By this point I was so turned on that giving James a blowjob was like a treat. I couldn’t explain my motives. Held hostage by a hungry lust, I couldn’t control where my newly discovered carnal desires would lead.
This was the beginning of the end for me. From this moment on I did everything James wanted, because in some ways I wanted them too. He brought me ecstasy, more than I ever could have imagined experiencing. He opened my eyes to a sexual craving I found necessary to feed. I was lost in the affair, grasping for whatever parts of him he’d give me.
We had sex wherever we could, sometimes in places where we weren’t alone. He took me to a club where sex was allowed out in the open. I liked watching others, and learned even more about myself and what I wanted to try. James showed me the ropes like a veteran expert. He taught me to love my body and appreciate the pleasure I could give myself with or without a man.
We fucked in his office, the classroom, and out on the grass one night after curfew. He took me from behind in the library, and then again in his wife’s office.
I was lost in the relationship. I thought he was everything; a future and so much more. I didn’t feel bad for my actions. The more dangerous the scenario, the better I enjoyed it.
As the weeks turned into months our once safe sneaking around had obviously become careless. James met me almost every night, at first telling his wife he was working out, but then not giving her a reason at all for his absence, or at least that’s what he told me.
When I attended his class he had me sit in the front row, often without panties. He’d purchased a few skirts just for the occasion. He’d stand up at his podium giving a lecture while I spread my legs, keeping him entertained until the hour was up and we could be together again. I’d be soaked and ready, completely turned on knowing I was in the presence of so many people while doing dirty things.
It was dangerous and exciting, both I’d never been keen on, not until James came into my life. I didn’t know myself anymore. I’d become someone else; someone just as twisted as the man I loved to no end.
Our relationship was perfect aside from not having him all the time. He took care of me, promising me a future I’d only dreamed of having. I thought he meant it when he told me he loved me. No longer did I worry about about it being a fling. What we had was real. It was intense and meaningful. He’d made it evident.
James took control of my life.
He was my friend. He helped me with my studies. He comforted me when I felt alone. He knew just what to say to prevent me from worrying. The sex. Well, it was obviously a very important part of us.
He’d become my future, wedged right in between a career I’d strived my whole life for.
Chapter 9
It wasn’t a shocker when I started waking up each morning feeling ill. I’m studying to be a doctor, so naturally I knew exactly what was going on with my body. We’d been careless. We were having unprotected sex every single day, sometimes more than once.
I don’t know why I assumed he couldn’t get me pregnant. Maybe in the back of my mind I thought he’d gotten a vasectomy. Maybe I was an idiot when it came to James altogether. Being irresponsible wasn’t exactly something I knew much about. From a young age I’d prided myself in doing what was right, thinking before acting, and more importantly weighing the outcomes before the plan was set into motion. This new side of me was alarming, because I knew I’d gone down a road without headlights. Pretty soon there would be a cliff and I’d drive right off it.
This was the first step.
It took me a while to get the courage to buy one of those drugstore tests. I was embarrassed when I paid at the register, taking note of the looks I was getting from the cashier. She was judging me, and I deserved it. If she only knew who the potential father was. I’d be the talk of the campus.
I waited until Jasmine wasn’t around to pee on the stick. The particular test I'd purchased stated I could take it at any time of day. Three minutes went by before I glanced over and saw what I already knew was true. I was with child, and suddenly all my other problems were blowing in the wind.
This couldn’t be happening. I stared down at the test, praying one of the lines would suddenly disappear. How could I have been this careless? Surely I should have known to use protection.
I closed my eyes, tears welling up so heavily I had to blink. This wasn’t how my future was supposed to go. I had one more semester until I graduated. I still had at least three more years of graduate school, and then more of working my ass off to be able to take my boards. This was a disaster. My professor had knocked me up. Worse, I’d fallen hopelessly in love with a man who would never be able to offer me a bit of support.
I felt sick to my stomach, finally hovering over the porcelain toilet bowl to release the rest of what I’d eaten the night before. My dreams were going up in flames. Nothing could ease the pain. I’d done this to myself. I’d let him have his way, knowing damn well the consequences. We hadn’t taken precautions. Hell, I’d done everything wrong from the get-go. This was my undoing, mine alone.
In a ball on the floor I cried myself into a maddened stupor. My roommate came to the rescue, helping me to my bed before demanding an explanation. “Are you flunking? What’s going on?”
Jasmine hadn’t exactly been a friend to me. I suppose in light of the way I’d been living my life she was as close as I was going to get. “I’m in trouble, Jas. Big trouble.”
“Trouble like you stole a car, robbed a liquor store and shot someone while fleeing, or trouble like you’re knocked up by a teacher?” When she said it I felt my heart drop.
“Why would you go right to that conclusion?”
“This might be a big campus, but news travels fast, especially with the internet. There are always eyes watching. Someone sees something and then they share it. A picture of you surfaced last week. You were leaving a house and Professor Willis was behind you. I’m not one to speculate, but you haven’t been here as much. I suspected you’d met someone, but never in my wildest dreams would I have pegged you to screw around with a married professor. Tell me it isn’t true.”
I glanced in a different direction, regrettably searching for a way out of this. Did I deny it? Did I pretend someone was out to get me? Would she believe me? “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She snickered. “It’s fine. I wouldn’t want anyone finding out either. Just know, when the shit hits the fan I want nothing to do with it. I can’t afford to be reprimanded for your mistakes. As far as I’m concerned, I know nothing.”
“I wouldn’t drag anyone else into my problems.”
“You already have. What are you going to do, Cam? Does Professor Willis know you’re knocked up? Is it his baby? Holy cow, I can’t believe my nerdy roommate has a secret life right under my nose.”
“I don’t have a secret life. I’m still me. It happened. It wasn’t planned.”
“That’s not what I heard. Talk around town is that you’re not the first student he’s been involved with. A few years ago there was another girl. His wife swept it under the rug to save appearances. It was all hearsay.”
“He’s not like that. You must be mistaken.”
“I hope for your sake I am. I know how hard you’ve worked to be here. It would royally suck if you lose it all because you screwed you’re womanizing teacher. He’s a hottie, I’ll give you that.”
I rolled my eyes. Jasmine was supposed to be supportive, but she was only pissing me off. She obviously must have heard her gossip wrong. It had to have been another professor who’d gotten involved with a student. James wouldn’t lie to me, not about that. I’d asked him early on about it. This simply wasn’t true. “I need to go.”
“He’s in class, Cammie. You can’t walk in declaring you’re with child.”
“I wouldn’t dare.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “What the hell am I going to do?”
“You could get an abortion. I’d go with you so you’re not alone. In a couple weeks
you’ll be back to your studies. You don’t have to change your life because of a mistake.”
“I’d never get an abortion. It’s not an option. What James and I have is real. He’s a parent. He’d never ask me to get rid of my baby. He loves me.” I’d let down my walls and fallen victim to my need for a connection. Had he taken advantage of me? Was it possible?
“I really hope you’re right. You’re a nice girl, Cammie, but this world isn’t a nice place. Bad things happen to good people. You have to consider he took advantage of you.”
“I can’t. I won’t. I know him.” I repeated.
She patted my shoulder. “I have a class in ten minutes. Text me if you need anything. Good luck when you talk to Professor Willis. I hope you get the answers you’re looking for.”
I didn’t cry again until I knew she’d left the room. Jasmine had been right. I couldn’t storm into his classroom and announce my situation. I had to be discreet. James would understand. He’d find a way for this to work out; for us to finally be together without sneaking around.
Like clockwork, my cell phone buzzed just as his final class of the day was getting out.
Meet me at our place in an hour? – James
I’ll be there. – Cammie
I was trembling as I showered and changed, grasping at what I was going to say to give him the news I’d previously discovered. Had this been an open relationship where we didn’t have to hide perhaps the outcome wouldn’t seem so bleak. With nothing but fear on my side, I worried I was stepping into the demise of our relationship.
We’d been meeting there for months, though I skimmed the room for things I may have never noticed before. The furniture was old and worn, all except for the bed he claimed to have purchased for us. I wondered if he’d been telling the truth. Where else would he have picked up a bed in new condition and had setup? Then I considered how long it had been there. I got down on my hands and knees and peered down at the hardwood floor. In all four corners were divots. We’d had a few rough encounters, but this would have happened after years of wear, not months into a new relationship. For the most part our lovemaking was gentle. These marks would have required hardcore fucking, which was something I assumed James was against, since we’d never divulged in it.
When I heard the door downstairs, I quickly got to my feet, hoping and praying these assumptions were all in my head; a direct reflection of Jasmine’s overzealous imagination. James couldn’t be the man she’d suggested. I would have sensed it. Instead I’d come to love a man who put me on a pedestal and promised the world if only I’d wait until his marital affairs were in order. I had to believe I was the only one, because if my mind swayed in another presumption I’d be left broken and in pieces. That sort of betrayal was unforgivable, especially in our circumstance. I’d become involved with him on the notion that he’d never done this before; that his marriage was all but over with the exception of the paperwork. If he’d been lying. If this was some sort of scheme he’d been running for years, I’d rip off his balls and hang them where all could see.
My eyes widened when he entered the room. He held out his arms and pulled me in them, kissing the top of my head and leaving his lips to linger there. “It’s been a long day. I’m glad to see you. I needed this.”
I wiggled free. “Did you?”
“Yes. Why would you say it like that?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess my mind is playing tricks on me. I overheard someone today talking about a teacher who’d been involved with his students. I just need to make sure it wasn’t you they were speaking of.”
“Who was it?” He didn’t answer my question, but turned it around on learning the culprit. “Something like this could ruin a career.”
“It’s a good thing it’s not you then, right?” I was baiting him.
He seemed confused, but quickly responded. “Of course not. You’re the only woman I’ve ever been involved with outside of my marriage. Why would you assume it’s me?”
“Sometimes I worry. I don’t want to be in this alone, James. I need to know we have a future.” Hearing him say it was believable. He stared into my eyes like he was pleading to be trusted.
His kiss was ravenous, his hold intense. With strong arms he lifted me up, taking on my weight with ease. My legs wrapped around his waist as he carried me to the bed, only releasing me when I was positioned beneath him. He removed his shirt and joined me, hovering over as he started unbuttoning mine.
I needed to tell him the truth he deserved to know there was a little life inside of me growing. I decided to wait until after we were through reassuring each other nothing was going to come between us.
This was my future.
I was going to be a mother, and nothing could change that. Since I knew James was looking for a way out of his marriage, I wrapped the test in a plastic bag and shoved it in my purse. Once he saw that we were going to have a child everything would change. We’d finally be able to be together, because if I knew him like I assumed I did, he’d move Heaven and Earth for us to raise the child together.
I began considering the changes he’d have to make in his life. First and foremost, he would need to transfer to another university. We’d find a small apartment to start out in while I was still in school. Once I graduated, my income would supplement our monthly funds enough to afford a larger home for our child to grow.
In my mind everything was going to be okay. I replayed it a dozen times, each one leaving me optimistic. James was in love with me. He said I was the best thing to ever happen to him. Surely that was a sign of how much he’d be willing to change for the sake of our future.
When it came time tell him the news I stood in front of him with a blank face. For the life of me the truth wouldn’t come out. It didn’t help when he was irritated about something that had transpired at home earlier.
“I’m sick of it. She thinks she can dictate my life. Do you know what I go through to make sure my family stays together? What I’ve given up? This is bullshit! I’m tired of this happening. She can’t do this to me again.” He slammed items around on his desk while I stood watching him go off.
“James, maybe it’s time to start over fresh. Whatever is going on can be fixed. Leave her.”
“Start over? Are you kidding me? She’d leave me with nothing. No, this is just her way of keeping control of the situation. She’s done this before.”
“We all have to start somewhere. We could be together finally. We won’t have to hide.”
“Cammie, though I appreciate you trying to be supportive, I don’t need your immature ideas. They’ll only frustrate me more. It’s best if you go back to your dorm and give me space. I need to figure some things out.”
“Are we going to meet up later?”
He ran his hands through his hair and then finally covered his face. “I don’t know. Just wait for my call before you head over.”
When I attempted to kiss him goodbye he was almost rude. He rolled his eyes and pecked me on the cheek. “I love you, James.”
“Yeah, me too. I’ll talk to you soon.”
I tried not to cry when I left, but it was too difficult to control. Something was off. I’d never seen him overreact the way he was. Whatever his wife had done was obviously a big deal. It hurt that he wouldn’t let me in.
Chapter 10
Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse, I arrived back at my dorm to find something taped to the outside of my door.
You can imagine my surprise when I was given notice to report to the dean immediately. The letter was addressed to me for everyone to see. I didn’t waste time trying to figure out what they could have wanted, since I was sure no one knew about my secret relationship with my teacher. I figured it had to have something to do with my scholarship.
Walking inside and spotting James' wife left me speechless. I gathered my composure and sat across from her with a smile on my face.
“Good afternoon.” I said promptly.
Her disturbed frown should have been a sign that something bad was about to happen, but it wasn’t until she slid a manila folder in my direction when I realized just how bad the situation had escalated. “Don’t good afternoon me, you little tramp. Nineteen years. That’s how long we’ve been married. Did you think someone like you could swoop in and take him away from me? You’re just a toy to him. Every once in a while he gets a new one. You mean nothing to James. None of you have.”
I was speechless, completely thrown a curve ball from left field without a glove to catch it. This woman was out for blood. She wanted to hurt me. What I didn’t know was how much of what she was saying was a lie.
I flipped through the folder, cringing when I realized exactly what it contained. Pictures of James and I were in compromising positions. There was a stack of them from different times and places. What stood out was how many of them showed the two of us coming and going from the house we’d been using to meet each other. What made me cringe in my seat where the ones he’d taken of me when we were alone. They’d been from his phone, which meant she not only had access to his gallery, but also his call history.
She’d obviously paid someone to follow us, and armed with enough proof to make a judge’s head spin, she was putting all her cards out on the table.
Now, I prided myself in being sharp, but this woman had something over me I couldn’t deny. I placed the pictures back in the folder before responding. “I’m not a toy to him. You’re wrong.”
“That’s what the last girl said, and the one before her. Honey, take my advice, walk away from this before it gets ugly, and it will get ugly. I have the power and means to take you down, and we both know that’s not what you want. Do us both a favor and make this easy. Break things off with James and pretend you were never involved.”
I needed leverage, something to hold over her head to prove our love was real, and even though I had it, I couldn’t for the life of me tell her before James. The sudden announcement of him having other affairs left a bad taste in my mouth. Had I been conned? Were my suspicious right all along? “I’m not going to sit here and listen to you belittle me. If what you’re saying is true… If James had been lying…” I couldn’t continue. I had to get out of there.
Cammie Healy (Mitchell/ Healy #8) Page 5
