A part of her felt she should have stayed in Woodsdale, should have gotten a job and helped support her family. The only things that silenced such thoughts were the chaos and volume of the various campus parties that Alex and Ashley frequently attended.
“Congratulations, girls.” Casey came over and smiled at the roommates. Alex took in her blonde hair, poker straight face, and green eye makeup—the exact same shade as the green in her dress. Next to her, Alex felt like a mess, her own hair in a messy bun, her makeup not matching, her nails still an electric blue from when she’d last painted them. She feared that she’d never truly fit into the mold of their world.
“Thank you,” Alex and Ashley chimed in unison.
“It’s a real privilege and honor to be a Kappa Pi,” Casey continued, her tone becoming less serious. “I know it’s fun to party, and as long as your grades are good, we will turn the other cheek. But don’t go getting a reputation, we won’t tolerate that here.”
Then Casey smiled sweetly and left to congratulate the other new initiates.
“A reputation!” Ashley gasped in her wake. “A reputation for what? Having fun!”
“I don’t know,” Alex mused, pursing her lips. “I suppose we do go out a lot.” They partied at least four nights a week. Alex had acclimated her body to survive on barely any sleep and relied heavily on energy drinks and protein bars to get her through her classes. But they were only having fun, and surely there was nothing wrong with that? As long as it didn’t get out of hand and affect their studies.
“She’s just uptight because she’s a senior,” Ashley said angrily. “We’ve got our college lives ahead of us, living in this beautiful house, and she’s going back to whatever shit hole she’s from.” Ashley suddenly remembered Alex’s own meagre existence back home and turned bright red.
“I didn’t mean—” she quickly blurted, but Alex smiled reassuringly at her friend.
“She’s bitter to be leaving. I would be too,” Alex admitted.
“Yeah, shame we can’t stay in college forever!”
“Hi, girls.” Taylor came over, clouded in a mist of vanilla scent, and smiled broadly at them both.
“Hi, Taylor,” they chimed together.
“Hope you enjoyed the ceremony. Kappa Pi is all about maintaining our traditions.”
“It was very nice,” Alex offered kindly.
“So, not long until you can move in! Of course, there’s just the small matter of your dues, and then you’re good to go.”
“It’s all taken care of.” Ashley smiled.
“Great!” Taylor seemed relieved by this and excused herself to go mingle with more of the girls.
“What are dues?” Alex enquired as they stood nursing their cocktails, reluctant to drink them too quickly beneath the judgemental glare of the older members of the house.
“Just house stuff.” Ashley shrugged.
“What sort of stuff?” Alex pressed further, having never heard the term before.
“Like fees for living in the house.” Ashley sighed. She’d hoped she wouldn’t have to mention it to Alex but also didn’t want to keep the truth from her friend.
“Fees?” Alex felt panicked by the word.
“Alex, don’t worry, like I told Taylor, it’s all taken care of.”
“So what, you paid for me?” Alex felt tears prick at her eyes, and her cheeks became hot.
“Don’t get upset.”
“I’m not upset. I…” Alex didn’t know what to say. She was upset. She was upset because she felt ashamed. She was ashamed that she needed someone’s charity to exist in this world. It made her feel like she didn’t belong, like she hadn’t earned any of it. Panicked, she put down her glass and fled the house.
Ashley was in hot pursuit, calling after her.
After running for about five minutes, Alex stopped, panting heavily, and waited for her friend to catch up with her.
“There’s no need to be upset, Alex,” Ashley panted.
“Ash, I just—I wanted to feel like I’d earned this, like I belong here!”
“You do!”
“No, I don’t.” Alex’s voice caught in her throat as she stifled a sob.
“You belong here, Alex, just as much as anyone else does.” Ashley embraced her friend and held her tightly.
“I don’t,” Alex cried into her friend’s shoulder. “I can’t afford to be here.”
“But I can afford it for you,” Ashley told her soothingly. “And I want you here. I wouldn’t even want to be in the sorority if I couldn’t be in it with you.”
“I don’t want to be your charity case.” Alex sniffed.
“And you’re not.” Ashley placed her hands on Alex’s shoulders and held her friend at arm’s length, looking her square in the eye.
“Alex, you got dealt a really, really shitty hand. If your dad was still around, don’t you think he’d do anything to make sure you got what you wanted? He’d have paid for you to live in the house in a heartbeat, and you know it.”
“Yeah, but…”
“But your dad got shot. Because life isn’t fair. So you haven’t got anyone on your side like that anymore, anyone giving you unconditional support. But I’m here, and I can help if you’ll let me. Don’t go on punishing yourself over your dad, Alex. It was no one’s fault, just a tragic twist of fate.”
Alex cried harder, and Ashley pulled her back into her, holding her tightly as she shook with her sobs.
“Thank you,” Alex breathed between her flurries of tears.
“Anytime,” Ashley told her sincerely.
****
“So you two are fully fledged Kappa Pi’s now?” Brad asked as he looked across the table at Ashley and Alex, casually holding a bottle of beer in his hand.
“Yep, got the necklace to prove it!” Ashley said, proudly holding up the Greek letters she was now wearing.
“Nice.” Brad nodded in approval.
The student bar on campus was already packed full of students even though it was only nine in the evening. Ashley and Alex stood out in their matching dresses, but they’d decided against going home to change. They needed to get out to settle their frayed nerves.
“Any parties on tonight?” Ashley asked bluntly, getting straight to the point.
“And here I was thinking you sat down merely to enjoy my company,” Brad joked.
Ashley and Brad were dating but in the loosest sense of the word. Neither was faithful to the other, yet they continued to hook up when it was convenient. When Alex asked Ashley how she felt about the setup, she said that it suited her and she didn’t have the time for a proper boyfriend. Moreover, if she did, she wouldn’t pick Brad. He had a serious case of roving-eye syndrome.
“Obviously we’re mainly here for the chat.” Ashley laughed. “But we also need to party. We’ve had a heavy day.”
“Tiring being a sorority girl, is it?” Brad teased.
“We also have classes to attend, which are pretty intense,” Ashley defended herself. “Not that you’d understand, Mr. Social Science Major!” Ashley stuck her tongue out at Brad, and he smiled.
“Okay, okay.” Brad’s smile evolved to a provocative half grin, suggesting that the information he was about to release came with the stipulation that Ashley would attend it with him as his date.
“Party at Delta Gamma. Meant to be big. You in?”
“Oh, we are so in,” Ashley confirmed.
****
Alex woke up and groaned beneath the covers. She could already feel the burning presence of sunlight filling the room and didn’t want to remove the blanket shield currently protecting her from it.
The party the previous night was a blur in her mind. She remembered dancing and drinking and laughing with Ashley and some of her other sorority sisters.
Moving slightly, she sensed something strange and, looking down, realized that she was still wearing the skinny jeans and glittery tank top she’d gone out in. Although she wanted nothing more than to remain in bed
until the hangover cobwebs fell off her, she knew she had to get up. Taking a deep breath, Alex threw back the covers and squinted in pain at the blast of glowing light that greeted her.
She fumbled for a drink from the bottle of water beside her bed, her throat feeling unbearably sore. Across the room, Ashley was predictably still sleeping, although from the second pair of large hairy feet protruding from the bottom of the blanket, she wasn’t alone.
Stretching, Alex stood and checked the time. It was ten in the morning. She looked back at her watch in disbelief. The digits looked back at her, blinking and unforgiving.
“But my alarm.” Alex shook her head, unable to comprehend why she hadn’t woken up. She’d set her alarm for half-past eight, determined not to miss another class. Her attendance record had gotten dangerously low over the past few months, and it was imperative that she start attending classes more regularly.
Checking her phone, Alex saw that she had indeed set her alarm and that it had gone off at the delegated time. She’d just slept through it.
“Dammit,” Alex moaned as she searched the chaos of her dorm room for her class books and backpack.
Ashley had many admirable qualities; she was kind, fun, loyal and patient, but she was not tidy. Almost all of her clothes were strewn across the floor. Alex had vowed to only clean up her own stuff, but she was starting to thaw on that decision, realizing that the only way her room would ever be clean again was if she took it upon herself to tidy up Ashley’s stuff along with her own. She supposed it was the least she could do for her friend, who was so kindly paying for them both to live in the sorority house the following year. Assuming Alex even passed freshman year, which at this rate looked unlikely.
Without time to change or even tidy her hair, Alex knew she’d just have to endure the shameful looks she’d incur as she walked out wearing the same outfit she’d partied in the night before. She wouldn’t be the first student to do it, nor would she be the last. She considered pulling on a sweater, but the morning was already hot and heavy. She’d have to just go with the glittery ensemble and take any negative comments hurled her way.
“I’m off.” She jiggled one of Ashley’s exposed feet to wake her slumbering friend.
“Already?” Ashley groaned from within the comfort of her covers.
“You should get up too if you don’t want to be late for class,” Alex warned.
“Yes, Mom, I’ll be up shortly,” Ashley answered curtly. She wasn’t a morning person.
“Bye, Brad,” Alex added to the presumed owner of the second pair of feet. Her eyes quickly widened when she spotted Ashley fervently shaking her head. She watched her embarrassed friend mouth the name ‘Jake.’
“Sorry, Jake,” Alex sweetly corrected herself, though she was blushing profusely. “I’m so bad with names.”
****
Alex was glad to get out of her room and avoid any further awkwardness. As she hurried along the corridor of her dorm, she noticed girls stopping to glance at her dishevelled appearance. Alex hadn’t dared to even look into a mirror that morning, knowing she’d be too ashamed of what it revealed. She probably still had makeup strewn down her cheeks. It was not a good look.
As Alex ran across the courtyard, she heard her phone start ringing in her backpack. She considered ignoring it but decided against it at the last second and answered an incoming call from her mother.
“Hey, Mom,” Alex panted, tired from running to class.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Jackie’s warm voice came filtering through the handset. “You’re not in class yet, are you?”
“No, not yet. Going there now, got a few minutes to spare.” Alex slowed her pace so she could talk to her mother.
“Well, I put a dollar’s worth of quarters into the payphone, so we should have ten minutes to talk,” Jackie informed her.
“Great.” Alex forced a smile, the doors to her class loomed up before her, closed and foreboding.
“How is everything going? I haven’t heard from you for a while.” Her mother sounded hurt by this, which made Alex feel guilty.
“I’m just super busy, Mom. Classes are really intense.” In Alex’s defence, classes were intense, when she actually managed to attend them.
“I’m so proud of you. You’re working so hard.”
“Uh huh.”
“And Andy is doing really well. He got straight As on his report card. Can you believe that? Maybe both of my children will go on to college!” Jackie said proudly.
“Yeah, that’d be awesome.”
“Are you eating right?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“Getting enough sleep?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“It’s just, you know how I worry.”
“Yes, Mom. But you don’t need to worry, I’m fine.” Alex tried to reassure her mother.
“Do you have enough money?” Jackie asked anxiously.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine for money.” Alex was fortunate that her scholarship included accommodation and on-campus meals, and next year her sorority dues would be covering similar things. She had considered getting a part-time job just to earn some extra cash, but felt she currently didn’t have the time to spare.
“I’ve worked some extra shifts so could always send you some if you need it,” Jackie offered.
Alex suddenly stopped fretting about her class and focused solely on the conversation she was having with her mother and smiled warmly. Her mother tried so very hard to be there for her, and it wasn’t easy. It warmed Alex’s heart to hear such selflessness. She hoped that if she were to ever have children, she’d be as willing to take care of them as her own mother was.
“That’s really kind of you, Mom, but I’m okay, really I am. Why don’t you take that money and treat yourself to something nice? Like a new dress or something. You deserve it,” Alex told her softly.
There was silence on the line, and Alex feared that she’d made her mother cry. Before losing her father, Alex knew he’d taken such good care of all of them, especially her mother. He’d regularly take her out to fancy dinners and buy her new dresses and jewelry. If Alex was his princess, then Jackie was definitely his queen. Alex forgot sometimes that it wasn’t just her who’d lost her hero; her brother and mother had too.
“You okay, Mom?”
“Yeah, yes, I’m fine.” Jackie sniffed a little.
“I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go to class now.”
“Oh, that’s fine, honey. You go and learn and be great.”
“I’ll try.”
“I’m so very proud of you, Alexandra.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I miss you,” Jackie whispered.
“I miss you too, Mom.”
Alex hung up and steeled herself for her entrance into class.
****
Alex tried to be as stealthy as possible as she walked in late to the lecture hall. She spotted a vacant seat near the aisle that she quickly occupied. She could feel people looking at her, but she didn’t turn to absorb their judgement. She knew what they’d be thinking, and she was too tired to care.
The class was being taught by a young female professor. She wore her blonde hair atop her head in a tight bun and had on a smart beige skirt suit. She looked extremely professional, which was a stark contrast to the casually dressed students she was teaching, in particular Alex, who looked like she belonged in a nightclub rather than a classroom.
Alex began to regret not at least changing her top. The sequins sparkled and called out to be noticed. A less shimmering top would have helped her to blend in more easily.
“If you can all turn to page sixty-six of your textbooks,” the professor instructed.
Alex and the other students all obliged, but as Alex scanned the page, she could feel the eyes of the professor settle upon her.
“Miss Heron, since you are so accustomed to being late for my class, perhaps you can tell us the solution to problem 3B?”
Problem 3B was conveniently about time
, or rather the lack of it. It was a complex equation that centered around vortices and aircraft speed. Alex had previously studied the problem, as per the homework from the previous class. Thankfully, her gifted mind could easily solve the problem. She was grateful that her aptitude in mathematics gave her leeway to be late sometimes. She assumed the only reason she was kept on the course was because her grades remained steady. It was only her attendance that was a real issue.
Alex looked back through the question, wanting to be certain of her answer.
“The solution is to take time and distance, divide it against weight and speed, and you create a formula which should run five, seven, seven, eight, all in seconds. This is the only pattern you could release the aircraft in.”
“The only pattern?” the professor asked incredulously.
“Yes, Miss Dunne,” Alex confirmed. “That is the only pattern which would work as a sustainable solution.”
Alex watched Miss Dunne’s reaction, which was pretty unreadable. Behind her designer glasses the professor appeared indifferent. She paused for a moment, absorbing Alex’s response, and then nodded in agreement.
“Very good,” she commended Alex simply. “If only, Miss Heron, your own timekeeping was as accurate as your mathematical skills.”
Some people sniggered at this, but Alex didn’t care. She’d got the answer right, which meant she was safe in her class, for now.
****
Alex didn’t return to her dorm room. She wasn’t ready to tackle the mountains of clothes that were growing across the floor. Instead, she went and sat down in the courtyard, the sun warming her bare arms.
Ashley had texted suggesting they meet for lunch, so Alex only had half an hour or so to kill. Taking her notebook out of her backpack, she decided to write back to Mark. Lately she had found herself missing him more than ever. She longed for the stability she felt in his arms, and each time she saw Ashley in bed with someone, she felt a pang of loneliness.
Dear Mark,
I’m glad you haven’t forgotten about me. I certainly haven’t forgotten about you!
Lessons in Love Page 16
