Holding Onto Forever (The Beaumont Series: Next Generation Book 1)

by Heidi McLaughlin

  My cell vibrates again with another text. Everyone around the table is in full conversation so I open it up.

  Hey, it’s Kyle. My lawyer says we aren’t supposed to talk, but I have to know if you’re okay.

  I look around the table to make sure no one is watching me. My parents frown on us answering our phones at the table, but something tells me I should respond to Kyle.

  I’m good. Sore. Can’t walk. But I’m good.

  No sooner do I send the message, does the conversation bubble pop up.

  I’m unbelievably sorry, Peyton. If you’ll let me, I’ll make it up to you.

  Do I want that? Do I want to see Kyle?

  That’d be great.

  I pocket my phone before anyone at the table gets suspicious. Everyone continues to talk, about Christmas, New Year’s, whatever else is going on while I sit here in a daze, wondering what Kyle’s doing and whether Noah went home for the holidays. What I really want to know is why Aunt Josie hasn’t told my mom she’s going to be a grandma.

  Xander’s gym is massive. I remember when I was younger and he started his own place in Beaumont, thinking it was huge. Elle and I used to go there and take dance classes with our aunt Yvie, but they soon moved to Los Angeles where Xander set his sights on becoming the premiere sports therapists. His client list is massive. Every professional athlete wants to work with him, and if they’re not, they’re using one of his employees.

  The gym is private and mostly for the elite. Right now, it’s bustling with celebrities. I’m in heaven, looking at all the football players I want to interview some day. A few come up to me, telling me they heard about the accident, saying things like how Kyle is a good guy and I should give him a chance. For the most part, I think nothing of it because I’m sure news has traveled. It’s not like the players don’t gossip. Most of them are worse than women.

  Xander has me curling weight with my one good arm. Says I need upper arm strength first before I can start rehabbing my leg. He hasn’t come out and said it, but I know I can’t walk. I’ve tried when I’m in my room, to go from one side to the other by hopping. My left leg is weak. It wobbles under any amount of pressure, and if I set my bad foot on the ground, it does nothing. No amount of mind control can get it to move.

  “Another set and we’ll move on,” Xander says. I pull the dumbbell toward my chest and release it slowly, feeling the ache in my arm. My forearm quivers as I grit my teeth, trying to keep it steady. “Good girl.” He takes the weight from me and sets it back on the rack.

  “I don’t know, what do you think?” I flex and show off the fact I’ve gained zero muscle so far today.

  “I think I need to know your secret?”

  I turn at the voice behind me. Kyle is standing there, smiling. His foot is in a walking boot and I’m instantly jealous.

  “My secret to what?” I ask, instead of saying hi.

  He nods toward Xander, who doesn’t look thrilled at the moment. “I tried to hire him, but was rejected.”

  I shrug. “Family obligation. Xander’s my uncle. This is Kyle Zimmerman,” I tell Xander.

  “I know who he is. He should get back to training.” Xander scoops me up and carries me to another machine. After he sets me down, he tells me we’re going to work my right leg for a bit.

  “You were rude to him.”

  “He almost killed you. I think I’m entitled. Now push.”

  I do as he says. “The truck almost killed me. Not Kyle. Did he really ask you to work with him?”

  “Don’t know. Everything goes through my assistant. I told her to clear time for you though.” He stands next to the machine and adjusts my form with each push.

  “Would you really have me with another trainer?” I ask, cocking my eyebrow at him.

  “Never. You’re too precious.”

  “You’re mushy.” I stop pushing so he’ll look at me. “I love you. Thank you for fixing me.”

  Xander squats down. “I love you, P. Now push.”

  This is how the rest of my morning goes. Push, pull, sit-up, and repeat. By the end of my session, muscles I’ve never used before are screaming at me, telling me how much they hate me right now. What I hate is the embarrassment I feel sitting in my wheelchair while I wait for my driver to get here. Xander wouldn’t let me sit outside, afraid I’d get kidnapped, my chair would get jacked or God forbid, someone snapped a picture of Harrison James’ daughter panhandling on the street corner.

  The only satisfying thing about being here right now is I get to watch others work. I’ve also noticed Kyle is moving closer and closer to where I’m waiting. A few of the other guys have stopped and talked to me, one of them being Noah’s friend, Julius. I was tempted to ask him about Noah, but I don’t want to care. He clearly didn’t care enough about me when he made his decision.

  “Hey,” Kyle says as he sets his towel on the machine near me. “How long are you in the chair for?”

  “X-rays tomorrow. Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll be in a boot like you.” Even if I am, I doubt I’ll be out of the chair.

  Kyle looks down at his foot before back at me. “I’m really sorry, Peyton.”

  “I know.”

  He shakes his head and crouches down so we’re eye level. “No, I don’t think you do. I told my lawyer to pay for all your medical expenses. I don’t care if doing so makes me look guilty. I feel responsible.”

  “You don’t have to do that, Kyle. My dad--”

  “Oh, I learned real quick who your dad is. When I asked you out, I didn’t know you were Noah Westbury’s girlfriend either.”

  My head snaps. “I’m sorry, what?”

  “Westbury, he came to see me, told me to stay away.”

  I guffaw. “He’s not my boyfriend. Never has been. I’m single and ready to mingle.” My eyes go wide and I cover my mouth. “I didn’t mean the last part.”

  Kyle smiles. “The part about being single?”

  “No, I’m definitely single.”

  “Perfect.” Kyle doesn’t say anything else. He stands and turns toward his apparatus and starts his workout. I’m content to sit there and watch him, but as my luck would have it, my driver shows up.

  “Oh hey, before I go. How’d you get my number?”

  He pauses halfway through a pull-up. “Bob.”

  “The orderly?”

  “Old friend of mine.” He winks and continues to show off his upper body strength.

  “Bob, huh?” I say to myself.

  “No, I’m Dale, your driver,” the man standing next to me says.

  “Right, well we can go now,” I tell Dale, even though my eyes are set on Kyle.

  24

  Noah

  I can’t remember the last time I drove my dad’s truck to the water tower. Thinking back, it must’ve been at the end of my junior year or possibly homecoming my senior year. The carefree days of high school are long gone, replaced by the reality of being an adult and having to make decisions that affect everyone around you.

  I finish my beer and let the bottle fall from my fingertips. The sound of shattering glass echoes over the empty field. Thankfully, I’m the only one here. I’m relieved I don’t have to answer questions about my life and the NFL or be told how lucky I am to be dating Dessie. My life is a mess and I don’t see it getting better anytime soon.

  The moment Dessie and I walked into my parents’ house, she spread her arms out wide and rushed to my mother, blurting out, “we’re pregnant.” The wide-eyed look my mother gave me spoke volumes. In fact, the screaming in her head was loud enough for my father and I to hear, and that’s when I left. I hopped in his truck, stopped at the store for a case of beer and came to the only place where Dessie would never be able to find me.

  Popping the top on another, I let the cold liquid pour down the back of my throat, swallowing as fast as I can. Beer escapes from the corner of my mouth and drips down my cheek and neck until my jacket catches it. I haven’t been drunk in such a long time and I’ve forgotten what it feels
like to start feeling numb. This kind of numbness is different from the way I felt when Peyton was lying there, helpless and dying. When I saw her, my world crashed. My heart stopped beating. It was like I was in a tunnel, chasing after her, but each mile I gained on her, she put two more between us.

  Now, I’m just pissed. Pissed at myself for being incredibly stupid, for not listening to my heart years ago when I had Peyton. I could’ve told her how I felt, but let my brain convince me otherwise. If I did, things would be different. I know they would be. I have to believe we’d be together, celebrating Christmas with our families, watching the playoffs together and rooting against each other because honestly, what’s the fun in cheering on the same team?

  The roar of a motorcycle engine has me looking out into the field. There’s a single headlight, followed by two more close behind it. I toss this bottle toward the truck, waiting to hear the satisfying crunch of glass breaking before I blindly reach for another.

  Headlights are left on and one car door is slammed. The ladder groans under the weight of whoever has invited themselves to my pity party.

  “Can’t say I’ve been up here in a while,” Nick says out into the darkness.

  “That’s because you aren’t cool,” my dad tells him.

  My dads flank me, each coming at me from a different side of the tower. They both sit down and sigh. I don’t know if it’s because they’re old or the fact that they’re together. Liam and Nick get along where I’m concerned, but I suspect each man still harbors some resentment toward the other.

  I pull out my phone to check the time. It’s well into the early hours of the morning and by all accounts, they should be home and fast asleep. Not climbing the water tower. “It’s late. Shouldn’t you guys be in bed?”

  “We should, but we didn’t want to miss the party,” Nick says.

  “How’d you find me?”

  My dad sighs and Nick clears his throat. “Lucky guess,” Dad says.

  “Your dad called me, said you needed us.”

  I look from Nick to my dad, who shrugs. There have only been a handful of times where my dad has deferred family matters to Nick. The most important one was when my mom passed out during my little league baseball game while she was pregnant with my sister.

  “Your dad thought you could use some company.” Nick leans forward and lets his arms dangle over the railing. Someday this landing is going to give way and some unlucky bastard is going to crash to the ground. The city of Beaumont gave up on repairing this tower a long time ago, knowing full well what goes on here.

  “Dessie’s news is surprising,” Dad says. “Your mom and I don’t know what to think, especially considering what you told me in Chicago.”

  “I’m in love with Peyton,” I say, looking at Nick, filling him in on my latest predicament. I sigh and rest my back against the tower. “I screwed up and now I’m--”

  “Stuck,” Nick states. “I’m saving you from saying you’re screwed or whatever else you were going to use, because you’re not. There are ways to make everyone happy.”

  Shaking my head, I reach for another bottle and pop the top. “Dessie wants to get married, like now, tomorrow, end of the week. Something about being embarrassed among her friends.”

  “And do you want to marry her?” Dad asks.

  “Nope.”

  “Then why do it?”

  I turn toward Nick and close my eyes. “She’s pregnant.” I shrug. “I don’t want…” I let my words trail off. The last thing I want to do is insult either of the men sitting next to me, but the truth is, I don’t want my child growing up without a father. Nick was always there, but everyone knew he wasn’t my dad. I heard the whispers, saw the looks, and when Liam came to town, everything changed.

  “The difference is, your dad didn’t know about you, Noah.”

  “I would’ve never left had I known your mom was pregnant.”

  I’ve heard this before. From both my mom and dad. Doesn’t make me feel any better, though. Why didn’t she try harder to reach him? Why didn’t she go to California and try to find him?

  “I don’t know if I can let another man raise my child.” I avoid eye contact with my dad because I know he’s going to take my comment personally.

  “Fair enough,” he says. “But tell me this. Would you rather your son or daughter grow up in a home where there isn’t any love between the parents?”

  “I… I love her.”

  “As much as you love Peyton?” Nick asks.

  I shake my head. “It’s different. I can’t explain it, but when I look at her and think about my child growing inside, my stomach turns. I never thought of her being the mother of my children, and now that she is…”

  “You know, I thought I was in love with your mom until I met Aubrey. One look at her and my whole world shifted. I no longer counted the days since I had seen you. Instead, I looked forward to bringing her back to Beaumont to meet you. Aubrey was who I was meant to be with and it took your dad coming back to get me to open my eyes. Can you imagine if I had never gone to Africa?”

  “You wouldn’t have Mack and Amelie.”

  “Well, I can do without Mack,” my dad mutters but does so with a partial smile.

  Nick glares at my dad and shakes his head. “Right, I’d be a shell of who I am now. Lost in a world of heartache and despair. I would’ve watched you grow up from the outside looking in and not been a part of your life. Aubrey… she encouraged me, guided me into looking deep within myself to find the man I was supposed to be.

  “I know it wasn’t easy for your dad to let me be a part of your life, but I’m beyond grateful he allowed it. Just because you’re not with the mother of your child, doesn’t make you any less of a father.”

  “As much as I hate saying this, Noah, Nick is right. Without him, where are you? Are you the standout baseball player in high school, the starting quarterback of a professional team? He started you on that path, not me. I jumped in and rode the coattails. Most of the time I hated it, but at least you had Nick, who I know loved you, who stepped up and raised a child that wasn’t his own, only to lose him. Wouldn’t you rather your child be loved by everyone?”

  “Marriage shouldn’t be out of obligation, Noah,” Nick adds.

  “And you shouldn’t jump into anything until you’re a hundred percent sure,” Dad says.

  “About what? Marriage? I’ll never be sure, especially with her. I broke up with her before Peyton woke up, and days later she tells me she’s pregnant.”

  “Are you sure she’s pregnant?” Nick asks.

  “I mean, she says she is.”

  My dad groans loudly. I know from his past experience, he’s not always trusting of people and has good reasons not to be.

  “You have every right to ask for proof, Noah,” Nick suggests.

  “She went to the doctor, but I had an away game.” Even as I say the words out loud I’m starting to second-guess everything. Dessie wouldn’t do this to me, would she? “She can’t fake a pregnancy,” I tell them. “We aren’t sleeping together so it’s not like she can suddenly get pregnant.”

  Neither of them say anything. They don’t have to. There is already enough doubt in my mind. They don’t need to add to it. Dessie told me she was months along, which should mean she should start showing soon. It also means there could be some damage to the baby because of her partying.

  “Nick, is there a way to check and see if the baby is healthy?”

  “Yeah, there is. Why, are you concerned?”

  I nod. “Dessie parties, at least she had been up until she told me she was pregnant.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “What if there’s something wrong with the baby?”

  Nick places his hand on my back. “We can run a test to make sure. Dessie has to agree though.”

  “Right.” I nod. I like to think she would, but I can’t be sure.

  “Noah, have you considered you might not be the father?”

  I look at my dad and shake my head. �
��Why would you say that?”

  He frowns and decides now is a good time for a beer. “I was in a similar situation. As soon as I was told there was a baby, I bailed. I thought there was no way in hell I was the father because we used protection. I refused to believe it.”

  “And where’s the child now?” I ask, swallowing hard. I don’t know how I’m going to feel if my dad tells me I have another sibling somewhere.

  “There isn’t one, or there wasn’t. The woman… she caused a lot of problems for you, your mom, Harrison and me. I don’t know if she ever was pregnant, but I knew I was going to wait until the baby arrived before I took responsibility.”

  “Because you didn’t believe her?”

  He nods. “I didn’t. And I had good reason not to. She knew I would never be with her the way she wanted me to be, that I would never love her the way I loved your mother. I used her to cope, to numb my feelings, and when I came back here, she did everything she could to destroy what I was trying to build.”

  My father’s words sink in. I don’t want to believe Dessie would lie to me, but it seems convenient she just found out she’s not only pregnant but also far enough along to miss a few cycles. I know she has a stressful job, but her body is her career, how would she not know she’s months along?

  “What am I going to do?” I ask both of them.

  “Not make a decision at the water tower is my suggestion,” Nick says.

  “What do you say we head home? Your mom is probably pacing the floor and likely pulling her hair out. Don’t be surprised if she wrings your neck and hugs you after the fact.”

  “Maybe I’ll head to Nick’s for the night,” I say, laughing.

  “You’re more than welcome, Noah, but I think you should probably be wherever Dessie is, and at least talk to her about what you’re feeling.”