Rayne's New Beginnings

by Dannie Marsden

  Anger immediately coursed through Rayne’s body.

  Just who does this woman think she is? I open my home to her, give her clothes, and she thinks that gives her the right to ask questions about my life?

  Rayne fought to bite back her words as her body went rigid. The words she spoke were clear and cool. “Accept the clothes and don’t worry about who they belonged to or how I felt about her, okay?”

  Rayne paused to get her emotions under control. After taking a deep breath she said, “In a few weeks, I’ll hitch up the buckboard to the horses and head to town because I’ll need supplies by then. Would you like to come with me? If there’s time, maybe we can talk to Ellie and have her make you a couple of dresses of your own.”

  Lisbet panicked. “No! Wait…I don’t have any money to pay for them.

  “I don’t recall asking you if you did or not. Fact is, you need clothes. I’d like you to have your own clothing.”

  Rayne walked to the fire to get some coffee. “Our immediate problem is where you can sleep.”

  “I told you, I don’t have a problem sleeping in the barn,” Lisbet said in a low voice.

  “No you don’t, but I do. I’m thinking we can set a pallet on the floor near the fire. A few blankets and you should be fine, I think.”

  “Thank you again.” Lisbet looked away.

  Rayne leaned against the hearth and drank coffee as she watched Lisbet walk around the room and every now and then glance nervously at her. “For God’s sake, stop pacing and sit down!” Rayne snapped as the tension in the room got to her.

  Lisbet’s eyes widened at the outburst and she immediately dropped into the rocker with tears brimming in her eyes and threatening to fall.

  One glance at Lisbet with rapidly blinking eyes, as her fingers nervously plucked at the dress made Rayne feel lower than a snake’s belly. Well, nice going there, Rayne. Just make the girl feel oh so welcome!

  “I’m sorry.” Rayne softened her tone. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I’ve forgotten any of the manners my mama taught me. How about we figure out the sleeping arrangement.” She looked at Lisbet. “How close do you need to be by the fire?”

  “Wherever you think is all right. I don’t want to be in the way,” Lisbet whispered as her eyes fixed on the floor. “Sleeping inside by a fire is better than most places I’ve stayed in.”

  “I’ve made you uncomfortable and I’m sorry. Look, you aren’t in the way. I wouldn’t have brought you home with me if I thought you would be. I guess I’m just not used to having someone in my house anymore. I haven’t lived with anyone in five years and a body gets use to being alone, you know?”

  “I’m sorry. If I’m in the way I can….”

  “No,” Rayne interrupted firmly. “You’re not. Besides, I don’t want you to leave. Em would be furious with me if she thought I put someone out of our home. And…well, I like having someone to talk to. Even though I don’t seem to be talking much, and what I do say comes out all wrong.” Rayne gave the girl a smile.

  “I do too, actually…well, maybe it’s just having someone around period,” Lisbet said.

  “So how did you find yourself here in Willow Springs without family?” Rayne asked trying to alleviate the strain that was still in the room. She studied Lisbet through hooded eyes, taking in, for perhaps the first time, just how young and pretty the woman was. She wasn’t sure what it was about Lisbet that reminded her of Emma. Yes, there was a slight physical resemblance but there was something else.

  Is it in her mannerisms or something about the way she moves?

  Rayne couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was, but it made her want to pay closer attention to Lisbet and get to know her better.

  “Well, um,” Lisbet started. “My family and I were traveling to Montana, and well, um, the wagon train we were on was attacked by Indians. My mother and father were killed, and well, I guess I was lucky and barely got away.” Lisbet did not look at Rayne

  “Uh huh, I see,” Rayne murmured. “How long ago was this?”

  “Oh, um, it was a long time, I guess. I’m not sure, seems like I’ve been on my own forever.”

  “I see.” Rayne noted that Lisbet refused to look her in the eyes and also how she kept fidgeting with her dress. “Why don’t you think about your answer a little bit more and see if you missed some important information? I’ll be back in a little while.”

  Rayne put on her coat and hat and walked out the door.

  †

  A worried and confused Lisbet stared at the closing door. “Oh, that’s not good. Couldn’t I have come up with something better to say?”

  Her question bounced off the walls then back at her. “She deserves the truth. But will she put me out once I tell her?”

  †

  Rayne couldn’t help but wonder what Lisbet was so afraid of that she couldn’t be honest with her. While she was busy thinking about that, she walked around for a while before finding herself in the barn once more that afternoon.

  What the hell am I doing, always running to the barn? she wondered.

  Belle was busy chomping away at her food, her jaws moving from side to side, and her tail flicking back and forth. Little Beau moseyed up to the stall door and watched her.

  “Well, hi there, little guy. Look at you getting around like you know where you’re going.”

  She laughed, and Goliath walked over to the wall of his stall as if he were watching his baby. Rayne could have sworn she saw a look of enormous pride in the big bull’s eyes. With that, she smiled. “I’ll be back later to feed you and get ya’ll settled for the night,”

  Rayne left the barn and headed to the house, all the while thinking that Lisbet must think she was crazy. Inside the house again, Rayne found Lisbet walking back and forth, as if she were trying to decide what to do.

  Lisbet owed her the truth. After all, she had opened her door to the woman, had offered her a roof over her head, a warm place to sleep, and demanded nothing in return.

  Rayne smiled to put her at ease. “I was just out at the barn and you should see Beau up walking around. He is so damned cute,” Rayne said.

  “Oh really? He certainly is a cute little thing. How old is he?” Lisbet asked.

  “He is five days old.”

  “Aw, how sweet.” Lisbet smiled.

  “Oh, hey, I was thinking, you know…I have a big bed. I don’t take up much room in it, makes more sense if we just share. Don’t you think?” Rayne asked.

  Okay, where did that come from?

  †

  Blinking in surprise, Lisbet felt her back stiffen slightly. “If it's all the same to you, I'd rather just stay by the fire. Thank you.” Lisbet voice was tight.

  Well, okay, that was a tad bit of over reacting don’t you think? Lisbet heard the voice in her head say. Lisbet countered with, No not really, I don’t see why all of a sudden she wants me to share her bed rather than the floor.

  “Okay, if that’s what you want. I was just…well…never mind. I’ll go bring in a pallet so that we can lay blankets on the bottom to make you make sort of a mattress.” With that said Rayne put her coat on again and went out in search of a pallet out in the barn.

  With Rayne gone, Lisbet started pacing yet again, and when that didn’t help, she found herself in the kitchen area poking around looking for something to do. She eventually found some potatoes and onions. If nothing else she could start dinner, she thought to herself.

  When Rayne came back in lugging a wooden pallet behind her, Lisbet had the potatoes peeled and sliced, some of the onion diced, and was looking for some grease in which to fry them. “Rayne, I’m sorry for my abrupt refusal of your offer. I just wasn’t expecting that. I, um, I have some potatoes and onions ready for our dinner. Do you have grease I can use to fry them in, and maybe some kind of meat?”

  “I have some venison hanging up. I’ll go get a couple of slices of that.” Rayne dropped the pallet by the fire and walked into the kitchen. “The grease is there i
n the cupboard by the biscuits.” She pointed to the cupboard. “The rest of the supplies are stored in there.” Rayne went out to the cold storage room that served as her meat locker.

  Walking back inside, she handed the meat to Lisbet before walking back into the main living area. She went into her room and came back with an arm full of blankets. Rayne quickly went about setting up the makeshift bed while Lisbet made them dinner.

  “That smells great,” Rayne said when the aroma hit her. “Why doesn’t my cooking ever smell that great?” she asked as she walked toward the fire.

  Lisbet grinned. “Thank you.”

  With a contended smile, she finished dinner and soon was serving up two plates heaping full of fried potatoes with onions with a bit of salt and pepper, and venison that was perfectly cooked. Rayne waited for Lisbet to sit down before she folded her hands in front of her and said a little prayer of thanks. As soon as she was done, they both started eating.

  “This venison is so tender that it melts in my mouth.” Rayne smiled at Lisbet. “I’ve never had better.”

  “Rayne, I’m sorry I lied to you about my parents. Truth is, I don’t tell a lot of people about my life or my past. My mama up and left me when I was seven. She took off with some cowboy who came along and promised her a better life.” Lisbet spoke between bites.

  “What do you mean a better life?”

  “My mother was a whore, Rayne,” Lisbet said bluntly. “I don’t know who my father was. My mother didn’t know. After she took off, the girls that worked with her took care of me. Angus, the owner of the bar, decided when I reached a certain age that I’d take my mother’s place.”

  “What age did he decide?” Rayne asked, her voice tightening.

  “One day when I had just turned fifteen, he came up to me and told me to go upstairs and wait in this one room. I was heading up and one of the girls caught me and told me what Angus had planned for me. I ran that day, and I’ve been running ever since,” Lisbet said quietly.

  “Where were you when all this happened?” Rayne barely held her temper in check.

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does. You were fifteen, a child, not some means for him to make money off of. You were supposed to be taken care of not sold to every man that decided he wanted you.”

  “Rayne, this morning when we met, you were coming out of the bar. Why were you in there that early?” Lisbet asked. She wasn’t going to come right out and say what she thought Rayne was doing because she didn’t know for sure. She did know though that it wasn’t only men who occasionally sought out the company of women.

  “I was…” Rayne was completely thrown by the thoughts that assaulted her mind. My God, did Grace and the other girls…? Oh come on don’t be stupid. Grace told you exactly how they feel about you leaving them money when you leave. That’s buying them. That’s treating them like they are goods to be bought and sold on a whim.

  “I think I’m going to be sick.” Rayne jumped up and ran for the door.

  Lisbet was about to go after Rayne but decided the woman probably needed to be alone and would come back inside when she was better. Lisbet did feel badly about asking the question and didn’t mean to upset Rayne. She just was trying to make the point that people tend to make judgments and not consider their own actions.

  When Rayne came back in a little bit later, Lisbet filled a glass with water and took it to her. “Rayne, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted to tell you the truth about my mother. She wasn’t a bad person. She did what she had to do to survive.” Lisbet gently laid her hand on Rayne’s shoulder.

  “I know. I understand that, I just….” Rayne paused and then forged on. “You’ve asked about Emma. Emma was one of the very first people I met when I arrived here in town. The night I met her, she was working at the saloon. She came down the stairs in front of some man who just had to brag about his conquest of her.”

  Rayne winced, remembering the look on Emma’s face. “God, her face was so red with humiliation, I just couldn’t stand it.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I punched him, took her hand, and brought her home. She was with me for a year,” Rayne answered.

  “What happened to her, Rayne?” Lisbet asked softly.

  “I came home one day from being out in the field and found her on the floor, barely breathing, burning up with a fever. She was gone by the time we reached town. The doctor wasn’t sure what happened to her…I guess I’ll never know. I didn’t even know she was sick. How could I live with her day after day, and not know she was ill?” Rayne looked at Lisbet, as the tears slowly broke loose from her eyes and the pain from her heart spilled out in her voice.

  Lisbet felt the tears in her own eyes as well. She knew Rayne’s heart was breaking all over again. Lisbet wrapped her arms around her and held her while running a hand down Rayne’s back and whispering soothing words.

  Rayne, for the second time in twenty-four hours, let her tears fall.

  Once Rayne’s tears subsided, Lisbet released her from her arms. “Let’s get you to bed, Rayne. You’re exhausted and need a good night’s sleep.”

  “I can take care of myself,” Rayne argued.

  “Yes, I know, but tonight let me help you.” Lisbet guided Rayne into the bedroom.

  Rayne tried but failed to stop Lisbet. She sighed instead. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’m tired to the bone.”

  When she felt the edge of the bed against the back of her legs, she collapsed onto the soft mattress. “I’m weary of being alone,” she whispered.

  Lisbet pulled the quilt that sat folded at the foot of the bed up, and covered Rayne before looking for and finding another quilt for herself. With great care and gentleness, Lisbet kissed Rayne’s forehead. “I know you are.”

  †

  Back in the main living area, Lisbet added more wood to the fire and glanced at the rocking chair and the book that lay on the seat. She picked it up and carefully read the first few pages. She was grateful that the women who raised her wanted better for her and saw to it that she learned how to read, along with learning to sew, knit, and a few other things they thought were important for a young lady to know.

  Lisbet spent the next thirty minutes reading and thinking about Rayne. What is it about her that I find so interesting? She couldn’t put her finger on it, but something just drew Rayne to her. There was something about her manner, her strong confidence, or maybe it was her vulnerability. Whatever it was, it confused Lisbet. She had spent less than twenty-four hours with the woman and already knew she was attracted to her. That, in and of itself, was a tad shocking to Lisbet—she had never been attracted to a woman, or anyone, before.

  All the thinking was causing her head to hurt, but even so, she realized that the animals needed to be tended to so she quietly bundled up and went out to do that before she came back in to lie down and try to sleep.

  Chapter Five

  Rayne woke suddenly and pulled the blanket closer to her chin. She tossed and turned for a little bit then finally drifted off to sleep again.

  “She is cute, Rayne,” Emma said.

  “Who is?”

  “Lisbet. She is cute. I like her.”

  “Well, um, all right.” It was all Rayne could think to say.

  “You need to relax more around her though. You’re too stiff and guarded when you’re talking to her.”

  “Why do I need to do that?” Rayne growled

  “Rayne, you can be so dense sometimes,” Emma said with a smile as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “You have so much love to give, sweetheart, and Lisbet needs that love, that’s why. I think you’ve moped long enough. It’s time for you to find someone else to let love you and that you can love.”

  “No. I loved you. That’s all I need.”

  “Rayne, do you have to be so difficult all the time? Yes, I know you loved me, and I loved you. But, I’m not there with you now, am I? I can’t take care of you, and I can’t give you what
you need anymore, and you sure as heck can’t keep living on memories.”

  “I’ve done okay so far,” Rayne countered.

  “Really? You have? Is that why you go through day after day reliving our time together instead of having someone flesh and blood by your side? Yes, Rayne, that sounds like you’ve been doing just fine without me!”

  “Did you come here just to give me a hard time?” Rayne asked.

  “No, sweetheart, I’ve always been with you. It’s just recently that I’ve grown weary of watching you struggle day after day and decided that I needed to give you a push. I’m tired of watching you go it alone.”

  “So what, you came back to play matchmaker?” Rayne laughed.

  “Yes, as a matter of fact I did,” Emma looked Rayne square in the eye. “Rayne, it’s time to let me go. For your sake.”

  “I don’t think I can, Em.” Rayne looked away from Emma.

  “You won’t know until you try, sweetheart. That’s all I want. I just want you to try. You might surprise yourself.” Emma stood with her hand brushing against Rayne’s cheek. Then, she turned, started walking, and vanished.

  Rayne watched her leave and felt herself relax. For the second time in five years, Rayne slept a more restful sleep.

  †

  The next morning brought sunshine, which glistened off the snow that a freak early spring storm had left. Although it was still very cold, it was a nice sight. Rayne stretched, enjoying the softness of the bed and the warmth of the blankets. Her thoughts went back to the dream she had and her hand went to the cheek that Emma touched in that dream.

  That was the most vivid dream I can remember ever having. I could almost reach out and touch her, and I swear when Emma touched me, I could feel her hand.