I’m going to be doing some work for the rescue.”

  This time he did open his eyes to look at me as I was pulling into the urgent clinic’s parking lot. “I thought there wasn’t room in the budget to hire someone, and you’ve got to be making a lot more than me. I only make fifteen thousand a year. Enough to live on but certainly not enough for you.”

  I chuckled, and minutes later we were walking into the clinic. He signed in while I spoke to him. “I’m doing the work on a volunteer basis, and you don’t need to worry about me and money.”

  “Could you buy me a pony?” he asked jokingly as we went to sit down in one of the uncomfortable-looking chairs. I rested my arm around his shoulders.

  “If you wanted one, I could easily afford to get you a horse.” They couldn’t be that expensive to care for.

  “Right now I’d take a unicorn who could make me less likely to get hurt all the time. I love working at the rescue, but seriously, this getting hurt all the time bit sucks ass.”

  I chuckled and rubbed his shoulder. He leaned into me, and then I caught him flipping off someone across the room. I hadn’t even noticed anyone else in the waiting room with us, but now that he’d pointed out the angry-looking man, who was likely the same age as me, I couldn’t help glaring at him. I even turned my head to kiss Eli’s hair, for good measure.

  “Think he’s more pissed off that you’re black or we’re different ages or we’re gay?” Eli asked me.

  It could have been all of those actually. I didn’t really care. “Maybe he doesn’t like people who drive cars. Maybe he’s only into trucks.”

  “And women with breast implants the size of their heads who wear cutoff jeans and cowboy boots,” Eli said with a snicker.

  The guy had lost interest in us, instead choosing to stare at a TV, so Eli stopped as well. He relaxed against me, and I stroked my hand over his neck and shoulder. “Can I get you anything?”

  “A new wrist. Mine is useless.”

  I smiled and was glad that he still had his sense of humor, even when he was hurting. “I’m serious, Eli. Do you want some water?”

  He shook his head. “I’m okay. Thanks. Wish you didn’t have to see me so beat up and broken all the time. Seems like I’m always in too much pain lately to really have much fun with.”

  I kissed the top of his head again. “While I’d love for you to get hurt less, having sex with you isn’t the reason I want that. I care about you. I love you. And I worry about you.”

  He was suddenly tense under my arm. “I’m not quitting the rescue. Straight up, you need to know that right now. Even if a horse kills me someday, I need to be there.”

  “Shh. Relax. I know that. You’ve said it. I’d never ask you to give up something you love so much just because of my peace of mind. I have no intention of controlling you or telling you what to do in any way. I’m allowed to worry about you, though, and wish that you were safer, but I know why you do what you do, and being around horses can be dangerous. It likely always will be. You’re not working with perfectly trained animals here. I fully understand that. I respect you for what you do, and I wouldn’t want you to change that or any part of yourself. Not for the world.”

  He went silent until a nurse came and got him. I hesitated in the chair, not sure if he’d want me there with him when he went back to see a doctor. But Eli frowned down at me as if he couldn’t understand why I was still sitting down.

  “Aren’t you coming with me? They might poke me with a needle or something. I may need a hand to hold.” He smiled at me, and I followed him back, with my hand at the base of his spine.

  He was shown to a chair that leaned back, and he got as comfortable as he could as the paper sheet crinkled under him. “I don’t like clinics or hospitals,” he confided once the nurse had left us alone.

  “I don’t either. But this is for the best. We want to make sure your wrist isn’t too badly damaged.”

  I moved back as a doctor came in to talk to Eli. An exam, a few X-rays, and a cast for his broken wrist later and we were ready to go. I was glad to be out of there and heading home by the time it was over. And Eli had been so out of it from the pain that he hadn’t tried to argue with me, much, when I pulled out a card to pay for his visit.

  “You shouldn’t have.”

  “I know.”

  He looked over at me in the car as I started driving us up to Thornwood. “I could have. I should have.”

  “No. I like taking care of you. But, if it makes you feel any better, the next time that you break your wrist, I’ll let you pay for your own clinic visit.”

  He grinned. “Deal. What time do you have to leave for the airport?”

  I’d actually forgotten all about my client for the next few days. I’d send them an email explaining the situation, or as much of my private life as I was willing to share with a complete stranger. If they didn’t like it, then they could hire someone else to restructure their employees. Eli might have been fine. The doctor said that he only needed to take a day off to rest at home but that he wouldn’t be riding or working with the horses as long as he had a cast on. I could have gone to work, but I didn’t want to leave him when he was hurt.

  “I’m not leaving right now.”

  “I’m sorry. You don’t have to stay. I know how important your job is to you. If you’re staying just for me, then don’t worry about it. I mean, I can handle using one hand for a while, and you were only going to be gone a few days. I can stay with Evaline if you’re worried about my driving. I don’t want to keep you from doing something just because I’m hurt.”

  “I’m staying because I want to be around to take care of you, should you need any help. And this job doesn’t really need to happen right now. None of them do. Evaline gave me six months to learn what she wants me to so that I can take over the grant writing and the taxes for the rescue. After that time, if I like what I’m doing at the rescue, I intend to stop doing my job entirely. I’m tired of the travel, the people, and, as we’ve grown closer together, I’ve realized I don’t really like being away from you for days or weeks on end all that much.”

  Eli grinned at me and blew me a kiss. “Awesome.” I fully agreed with his assessment.

  I parked us in front of the diner before we went back to my house. Which, admittedly, I was starting to think of being more of our house. He had his bedroom, I had mine, and it was too soon to say out loud to him that it was our house, but that’s how I was starting to feel about it. The house had certainly never felt like my house until he started living in it. And I wanted to tell him that, but I was also afraid of scaring him away. I needed to be patient with him and not rush into things where he was concerned. How he’d reacted when I hadn’t even said that I loved him yet, but he’d apparently picked up on it, was enough of a clue for me.

  “What are we doing here?” Eli asked me.

  “I’m starving. Are you hungry at all?” Maybe he was in too much pain to eat.

  “I’m in serious need of a milkshake.”

  That sounded like a good plan to me.

  We shared a platter of chicken fingers with french fries and honey mustard sauce, but we ended up each getting our own milkshakes. I hadn’t had a milkshake in at least fifteen years, and watching him indulge in his made me want to get my own. I was glad that I did.

  There was a cop watching us from a few tables over. I knew his name started with a T from the few times I’d seen him around town and heard people talking to him, but more than that I couldn’t remember. Why he was staring at us so intently, though, I couldn’t imagine. Thornwood was definitely small enough to have some resident homophobic assholes, but I’d hoped they weren’t on the police force in the event that I ever needed to call for help.

  “Whatcha looking at?” Eli asked me as he munched on his lunch.

  I tilted my head in the cop’s direction. “There’s an officer watching us. I find his attention odd considering that we haven’t done anything to warran
t such blatant staring.”

  Eli turned to look at him too, but he wasn’t subtle about it. “What’s up, Trent?” he called over to him, which made the officer, who I supposed was named Trent, turn away from us and laugh at something the other cops were saying. “He can be a dick, but he’s generally harmless.”

  “How do you know him?” I hadn’t thought Eli knew anyone in Thornwood but myself.

  Eli chewed on a chicken tender and looked out of the window. “He’s….” He turned his attention back to me. “Are you jealous at all? Of people I’ve been with?”

  I frowned. I hadn’t ever anticipated knowing any of the people he’d shared a bed with. I wasn’t sure how I’d take that. “I don’t believe so, but that doesn’t extend to you flirting with someone in front of me.”

  He grinned. “Wouldn’t think of it. But Trent’s the first guy I met on the app. He was my first everything.” He went back to eating. “It’s really not that big of a deal,” he said between bites of food, which he brought awkwardly to his mouth with his left hand since his right, his dominant one, was in a cast and currently lying in his lap.

  “Are you still friends with him?”

  For some reason that made Eli laugh. “Not at all. His husband’s nice, but Trent’s okay. I mean, I won’t try to send a bunch of angry squirrels after him or anything like that, but he’s not someone I would want over for grilling nights on the weekends. If you were into grilling.”

  The person who had Eli’s virginity? I didn’t really want him in my house. I didn’t mind that he existed, but I would have been fine never knowing that Trent was his name or that he lived in the same tiny town that I now did.

  “Was he good to you?”

  Eli cocked his head at me. “He wasn’t a jackass, but he wasn’t like you are.”

  I was too interested in what he had to say to eat any more. Eli, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have that problem as he ate ravenously. “And how am I?”

  “You give a damn. You care. You always let me come first. Sometimes you don’t even ask for anything either. It’s nice.”