1st Time Love (Dirty Down South)

by Sapphire Knight

  What could I do that would mean forever but not freak her out too badly? I want her to know that I’m completely serious about her now and I always will be. Another thing about proposing is that if her father’s here, he may break my arms and my face for moving her in that direction so quickly.

  My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on my bedroom door.

  “Yeah? It’s open!”

  Niner’s head pops in. “Hey, you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m cool, why?”

  “’Cause you stormed through the house so quick, I thought you were going to shit yourself or something. Thought I’d come see if you needed my Imodium or anything.”

  That gets me laughing. I probably looked like I was about to shit my pants with how I blew him off in the kitchen. “No, man; I’m good. Just had to talk to my brother about some stuff.”

  “Oh okay, everything all right with you guys then?” I’d told him before how Clyde likes to keep everything to himself instead of letting me and Nate help him however we can.

  “We’re fine, but can I talk to you about something?”

  “Of course, man.” He comes in and sits on my desk chair. “What’s up?”

  “I want to do something special for Kay for Christmas, but I’m not sure what to do.”

  “You mean she’s not pregnant?”

  “No, why would you think that.”

  “Oh thank Christ. You were so serious, and with you talking to your brother, I thought it was something big.”

  Chuckling, I shake my head. “You’ve been watching too many movies, bro.”

  “It’s that stupid Maury Povich show; it’s on at night when I can’t sleep.”

  That has me cracking up. “So back to Kadence, I keep thinking I should propose to her, so she knows how serious I am. If I get signed or drafted, I want her to come with me, and I’m wondering if I need to put a ring on her finger to get her to come with me.”

  “I don’t know; she’s not superficial like that. I think if she knows you love her, then that would mean way more than some ring with a stone in it.”

  “I could tattoo her name on my body?”

  He rolls his eyes. “Then she wouldn’t speak to you for a week. You trying to cement her to you or freak her out?”

  “Okay, then I’ll save that for after we’re married,” I mumble, and he laughs at me.

  “What about a teddy bear or something?”

  “Dude, it’s Christmas. ‘Here’s a teddy bear, now move across the country with me.’ No!”

  “You’re really going that far?”

  “Stay on track, Niner. What can I do for Christmas that will mean a lot to her? I’m asking her to basically pack her stuff up and give up her life so I can live my dream.”

  “How about a necklace? Like a locket or something? Chicks love that sort of stuff.”

  “That’s a good idea, maybe one with a book charm or something so she knows I pay attention to her.”

  “That’s good, man, but how about a promise ring? It means a lot, but it’s not proposing marriage right then, It’s saying you plan on it later down the road.”

  “Holy shit, Niner, you’re a genius! Do they have diamonds in them?”

  “No. I bought one for a girl in high school; it was a plain band with a heart on it.”

  “Wow, what happened to her?”

  “We’ll leave that one for another day.” He shakes his head.

  “All right. So what if I get her a ring with a birthstone?”

  “That’s a little kiddish, don’t you think? That’d be something I’d get my little sister if I had one.”

  “Right…umm…”

  “What about you go with the book idea and get something inscribed on the inside of the ring?”

  “Damn, you’re good at this.”

  He shrugs.

  I pull up a random jewelry store on my phone and start scrolling through their section of promise rings.

  “What about this?” I pass the phone to him.

  “An anchor?”

  “That’s kind of what she is to me—my anchor.”

  “Not bad. What are you going to get inscribed?”

  “My heart, my soul, my forever.”

  “Yup, you’ll be getting laid with that one.” He nods making me chuckle.

  “No, you must have the wrong number.” I hang up and turn to Tyler. “Did you give my number to any NFL people?”

  “No, of course not. Why? Is that who called just now?”

  Sitting with our group at lunch, I take a bite of the juicy, Golden Delicious apple and nod. “Yup.” I finish chewing “They said they were with Pittsburgh and asked if I was your girlfriend.”

  “You’re joking.”

  “No, I wouldn’t joke about something like this.”

  “I can’t believe they called you,” he quietly replies. “People have been calling me all week.

  “Teams?” I gasp incredulously.

  “Shhh!”

  “And you gave them my number too?”

  “No, I swear I didn’t, I don’t want them calling you.”

  “Then why are they?” I shoot him an irritated glance. “I can’t deal with headhunters for my boyfriend; they shouldn’t know anything about me.”

  “Look, I didn’t say anything, okay? But like it or not, Kay, you’re a part of my life. You’re going to be in the spotlight eventually.”

  “I don’t want to be; it’s hard enough fending off my father’s fans.” All the fake people are trying to be friends and offer you things, then when someone finds out your phone number, the constant calling, the crazy fans who start harassing you. I’ve been there, and it’s not fun in the least bit.

  “Let’s talk about this somewhere else.”

  “Where?” I ask, standing up and gaining our friends’ attention.

  Ty flashes a fake grin at everyone and pulls me over toward the bathrooms where there isn’t anyone in close listening range.

  “You of all people should know what that lifestyle’s like. I was hoping you’d be able to help me adjust to it.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean? That type of lifestyle? My dad kept me hidden from it as much as possible.”

  “I don’t understand why you’re getting so upset; it was one phone call.”

  “Because it means that other people know who I am too. It’s not going to be just one, it’ll become a dozen, then a hundred, and so on until it’s nonstop people calling and harassing me to speak about you.”

  “I’m so sorry to be putting you out,” he replies sarcastically. He’s never spoken to me like that before, so it flairs my temper even more.

  “Maybe I’ll just tell them all that I’m not your girlfriend then.” Stubbornly, I cross my arms across my chest, getting defensive.

  “Well maybe, that’s a great fucking idea then,” he growls and storms off, slamming through the cafeteria doors on his way out.

  I swear every eye in the entire place is on me. Nosey bastards. They should mind their own business. Tyler and I shouldn’t concern any of them.

  Brianne tosses mine and Ty’s food in the trash bin and makes her way to me. “You okay, woman?”

  I shrug. What can I really say? Am I okay? Not really.

  I’m sorta pissed and freaking out over this whole football thing. It was okay to think about it but with one phone call, the reality sets in. He’s going to go pro, and if I want a life with him, it’ll be in the pro spotlight. Women will constantly be throwing themselves at him and attempting to cause trouble. They’re relentless and will do anything to try and drive us apart. Then there are the headhunters and organizations that’ll harass me, thinking if they win me over then Ty will choose them or that we’ll have loads of money to donate to whatever causes they represent. I’m starting to get why my dad just up and decided to become a biker. He was fed up with it all. He merely wanted to live his life, and that meant he had to basically disappear. I get it now.

  “Do you want to go sit outside and t
alk about it?”

  She’s a good friend, and I’ll need to talk about it with someone—possibly her—but not right now. I’m too upset that I may say something that I don’t really mean. Tyler’s already pissed at me over me freaking out, that he just tore out of here like his ass was on fire.

  “Thanks, lady, but not right now. I think I just want to go back to the room, put in my headphones and lose myself in some good music.”

  “You should go find Ty.”

  “And say what?”

  “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen him upset like that when it comes to you. Don’t let something good slip away because you're’re too busy being stubborn.”

  “How do you know it was my fault?”

  “You forget I’ve known you since second grade. I love you, but you can be hardheaded when you want to.”

  Absently, I nod, hearing her but not really listening to what she’s saying. Should I go find him? He should be the one to apologize to me. I’m not changing his life completely; it’s the other way around.

  “Look, if not him, then maybe call your dad. He’s a guy; maybe he knows how to deal with Ty?”

  “Yeah, probably. Thanks, Brianne. I’ll see you later.” It comes out monotone, but I have too much going on in my head at the moment.

  “Wait, you don’t want me to come with you?” She asks, resting her hand on my arm, appearing a bit more worried about me.

  “No, I’m okay, really. I want to be alone and just think.”

  She nods, “Okay, text me if you need anything.”

  “Thanks.” I smile a small smile as she hugs me and then makes her way back over to Kash.

  Leaving the cafeteria, Jada and her groupie trash all stare and giggle as I pass their table.

  Like they have any clue what our conversation was about. Losers.

  I walk well into the night until my feet feel like they may fall off, before deciding that it’s a good time to head back to the dorms. The few hours I’ve gotten to myself didn’t accomplish much, besides a dozen texts from various people asking what I was doing or where I was. It also made me realize that I may have overreacted just a bit at lunch with Tyler, but I couldn’t help myself. It’s a huge deal, and when they start calling other people on your behalf to try and sway you, well then that’s seriously a big thing. As in it doesn’t happen often, and they’ve obviously been watching Tyler a lot longer than we’ve thought. NFL teams don’t just call up college players and multiple teams at that.

  There’s so much of me that’s happy for him and proud of him, but also a nagging part that makes me not want to share him with everyone. I already have to share him with so many people during college; I can only imagine how much less time we’ll have together when he’s playing pro. Which makes me wonder if it’s all worth it.

  There’s a possibility we’re not meant to be together. As much as I want us to be, there’s always that chance. Don’t get me wrong. I love Tyler. I love that guy so much, but will it be enough to last over the years through the trials and tribulations life brings?

  This is our first blowout over something that didn’t have to do with my safety, and instead of talking through it, working it out like rational adults, we’re apart. No doubt, we’re both busily sulking over having our own angry feelings. I want to reach out to him so we can work through it, but I did that the last time, and damn it, I want him to get ahold of me. This is his deal; he should be reassuring me that everything’s okay.

  Another thing to worry about is, where on earth is he going to sign to? What if it’s like Arizona or Seattle or someplace like that? I’ll be miserable no matter how much I love Ty, and in the end, it’ll break me. Is it entirely too selfish to ask him to pick within a few specific teams? If he wants me to move along with him, then it should be partially my decision, too, right?

  I know he has certain needs, like making enough money to help his brothers, but what Tyler doesn’t realize is his level of talent. He’ll make a grip of money no matter what team picks him up. He’s just that good. I’m too selfish to give him up, but it frightens me knowing there’s a chance of me being miserable and dragging him through that as well.

  Am I really that self-centered to ruin his life as well?

  No. I would never allow myself to hurt him that way. I love him. Why can’t that fact alone be enough to get through our issues? Instead, we have to argue and make up and work to stay together. Is this what a real relationship is? Work? Don’t get me wrong; I’ll do it. I just worry inside that my love won’t be enough for him.

  Jada and her butt-buddies are sitting outside the dorm when I make my way back. Giggles erupt from them as I pass, and I can’t hold it in any longer. I’ve had a shitty day, and I’m not going to take any crap from them.

  “What the hell is your problem?”

  “Hmmm? Who, us?” Jada asks, acting as if I’m losing my mind. Her smirk makes me want to yank her ponytail out and poke her in her stuck up nose.

  “You’re the only pack of dogs around, so I’d say that’s a yeah you.”

  I’ve had my fill of her and her friends thinking it’s acceptable to be ugly to people they deem beneath them. I may be a book nerd and keep to myself a lot, but I don’t tolerate any type of bullying toward myself or other undeserving people.

  She sputters, climbing to her feet, balancing in what must be five-inch heels. They make her tall enough to tower over me. I’d say they put her at five-ten or so. “You little bitch! Calling us dogs? Who do you think got put out the back door today at lunchtime? Owens couldn’t get away from your prudish ass fast enough. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s texting me tonight to come over.”

  “Ew. No wonder he never liked you. You smell like garbage, act like garbage, and speak like garbage.”

  Her friends gasp, their gazes shooting towards her, waiting for a reaction. They’re not used to people standing up for themselves against their little group.

  “I’ll make you eat those words you little tramp!” Jada hisses, storming at me in her obnoxious shoes. She makes it three steps in my direction when a wall of muscle appears in front of me. He just came out of the dark like Superman or something.

  Tyler stands tall, his voice booming in the quiet night. “Jada, you touch one hair on my girl’s head, and I’ll make sure you’re expelled. And you know how angry your parents would be if they thought you weren’t being their darling angel and pissing off one of their favorite football players? It would bite you in the ass even more.”

  “She started it with me, Ty. I was just sitting here,” She whines pathetically, and her cronies all climb to their feet, agreeing with her. They probably think that by backing up her story, it’ll make me look bad.

  “You’re full of it. I was sitting right on the side of the building, making sure she made it back okay and I saw the entire exchange. You’ve turned bitter, and it’s made you ugly on the outside as well,” he replies angrily, turning to face me. “You okay?”

  I nod.

  “Are you mad at me?”

  I shake my head.

  “Want to go to my house?”

  I nod again, and he grabs my hand. Jada glares something fierce the entire time we walk to his truck. She laughs as her friends make rude comments, but I couldn’t care less. She’s an idiot, and if this is how she treats people, then she won’t be getting far in life. Chicks like her always end up meeting their matches, and it usually turns out pretty ugly.

  The drive’s silent and takes maybe two minutes. Part of me wishes it was a bit longer. I know the chat we need to have is serious, and I’m a bit chicken.

  We unload and make our way to his room. He keeps hold of my hand the entire time. No more distance between us.

  “Are you going to speak to me yet?”

  “I’m not-not speaking to you. I was just keeping quiet while we were in front of those assholes.”

  He nods. “They’re hateful. Her parents would be livid if they knew she acted like that.”

  “
You know them?”

  “Yes, they’re a sponsor for the team, so I’ve met them. Big football fans and nothing like their spoiled daughter.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “She means nothing to me.”

  “I know, I’m not worried about that. But you see how they act when you aren’t around? That’s part of the reason why I was freaking out today.”

  “What do you mean? What do they have to do with our discussion from lunch? Did they say something to you earlier that I don’t know about?”

  “No, but they have a lot to do with my outburst actually. You just saw it firsthand how women can be when you’re not around. How do you think they’ll be when you go pro? It’s irritating now, but they’ll be like sharks then. I can’t compete with that.”

  “People are assholes. I can’t do anything about the way they act. I can, however, do my best to make sure you’re protected and you have my word that I will. I promised you a long time ago that I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, and I still won’t. If anything, that promise is even stronger now. And you have no one to compete with, ever.”

  “Why now?”

  “Because I fucking love you, that’s why, now.”

  Best answer ever, I think as I throw myself at him and basically attack him to kiss his cheeks everywhere.

  “I love you too.” Whispering, he walks us backward to his bed. He lies back, pulling me over top of him. We can’t have a normal conversation it seems. He always has to touch me or something when we’re alone, and I love that about us.

  “Now tell me what else you were so upset about earlier,” he grumbles, staring into my eyes as I prop myself up on his chest.

  “Because,” I respond, already getting choked up. I’m starting to feel selfish again and like I shouldn’t have freaked out so badly. Now I have to admit to him why it all happened, and it doesn’t seem like it should’ve been that big of a deal anymore. Glancing everywhere but at him, trying to hold the tears at bay and feeling a little embarrassed inside at how emotional thinking about everything makes me. “I’m going to lose you.” It comes out as a mumble while tears spill from my eyes, running over my cheeks.