The Stronger, Safer Kind (The Boys of DownCrash #1) (new adult contemporary rockstar romance)

by Casey, London

  Andy closed his eyes. “It’s true.” He opened his eyes, finally ready to look at me and talk. “I remember you back in high school. Falling apart all the time. Everything around you starting to crumble. All I wanted to do was help you. Each time I thought about saying something I backed away.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Because I didn’t want to scare you. Just in case you didn’t have feelings for me, I didn’t want you to slip away. For good.”

  I swallowed. I had no response. Andy was hands down the greatest guy I’ve ever known.

  “You did that for me?”

  He touched my face. Opposite hand, opposite side than what Tripp did at the concert.

  Why was I comparing them?

  “I’d do anything for you,” Andy said. “When we graduated and got accepted to college, together, I didn’t want to mess it up. I didn’t want you to feel pressured. I didn’t want to have you stepping into college and have me pouring my heart. I didn’t want you confused.”

  Too late, I thought. Way too late, Andy.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said.

  “Why are you sorry?”

  “For putting you in that position.”

  “It’s not a position,” Andy said. “I get to see you everyday.”

  “But not the way you want,” I said.

  “I’m not worried about that.”

  “I am,” I yelled. “Andy, you punched someone…”

  Andy sighed. “Okay, fine. I’m sorry about that. Okay? I’ll find that guy and apologize to him. I promise to you, Scarlett, the way you looked and how he held you, I thought he was hurting you.”

  “He wasn’t,” I said. “It was a song. A band. In fact, it’s Maggie’s fault.”

  “Her fault?”

  “Yeah. She was the one yelling for the band. And when Tripp started talking…”

  “I was right there,” Andy said. “He looked right at you. Reached for you.”

  “Okay, he did. So what?”

  “Nothing. You asked me a question and now I’m answering it. I like you, Scarlett, a lot. And yes, I like you like that. But I’m not going to stand in your way or force you into anything.”

  I sighed.

  Why did Andy have to be so perfect?

  Seriously.

  He was going to just step aside and let me be. Let me live as I choose but yet be right there, waiting to help me, waiting to fall for me, again and again.

  “Andy,” I said. “It’s not that I don’t like you…”

  His face looked crushed.

  It was the second time I had to see a face like that tonight.

  “I understand,” Andy said.

  I opened my mouth and Andy already had the door open.

  “No big deal,” he said. “It’s a lot to handle and think about. Can I text you later?”

  “Of course you can,” I said. “Andy, please give me a few days. A week. Okay? Let me think about it. About everything.”

  “Sure,” Andy said. “Whatever you need…”

  I watched him leave the apartment but he didn’t close the door. He stopped and looked over his shoulder. His eyes were lost. He licked his lips, probably tasting our kiss.

  “You know his name, huh?”

  “What?”

  “That guy… Tripp. You know his name. But you never saw him before.”

  My mouth closed. My cheeks were on fire.

  “It’s okay, Scarlett. I just wish I knew everything…”

  As the apartment door shut, I felt my eyes fill with tears.

  I hate one last thought for Andy.

  You don’t want to know everything.

  7

  Noise.

  Please.

  Let there be noise.

  Someone move.

  Someone come upstairs.

  Someone… just please… someone.

  “Scarlett, I need you to understand how important you are.”

  He’s against me again. My few seconds of relief when he backed away are long gone. He’s back to me, touching me. His hands at my sides, which is just as bad as groping my chest. It leaves the potential there. I hate it.

  I feel all of him, right down to the softness of his stomach. He’s fat. He’s gross. This is the guy that wants me most?

  No.

  I refuse to believe that.

  “You’re too pretty for just anyone,” he says.

  He uses his nose to move my hair, rubbing against my cheek, playing, teasing, thinking he’s turning me on. He’s just creating a bigger nightmare.

  Now his hands are on the move.

  They creep down my body and start to cup around.

  I shut my eyes again, in the darkness, hoping I can disappear. I can transport somewhere else. Weren’t these the exact moments when things like that are supposed to happen? When miracles occur…

  A door slams.

  Yes!

  His hands are tense.

  A voice calls for him.

  Yes! Yes!

  “Scarlett,” he whispers. “I’ll be right back. Okay?”

  His tongue touches my neck. I shiver.

  8

  Worst night of sleep, ever.

  When I woke up it was as though I never went to sleep. I’m tired, uncomfortable, and I try not to recall any of the dreams I had the night before but my mind won’t let me. Bits and pieces came to me throughout the entire morning as I got ready for class.

  Today was an easy day. History, English, and economics. In that order. All the joys of sitting in a large classroom and waiting to see what will be thrown at me to comprehend and then take a test on.

  Maggie woke up an hour after me and looked like hell.

  “Are you still drunk?” I asked.

  “No,” she said. “Just a headache. I think I got sick.”

  “How much did you drink?”

  “No. Like a stomach bug or something.”

  “A stomach bug?” I asked.

  Maggie half smiled and rushed into the kitchen when her nose caught the scent of coffee.

  I had to laugh because that’s what Maggie always did after drinking. She would pretend to be sick. It was never the amount of alcohol she drank that made her sick or gave her a pounding headache for the day. It was always something else. Either bad food, bad sleep, or some kind of made up illness like a stomach bug.

  Maybe Maggie was just embarrassed to admit she drank that much. I wasn’t going to call her out on it.

  I found her sitting at our small kitchen table, sipping coffee, dazing off.

  “How was last night?” I asked. “With Jeff.”

  Maggie looked at me and smiled. “You know. The usual.”

  “You paid your debts.”

  “With interest,” she said.

  I went for the coffee too and thought about Maggie’s night. She went out, had fun. She got a little wild, enjoyed herself, but still made it home sometime last night in one piece.

  That’s what I wanted.

  That’s why I went out last night.

  It wasn’t to get caught in a romance web with Andy. If Tripp only had a few more minutes in that back room…

  “What happened with you and Andy?” Maggie asked.

  I poured my coffee and knew it was time.

  Confession time.

  I turned with my cup and walked to the table. I poured creamer into the coffee, watching the black and white mix together. That’s what it was like. Black and white. Too much creamer and the coffee would have no kick. Too little creamer and it would be a burning bitter taste in my mouth all morning. That was Andy and Tripp.

  I sighed, realizing that I was comparing Tripp to someone who actually existed in my life.

  Tripp was a rockstar. He played shows. He flirted with girls. He took them home. He did what he wanted. Who was I to be something or someone different? If I wasn’t there he would have called another girl up on stage and did the same thing. He would have found another girl to protect or find a way to get into that back r
oom with.

  “Scarlett? Hello?”

  I blinked and looked up. “Sorry. Just thinking.”

  “About what?”

  “Andy. And Tripp.”

  “Mmm… Tripp. He’s yummy, right?”

  I smiled. “Yeah, he is. I can’t believe he’s the lead singer of DownCrash.”

  “I still can’t believe he flirted with you and took you away. Speaking of which, what happened in that back room?”

  I opened my mouth and something opposite to Maggie’s question came out. “Andy told me he has feelings for me.”

  Maggie was in mid sip. She paused, her eyes wide. After a few seconds, she took her drink and then put the mug on the table. She licked her lips and exhaled.

  “Whoa,” she said.

  “Whoa? That’s it? Whoa?”

  “Give me a second to absorb that,” Maggie said. “Andy said he likes you?”

  “More than likes me,” I said. “He did it last weekend, at Joey’s party. But he was drunk and I tried to ignore it. But all week he acted clingy, attached to me.”

  “He’s always attached to you,” Maggie. “And you are to him.”

  “I know that,” I said. “That’s what scares me. I thought he was acting different because of last weekend but then I realized that’s how he always treated me. He’s had feeling for a long time.”

  “So… what happened?”

  Maggie raised an eyebrow.

  “No,” I said. “Nothing like… that…” I stumbled because I couldn’t say that with a straight face. Andy and I had kissed. A really good kiss. A kiss that had been lingering between us for a long time.

  “Did you sleep with Andy?”

  “No,” I said. “Just leave it at that, okay?”

  “Okay. Fine. So what’s the problem?”

  “The problem? Andy is my best friend. Besides you.”

  Maggie stuck out her tongue. I smiled, happy I caught myself there or else Maggie would have given me hell for a little while.

  “Do you like Andy?”

  “Of course I do. I love him. But in a relationship…”

  “Who said it has to be a relationship?” Maggie asked.

  “His eyes,” I said. “There’s no way it can be something sexual and casual.”

  “Too bad,” Maggie said shaking her head. “He’s sexy. You know that, right?”

  “You think Andy is sexy?”

  “Oh, totally. Tall. Strong. The glasses even, wow.”

  “Wait. You’re the most judgmental person I know.”

  “I’m not judgmental, I have preferences.”

  “And you prefer glasses?”

  “No,” Maggie said. “I see something I like. And Andy is sexy. As hell.”

  “What about Tripp?”

  Maggie smiled. Smiled so big, I swore I could see the corners of her mouth curling up. She loved this.

  “Still thinking about Tripp, huh?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I’m just confused. Andy has always been on top of me but I never thought of it like that. But then last night when he punched Tripp…”

  “That was wild. And really hot. Protecting you.”

  “Protecting me from what?”

  Maggie reached across the table and touched my hand. “Protecting your heart, Scarlett. You think a guy like Tripp is going to take care of you?”

  “Who said I needed to be taken care of?”

  “I guess that’s just how Andy feels. You said it yourself, being casual will never work. So he’s going to chase your heart and protect it.”

  “So he’s going to punch every guy that touches me?”

  “Maybe,” Maggie said. “And if he does… so what? Isn’t it hot? Doesn’t it turn you on?”

  I stood up. I made up my mind to dump my coffee, finish getting ready, and leave. But I couldn’t. I kept talking, even as I stood there.

  “Of course it turns me on,” I yelled. “That’s the problem. Andy is my best friend. And then I go out and meet Tripp.”

  “Scarlett, do you even know how to get in touch with Tripp? It’s not like you could just call him, right?”

  I felt deflated. I hung my head for a second. I had to step away from the rock n’ roll fantasy I guess. “I know. You’re right, Maggie.”

  “Okay, let’s back up for a second. When Andy told you how he feels, what did you do?”

  I looked at Maggie, my eyes spilling with guilt. “I kissed him.”

  “You did what now?”

  “I kissed him. Or he kissed me. Whatever. We kissed.”

  “Yeah, because that helps the situation.”

  “Shut up. Okay? It was something on our minds and there was a moment.”

  “And how did that moment end?” Maggie asked.

  “Not very well. He stopped the kiss and I asked him for time. A week. To let me think.”

  “Okay, that’s not so bad.”

  “Yeah, but then he asked about Tripp.”

  “About Tripp. Why?”

  I bit my lip. “I may have mentioned his name somewhere in the conversation.”

  I watched as Maggie’s mind made the connection. “Oh. Shit. So he knows you were with Tripp before he got there.”

  “Yeah. Then he left.”

  “That’s kind of bad.”

  “Thanks for the uplifting words,” I said and walked into the kitchen.

  I finished getting ready and waited for Maggie. I didn’t feel like being alone today. Our apartment was close enough to campus to walk, if we felt like it.

  We didn’t feel like it.

  Maggie drove and before we could back up, she asked, “What are you going to do?”

  “Think. I have a week. Like I said to Andy.”

  “You’re going to figure this all out in a week?”

  “Like you said, Maggie, I can’t even get in touch with Tripp. So what does it matter?”

  Judging by the way Maggie raised an eyebrow, I hadn’t convinced her. Hell, I hadn’t convinced myself.

  9

  Class went smooth, even English, where I had to spend the time with Andy. He walked into the room like he always did and approached both Maggie and I with the same Andy style. A book bag on one shoulder, his free hand in his jeans. He stood before us for a few seconds and my eyes noticed two quick things.

  First, the bottom of his shirt was a little baggy, making it quite easy to imagine seeing some of the bare skin of his stomach. Second, when he turned his head and I looked at him, he looked good. Like really good.

  My gosh, he belonged in underwear ads or something.

  The way his jaw line was carved to perfection. The glasses resting on his ears and face. He was meant to look like that.

  To look that good.

  Maggie elbowed me and I looked at her. She touched the corner of her mouth. I licked mine and found nothing. She leaned into me, laughing.

  “You’re drooling,” she whispered.

  I looked away, wanting to shield my red face.

  Andy eventually took his seat and we sat through another long lecture. A really long lecture. We were towards the front and when Andy slipped me a note, I read it as if we were back in high school, desperate to not get caught.

  His handwriting was sloppy but I knew how to translate it.

  Put your cell phone on vibrate.

  I did and then elbowed him, telling him I had listened.

  A couple seconds later, my phone vibrated with a text from Andy.

  Hey you. How’s everything going?

  It was something typical that Andy would send, but now it could have implied so much more.

  Sitting in class. Bored. What’s up?

  He wrote back, his cell phone hidden, his eyes forward, pretending he cared about class.

  Thinking about last night. I’m sorry if I messed anything up.

  I knew it wasn’t going to take him long to bring up the obvious topic of the night, the day, the week, the past few years.

  Nothing was messed up.

&
nbsp; I thought about adding more but I wanted it simple. I didn’t want to get into anything, not in class.

  Andy had a different idea.

  I am sorry though. I shouldn’t have stopped kissing you.

  I looked at Maggie. She looked at me with the eyebrow raised look. I shook my head and went back to my phone.

  Andy texted me again.

  I should have kept going. Taken you to your limits, Scarlett.

  My body warmed. I’m not sure if I ever thought about sleeping with Andy before. I’m sure at some point the thought must have crossed my mind. It might not have been in college but maybe in those late awkward high school years when everything felt too real to believe and too innocent to want.

  What would you have done?

  I hit send before my brain could understand what I was doing. I was sitting in English class opening another can of worms. Under other circumstances, teasing or even flirting with Andy meant nothing. But this time, I could actually hear his fingers tapping against the screen of his phone.

  The text came through and I froze.

  I would have done everything I’ve desired for years, Scarlett. We wouldn’t have made it to class… we’d still be in your bed…

  I felt obligated to send something back so I put a smiley face. Probably the dumbest thing to send to him but I had no words. Honestly. No words. It turned me on to read that. It turned me on that Maggie thought Andy was hot. Now because someone I knew wanted him it made me really consider what to do.

  Andy wrote one more text to me.

  Enjoy your week.

  That one was obvious.

  My week to decide something.

  I hate deadlines. Almost as much as I hate decisions.

  When class ended, we all stood. Andy stretched and sure enough, his shirt pulled up just enough so I could see his stomach. He had a small trail of hair from just under his belly button that ran into his jeans. My eyes followed and then started to imagine…

  I had to stop this.

  “Where are you going next?” I asked, forcing myself to look up at Andy.

  “I have a meeting with a friend of the family. Professor… Bunkley? I think. He’s helping me with some pre-law stuff. And he likes to pick my brain. Got to keep everyone happy.”

  Andy, the protector.

  Andy, the lawyer.

  Andy, the sexy guy.

  “Maggie and I are going to grab some lunch. You don’t have half an hour?”

  Andy smiled. He shook his head. I left it at that and he hugged Maggie, which shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did. Andy then turned to me and we hugged, like we always did. It felt so much different and he made it worse as he moved away.