“Yeah, well Logan and I are at the garage and he’s not here. His car is gone too.”
“Is that bad?” I asked.
“We’ve been together as a band since high school and he’s never missed a band practice once. Band practice was supposed to start an hour ago.”
Everything crushed inside my heart. Tripp could give up on himself. He could drink his pain into numbness. But to give up on his music? That’s letting it all go. That’s getting to the end of the line and just crossing.
“I’m worried,” Tatum said. “He has his bad week, and that’s fine. But it’s never been like this, Scarlett.”
“Why?” I asked. “Why is it so bad now?”
“Well, if I say, I don’t want to upset you…”
“It’s me?”
“Yeah,” Tatum said. “It’s you. He’s falling for you, Scarlett. He’s never fallen for a girl, ever. I wish we could find him. Actually, I wish you could find him. I want him to tell you everything and then just… I don’t know, figure it out…”
“He’s just gone?” I asked.
“Just gone,” Tatum said.
I opened my mouth but stopped.
I knew where he was.
“I know where he is,” I said. “Oh, shit. I know where he is.”
I hung up the phone and turned to find Andy standing with his arms folded. His hair was messy - a really sexy kind of messy - and he wore his glasses now. I felt as guilty as I ever felt in my life. Like I had just got caught cheating or something.
“Leaving?” he asked.
“I have to,” I said. “Someone’s in trouble. It’s really serious, Andy.”
“Tripp?”
I closed my eyes and nodded. “Please don’t hate me.”
“I would never hate you,” Andy said. “I may strongly dislike your feelings, but I would never hate you, Scarlett. Ever.”
He put a hand out and I took a step back. I shook my head, hating what I needed to do. I couldn’t get caught up anymore, not right then. The moment had come and passed. All that tension and sexual frustration boiled over and that was last night.
Andy made a fist and as I turned to leave, he punched the wall.
I understood. I would have punched a wall too.
Or maybe just punch Tripp.
That was, if I could find him.
22
I tried to think of the roads we were on that night. For all I could remember, we were lost, just cruising. Twists and turns, going, faster and faster, until Tripp finally made that turn and followed a road to the edge of the lake.
Everything looked familiar just as much as it didn’t.
I took the roads slow, feeling each turn, stopping at the intersections, debating what to do. Thankfully there weren’t many choices. The roads were pretty set. There was one intersection that came to a ‘T’. I sat for a minute, thinking.
Tripp driving.
Me in the passenger seat.
Talking.
Feeling good.
Feeling flirty.
Feeling sexy.
The car stopped. We were sitting for a few seconds. Tripp looked at me and smiled. Then he turned left, letting the tires on his car squeal for a couple seconds.
I turned left and let my mind bring back all the details of that night, I found the path. I actually passed it and had to turn around. But it didn’t matter, I found it.
When I turned on the path, I stopped my car completely.
I was scared of what I’d find.
Would Tripp be drunk?
Would Tripp be dead?
Would Tripp be with that girl from last night?
There was only one way to find out.
I pressed the gas pedal and coasted. It occurred to me then I might find nothing. Tripp could have just taken off for a little while. Then, I saw the back of his car, the DownCrash sticker, and felt better at least knowing I found him.
I parked the car and slowly crept up to the window, seeing the keys in the ignition. And sure enough, sleeping on his back in the backseat was Tripp. There were two bottles on the floor of the car, tops missing, both empty.
That’s when the anger hit me.
The real anger hit me.
Tripp was being such an asshole.
Drinking like that. Having a girl come over with me there. Taking off and not telling anyone. Missing his band practice. And most of all… stealing my heart and making it so I couldn’t picture my life any other way than with Tripp by my side.
I hit the window a few times and watched Tripp jump up.
He blinked like crazy and looked around, then focused on me.
“Scarlett?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I cried out.
I felt tears fill my eyes and I couldn’t control myself. They streamed down my cheeks. Tripp rushed to open the door and rushed out of the car.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. He looked around, seeing my car, looking relieved. “What…”
“You’re an asshole!” I cried and started to pound at his chest. “I hate you so much, Tripp.”
His arms wrapped around me and he tried to hold me. I fought back at him, wanting to hurt him and love him at the same time. Nobody ever did this to me before.
“Scarlett, what’s wrong?”
“I want to know everything,” I said. I looked at him, my entire body shaking. I couldn’t stop crying. Ugh. I hated it, but whatever. “I want to know… the tattoo on your chest. The hands. The drinking. What the fuck is it?”
Tripp’s lip snarled. His eyes were beady. He looked over his shoulder to the car, seeing the empty bottles. He had nothing to drink. He’d have to do this sober.
It was his chance, with me.
I couldn’t take anymore. I wouldn’t know what to do.
“It’s me, okay?” Tripp said. “Just me. Nothing else.”
“Stop hiding,” I said. “You want to know about me?” I felt everything boil over. My hands became fists, wrapped in Tripp’s shirt. I was already crying, so what did I have to lose?
“Scarlett…”
“That’s what he said to me,” I said. “Over and over. Again and again. Each time he got into my closet and touched me.”
Tripp’s eyes went wide. “Don’t do it like this.”
“No, I am. You want me open. I’m open now. For you.”
I gave Tripp a chance to say something and he didn’t take it.
“I don’t remember when it started because I keep blocking it out. And it only happened a few times. My parents liked to have parties. Normal adult parties, okay? I think now it was their way of trying to socialize to save their marriage.
He was always the last one to leave. He’d stay and start once everyone was good and drunk. Like a disgusting fool. The first time he came into my room and scared me. Just stood there, swaying, whispering my name. So I ran into my closet. That did it then. It gave him the idea. The next time he started to come towards my room, I ran into my closet. That’s where he cornered me first. He just wanted to be near me. That’s what he said. He swore he would never hurt me or do anything wrong.
But he did.
Soon, he was the one setting up the parties. He wanted to be in my house, all the time. And nobody thought anything of it. Because of who he was…”
“Scarlett,” Tripp whispered. He touched my face. His hand shook. His thumb wiped away a tear and I couldn’t stop talking.
Not now.
I had to get it all out.
“So it kept happening, over and over, every time there was a fucking party at my house. I tried to sleep over friends houses, you know? I thought I had him beat. Then people started bringing their kids… it became this… thing… this bigger party. And I would always end up alone with him, usually in my closet. When I tried to stand up to him once, he told me if I didn’t listen to him, he’d ruin my father’s life. Simple as that. He said my father had great benefits and now it was his turn too.”
“I can’t hear anymore,” T
ripp said. “I just… can’t…”
“He told me we were going to get married,” I said. “He told me it was okay to touch me because we were going to get married. He said my mother and father already decided on it. So it was okay.”
I stopped and took two breaths before losing it. I couldn’t remember the last time I cried as hard as I did then.
I held Tripp and he held me.
I just cried.
His hands slipped down to my ass and he picked me up. There wasn’t sexual intent behind the move but my body ached. I had the same feelings right then with Tripp as I felt with Andy the night before.
Then I thought about it… did I have to tell Tripp about Andy?
“I’m just so sorry,” I whispered as Tripp carried me.
He put me on the hood of his car and moved me so he could look at me. He took my face in his hands. His thumbs collected as many tears as they could hold.
“Scarlett, this is why I wanted to know. Why I wanted you to tell me. So I could have the pain too.”
“You have your own,” I said.
“We all do.”
I lowered my head. “It doesn’t even matter right now.”
“Yes it does,” Tripp said. “It will always matter.”
“No, you don’t understand.” I looked at Tripp. My eyes were out of tears. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. “It doesn’t matter because he’s gone.”
“We can find him. Do something. Who was it?”
I shook my head. “It was… my father’s boss.”
Tripp’s lip curl. “Some old guy?”
“He wasn’t that old,” I said. “But it gets worse.”
“How so?”
“He’s related to Andy.”
“String bean?”
“Yes. It was his uncle. His father is a lawyer. My father is lawyer. That whole thing. That’s how we knew each other.”
“And you didn’t say anything? Not even to him?”
“No,” I said. “I couldn’t hurt my family or Andy’s. Plus, it doesn’t matter right now.”
“Why not? Because Andy is in love with you?”
“No. His uncle is dead.”
Tripp froze for a second. Then he whispered, “Whoa…”
“Yeah, right.”
“He’s dead? You didn’t…”
“No,” I yelled. “Jesus, Tripp. I didn’t kill anyone.”
“I would have,” Tripp said. “Right now, I would have found him and killed him.”
The look in Tripp’s eyes scared me. He meant it.
“He’s dead. He won a big case, got loaded, left the bar in his little sports car, and ended up wrapping it around a tree.”
“Justice, huh?”
“Something like that. But I had to go to the funeral and stuff. Everyone was upset.”
“Stop telling me,” Tripp growled. “I knew I didn’t like Andy.”
“He had nothing to do with it.”
“Yes he did. He should have been good enough of a friend that you could tell him. But he’s got his perfect life set up, doesn’t he?”
“It’s not that,” I said. “I just never trusted anyone enough. Okay?”
Tripp kissed me. It was the exact thing I needed. His lips touching mine, the silence falling between us. When he pulled away, I wanted to say something about his secret, his pain, but I couldn’t.
“Did Tatum call you?” Tripp asked.
“Yeah.”
“Fuck. I knew it. He bugged me for your number, with some excuse about talking to your friend. He’s worried about me.”
“I am too.”
“Don’t be,” Tripp said. He kissed my nose. “It ends tomorrow.”
“What does?”
“The pain.”
“I…”
“I need to get to my band. I hope you don’t mind. But I need to get to them, right now and fix this. Then I’ll take care of you.”
“Tonight?”
“Yeah. Tonight. I swear on it, Scarlett. You’ll know everything.”
We kissed again, longer than before. I cursed the sunlight, wanting the darkness so I could have Tripp. I needed to feel him inside me, thrusting, coming, making everything feel right.
“Wait,” I whispered with our lips touching.
“Wait, what?”
“Last night,” I said. “That girl.”
“Scarlett, please,” Tripp said. “I have no idea…”
I shut my eyes and spoke. “I hooked up with Andy.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“You fucked him?”
“No, not that. He… kissed me places. I touched him. Nothing else.”
Tripp nodded. “Fair enough.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t change anything,” Tripp said. “If that’s what you want…”
“Wanted,” I whispered. “I don’t regret it, Tripp, but I’ll never do it again. There was just something there. Something that had been building for years.”
“Ever since his uncle touched you?”
My heart cracked. My right hand was moving before I could control it. I slapped Tripp in the face and then gasped for air.
“Tripp, I’m so sorry.”
“No, you’re not,” he said, touching his cheek. “You needed to do that. Just follow your heart, Scarlett, always.”
“That’s why I’m here,” I said. “And I’ll be there tonight. I want to know, Tripp, no matter what it is.”
Tripp nodded.
“And please… the drinking…”
Tripp smiled. “There’s things you can’t change. Trust me. Just find me tonight. It’ll just be us, okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered.
I knew that meant one thing.
I’d have to deal with Tripp being drunk again.
23
“He’s looking for you.”
“I don’t care.”
“Scarlett, damn you, stop for a second and look at me.”
“Maggie… please…”
Maggie grabbed my arm and I swung. I didn’t hit her but she jumped back.
“What the fuck?”
“I need to see Tripp,” I said. “We have to talk and figure this out.”
“And just leave Andy hanging?”
“He knows how I feel,” I said.
“Is that why you stayed over in his bed?”
“Cheap shot,” I said. “You don’t even know…”
My bottom lip started quivering, the tears rushing my eyes. Maggie’s mouth fell open and she hugged me. That’s what a good roommate would do. Hug first, ask later.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just feel like hell.”
“Don’t. What’s wrong?”
We stopped hugging and I sat on the bed. “I don’t know where to start. Andy and I fooled around last night. And it was so hot, but only in that moment. That’s what it’d only be for us. Just moments. My past and his past are just too terrible and too important. I don’t want the life he could give me even though I should.”
“You can’t control your heart,” Maggie said. She bit her nails and swallowed. “There’s something I want to tell you, Scarlett.”
“Can I go first?” I asked.
It seemed easier to tell the story again. And it actually was. Sure, it still hurt, but the words came easier. I went through the basic details and when I mentioned it had been Andy’s uncle with the inappropriate hands, Maggie closed her eyes. When I told her he died in a car crash, she let out a whimpering sound, holding back her own emotions.
“My gosh, Scarlett, and you kept all that from me?”
“I kept it from everyone,” I said. “Andy doesn’t even know.”
“He doesn’t know his uncle…”
“It’s too hard,” I said. “They… they all look alike.”
“What do you mean?”
“Their family. They all look alike. That’s what I mean. Andy looks like his uncle. Looks like his father. They all…�
�
“Look alike,” Maggie said. “Fair enough. And that’s why you can’t…”
“There’s more to it,” I said. “Andy and I just can’t work. Ever.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m in love with Tripp.”
Maggie closed her mouth and that’s where the conversation ended. I promised her I would talk to Andy but I had to see Tripp first. I had to tell him how I felt and hear his secrets and his pain.
I thought about calling or texting Tatum on the way to Tripp’s loft but I knew better. The text message wouldn’t speed up my driving and whatever Tatum wrote back would only make things worse.
So I took the chance and just drove in silence.
When I arrived at the loft, I found Tatum and Logan sitting on two stools, facing each other, strumming guitars. They sang a little and looked drunk.
“Scarlett,” Tatum said, nodding.
“Are you guys drunk?” I asked.
“Compared to Tripp, we’re fine,” Logan said and shook his head.
“This is always the worst night,” Tatum said. “We make it a point to stay, no matter what.”
“He hasn’t stopped talking about you though,” Logan said. “For the past hour he wanted to know where you were. We finally got him to just stay upstairs about fifteen minutes ago.”
“He tried to play drums,” Tatum said. “Didn’t end well.”
“Didn’t start well,” Logan added.
“Just stay here,” I said.
I walked to the steps and looked up, bracing myself for whatever I’d find.
What I found was eerily similar to what I found before. Tripp on the bed, holding a bottle between his legs, staring at the wall.
“How bad?” I asked.
He looked at me and then showed me the bottle. I was shocked to see there wasn’t too much missing. Tripp then took a drink, and when he stood, he looked visibly drunk, but it wasn’t the mess from before.
“I know you feel you have to do this,” I said. “But if you would just talk to me.”
“Okay, let’s talk,” Tripp said. He put the bottle down and put his hands up.
“I’m not going to chase you like that,” I said. “I’m not going to nag at you and push you. You’re a big boy, make your own decisions on that.”
“And you want this? You want to get messed up with a dumb drunk?”
“I want Tripp,” I said. “The eyes staring at me right now. That’s Tripp.”
The Stronger, Safer Kind (The Boys of DownCrash #1) (new adult contemporary rockstar romance) Page 14
