Hold On to Me

by Victoria Purman

  Stella turned her attention to Luca and pointed at the empty doorway. ‘Is that …?’

  He rolled his eyes. ‘My little sister. Graciella Morelli.’

  ‘Oh. Your sister. Of course.’ And then Stella started to shiver inside. It came over her so suddenly she reached out to grasp the edge of the counter to steady herself.

  ‘I wanted to show her what I did here.’ The corners of his lips curved upwards. ‘What we did together.’

  In an instant, Luca was by her side, his strong fingers on her forearm. ‘You all right?’

  Stella’s gaze dipped to the top of the counter. The old Formica was covered in golden stars. Or maybe she was seeing them: she couldn’t exactly be sure. His voice was in her ear, soft and powerful, making her shiver harder.

  ‘I’m fine.’ How could she tell him that she’d thought his sister was someone else entirely? How could she tell him her knees were buckling in sweet relief that he hadn’t moved on, that perhaps he hadn’t found someone else to love?

  She didn’t have the right to go back there, to that place where they were together and they could say things like that to each other.

  But to hell with it.

  She decided to anyway.

  Because Stella had learnt something while they’d been apart. Her past and her secrets had buried her for too long. She now understood that she’d tried to use them as a shield, but all they’d done was keep her locked up tight within them like an emotional chastity belt.

  ‘I thought …’ She straightened her back and laughed out loud at the sheer relief of letting herself be honest. It echoed around the shop and Luca looked at her, confused.

  ‘What’s funny?’ he asked.

  ‘Me. I thought for a minute there that she was your new girlfriend.’

  Luca looked as shocked as anyone would be at such an idea. ‘Abso-fucking-lutely not my girlfriend.’

  ‘Obviously.’

  ‘I’m not in the market for a new girlfriend.’

  ‘Good,’ Stella agreed.

  ‘Is it?’ Luca moved just a little bit closer. His hand was still on her arm and she could almost taste him, he smelt so good.

  ‘Seeing as she’s your sister, I mean.’

  ‘Right.’ Luca took his hand from her arm and exhaled a deep breath. He pushed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. The move tugged them lower on his flat stomach.

  ‘Never having met her I thought … I didn’t know … But, wow, she’s so much like Anna.’

  ‘Tell me about it. Both short. Both bossy as all hell. Pretty good sisters, considering.’

  Their eyes met. Stella knew for herself how great Anna was and she could see in Luca’s eyes that they were both thinking the same thing. That Anna was wonderful for having been there for Stella when she needed her, and for helping her begin her process of healing.

  ‘You’re lucky to have sisters. You’re lucky to have a family.’ For so long, Stella had smothered the longing she’d always felt: for a real family of her own. So many people had them and took them for granted or neglected them, allowing their connections to loosen and drop away. Now she knew that others severed those ties out of love.

  Luca appeared to be on the verge of saying something but stopped.

  She nervously continued. She had to ask. Had to know. ‘You’re not with anyone else?’

  There was a long silence. Luca exhaled deeply. ‘I just said I wasn’t in the market. And really? You really have to ask me that? All I’ve done is work on my house and wait for you, Stella.’

  Stella moved a flat palm to her chest to calm her racing heart, which was thumping as if she’d run a sprint.

  ‘You’ve been waiting for me?’

  ‘Of course I have.’

  ‘I wouldn’t have blamed you, Luca. You know I want you to be happy. You deserve every bit of that because you’re a wonderful man. And I know that for you, happiness means love and children and a family. You should find a woman who wants all that with you.’

  Stella tried to blink tears away. When he didn’t answer, she kept going. ‘A man like you should have all that.’

  He moved closer. ‘A man like me is still in love with you.’

  She exhaled a big breath. She wasn’t too late. She hadn’t lost her chance with this man.

  And nothing was going to ruin it now. Not her past. Not her fears.

  Stella heard a bell ring.

  And especially not a customer.

  Stella darted to the front door and confronted a curious Woman Of A Certain Age. ‘Are you open?’

  ‘I’m so sorry.’ Stella frowned. ‘We’ve had a plumbing emergency. I’ll have to close the shop, I’m afraid.’ She flicked the sign over from Open to Closed and closed the front door. In a moment, she was back at Luca’s side, without the protection of the counter between them. ‘I’m back.’

  ‘Good.’ His gaze pinned her to the spot.

  ‘You were saying?’ She lifted her eyes to his and dared herself to keep looking.

  He stepped closer. ‘I’ve been waiting. Anna said I should wait. And I trust her, so I agreed, even though it’s been driving me crazy. But I can’t live like this. Nothing works in my life when you’re not in it. I nearly put a nail through my hand last week.’

  ‘You what?’ She gasped and reached for his hands, pulled them into hers and turned them over slowly, checking every inch of his beautiful skin. The sudden surge of concern she felt for him shocked her. She hadn’t felt protective of anyone since Auntie Karen died.

  ‘I’m okay. I missed.’

  Stella ran her fingers over his hands. His callused fingers were straight and long and his palms so soft. She couldn’t help herself. She pulled them to her lips and placed gentle kisses in the soft pad in the middle of each one.

  When his fingers tightened around hers, she sighed. ‘Oh, Luca …’ Stella was hit by a wave of emotion so different from the first time Luca had told her he loved her. Then, his words had her as skittish as a newborn foal and she’d run. She’d pushed him away, far too scared to really open herself up to him. When she’d told him her story to frighten him away, she’d been testing him, not trying to pull him closer.

  Now, his declaration created a warm sensation in her chest and something close to happiness flared inside her. She could accept his love now. She had just enough faith in herself to know that she was worthy of it.

  He pulled her close, their hands entwined in the space between them. ‘I didn’t want to wait any more to tell you that I’m still in love with you, Stella. I’m here. I’m ready for this. You and me? We can build a life together: I know we can. Whatever kind of life you want. Whatever kind of family you want. Here, Adelaide, kids, no kids—I just want you.’

  And then he slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her in tight. She went willingly, her cheek on his chest, listening to his heart leap and pound, and she held him tight.

  ‘I want you, Luca. I always have.’

  He loosened his grip so he could look into her face. ‘So … you love me?’

  ‘That’s never been the problem, has it?’ Stella whispered.

  His brows knitted. ‘You’re not going to use my age as an excuse again, are you? And don’t give me all the regular shit, about it being a bad idea and me not knowing what I want and thinking you know what I’m thinking. Because you fucking well don’t and anyway, I’m a guy and half the time I don’t know what I’m thinking so how can you?’

  Stella shook her head. ‘At first I thought it was the reason I didn’t want to get close to you … but I’ve realised that was a cop-out on my part.’

  He stroked her hair, so gently, and traced a finger down her cheek. She shivered, but for joy this time. ‘Yeah, it was.’

  ‘I was scared to want this. I was terrified of wanting you.’

  ‘Stella—’

  ‘It’s always been easier to hide. To pretend I didn’t want this in my life. That way, nothing and no one could hurt me ever again. But I’ve changed, Luca. I�
��ve found out some things about my childhood and my mother that have turned my whole world upside down, but in a really good way.’

  ‘You have?’

  Stella nodded. ‘I can’t say I’ve put the past behind me because I don’t know if I want to. But I understand it better. And that means that when I’m with you now, I can see a future for us.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And what?’

  ‘Say it.’

  Stella squirmed and wriggled in his grasp. ‘Don’t push it.’

  ‘I need to hear you say the words.’

  Stella held her breath. Three little words. So simple and so powerfully scary. Three little words that would open her clenched heart and change her life.

  ‘I …’ She paused.

  Luca pressed his lips to her forehead. ‘That’s a start.’

  ‘I love you,’ she blurted out. Her pounding heart thumped against her ribs and she felt dizzy, but Luca was there to hold her up.

  It had taken her thirty-six years.

  ‘How hard was that?’ Luca said with a smile, and kissed her. And then she threw her arms around him and kissed him back, exhilarated, so in love she could hardly breathe and scared shitless at the same time.

  ‘You know the odds of success aren’t great,’ Stella said. ‘People break up all the time.’ She thought back to her own parents. ‘And more people stay together when they shouldn’t.’

  ‘Listen, bella. You started your business from scratch. So did I. We’re smart. We’re hard workers. The sex is fucking hot and we love each other. We’ve got this.’

  Stella laughed. And Luca joined in too, and their happiness echoed around Style by Stella.

  When Luca kissed her this time, she let herself feel every gram of the happiness flooding through her. She didn’t need to be afraid of it any more, and that knowledge made her heart sing.

  He lifted his lips from hers and she reached up to kiss him again, hungry for him.

  ‘I almost forgot. I need to show you something.’ Luca dug his wallet out of the back pocket of his jeans, unfolded it, and slipped something out of it.

  He handed it to Stella. She took it and read the fine print.

  CHAPTER

  40

  ‘What is this?’ Stella studied the words.

  ‘I’ve been carrying it around in my wallet since New Year. I was going to tell you about it then but … I thought I’d lost my chance.’

  Stella looked from the card to Luca’s face. His rueful smile tore at her but then she had to revisit the words, almost lost in the blur of her tears.

  It looked for all the world like a business card. She blinked to see clearly. The words on it: Ryan Morelli Constructions.

  The first thought that lobbed into her head was, Who is Ryan Morelli? Is there another brother? A cousin maybe? Then with a gulp she realised it was her surname next to Luca’s.

  ‘I don’t understand …’ Stella’s voice trailed off in a new panic. The shock of it hit her like an arrow to the heart. And then the realisation of what it meant sent her hot and shaking.

  ‘I had this idea,’ Luca began, ‘about you and me going into business together.’

  ‘Oh no.’ Stella held up a hand and squeezed her eyes closed. ‘Stop right there.’

  ‘Open your damn eyes, Stella,’ Luca said with a frustrated huff. ‘Look around. Look at what we did here. We could do it again—together. What do you think? My muscle and your eye. Ryan Morelli Constructions. Did you notice your name’s first? This could work.’

  The idea of going into business with Luca was preposterous. She looked at the words on the card one last time and then handed it back to him. ‘I can’t do it, Luca.’

  He reluctantly took it back. ‘Right.’

  ‘For one, Ryan is not my real name. It’s Smith.’

  Luca looked startled. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’

  ‘It’s a long story and I’ll tell you everything tonight. But second, I can’t go into business with you. I did that once and it was a disaster. I feel like I’ve come a long way but that’s moving too fast for me.’

  ‘But we make a great team.’

  Stella looked around the shop at their handiwork. ‘We definitely do.’

  ‘But you’re saying no.’

  ‘That’s right. A big no-freaking-way.’

  She handed the business card back to Luca. He ripped it in half and stuffed the pieces in his pocket.

  ‘But,’ she let a smile curve her lips, ‘I’ve got a much better idea.’

  She reached for Luca’s hand and led him through the front door and out onto the footpath. A dozen steps and they were standing in front of the empty shell next door.

  Stella motioned to the plywood covering the front of the building and the For Sale sign, now marked Sold.

  ‘What?’ Luca asked, looking at the sign, looking back at her. ‘So it’s sold. You getting new neighbours?’

  ‘I hope to. When it’s rebuilt.’

  Luca shook his head. ‘I wouldn’t bet on it. Who knows what kind of structural damage there is inside? The whole roof is gone. The stonework must have been water damaged. That place is a disaster area. Whoever takes it on has rocks in their head.’

  ‘Or is someone who wants to invest in this town.’ And then Stella couldn’t wait to tell him, couldn’t wait to see his reaction. Excitement warred with happiness in her stomach, and nerves were coming in a close third. She tugged him close. ‘It might be perfect for us, don’t you think?’

  Stella could have sworn all the blood drained from Luca’s face in the time it took her to utter those nine words.

  ‘Now I’m confused as all fuck.’

  ‘I bought it.’

  ‘What do you mean you bought it?’

  ‘Exactly what I said. It was all finalised this morning. That’s why I was calling you. To tell you my news. The bank and I own this baby.’

  ‘No fucking way!’ Luca let go of her hand so he could gesticulate more effectively. ‘This place is a wreck. Did you even get a building inspection? And anyway, didn’t you just say a big fat no to going into partnership with me?’

  ‘Yes.’ Stella linked her hands together and lifted her chin. ‘You’ve had some good ideas—some brilliant ideas, actually—but that one was just bad.’

  Stella watched his face, a mix of confusion, frustration and good old what-the-hell-is-happening? She reached for his hand and stepped in close to him. ‘I’ve got a much better idea. I want to hire you to do the job.’

  Luca lowered his chin to look at her. A slow smile curved his lips. ‘You want to hire me?’

  ‘Uh huh.’

  ‘Let me get this straight. You don’t want to go into partnership with me but you want to hire me.’

  ‘No. And yes.’

  He laughed. ‘And here I was thinking I understood women.’

  ‘Listen. Luca, please. Last time I let my heart and my head get mixed up in a business with someone, he snorted almost all my money up his nose. And then he used my credit cards to steal almost everything else.’

  Luca froze. ‘That guy in Sydney?’

  ‘Yes. That’s the reason I came back home, Luca. I felt so humiliated. You’d think I would have caught it, right, given what I’d seen growing up? But maybe I didn’t want to get close enough to see how he was ruining his life or how he was ruining mine.’

  Luca glared at her. ‘I want to hurt the guy.’

  ‘I did too, for a long time. That’s why I’ve been so protective this time around. That’s why I’d rather hire you. Keep it clean between us. Keep it uncomplicated.’

  He pulled his hand from hers and shrugged his shoulders so he could shove a hand into his back pocket. ‘I suppose that means you won’t want this then.’

  ‘Another business idea?’ Stella joked.

  ‘A proposal.’

  Time stood still. A car rumbled by on the street and pedestrians manoeuvred their way past Stella and Luca on the footpath. A Lycra-clad cyclist rode past.r />
  Stella looked into his hand.

  Luca was holding a ring. A big sparkling mother of a ring. With a diamond.

  ‘What’s that for?’ she gasped and stumbled backwards.

  ‘It’s for you, if you’ll have it. If you’ll have me.’

  ‘Oh my god, Luca.’ She didn’t touch it, afraid she might jinx this, afraid she might ruin this moment.

  ‘I’ve been carrying it around as long as I’ve had that business card stashed in my wallet. I was going to ask you to go all in with me. Partners in life and in business. I don’t want you to ever have to worry about what will happen to you if something goes wrong here, with Style by Stella. I want you to know that I’ll always have your back. I want you, Stella Ryan. Or Smith. Whatever your name is. I want to show you what love is and what family can be.’

  ‘Oh my.’ She peered at the diamond. It caught the afternoon light and shimmered in its gold setting.

  Luca lifted a hand to her cheek. ‘Marry me, Stella. Let’s make a wonderful life together.’

  She bit down the words that would have come naturally and habitually to her a few months before.

  No. I can’t. I don’t deserve this. I’ll screw it up. I don’t deserve to be loved.

  Finally, Stella understood that she could go with her heart.

  And then, swimming around in her head, were new words. Unfamiliar words.

  I will work at this. I will fight for this. I deserve to be loved.

  ‘I love you, Morelli Constructions,’ Stella said, softly at first. She took a step closer to him and this time, looked into his eyes as she said the words. ‘I love you, Morelli Constructions!’ And her voice was loud and happy and its echo bounced back at her from across the quiet street and she threw her arms around the man she loved.

  ‘So that’s a yes?’ His lips were a breath away from hers.

  ‘Yes. I’ll marry you. On one condition.’

  ‘Anything, bella.’ Luca kissed her, soft and slow.

  ‘I want eight courses,’ she mumbled through the kiss.

  Luca pulled back. ‘What?’

  ‘At the wedding. I want eight courses for dinner and bomboniere and a huge fluff-ball of a wedding dress and five bridesmaids: Summer, Courtney, Anna, Julia and Lizzie.’