Lessons in Love
Page 7
“So what’s your favorite movie?”
“Annie Hall.”
“Okay.” Mark nodded. “That’s a good choice.”
“I’ve got good taste,” Alex declared proudly.
“Evidently.” Mark turned and smiled at her, stunning her with a suggestive gaze. Alex felt her heart almost stop beating in her chest. The butterflies in her stomach threatened to break up into her lungs, making her breath catch in her throat. Maybe there was something between them after all.
****
“So, how was your weekend?” Claire asked breezily as they walked up the front steps into school.
“Lame.” Alex sighed, maintaining the lie that she’d had to stay in babysitting all weekend.
“I can’t believe that you had to bail on the party.” Claire sounded less hurt than she had been initially when Alex bailed on the get-together.
“How was it?” Alex asked as she opened her locker, not really caring about the answer. She imagined the party would have contained the usual dramas. Someone got drunk, someone hooked up, and someone else broke up. Those three events usually followed wherever copious amounts of contraband alcohol could be found.
“Well, Sophie got crazy drunk,” Claire leaned in close and whispered conspiratorially. “She was all over the place; apparently she even threw up all over her mother’s fur rugs when she got home.”
“Oh no.” Alex pitied the rugs more than she pitied Sophie.
“Joey Montgomery broke up with Susan Parton,” Claire continued.
“Really?” Alex pretended to be shocked.
“Apparently he’s been cheating on her for weeks with his new neighbor.” Claire’s interest in the party gossip seemed to be waning as she rummaged in her locker for schoolbooks.
“Anything else happen?” Alex asked sweetly.
“Ah!” Claire triumphantly retrieved her math book, but her jubilation was brief as she looked at Alex, and her face dropped.
“There’s something you should know,” Claire began, her face greyed by an expression of guilt.
“What?” Alex felt a stirring rise of panic in her stomach. Had someone seen her out with Mark? Were people talking? Did they now know that she lived in a trailer?
“At the party, I kind of hooked up with Jeff,” Claire said the words quickly and then recoiled, awaiting Alex’s reaction.
“Kind of hooked up?” Alex reiterated the admission, bemused.
“Well, we did it,” Claire rambled. “But I don’t feel good about it. I mean I do, because I think I like him, but I know you sort of had a thing with him, so I feel bad. You’re my friend, and I don’t want a guy to come between us.”
“It’s okay.” Alex smiled. “Jeff and I were never a thing.”
“So you don’t mind if I start seeing him?” Claire asked, her eyes bright with hope.
“Sure, go for it.” Alex continued smiling, but inside she was shaken. Not by the fact that Claire had been with Jeff, Alex had never had romantic feelings for him, but more that Claire had done it even though she believed that Alex did have feelings for him. At the party, in the moment, friendship hadn’t mattered to Claire, and that disturbed Alex, making her whole body feel cold.
Just how much could she trust the people around her who were her so-called friends? If Claire would have sex with a guy she suspected Alex liked, how could Alex ever trust her to know the truth about her past? The uncertainty of it all made Alex feel sick.
“Jeez, math again,” Claire said mournfully as they closed their lockers.
“Ugh, math,” Alex agreed, trying to hide a smile, her mood suddenly elevated by the prospect of seeing Mark again.
****
Unintentionally Alex caught Jeff’s eye as he entered the room, and he instantly turned away from her, looking shamed.
Settling down at her usual desk, she took out her textbook. For the first time in what felt like an age, she was excited for class to start, determined to pay attention and actually learn something. Alex hadn’t realized just how much she missed learning. She found it much more fulfilling being a good student than a bad one. But she still needed to appear indifferent to Mark’s teachings in front of her peers.
“Morning, everyone, did you all have a good weekend?” Mark asked the class. He was wearing a white shirt over which he wore a lime green sweater vest and smart dark denim jeans. As always, he looked incredibly handsome.
From her seat at the back, Alex waited for his eyes to lock with hers and for that delicious chill to run down her spine, but he didn’t look her way, he didn’t even coyly glance at her. It was as though she wasn’t even there and her desk was just empty.
“Anyone get wasted?” Mark asked teasingly. A few of the guys whooped at this before everyone settled down.
“Let’s start with going over the test you did for me Friday.” He began to distribute the marked test papers among the students.
Claire scoffed in disapproval when her paper landed on her desk branded with the letter D.
“A D!” she hissed angrily across to Alex. “My dad is going to kill me!”
Mark dropped Alex’s paper on her desk, marked with the C+ she’d already seen, avoiding any eye contact with her. Alex shuffled nervously, confused by his indifference. She’d expected them to swap yearning looks throughout the lesson; she hadn’t anticipated that he’d completely ignore her. What if she really was wrong and all he’d been doing over the weekend was being kind to her in the wake of the revelation about her father? Had he taken her to the cinema out of guilt? The prospect of having been a pity date made the room spin, and Alex felt unbearably embarrassed.
“Math is a joke,” Claire scolded the class as she applied a fresh layer of lip gloss, extending the neon pink tube to Alex, who shook her head.
“So, if we work out the first equation.” Mark was busy teaching, but Alex was too distracted to listen. Why was he ignoring her? Had he not had a good time at the cinema?
A wadded up piece of paper suddenly dropped onto her desk. Alex immediately unfolded it, not caring about discreet, she doubted Mark would even notice her reading it.
I think Jeff is ignoring me!!! :( xoxo What do I do?
The note was from Claire. Clearly, Alex wasn’t the only one in class feeling insecure about a guy.
Alex glanced forward to Jeff. She could only see the back of his head, his blond hair messed up from riding his motorcycle to school. Usually he’d look back at her a couple of times, but that morning his attention had solely remained on the front of the room. Perhaps he was ignoring Claire?
“Talk to him after class,” Alex whispered her suggestion to her friend.
“You think?”
“Yeah.” Alex nodded.
“Miss Taylor.” Mark’s attention was suddenly on the back row but not on Alex. “Do you know the answer to problem six?”
“Umm.” Claire began to blush profusely. She glanced down at her test paper and then back at Mark.
Mark stared at her intently, one foot tapping the floor impatiently.
“I’m…” Claire tried to stall for time, hoping someone would step in and answer, but they didn’t. This wasn’t the sort of class where people just volunteered answers. That only happened in the more advanced classes, where people were competitive and trying to prove themselves academically. Here, apathy prevailed.
“It’s…” She pretended to think before sighing and shaking her head. “I don’t know,” she admitted.
“Well, maybe if you listened instead of gossiping, you’d learn something,” Mark told her sternly. Gone was the kind man Alex had gone out with only the other night. Instead, there stood a strict teacher who was unflinching in his distribution of discipline among the class.
“Does anyone know the answer to six?” He opened the question up to the rest of the room. People shuffled nervously and avoided his gaze, not wanting to be called upon to answer.
Alex knew. Moreover, Mark knew that she did, but she hoped he wouldn’t call upon her to
answer. If he did, she’d only lie and say she didn’t know.
“What should I say to Jeff?” Claire whispered anxiously across to her friend, quickly recovering from her shaming.
Alex shrugged in response. Claire looked at her with pleading eyes, appearing lost, like a child.
“Just be friendly, like nothing happened, and see how he is,” Alex answered, keeping her voice low.
“Okay, okay.” Claire nodded as she listened intently. “So, if he’s distant, he’s not interested, but if he’s friendly back, then it’s on?”
“Exactly.”
“Miss Taylor, do I really need to tell you again!?” Mark shouted from the front of the room. The sharp tone to his voice subdued the entire room into a hushed silence.
“Sorry,” Claire said lamely.
“Whatever you are discussing with your friend, it can wait until after my class,” Mark told her firmly.
Your friend. So Alex didn’t even get to be called by her name now. She was both hurt and maddened by his attitude towards her. She wanted to speak out, to be rude to him, but she knew it would serve no purpose. She’d let him see her true self; if she continued to play the part of the dumb head cheerleader, she risked him only pitying her further.
She watched him pace at the front of the classroom. He was so handsome and carried himself with such confidence, how could she ever have been stupid enough to think he’d fall for someone like her? A high school senior whose life was so utterly messed up that she couldn’t even be herself with her friends. Alex wanted to leave; she wanted to be able to go back to her old bedroom, to put on a record and watch the trees sway in the wind, and just cry away her troubles.
She’d cry as Fleetwood Mac ordered her to go her own way and asked her about loneliness beating like a heartbeat. She saw now that her favorite album, the one that had defined so much of her growing up, was actually a break-up album, and she needed to hear it more than ever.
Claire was silent for a while, pretending to listen to Mark teach as she played with her hair. After about ten minutes, when his back was turned, she quickly leaned across to Alex, seizing her moment.
“But do you think Jeff does like me?” she asked urgently.
Alex opened her mouth to answer, but Mark spoke before she could.
“Miss Taylor, you’ve run out of chances. You’ve earned an after-school detention. Tonight.”
Claire’s mouth fell open in horror. Mark scowled at her before resuming writing on the board. He didn’t look at Alex, didn’t even glance in her direction. Was she suddenly invisible to him?
Claire, now afraid to talk, texted a message on her cell phone that she hid on her lap under her desk. Alex felt her phone instantly vibrant in her pocket after Claire had finished texting. Sliding the handset out, Alex used her finger to unlock it and discreetly read the incoming message.
Mr. Simmons can be so mean, but he gets away with it as he’s totally hot!
Alex replied without even needing to look at the keypad, her fingers instinctively knowing how to type. Her phone was an older model than most. Claire had given it to her when she got an upgrade, tired of hearing Alex’s excuse about how her cell phone was broken and being repaired. Alex kept it hidden from her mother, fearing that she would only think her daughter had stolen it if she found it.
Alex finished her reply and hit send just as the bell rang and class finally concluded. Claire’s eyes widened with surprise as she read the message.
I don’t think he’s all that.
Part III
Almost a week had passed since Alex had gone from being the girl in Mark’s car to the invisible woman. She was tired of second-guessing his feelings about her and more tired of her own constant attraction towards him. She was obviously deluding herself to entertain any sort of fantasy involving him, yet she couldn’t help it. Each time she caught his scent or spotted him in the corridor, her heart raced in a way that no one else had ever been able to make it do.
The only way she could get through math class was to actually settle down and do some work, and as a result her grades began to improve.
“You got an A?” Claire gasped as they sat in their Friday morning class.
“Mmm.” Alex nodded sheepishly.
“How did you manage that?” Claire asked, clearly amazed by the achievement.
Alex wanted to answer that all she had done was pay attention and apply herself, but knew that wouldn’t be in keeping with her head cheerleader status. “I bought the answers off some guy yesterday,” Alex whispered conspiratorially.
“Ooh,” Claire exhaled, nodding in approval. “Why didn’t you share?” She sounded hurt as she asked.
“I didn’t want us both to get caught cheating.” Alex offered an impromptu explanation, which seemed to appease Claire.
“Hope you don’t get caught,” she whispered across to her friend.
“Me too.” Alex smiled at her.
Mark was winding down his class, having distributed test papers and solved all of the equations on the board. As usual his gaze had never once drifted to the back right of the classroom where Alex sat. Suddenly she felt his eyes upon her before she heard him speak, her breath catching in her throat as he did so.
“Miss Heron, can I see you after class?” His tone was abrupt. It was not a request but a command.
“Oh God, looks like he caught you cheating!” Claire sent Alex an apologetic glance before hurriedly packing away her stuff, not wanting to be tarred with the same cheating brush.
Alex watched Claire and the rest of her classmates scurry away, her heart already in overdrive, pounding within her chest, reverberating all the way to her eardrums, blocking out all external sound.
What did Mark want with her? He’d ignored her all week long; why speak to her now? Alex nervously approached his desk. Mark went to speak but then spotted the open door, beyond which were students milling around in the corridor, unenthusiastically meandering towards their next class.
He got up and walked purposefully to the door, swiftly closed it, and then headed back to his desk. He sat on top of it, close to Alex as she hovered nervously nearby. She could smell him, and it was intoxicating. She struggled to keep her focus.
“I owe you an apology,” Mark blurted out, his stern demeanor instantly gone and the kind, open man from the cinema standing in his place.
“Huh?” Alex was caught off guard.
“I’ve been ignoring you all week. But you know that, right?” Mark looked deep into her eyes, and embarrassed, Alex looked away.
“I thought you were just being a tool,” she told him flippantly, forcing herself to wear her arrogant cheerleader armor.
Mark merely smiled fondly at her insult. “You’ve every right to be mad. I just can’t be seen to be too familiar with you in school. People will talk.”
Alex was silent, staring intently at her battered Converse sneakers; thankfully the distressed look was currently in style.
“Alex, I’d risk losing my job if anyone knew we were…friends.” He struggled on the last word, and Alex wondered why.
“What’s wrong with being friends?” Alex challenged.
“You know what,” Mark told her earnestly, and she felt her heart skip a beat as she dared to believe that perhaps he did actually see her as something more than just a friend. But if that was the word they needed to use to toe the delicate teacher-student line, then she was more than happy to do so.
“Are we still friends?” she asked cautiously.
“Of course.” Mark smiled warmly. “In fact, that was why I asked you to wait after class.” He glanced nervously at the classroom door, beyond the speckled glass in the top half there was the unmistakeable form of a waiting student. His next class would soon commence.
“Do you like skating?” he asked quickly, aware that he was running out of time before the bell would toll once more.
“Skating?” Alex reiterated. She’d never been skating before. “Sure.” She shrugged casually.
“Sure.” Alex didn’t know what else to say.
“Great.” Mark beamed as a load of juniors came pouring through the door, and Alex dashed off to her own next class.
****
“Again with the pacing!” Jackie frowned as Alex walked nervously along the length of the trailer. Wearing skinny jeans and a white sweater, she began to wonder if she was dressed appropriately to go skating. She couldn’t ask her mother for advice. It would only invite her to pry further into her plans for that evening.
“Are you seeing a boy?” Jackie asked directly.
“What, no!” Alex’s eyes widened with fear.
“Then why are you getting so wound up about seeing Claire? You see her all the time.” Jackie continued her scrutiny of her daughter’s behavior.
“I just feel a bit under the weather,” Alex lied lamely.
“Then stay in,” Jackie instantly suggested.
“I’m eighteen, and it’s a Saturday night,” Alex replied tersely. “I’m going out!”
“I just hope Andy will be okay on his own.” Jackie applied another layer of guilt to Alex’s situation.
Beyond the window Alex spotted the headlights of Mark’s car.
“In all honesty, if Andy managed to burn the trailer down while here alone, he’d be doing us all a favor!” Alex declared boldly before heading out the door and into the twilight of the evening.
****
Mark’s car felt familiar but exotic all at the same time. She’d sat in the very passenger seat only a week before and felt the same surge of adrenalin flood her veins and make her light-headed.
“You ever been skating before?” he asked as they drove out of Woodsdale and on to the freeway.
“Honestly, no,” Alex admitted, glad that he wouldn’t see her blushing since he was driving.