The Stronger, Safer Kind (The Boys of DownCrash #1) (new adult contemporary rockstar romance)

by Casey, London

  “Enough,” I said and wiggled my shoulders.

  “Whoa, Scarlett…”

  “I said enough,” I cried out, ready to start swinging and kicking.

  Andy jumped away and I saw him in the reflection of the mirror. My face was flustered and flush, matching his. His hands were up, shaking.

  “Sorry, Scarlett, I didn’t mean…”

  “No, it’s okay,” I said. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to freak out. I just… my hair…”

  Andy nodded. “I’ll go wait, okay?”

  I nodded.

  Andy left the bathroom and I hung my head over the sink. I shook my head, knowing this could end up being the reality of Andy and I. He could touch me once and it would be fine. He could touch me again and it would be hell. It all depended on the nightmare.

  I finished my hair and found Andy drinking a bottle of water, talking to Maggie. He was so smooth and full of life. Drinking water. When I saw the water, I saw a bottle of vodka or a flask. Whatever kind of pain Tripp was in, that was his comfort. But Andy had no pain. He had problems - like all people have - but he faced them and lived. Nothing brought him down. I think I was the closest thing to even trying, not that I would ever do it on purpose.

  “Okay,” I said, announcing myself, “I’m starving.”

  How romantic, right?

  Whatever. I wasn’t trying to be romantic and I wasn’t going to try for the rest of the night. This wasn’t a romantic date. This was… just something.

  “Have fun,” Maggie said. “Are you sure you two don’t want a ride anywhere?”

  “No,” Andy said. “Thanks for offering, Maggie, but we’re fine.” Andy looked at me, smiling. His eyes were lit up, devouring me. I liked the way he looked at me. “Let’s get moving then.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” I said.

  Andy swallowed. I should have said sounds like a date but I couldn’t register it as a date, even though that’s what it was.

  Andy walked and put his arm out for me. I took it and looked back at Maggie.

  Her eyes and mouth were open.

  She mouthed to me, so fucking hot! and then smiled.

  Yeah, that helped me.

  From one hot guy to another, look at me go. No matter what though, two things were going to happen… first, I’d make a decision. Second, nothing sexually was going to happen between Andy and I.

  18

  We sat at a restaurant, staring at each other. Thinking, planning, wondering. But nobody spoke. I wasn’t sure what to say or how to say it without implying anything. It seemed Andy felt the same way.

  Our food came and we ate. I caught myself watching Andy eat as much as I caught him watching me eat.

  What the hell was this?

  Finally, that’s what I asked.

  “What the hell?”

  Andy laughed. “What’s wrong?”

  “This,” I said. “Right here. We’re sitting here in silence. Afraid to say something because of how the other person feels.”

  “I care only about how you feel,” Andy said. “I didn’t want to say anything and make it seem like I’m pressuring you.”

  “Just be Andy,” I begged. “Please.”

  “Okay,” Andy said.

  He smiled and I watched as he stuck his finger into the mashed potatoes on his plate. He lifted his finger, stared at me for a second, and then flicked the potatoes at me. I saw them for a second and then felt them stick to my cheek. They were warm and oozy, which reminded me of something else.

  I couldn’t keep sex off my mind.

  “Andy,” I growled.

  “What? Don’t you remember our food fights?”

  “I do. We were sixteen.” I wiped the potatoes off my cheek. “And we did it at school to sneak out and skip.”

  “So what?” Andy asked. “Are we all grown up now?”

  “I don’t know. You seem to be. Mr. lawyer-to-be. Moving to Maine. Fancy clothes.”

  Andy frowned. “That’s not fair.”

  “No, it’s not. Wait a second…”

  I looked at my plate. I dipped one of my fries into ketchup and threw it at Andy. He jumped and tried to catch it. He caught it but some of the ketchup flew and hit his shirt.

  “Shit, Andy,” I said.

  I jumped up and hurried to his side of the table.

  “I’m so sorry…”

  I dipped a napkin into his glass of water and tried to dab the ketchup off his shirt. I didn’t meant to ruin his shirt. I didn’t know what the hell I was even doing.

  I felt Andy’s hand slip behind my neck. I looked at him and my lips parted. He smiled and pulled at me. I was lost, done, finished. Our lips touched, just like in his car the morning he took me for breakfast.

  We kissed, just lips, Andy only adding a quick flicker of his tongue at the end of it. The kiss broke and I handed him the ketchup stained napkin.

  “Sorry,” I whispered.

  “Well, it broke up the silence.”

  I nodded and made it back to my seat. When I sat down I realized just how turned on I was. I wished we weren’t at a restaurant. I wished we were somewhere else…

  “Scarlett, I talked to my father about Maine,” he said. “I’m going to just wait a little bit before deciding.”

  “Why?” I asked. “Please don’t do anything because of me.”

  “I’m not. Well, I kind of am. But I want to finish this semester without any stress. I want to talk to my professors and make a decision. I can’t just up and leave, can I?”

  “It’s an opportunity,” I said.

  “What about you? What if there was an opportunity for you?”

  I felt my cheeks burning. “What do you mean?”

  “What if I could get you into school in Maine? You could be anything you want. And I can be there to support you.”

  Yeah, Andy, no pressure, right?

  I blinked and stared.

  “I’m not trying to push you,” Andy said. “I swear, Scarlett. I’m just… I just want you to have options I guess. I mean, you fled from high school to here so fast…”

  Andy bit his lip for a second and looked away.

  “What Andy? What?”

  “Are you happy here? Are you happy at all?”

  My back stiffened and I swallowed hard. What a loaded couple of questions.

  I wasn’t really sure how to approach happiness because deep down I feared that some kind of balance existed where happiness and pain lived together. They always needed to balance each other out. So if I was actually happy, that only meant pain waited to pull it away.

  “So you want me to pack up and move to Maine?” I asked.

  “No, I want you to understand there’s always options.”

  “I know that,” I said.

  Andy reached across the table and took my hand. “Do you? Or do you just tell yourself that?”

  I could see the look in Andy’s eyes. They weren’t the lust filled, romantic eyes from ten minutes ago. They were the eyes I grew to love, Andy as the boy who turned man, taking care of me, protecting me, knocking heads around to make sure I was okay.

  “I’m not trying to be an asshole,” he said, “I swear to you. And I’m not telling you what to do. I just want you to figure out what you want, Scarlett, and never give up on it.”

  “I’m already here,” I said.

  “But why? You and I both remember that day… right?”

  “What day?”

  Andy sighed. “You showed up at my door, crying. When you found out your parents were getting divorced. That your father already had a girlfriend and your mother had a little drinking problem.”

  I swallowed and felt the pain. I shivered. I hated thinking about this stuff.

  “I’m not trying to hurt you, Scarlett…”

  The nightmare flashed.

  ‘I’ll never hurt you…’ That’s what he says to me. His hand against my butt. Why is he touching my butt? Do boys like touching girls butts? Why?

  I blinked and came back to rea
lity.

  “I held you while you cried,” Andy said. “I kissed your forehead. You told me I was gross.”

  I smiled.

  “Yes!” Andy cried out. “That’s why I did it. Because you smiled when I kissed your forehead. You told me you wanted out. You were done. It was time to leave. That was fine by me. I swear to you, Scarlett, I would have left that very night. And we were going to, weren’t we?”

  “Yes,” I whispered. “Yes.”

  “We went back to your house and found your parents sitting at the kitchen table. They were holding a letter.”

  “My acceptance letter,” I said.

  “That’s right. And I’ll never forget the look on your face when you took the letter from your mother’s hand. You stared at it with that gleam in your eyes. It was your ticket out. Your chance.”

  “Is that wrong?” I asked.

  “God, no,” Andy said.

  His fingers moved on my hand. My body tingled and warmed. The feelings rolling through me were so intense. My mouth started to run dry, staring at Andy. My heart beat in a different way. I… I loved Andy. I really did.

  “You saw a way out and took it,” Andy said. “I came with you, Scarlett, just in case you ever needed me. Just in case something changed. If you wanted something different or something more.”

  “You got accepted somewhere else and didn’t go?” I asked.

  Andy laughed. “You know my father… I could have gone anywhere I wanted. But I wanted to go here, with you. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  I started to feel stupid, even used.

  Andy stood from his seat and moved towards me, still holding my hand. When he crouched down I had a vision of him proposing. I didn’t need that. No way. Not at all. In that moment I wanted Tripp. His care-free attitude. His wild life.

  “Scarlett, I don’t care where I am,” Andy said, “I just want you to be happy. I don’t want to be on top of you, bothering you. I just want to look in your eyes and know you’re okay.”

  “That’s too bad,” I whispered.

  “What is?”

  “You don’t want to be on top of me?” I teased. I smiled, desperate to break the moment up into pieces. Andy didn’t know it all, not yet.

  Andy smiled and I swore he blushed. “Of course… I want that… Scarlett. You’re beautiful. Why do you think I got so mad the other night?”

  “When you punched…”

  “Tripp Sage,” Andy said. I could sense the tension and jealous instantly.

  “Yeah. Tripp.”

  “That guy is no good,” Andy said. “He just uses people. Girls, of course. But everyone. What’s he going to do with his life? Play guitar and do what?”

  “This is not about him,” I said. “It’s about us.”

  “Exactly,” Andy said. “About us. I can go to law school anywhere. I can be a lawyer anywhere. I don’t have some kind of preference, okay? My father does, but I can take care of him.”

  “Thank you, Andy,” I said. “For everything.”

  Andy stared at me. When he moved, I didn’t. He came at me for another kiss and I wanted it. Just like the last two kisses we shared. His lips were tender, kind. The kiss was the same.

  We finished dinner and Andy paid, insisting on it again. This time I didn’t fight him about it. It was a date, right? The guy was supposed to pay. As we slipped out of the restaurant, he took my hand. I looked at it, thinking about how he held my hand differently than Tripp did.

  Tripp.

  It stung thinking about Tripp.

  I imagined my purple panties on his lamp. My fingers grazing his tattoos. The wild passion we shared. On that table. I could almost hear the table bouncing against the wall. Tripp’s dark eyes. The lust. The heat. The intense pleasure.

  I looked up at Andy as we stood on the sidewalk. I couldn’t compare anything to Andy because I didn’t know. That moment never came for Andy and I. Maybe it should have at some point, maybe it should have right then.

  “Andy, if I say something, promise you won’t get mad.”

  Andy looked down at me. His beautiful eyes. His sexy glasses. I could picture him in a suit everyday, coming home to me.

  “You can tell me anything,” he said.

  I hesitated.

  Maybe now was the time to share my nightmare with him.

  Yes.

  The nightmare.

  My lips quivered, everything twisting and turning inside me. My heart felt like it had daggers in it… no, thorns. Just like the thorns on Tripp’s tattoo on his chest. There was meaning behind it. Meaning I needed to know.

  “Can you just take me home?” I asked. “It’s nothing against you. You did nothing wrong, Andy. I… I love you for tonight, okay? You were being honest. I can see that in your eyes.”

  Andy nodded. “I understand, Scarlett. I don’t want to confuse you, or hurt you. Whatever you want or need, I’m there.”

  I put my head against his arm and sighed. Andy wrapped his arm around my shoulder, holding me tight.

  I didn’t just want to go home… I wanted to go home and then find Tripp.

  I needed to find Tripp.

  To see him.

  To actually figure this all out.

  19

  Surprisingly, Maggie was home and she chased me into my bedroom, begging to know what had happened with Andy. I couldn’t tell her, not everything, not right then. It wasn’t her moment, and quite honestly, it wasn’t even mine,

  It was Tripp’s moment, whether he knew it or not.

  I told Maggie I was going to see Tripp.

  “To tell him about Andy?”

  “What is there to tell?” I asked as I typed a text message to Tripp.

  I need to see you, right now. No questions, just tell me where you are.

  Maggie touched my arm. “Scarlett, are you in love with Tripp? Or Andy? Or the idea of two guys wanting you? There’s no wrong answer… just wrong action.”

  “Not now,” I said as I stared at Maggie.

  There was something about her eyes now that bothered me. Something she was hiding. I wanted to ask her what was wrong and how I can help but I had to be selfish for a second. I needed to see Tripp. I needed to know everything.

  Tonight.

  He wanted to see my reflection? Fine.

  Tripp texted me one word…

  Loft.

  “I’m leaving,” I said.

  “Scarlett, I’ve never seen you like this,” Maggie said.

  “I’ll be back… maybe. I don’t really know.”

  I ran from my room and felt Maggie’s eyes upon me. I stopped and went back to her for a hug.

  “Be careful,” she said.

  “Coming from the girl who has a guy every night,” I said and smiled.

  “Scarlett…”

  Maggie hesitated and then waved me off. I almost got stuck but didn’t. From there nothing else stopped me. I was actually shocked that Andy listened to me so well and not only dropped me off but left me alone. I promised him I would call him by morning and I fully intended to keep that promise. No matter what. But I had to admit to myself that I felt a little letdown that he didn’t text me. Something about being chased, that lust filled pursuit that I liked.

  I parked next to the garage and opened the door. I walked through the practice area, touching the mic stand, the amp, the drums. Even in silence, they contained some kind of power. A sense of freedom and creativity.

  At the ladder I called for Tripp.

  “Come get it,” he called out and then started to laugh.

  Fuck. He was drunk.

  It shouldn’t have caught me off guard. It was late enough that he probably had been sipping from a bottle for hours now. Drinking during band practice was one thing… drinking with me at his hidden spot… that’s all fine. But drinking alone, in a loft, that was scary.

  I didn’t make it two steps across the floor of the loft when I saw Tripp sitting in his bed with his knees up, head bobbing, bottle in his hands. He stared a
t the wall, gone.

  “Tripp… you shouldn’t be doing this alone.”

  He held the bottle out. “Here, have a drink then. Then I won’t be alone.”

  “No, I can’t stay.”

  “Yeah, nobody can. Hey, Scarlett, do you ever hear a voice?”

  “What kind of voice, Tripp?”

  I took small steps. I was scared and so worried for him. All my feelings were focused on Tripp. Andy took a backseat, for now. I hated this triangle crap. I really did.

  Tripp looked at me. His eyes were glazed. He looked ready to breakdown at any second.

  “The voice that took it all away,” he said. “The voice that ruined everything. The voice that was so fucking selfish…”

  “I get it,” I said. “Tripp, I get it. I know that voice. I hear it all the time.”

  Tripp swung his legs to the side of the bed and put the bottle to the nightstand. He stood up, finding his balance. His body gently swayed a few times and he put his hands out to keep his balance.

  “Tripp,” I said. “You should just go to bed. Right now. And when you wake up, call me. I’ll keep my phone right next to me.”

  “No,” Tripp said.

  “I’ll stay then,” I pleaded. “I’ll get into bed with you. We can talk and fall asleep.”

  Tripp pointed a finger at me. He drew little circles whether he meant to or not. He smiled even though his eyes didn’t look happy at all.

  “Can I tell you something?” Tripp asked.

  “Yes,” I said. “Please. Tell me everything. I want to know everything.”

  Tripp was close enough for me to touch him. I held his shoulders and an intense erotic feeling rolled through my body instantly. I almost regretted coming to see him.

  “I don’t hear the voice when I’m with you,” Tripp said. “That’s the only time it’s gone.”

  All things considered, that was the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to me.

  “Good,” I said. “Then I’ll stay, so you can sleep. There’ll be no voices.”

  “Scarlett, I’m no good. For you. For anyone. You have the bean man, right?”

  Tripp started to laugh and shake his head.

  “Don’t worry about Andy,” I said. “I’m single, Tripp, okay? Why would you wor…”