Forget-Me-Not

by Kris Bryant

She kisses my cheek. “So did I.”

  “So, what happens now? What do we do?”

  She sighs heavily. “I honestly don’t know. I want to see you, but I don’t expect you to come over all of the time and I can’t afford to fly back here much. I just don’t have the money. It’s not fair to you or me.” This sounds like her mind is made up. I feel my heart speed up and crash into reality, a thousand pieces scatter inside of me. I’m still. I don’t even know what to say. I lift her chin up so that her eyes meet mine. She is somber and there are tears in her eyes. I know I can’t talk right now, so I communicate the only way I can. I lean down and kiss her softly. I put everything I can into that gentle kiss. She clutches me almost desperately. I know in my heart that tonight will be our last night together. I slide down so that we are facing one another. She whimpers and I know she is trying not to cry.

  “Shh. It’s okay.” I kiss away the tears that start falling. “It’s okay.” I can’t stop saying that. I know that it’s not okay, but if I say it enough times, then maybe I will even believe it. I touch her softly as if it’s my first time, but with the realization that this is the last. I want to try to memorize everything about her. Every curve, every scar, every freckle. I watch her slip out of her clothes, but my hands never leave her body. She helps me out of mine and pulls me to her the moment I’m completely naked. We aren’t rushed even though time isn’t on our side. I know that tonight will have to last me a lifetime. I move and settle between her legs, never breaking our kiss. She wraps her arms around my shoulders and raises her knees up so our bodies are touching everywhere. She fits me so well. I run my fingertips over her face and down to her soft neck. I feel her strong, pulsating heartbeat against my hand. I look at her and tell her how I feel without saying a word. Her heartbeat quickens. She knows. I spend the next several minutes kissing the softness above her collarbone, the slight valley between her breasts, the smooth skin of her stomach. I put my hand over her mound, feeling her heat on my fingertips, and run my tongue from one thigh to the other. Our passion is building, but it’s different. Now we are connected with our hearts and we both know it. She pulls me back up to her.

  “Stay with me,” she says. Her vulnerability breaks my heart even more. I reach between our bodies and stroke her tenderly until her hips move against me. She is wet and ready and I slide one, then two fingers inside of her. She breaks our kiss to gasp. I watch her face as I steadily build her up. She surprises me by tilting me off of her so that I am beside her and we’re facing one another.

  “Are you okay?” I stop my movements.

  “Don’t stop. I just want to touch you, too.” She runs her hands down my body and slips two fingers inside of me, knowing I’m ready for her. I moan deeply. No matter if I’m expecting her touch or not, feeling her inside of me takes my breath away. I catch up to her quickly and we move together, kissing, stroking, and building one another up. I listen to her heavy breathing against my mouth, moans escaping when I bring her closer. “Please, Grace.” I know what she means. I focus on her touch and allow her to take me higher and higher. I’m ready.

  “Now, Kerry, now.” I break the kiss and watch her as her orgasm explodes. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. She keeps eye contact with me as long as she can. Her body rocks against my hand, against my body, and a pink flush splashes across her skin. I come seconds after she does. I selfishly wanted to watch her, wanted to have that image in my head forever. When my orgasm overtakes me, I lean forward and place my head on her shoulder and cry out with a mixture of the pleasure of her touch and the pain of her leaving me.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  “This is bullshit. Have you talked to her at all?” Morgan is standing in front of my desk, her hands on her hips, waiting for my answer. “You’ve been moping all week. Just figure out a way to make this work.”

  “She called me last week to tell me she made it home safely.” It physically hurt me to hear her voice. I clutched my heart the entire conversation, thankful she couldn’t see me and how distraught I am over losing her. She was never mine to begin with. “Look, I just need to get through the sale of the business and then I can move on and we can do that thing we talked about. You know, settling down. And speaking of which, what do you think about sweet Lindsay?”

  “Quit trying to change the subject. You are a hot mess right now. Look at you. Have you even eaten in a week? And you approved the worst commercial ever made. You’ve got to get your shit together, girl. Everything about you is suffering.”

  I put my head in my hands and groan. “I know, I know. I have no idea what to do about this. She can’t leave her family. I wouldn’t want her to anyway. I can’t just up and leave. There is nothing I can fix. I just need to ride this out.” Before Morgan has a chance to scold me further, Tina knocks and walks in carrying the most beautiful bouquet of flowers. I look point blank at Morgan. “You need to leave right now.” She doesn’t hesitate. She grabs a confused Tina and they leave. She knows I’m about to lose control. The door closes and I break down. I barely make it back into my chair before the sobs rack my body. Obviously, I don’t need to look at the letter attached. I know they are from Kerry. I don’t know how she did it, but she has delivered a piece of Ireland, a piece of her heart, to me here. I reach out and touch a forget-me-not stalk, gently rubbing the little blue flowers between my fingertips. My name is written in her handwriting on the outside of the envelope. How is that even possible? I sniffle and reach for the tissues on my desk. I’m a mess and I know it. I take a deep breath and open her letter.

  Grace,

  I hope you are doing well. I wanted to thank you for all that you have done for me and my family. You have the biggest heart out of anyone I’ve ever known and I will never forget you or our wonderful time together. As much as I miss you and us, I know that this is for the best. My life is so embedded in Ireland and yours in Dallas. I understand completely and I just wanted you to know that you will always be special and forever in my heart.

  Forget me not,

  Kerry

  I don’t know how long I’ve been on the floor of my office. I don’t even remember how I got down here in the first place. I’m still clutching Kerry’s letter. I’ve read it a thousand times already and my heart hurts every single time. I’m done. I ignore my intercom and manage to hit the do not disturb button on the phone on my way to the couch. Morgan knocks on my door, but I ignore her and the text messages she sends me. She speaks to me through the slit in the double doors and tells me it’s after five and she’s still at work. I half sniffle and half smile at that declaration. She hates working late.

  “Call me tonight. If you don’t, I’m going to hunt you down to make sure you’re all right. Remember, I have keys to your office and your condo and I’m not afraid to use them.” She waits for something from me.

  I call out, “Thanks. I’ll text you later.” She gives me two knocks and leaves. That is code for see ya so I know she’s okay with leaving me. I need to thank Kerry for sending me the flowers. I want to call her, but it’s late there so I decide to send a text instead. It takes me about five minutes to compose something worth sending.

  Thank you so much for the beautiful flowers. I have a little bit of Ireland here with me now. Your letter was incredibly kind and, of course, made me cry. I miss you.

  I really don’t want her to hurt as much as I hurt, so I try to keep my message simple, but let her know she’s always on my mind. I’m surprised when she answers me back right away. I can tell she’s typing me a message so I’m very still and watch my phone, afraid to breathe.

  I meant every word. I miss you, too. And I showed the shop to someone today. He seems interested in it. I will contact him in the morning.

  I don’t even care about that right now. How are you? I find that I really don’t care whether the flower shop sells or not. I just need her.

  I’m okay. I’ve been better. Her message is unbelievably sad and uplifting at the same time. At least I know she is just
as affected by the decision as I am.

  Can I call you? I hold my breath as I wait for her answer.

  Yes.

  For a brief moment, I consider FaceTiming with her, but I’m a mess and blotchy from crying. Hearing her voice is a great first step.

  “Hi, Grace,” she says. My stomach twists and turns and I hold it to settle down. I will never get tired of hearing her saying my name.

  “Hi.” I don’t know where to start. I want to tell her how much I miss her and this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life and I cry all of the time now. I settle with something less dramatic. “The flowers are absolutely beautiful. Do I even want to know how you got them to me?”

  “I called in a favor,” she says. I can hear her smile at me even though we are thousands of miles apart.

  “Surely, you have called in all of your favors by now.”

  “You would be surprised if you knew how many favors I’ve amassed over the time I’ve been selling houses,” she says.

  “And yet you continue to use them on me. It was a wonderful and very thoughtful surprise. Thank you so much.” I’m so nervous right now. I’m afraid if I take a deep breath or if there’s a lull, she will disappear.

  “I just hated how fast things wrapped up. I’m completely unsettled,” she says. My heart jumps at attention, waiting for her to elaborate. “But I know that this is the right thing to do.” And then it sinks again.

  “I know, but it still hurts.” I need to change the subject or else I’ll start crying again. “How’s Ian? Were the clothes and toys a big hit?”

  “Completely. Emma was beside herself. I haven’t seen him in anything but what we bought for him. Now with the weather warming up a bit, he’s able to wear the little short sleeved onesies. He’s still too small for the toys, but I haven’t given up,” she says.

  “If you need anything else for him, please let me know, okay?” I don’t know what else I can say without making us both feel bad. “Tell me about the person who looked at the shop.”

  She slips into her professional voice. “Well, he’s not a flower guy, unfortunately, but he’s not big business either. He’s looking to open up a bicycle repair shop and sell bikes. With so much bike traffic, it’s not a bad idea.”

  “If he agrees to everything, how long does it take to close on a business?” I ask.

  “It will take at least a month. That will give Leigh and Conor time to close everything up,” she says.

  I interrupt her. “How are they doing without Emma? Is Leigh working too hard?”

  “I honestly don’t know. I do know that with Conor out of school, he’s able to hang out at the shop more though so I’m sure Leigh has him doing other things besides delivering flowers. He’s a smart kid,” she says.

  “He’s wonderful. Charming actually,” I say, remembering our first meeting. “I miss everybody.”

  “They all still talk about you. Even Colleen asked about you. I saw her today when I took the client to lunch at her place.”

  “That’s sweet. I miss everybody, too.” Especially you, I silently add.

  “Look, it’s getting late and I know you need to get home and I need to get to bed. I’m glad you called me and I’m happy you like the flowers. Our time together was fantastic, Grace. Truly. I don’t know what else I can say right now so I’m going to go.” I want to tell her to stop. I want her to tell me she loves me and can’t live without me. Why would she send me flowers if she wants this relationship to end?

  “Kerry, wait. Is there anything I can do to change your mind? Obviously you are thinking about me, about us, because you sent me flowers. How am I not supposed to read into that?” I’m hanging on by a thread here.

  “I thought about what I did, cutting us off that quickly, and it wasn’t fair to either of us. Yes, it was the right thing to do, but I didn’t want you to think that I’m heartless. I really want you to know that I had a wonderful time with you,” she says.

  “So, things are still going to be the same? The flowers change nothing? We are still going to move on, separately. Is that what you want?” I ask.

  I hear her sigh. “I don’t see an alternative. It’s better to walk away now than later when we are both emotionally invested.” I almost laugh at that. I’m beyond emotionally invested. I need to be my better self right now and agree.

  “I know, I know. I just wanted to make sure,” I say. We are both quiet for a few moments, neither of us knowing what to say. “Okay, go to sleep. I’m going to go home. Please just keep me posted on Bike Man.”

  I hear her smile. “I will.”

  “And thank you again for the flowers. Bye, Kerry,” I say. I want to yell that I could never forget her or our time together. Instead, I quietly wait for her to say good-bye.

  “Good-bye, Grace.” The sadness in her voice breaks my heart. Again. I hang up and sit there for I don’t know how long holding my phone staring off into space. What am I doing? What am I really doing with my life? I’m not invested in anything important here. Dallas is where I live and work. I have no roots other than a family I have nothing in common with, and who won’t care if I leave. Kerry’s everything is in Ireland. It’s her home. It’s where her heart is. It’s who she is and I love her for it. Why am I still here? Why am I not chasing after the woman I love?

  Chapter Twenty-four

  “We will be on the ground in about twenty-five minutes,” the pilot says. He should have just said “this will be the longest descent and twenty-five minutes really means twenty-five years” because this has been the longest flight of my life. Thankfully, I have an empty seat next to me because I really don’t want to talk to anybody. The last two weeks were truly life changing. Literally. I hung up with Kerry that night and drove straight to Sherry’s house. She begged me not to quit, told me we could work something out on a consultant basis. I still resigned from my position, but agreed to consult on future projects. I left Sherry’s house and drove to Morgan’s house. She saw the look on my face and knew right away.

  “When do you leave?” I fucking love her. She didn’t try to stop me. Instead, she offered to help me pack. That night. So adorably Morgan. We waited until the weekend and I gave her anything she wanted from my place. The rest of the belongings I boxed up and shipped over to Ireland in a container that still has two weeks to get to The Irish Garden. I couldn’t get rid of my living room set and low profile bed. As much as I love Aunt Nola’s furniture, I really love the luxury of my own stuff. I’ll worry about where to put everything once it arrives. I brought two giant suitcases full of clothes and daily necessities on the plane with me.

  Work did not take the news well. All of the departments were in complete shock. Sherry assured them that I’m willing to work as a consultant off-site and will remain in contact with them during the transition to another Creative Director. I recommended Alisa, but Sherry wants somebody with more experience. Morgan already nixed it. She doesn’t want a complicated life. Everybody is afraid that they will have to work the same hours I did. I would’ve given more time, but two weeks is standard and honestly, Shumer & Bristol would have taken full advantage of me if I gave them more time. I worked with Brandon on getting my retirement transferred and other legal matters. Morgan is handling the sale of my condo with her real estate friend who assures me it will sell quickly, and I sold my SUV over the weekend. I’m completely walking away from my life to start a new one. I have no regrets. Yes, I will miss Morgan, but she promises to visit when work settles down.

  We finally land and, of course, I have to wait forever to get my bags and head through customs. I feel like I’m the last one to reach the taxi line. Thankfully, the line is short and my wait is about ten minutes.

  “The Irish Garden in Howth,” I say. This cabbie grumbles, too, but he loads me up and we head out. I turn on my phone and see that I have missed a few calls from The Mulligan Group and two texts from Kerry.

  You have an offer on the place. Full price! Please call me as soon as you can
so I can extend your acceptance and we can get moving. Yay.

  Grace, where are you? I don’t want you to lose out on this deal. Should I accept?

  It’s after hours, so I know she’s not at work anymore so I text her back.

  Sorry. I’ll call you in a bit. Don’t do anything yet. I’m going to try to find her, but I need to unload my bags first. Naturally, the traffic is bad so I take a deep breath and sit back in the seat. Watching the driver is only giving me motion sickness and pissing me off. I can’t decide if he’s driving like a little old lady on purpose for a bigger fare, or if he truly can’t see the traffic around him. I tighten my seat belt. Like I want to die before I see Kerry. Then our story would become a folklore. As good as she is at telling tales, I really don’t want to be the subject of one. By total chance, or intervention of a higher being, I see Leigh still at the shop. She’s locking up as we are pulling up.

  “Grace, you’re here! Why are you here?” she asks. I can’t help but hug her.

  “I’m here for good, Leigh. The shop isn’t closing,” I tell her. She freaks me out by crying. Immediately. Not a gentle, work her way into it, but a break down sob. “Stop crying. Why are you crying?”

  “I’m just so happy,” she says. I give her another hug and she holds me until the cab driver clears his throat. I quickly pay him after he unloads my hefty suitcases and turn my attention back to Leigh. She unlocks the door for me and gives me her key. “Until we can get you your own set. It’s too bad you just missed Kerry. She has a spare set.”

  “Where did she go?” I ask, knowing full well my voice sounds desperate. Leigh smiles at me.

  “I don’t know. She took off on her motorcycle about thirty minutes ago and said something about wanting to have a moment alone. She told us there was an offer on the place and she was just waiting to hear back from you,” she says. I know exactly where she went.