Forbidden_Through Thick and Thin

by Terry Towers

  Raising her hand to him, she said, “I’m going to bed. Don’t join me.”

  Fuck.

  She didn’t wait for his response, but spun on her heel and raced from the room as if hell hounds were hot on her heels.

  Lacing his hands behind his neck, Grant let his head fall back and embraced the feel of the stretch down his chest. He was one tense mother-fucker right now. He’d give his fortune for a massage at that moment. They’d talk in the morning once emotions had died down and he figured out a way to make this work.

  She’d kicked him out of the bedroom. They’d had some doozies of fights in the last little while, but this was the first time he’d been banned for the bedroom. This was worse than he’d anticipated.

  ~*~ TT ~*~

  Nikki

  She didn’t cry. She refused to. Instead, tucked up in the bedroom she waited. It took several hours, but eventually she heard soft snores coming from down stairs. It was time to set her plan into motion. Getting dressed in a track suit, she checked in on their beautiful daughter, Jasmine, before quietly descending the stairs to the main floor of the house. Tiptoeing to the entranceway of the living room, she peered in to see the love of her life sound asleep on the sofa. She couldn’t help but take a moment to stare at him, her heart warming at the sight of her hero.

  One day he’d see that she was doing this for not only his own good, but for their child and marriage. Despite the thought and assurance that it was for the best, she still felt a tinge of guilt as she grabbed her handbag and car keys and left the house, closing the door softly behind her.

  Normally, the starting of a car would have woken Grant in an instant, but his psychologist, Dr. Greer had given him sleeping pills to help with his sleep issues. She was betting after their fight he’d taken one. Getting into her car she started the engine and then held her breath as the motor idled and she watched the living room window.

  He didn’t stir.

  She released the breath she’d been holding and backed the car onto the street. Come hell or high water, she’d find a way to end this crazy talk of him going away on some high-dangerous classified mission, and she knew there was just the person who could help her.

  Chapter 3

  Nikki

  “Nikki, what are you doing here?” Dr. Greer asked as he peered out onto the front step and looked around.

  “We need to talk.”

  “And we will, at our appointment, Thursday. How in the hell did you get my address?”

  “We don’t have that kind of time.” She didn’t wait for him to invite her in, instead she pushed past him and made her way into his house, leaving the greying, spectacled doctor speechless in the doorway.

  “I need to ask you to leave.”

  “I can’t.” She spun to face her, a lock of dark hair falling over her eyes from the motion. She brushed it back and looked him square in the eye.

  “Yes, you can and you will.” He motioned towards the open doorway. “This is highly inappropriate and unethical. You need to leave until our scheduled appointment.”

  “No.” She planted her hands on her hips and shook her head her dark-hair swaying behind her – flat out refusing. He didn’t understand how serious this was. She didn’t have time to wait. “This is urgent.”

  Dr. Greer gave a wistful look at then open doorway, looked back to her and then to the door once more. With a sigh, his shoulders slumped, and he nodded. “Fine. But, if you ever do this again, I will be calling the authorities. I will not reward this type of behavior. You have five minutes so make it good. And I want to know how you got the address to my personal residence.”

  Nikki looked over into the kitchen. “Can we sit down?”

  “Absolutely not. You can give me the reason for your visit here and right now. That’s the best offer you’re going to get and you’re lucky to be getting that.”

  She cringed, the air rapidly deflating from her balloon of indignation. “Grant was asked to go out on an assignment and I think he’s going to go.”

  Dr. Greer shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest and peering down at her, his expression unreadable. “He’s been going out on assignment for some time now, I was under the understanding you were fine with it. And so that brings us to the original question, what’s the issue that’s so important that it can’t wait?”

  “It’s not the usual one-day stuff. This time it’s serious. He doesn’t even know when he’s going to be coming back. And did you know he’s got a new female partner? He came home smelling like her perfume.”

  “Do you think he’s cheating on you?”

  The question stumped her for just a moment. Despite the stink she’d made with Grant over the new female partner, she knew in her heart he’d never be unfaithful. That wasn’t even in the realm of possibility. “I know he’s not.”

  “Then what does it matter if he has a female partner or not?”

  “His last female partner tried to kill him… and me!” Geez, was Dr. Greer not remembering anything about any of their sessions? That was pretty important information to forget, regardless of the number of clients he had – right?

  “Then by your reasoning, all female CIA agents are predisposed to killing off their partners.”

  She groaned inwardly. “Of course not.” He was making her sound unreasonable, when in her heart she knew she wasn’t. She was attempting to protect her family. What was so wrong with that? Grant would do the exact same thing if the roles were reversed, she was sure of it. Meddling in his career made her feel dirty, but it had to be done.

  “Then what are you trying to say?” He didn’t close the door, but he did relax a tad, crossing one loafered foot over the other and leaning against the door jamb.

  “I’m saying is that it feels like déjà vu and he’s putting himself in danger – again. That life was supposed to be behind him.”

  “Okay.” He nodded, rubbing at his newly grown beard. “Have you talked to him about it? Have you explained your feelings on the matter in a way that he would be able to understand?”

  Nikki released a loud groan of frustration. “Of course I have. That’s why I’m here. You’re my last resort!”

  His brow furrowed as he looked at her. “How would I be your last resort?”

  “Wasn’t it your recommendation that he stay off field work, especially the type of work that caused him to have the issues he’s dealing with now?”

  The doctors jaw clenched, and he failed to respond straight away. When he did speak, his tone took on a hint of sternness. “What I have diagnosed for your husband and my orders with the department, I’m not at liberty to discuss.”

  “You don’t have to, because I already know. That being said, aren’t you obligated to intervene?” Dr. Greer didn’t answer so she continued. “You don’t have to confirm or deny it. Just take the information I’ve given to you and deal with it as you may. He’s doing in-city field work against your recommendation and now he’s going out of country, I’m sure of it. That’s not just bending the rules of your recommendation, it’s slapping it in the face with a giant dildo.”

  “No need to be vulgar.”

  By the expression on his face, she could tell she’d played her hand properly. It was out of her hands now. She moved forward, it was time to leave. She was just through the threshold and onto the front step when she felt a hand on her upper arm, gently holding her back.

  Slowly she turned to face him.

  “Is this what you really want? Do you think it’s healthy for your relationship to be going behind your husbands back to solve a problem that should be figured out between the two of you?”

  A part of her did understand, and his chastising her for it made a pang of guilt resurface. But if Grant was willing to go back on their promise for the ‘greater good’ then so was she, the greater good being their family over his personal goals and perceived obligations.

  “I’m doing what I have to do, Doctor, for my family.” He released her arm and she proceeded to lea
ve. The guilt would pass, but at least Grant would be safe and Jasmine would be able to grow up knowing and talking with her dad, not having to morn him at a gravesite.

  ~*~ TT ~*~

  Grant

  Thank god for sleeping pills. There’s no way he’d have been able to go to sleep without them. Sleep had never been much of a problem for him in the past, but Nikki had a way of getting into him and churning his mind and emotions inside out. Whatever happened to the man who was hard and unwavering? There was a point in time when he’d be able to lock his feelings away and get on with what had to be done.

  It was a stupid question. He knew what happened, he fell in love and had a baby. He wasn’t that man anymore. This brought about a new set of concerns; how could he possibly be effective at his job when he feared he was becoming soft?

  So many concerns, but his superiors were confident he could do it and there was something deep down in his soul that demanded he get back into the action. Fuck. What a situation he’d gotten himself into. At least Nikki had been sleeping soundly when he’d left that morning.

  “Morning, Agent Rivers.” The guard at the front door nodded as Grant walked through the body scanner and was then passed back his possessions, including his firearm.

  “Morning, Flynn.” Grant smiled at the older gentleman, storing his belongings in the appropriate pockets. Flynn had been with the agency, working this very door longer than Grant had been an agent.

  The moment Grant arrived at his floor and stepped off the elevator, he was bombarded with several agents instructing him to see his boss, immediately.

  With a frown, he increased the pace of his steps and made his way to see his boss. The office door was open, so he proceeded inside, with a half-hearted knock on the door frame as he entered.

  “Oh, Agent Rivers.” The man, Agent Blare, behind the deck looked up and removed his glasses. “So good to see you. Sit.”

  Doing as told, Grant took a seat across from him. “What’s all this about? Do we need to move on the case sooner than expected?” A shot of adrenaline raced through him, increasing his pulse and making him antsy to begin work. Damn, he loved the feel and didn’t realize how much he’d been missing the rush.

  “On the contrary, it’s quite the opposite.”

  The lines in Grant frown deepened. “I’m not sure I understand.”

  “Dr. Greer got wind of the mission. He’s under the impression that it’s an intense one and that it’ll be detrimental to your mental health.”

  Grant shrugged. “I thought that was a non-issue.”

  “I did as well. Or at least not a problem I couldn’t take care of.”

  “Then take care of it?”

  That damned Dr. Greer! Sure, he had been the one who felt they could benefit from seeing the doctor. He’d been forced to by the agency, but Nikki had gone too because of him. It seemed to be helping. Little did he know that it may come and bite him in the ass. Though in his defense, at the time he had no intention of returning to field work.

  His boss pinched his nose between his thumb and index finger, reclining back into his chair. “He’s threatening to take the matter higher up.”

  “Wasn’t it the higher ups that wanted me back in the field?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then what’s the problem?” Grant was truly perplexed. Wasn’t national security more important than his domestic issues? Mental health his ass, he was fine.

  “Because, if you fuck it up after Dr. Greer filed a formal protest, then shit is going to get seriously bad for all of us.”

  “Dammit!” he growled. “So, what does that mean for us now? Am I off the mission?”

  “It means that if you fuck up, the people you’re after won’t be the biggest thing to fear.” His eyes narrowed at Grant as he settled a firm gaze on him. “This assignment will go seamlessly – I want you to say it and give me assurance.”

  Even though Grant was still unsure as to what the task entailed, he had no intention of botching it up. His track record was pristine for the years he’d worked with the agency and that wasn’t about to change now.

  The older man nodded and put his glasses back on. “In that case, you’re dismissed.”

  Grant stood and slowly made his way to the door, stopping midway and turning back to his boss who was already hard at work with whatever had been waiting for him on his desk. “Where did he get the information that I was up for an assignment, anyhow?”

  His boss looked up, briefly. “I’d guess that’s a question worth asking your wife.”

  He hesitated a moment and sighed, his heart sinking. How could Nikki go behand his back and tattle on him? They were grown-assed adults. She was supposed to be his wife. She was supposed to be supportive and behind his decision. She’d outright betrayed him and it hurt. “I’ll do that.”

  Better question; when would she have had the time to go see Dr. Greer?

  Chapter 4

  Nikki

  Do you ever get that feeling of dread curling into your stomach? Like you know some serious shit is going to hit the fan and it’s going to be soon and there is no way in hell you’d be abled to stop it, you just had to roll with the punches and hope for the best. That’s exactly the feeling Nikki was experiencing at this current moment. She kept looking at the clock, waiting for Grant to arrive home. It was past five and he hadn’t called to tell her he was going to be late. It was a little unusual. Of course, he hadn’t told her the other day either, so maybe this was a new trend for them?

  Maybe it was her guilty conscience getting the best of her. She didn’t think so though.

  Nikki held Jasmine closer to her chest as she rocked her to sleep. Normally, Jasmine wouldn’t go down to sleep this early; it was as if she were anticipating the impending storm and wanted to miss it.

  Nikki wished she could sleep so effortlessly and soundlessly as her daughter. Alas, she couldn’t. After leaving Dr. Greer’s house, she’d felt justified and satisfied she did what she had to do, but upon arriving home and settling back in bed, the doubts began to surface. What she’d done was a huge betrayal of his confidence. It had been wrong. The right thing would have been to let him know what she’d done when he’d woken up and before he’d left for work, but she’d been a coward and it didn’t feel good. Instead, she’d pretended to be asleep when he peeked into the bedroom to check on her before leaving for the day.

  “Well, let’s get you to bed, sweet girl,” Nikki whispered as she proceeded up the stairs to the second floor. Entering her daughter’s bedroom, she gently laid the baby into the crib, giving her one last look before exiting, closing the door behind her and clipping the baby monitor onto her belt.

  Nikki was descending the stairs when she heard Grant’s car pulling into the driveway. Her entire body tensed as she took the last couple of stairs, reaching the bottom floor. This was going to be a bad night. Even if he hadn’t heard anything from his superiors, she was going to fess up and tell him the entire truth of what she’d done.

  Rushing into the kitchen, she began to pretend she was getting ready for set up for suppertime. Best to act casual, she told herself, despite her trembling inside.

  When he appeared in the doorway, his expression unreadable, her heart stopped for what felt like an eternity, but she was still alive so that certainly wasn’t it. “Grant, you’re home earlier than usual.” That was the best she could come up with.

  “It was a bit of a light day.”

  “Oh? What would you like for dinner? I haven’t started cooking yet.” Opening the refrigerator door, she looked inside attempting to find something to cook, though she wasn’t really seeing the contents. “Jasmine is asleep early. How was work?” Anger flashed in his eyes at the mention of work and she groaned inwardly. Yep, her plan to involve Dr. Greer worked, either that or it had blown up in her face. While she was happy he wouldn’t be going somewhere dangerous, she still felt guilty and knew a fight was about to break out.

  He pulled out one of the wooden kitchen chai
rs from the four-person table, slipped out of his jacket, draped it over the back of the chair and then took a seat. Placing his elbows on the table, he leaned forward and hit her with a stare that made her tremble inside. “You tell me.”

  Turning from the fridge, she looked at her husband and chewed at her lower lip, not sure what to say. The gig was up. What to say, what to say, what to say... Her mouth opened to say something, but no sound came out.

  “Okay, so let me start since the cat seems to have your tongue. Dr. Greer had a little chat with my boss. You know my boss, you’ve met him, Agent Blare.”

  Nikki swallowed down the lump forming in her throat as she nodded. He needed to understand she did it for them. For their family. So, she didn’t end up a widow and their newborn child fatherless. Was that so horrible? Did that make her such a bad person? Sure, she’d gone about it in a not so great way, but she was doing it for her family. He needed to see that. Had to.

  “My boss seems to think that you might have some information on that. Now, I told him that there was no way you’d ever interfere in such a way. That we had the type of marriage that if you had an issue you’d come directly to me, not try to pull a fast one by getting the doc involved. Potentially killing my career for good.” He spoken in an eerily even and calm voice. It was even worse than if he screamed and yelled at her. Much worse.

  Well, shit…

  ~*~ TT ~*~

  Grant

  Seeing her squirm gave him a sense of satisfaction. On the drive home he’d been steaming. He doubted he’d ever been this angry with anyone. He’d certainly never been this angry with her, and she’d done a number of crazy things in their time together. This took the cake. However, as he drew closer to the house, he’d tried to see her point of view. She was scared and upset, and she had a lot of her plate. He knew he was adding to it by wanting to go away for work. As he neared their home, his mood began to soften.