Ashley Drake, Zombie Hunter

by Dana Fredsti

  Simone immediately stepped forward when she saw our rescue-ee, now being supported by Kai. “Professor Blandsford!”

  Jan's eyes widened with recognition when she saw Simone. “Professor Fraser? You're alive too?” She started quietly weeping as Simone enfolded her in a reassuring hug.

  “You're safe now,” said Simone. “I'm going to have Jamie here”—Jamie, never more than a few feet away from her idol, stepped forward—”take you to get a checkout by Dr. Albert. You remember Dr. Albert, don't you? Then you can get a shower and a hot meal.”

  “Oh Lord, a shower…” Jan started crying even harder. “I never thought I'd take another shower again.”

  She continued weeping as Simone handed her off to Jamie, who led her off towards the stairs.

  I sidled up to Simone. “They're not taking her to the med ward, are they?”

  “Oh good god, no.” Simone sounded aghast at the idea. “Dr. Albert will check her over to make sure there's no possibility of infection. If she's clear, she'll be given a room. If not, well, we'll sedate her before taking her to the med ward.”

  I shuddered. I wouldn't wish waking up in that hellhole on my worst enemy. Except maybe Colonel Heald.

  We went to shed our unimaginably filthy clothing into hazardous waste containers and get hosed down with some sort of disinfectant that smelled like Lysol wielded by our Hazmat-suited pals in a jerry-rigged bathroom before finally going back to our rooms wrapped in towels to take normal hot showers with shampoo and soap.

  Lil and I thumb-wrestled for first dibs on the bathroom and I won. “Not fair,” she grumbled. “My thumbs are longer than yours. I should have won.”

  “T'ain't the length, it's the dexterity.”

  Lil stuck her tongue out at me as I shut the bathroom door, anxious to smell like something other than zombie goo or kitchen cleaner.

  Hot water never felt so good. But I took pity on my poor filthy teammate and made it a quick shower. Swiping my underarms with deodorant, I quickly put on a little moisturizer and lip balm, slathered my body with lotion, wrapped a towel around myself, and vacated the bathroom so Lily could enjoy herself too.

  It would have been to have something nice to wear, but my wardrobe choices were limited to yoga pants, T-shirts, tank tops, sweats, and long-sleeved olive drab thermals. I had another set of combat wear, but I'd had enough of that for the night, even if it did look kind of ginchy. Yoga pants and a thermal top won.

  I would have thought I'd immediately collapse in bed and fall asleep, but I was wide awake and ravenous. I sat on the bed for a few minutes, listening to the sound of Lily humming show tunes slightly off-key over the sound of the running water as she enjoyed a long soak. Next time I'd throw the damn thumb-wrestling match.

  After five minutes or so of humming and an amazingly loud series of protesting growls from my empty stomach, I knocked on the bathroom door, opened it a crack, and yelled, “Lily, I'm going to the cafeteria. See you there?”

  She stopped humming. “Okay!” The humming started right up again. I'd have to look into earplugs if we were going to share a room for any length of time. Maybe she only hummed after a successful bout of bloodthirsty zombie killing. Which, considering the circumstances, could be a daily occurrence. Definitely earplugs.

  The cafeteria was empty except for the Wild Cards of Team B, who were all seated and chowing down on what looked like steak dinners complete with salad, corn on the cob slathered in butter, and hot rolls. I could see steam rising from the bread basket on the table. And were those bottles of beer and wine I saw before me?

  Oh, yummy.

  No one else from my team was there yet. Probably enjoying nice long showers. Simone, Jamie, and Colonel Paxton were noticeably absent too, probably all sensibly asleep. Of course, they hadn't worked up hellacious appetites.

  Tony saw me first and waved his fork in the air, sending a piece of steak flying off to the side, missing Captain Gentry by scant inches. “Hey, Ashley!”

  The rest of the team looked up and saw me. Mack toasted me with a glass of red wine and Captain Gentry wiggled an ear of corn by way of hello. Kaitlyn went back to her meal without acknowledging my presence. You'd have thought all of this zombie-killing and life-risking and stuff would have given her an attitude adjustment, but no such luck. I almost asked what crawled up her butt and died, but decided I really didn't want to know.

  I waved back to those who gave a shit, loaded up a tray with food, and took a seat near the end of the table—close enough to be sociable, but leaving room for anyone else who might want to sit next to me. Like Lil or Kai, or maybe Gabriel.

  “How'd it go?” Tony grinned at me, a Band-Aid over one eyebrow.

  “Good,” I said. “Still alive.”

  “Cool.” Tony grabbed a bottle of Dos Equis and took a swig. Guess the legal drinking age didn't apply tonight. Fair enough. As far as I was concerned if Tony was old enough to kill zombies for our country, he was old enough to enjoy a cold beer.

  “What happened to you?” I gestured to the Band-Aid.

  Tony turned red, took another swig of beer and muttered something that sounded like “Dumbfuckzombippedabarbul.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “You don't say.”

  Mack chuckled. “What he's trying to say is a zombie got up close and personal with one of his piercings. Guess it liked bright and shiny things.”

  “Yeah, well.” Tony drowned his mortification with more beer after shooting Mack a pissy glare.

  I downed a bottle of water in three long gulps, then poured myself a glass of wine, a Napa Reserve cabernet. Matt would have approved. I took a dainty bite of steak (okay, I ripped into it like a starving tiger) and followed it with a sip of wine. Pure bliss. Guess it doesn't always suck to be a Wild Card.

  For the next few minutes I ignored everything and everyone to focus entirely eating. The hot rolls were probably just Brown ‘n’ Serve with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter or something similar, but I'm here to tell you home-baked bread and freshly churned butter have never tasted so good. Something about facing death combined with vigorous physical activity really stimulated the appetite. Zombie killing makes the best sauce? Never mind.

  I was nearly through my first steak and contemplating a second one when someone sat down next to me on the left. I didn't have to look to know it was Gabriel; that side of my body suddenly went on hyper alert, all warm and tingly. Besides I saw Lily and Kai heading towards the table from the other side of the cafeteria so I thought it was a safe bet. I smiled briefly at him, noticing that he looked much better again, and focused on my food again during the hullabaloo of greetings from everyone else and then Lily and Kai's arrival. Kai plopped himself down in between Tony and Captain Gentry, and Lily sat on my right, setting down a copy of Zombie Combat Manual next to her plate.

  “More homework?” I asked.

  Lily nodded. “I wanted to compare some of his combat techniques with what we actually did out there.” She opened the book with one hand and picked up an ear of corn with the other, thoughtfully munching as she flipped through pages.

  “Hey,” said Gabriel, under cover of the babbling going on around us. Amazing how much awkwardness could be conveyed in one syllable.

  “Hey yourself,” I replied, going for three times as much awkwardness.

  “Enjoying the food?” He pointed unnecessarily at the little slice of medium rare meat left on my plate.

  I nodded. “Maybe it's just ‘cause I was starving, but I don't think I've ever tasted anything so good.” I took another sip of wine. “I mean, if you like this sort of thing.” Okay, so I sounded just a wee bit defensive.

  Gabriel gave a half smile. “Don't worry, Ashley, I'm not going lecture you on the evils of red meat after you've been through.”

  “Glad those zombies are good for something.” There was no malice in my tone. Although just maybe, I was flirting a little.

  I checked out his plate, piled high with baked potatoes, salad, rolls, and corn. “No offense, but
where are you getting your protein from? Seems like you'd need some after … well, after everything.”

  “Normally I have cheese, or something made from soy, like tofu.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “Tofu just doesn't do it for me. It's all white and wriggly and kinda weird.”

  “Depends on how you prepare it.” Gabriel poured himself a glass of wine. “Ever had a tofu hot dog?”

  I shook my head. “I've always equated it with non-alcoholic beer. I'd rather have the real thing.”

  “Don't knock it until you've tried it.”

  I noticed something red sticking out from under a pile of salad on his plate, something that looked suspiciously like a small piece of exceptionally rare steak.

  Gabriel looked down where I was pointing and frowned. “Doctor's orders,” he said without any of the warmth he'd shown previously. I could tell he was deeply embarrassed by being caught out like this. Why else would he have hidden it under the lettuce?

  A week ago I'd have read him the riot act and called him on his previous self-righteousness six ways from Sunday, but not now. “No tofu, huh?” I kept any judgment or hint of teasing out of my voice and grabbed another roll from the basket in front of us. “God, I love bread and butter. Does being a Wild Card mean I can eat as much butter as I want without getting fat?”

  I felt rather than saw Gabriel relax. “Only if you continue to work out the way you have been.”

  “So once the zombocalypse is over and I'm not training, it's fat city, huh?”

  Before Gabriel could respond, Captain Gentry started laughing from across the table. “Zombocalypse. Is that what you call this?”

  I shrugged. “Makes it sound kind of cute and manageable, doncha think?”

  “I think it's cool,” said Tony eagerly, all beer- and puppy crush-induced enthusiasm.

  “Of course you do, bro.” Kai patted him condescendingly on the shoulder. “As do I, and not just because the lovely Ashley came up with it. Although she gives it extra cool points.”

  Kaitlyn sniffed. “Trust Ashley to trivialize something so horrifically serious.”

  And trust Kaitlyn to take any opportunity to be a bitch and score points off me, even during a celebration. Deep breaths, I told myself, not wanting to escalate things. Now I knew why I'd taken all those yoga classes.

  I felt Gabriel tense up beside me. So imagine my surprise when Lily snapped, “Back off, Kaitlyn. Just because you don't have a sense of humor doesn't give you the right to be a bitch to someone who does.”

  Kaitlyn looked as though a big-eyed, velvet-painting kitten had just bitten her. It was enough to shut her up and let the rest of us enjoy ourselves. I noticed she was the only one not indulging in beer or wine.

  “So if we can't have cool team names, what about nicknames?” Tony suddenly declared, although whether by design in order to diffuse the tension or in a spectacular unawareness of same I did not know. “All the soldiers in the movies have cool nicknames like Doughboy or Sumo or Chopstick or Matador.”

  “You can be Ash,” said Kai said to me.

  “Wow, original,” I said.

  “Like for Ash in the Evil Dead movies.”

  “My point remains the same,” I said.

  Tony waved a hand. “Killer Barbie?”

  I shot Tony the look he deserved. “I'll take Ash, thanks.”

  Kai grinned. “And Tony has gotta be Joystick.”

  “Aww, jeez, it makes me sound like a vibrating dildo,” Tony said in disgust.

  Kai shrugged. “If the shoe fits.”

  Captain Gentry leaned back in his chair and grinned. “I ain't saying a word.”

  “How about X-Box?” said Lil.

  Tony considered it. “Better than Joystick.”

  “Wii would work too,” smirked Kai, ducking before Tony could put him in a headlock.

  “Mack can be Postman,” I said. “The movie sucked, but Kevin Costner makes a good action hero.”

  Mack nodded his approval. “At least I'll remember that one.”

  “I'll be Ladies’ Man,” said Kai.

  “You can be Ladies’ Room,” Tony shot back. Maturity points were dropping rapidly.

  “Even better,” I said, “Lando.”

  Kai looked at me appreciatively. “Gorgeous and geeky. Gotta love it. Lando it is.”

  Was it my imagination or did Gabriel tense up again?

  Kai and Tony turned their attention on Kaitlyn. She scowled back. “Don't even think about it.”

  “What about me?” Lily said eagerly.

  “Cutie Bunny?” Kai suggested. Lily punched him on the arm. “Ouch!” He rubbed his arm. “Okay, not so cute.”

  “Gremlin?” Tony made sure to move out of Lily's range. She chucked her copy of Zombie Combat Manual at his head, which he barely ducked in time. “It is just so wrong to use this book against a fellow Wild Card.”

  Lily looked at me expectantly, but I was drawing a big old blank. Problem was that she is just so darn cute and the only names popping into my head were as bad, if not worse, than Kai's and Tony's suggestions. “Stay Puft” came to mind, for instance. You know, for the Stay Puft marshmallow man in Ghostbusters. Lethal, but so darn cute.

  Mack held up his hand. “I got it! Diamond Lil,” he said proudly. “Lil for short.”

  “I like it,” Lily said a bit hesitantly. “But what does it mean?”

  “Diamond Lil was a nickname for Lillian Russell, an actress and singer from the turn of the century. The turn of last century, I guess I should say. Beautiful and tough.”

  Lily nodded, still a bit uncertain.

  “Even cooler,” said Tony, “she's a Marvel superhero!”

  “Oh, well, then.” Mack looked amused.

  “Although sometimes she's a supervillain, depending on the story arc.” Tony continued, as animated as I've ever seen him. “She's, like, also a mutant. She can strangle people with a strand of her hair and, like, when she kicks or punches, all the impact energy is directed into whatever she's hitting instead of, like, being absorbed back into her body. So she hits twice as hard as a normal person. She's totally kick ass at street fighting.”

  Lily positively beamed.

  Gabriel cleared his throat. “If you children are done now, can we move on?”

  “What about Gabriel?” said Captain Gentry, grinning with the pleasure of something who enjoys stirring the pot. “He needs a nickname too.”

  Gabriel's look was deadly. “I so do not need a nickname.”

  “That's an easy one,” I said. “Tofu.”

  Captain Gentry leaned back in his chair and grinned. “My work here is done.”

  Tofu shot me a look stating I would pay for this later. I smiled sweetly at him.

  “Your turn now, Cap'n!”

  Tony turned his attention to Captain Gentry.

  “Yeah, Willard,” said Gabriel. “Your turn.”

  “Ooh, cold, Tofu. Very cold.” Captain Gentry didn't seem particularly upset that his secret was out.

  “Willard?” Kai grinned hugely. “Like the rat?”

  “That was Ben,” corrected Tony. “The rat was Ben. Willard was the dude who controlled the rats.”

  “Well, seeing as he's in charge of your team…”

  Mack cleared his throat and pointed to himself and Kaitlyn. “Ahem?”

  Kai flushed. “Sorry.”

  Mack grinned. “You wanted a nickname for the team, how about Rat Patrol?”

  As everyone laughed, a sudden wave of heat suffused my face, neck and chest and I felt nauseous. I wasn't old enough for hot flashes yet and wondered if I'd gotten a bad piece of steak. Like I really needed another case of food poisoning about now. My stomach gave a little roil and I decided it was time for a trip to the bathroom. I stood up, slightly unsteady on my feet. I'd only had two glasses of wine. Or maybe three.

  “You okay, Ashley?” Lily smiled up at me with a slightly unfocused gaze.

  “I'm fine. I'll be back in a few.”

  I carefully walk
ed across the cafeteria into the hallway to the nearest ladies’ room, where I spent a few minutes deciding whether or not I was going to throw up. I didn't.

  After taking care of other business, I splashed cold water on my face and on the back of my neck cooling off what must have been an alcohol-induced hot flash. I hoped my fabulous new Wild Card powers included dodging a hangover, but thought I'd take some ibuprofen with a big glass of water just in case they didn't.

  I pushed the bathroom door open and smacked right into Gabriel, who had to have been waiting on the other side. I gave a surprised yelp, the kind of sound small dogs make when stepped on, and stumbled back from the impact of slamming into a hundred and eighty or so pounds of solid muscle. Gabriel rocked on his feet a little, reached out and caught me before I hit the wall or worse, fell back through the bathroom door like some sort of Three Stooges routine.

  “Jeez friggin’ Louise,” I said (okay, I yelled). “Were you trying to scare the crap out of me?”

  “Sorry about that.” He looked embarrassed.

  “I mean, it's not like we didn't already have enough spook-house surprises for one twenty-four hour period.”

  I'd have said more, but I was hit by another hot flash, spiking my temperature a couple of degrees and leaving me flushed and dizzy. I shut my eyes and swayed on my feet.

  “Are you okay?” Gabriel's hands stayed on my arms, steadying me.

  “Yeah. Just … I think I should have stopped after one glass of wine.” I opened my eyes to find him studying me with concern. “Seriously, I'm okay. Other than whatever years were taken off my lifespan from shock.” There was no anger or even irritation in my last sentence. The hot flash seemed to have burned all of it away and now I just enjoyed Gabriel's proximity.

  “Were you … were you looking for me?” I had to ask.

  “You didn't look too good when you left the table,” he said. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. The scaring you to death bit wasn't part of it.”

  “Just a little bonus, huh?”

  “Something like that.”

  An awkward but not entirely uncomfortable silence fell between us. We looked at each other, that same awareness that had hit us out by the barricade making a return visit.