by Maya Hughes
“Do you know how hard it’s been for me not to touch you this whole time? I need one more taste before you’re off-limits. Something to tide me over until June.” The fierceness of his words made it hard to think straight.
My voice caught in my throat, or I would have said he had to touch me. And the lasting feeling of his fingers on my knee still lingered as he worked with his whole body to replace it with new sensations.
I jumped at the gentle knock at the door and ripped my mouth away from his. My cheeks heated. Had I really let that happen? How in the hell was I supposed to make it through the whole semester?
20
Heath
Kara jumped away from me like she’d been burned when someone knocked on the door. I tried not to let the ache in my chest dig in too deep. She wasn’t rejecting me, she was rejecting the situation for our own good. I stepped back, giving her space. The outline of a small lady showed up through the frosted glass door. I shouldn’t have kissed her. I’d wanted to so badly I could barely concentrate, but I shouldn’t have done it.
Skirting around the other side of the desk, Kara threw the office door open and stood in the doorway, blocking most of the view of the room. I rounded the desk and snagged my bag off the floor and threw it over my shoulder.
“Hi, Mrs. Robson.” Kara’s sunny voice boomed from her spot at the door.
“I know you were looking for the room schedule for this semester, and I finally tracked it down. I wanted to get it to you before I left for the day.” The woman’s voice carried into room.
I loomed over Kara, my shadow covering her. She pressed herself as hard as she could against the doorframe. Any harder and she might become a part of it.
“Thanks for the insights, Kara. I’ll be sure to incorporate them into my experiment.” I smiled at her, and she stared back, blinking a couple times. Her lips glistened in the dim lighting, and a keen yearning slammed into my chest. A semester. That was all. I could kiss her again once the semester was over. What if she met someone else? What if she realized it wasn’t worth the hassle of getting involved with someone who could implode her career before it even started?
I grimaced and slid past her and out into the hallway. The older woman with glasses on a chain around her neck stepped back so I could leave.
“See you soon, Kara.” I gave her a two-finger salute and backed away from the two women. Seeing her had been the one thing keeping me going. How did that happen? In a matter of weeks, she’d gone from the woman I couldn’t stop staring at in the bar to the person I needed to see to feel like I wasn’t unraveling at the seams.
Relax.
The one-word mantra I’d repeated to so many people over the years wasn’t helping.
The one person I felt could save me from drowning was now absolutely off-limits. I’d gone down that path before and almost ruined someone’s life. I didn’t plan on doing that again, especially to Kara who had enough going on with her family life. As much as I wanted to say screw the rules, sometimes it was a risk that would end up killing the thing you wanted most.
The house was quiet when I got home. I grabbed the last beer from my secret stash. With my coat still on, I stood staring into the fridge, waiting for something. I wasn’t sure what, but I wasn’t going to find it there. The hum of the fridge motor kicking on snapped me out of my daze, and I shoved the beer back inside and snatched my keys off the table.
Slamming the door to the house, I jogged a few blocks to the greenhouse. It was quiet as usual. Standing over my plants, I stared at their vibrant colors and was immediately reminded of Kara. The colorful streaks in her hair was one of the first things I’d noticed about her.
The frustration mounted. I wasn’t going to do this again. How do I fix this? This independent study had been a last-ditch effort to salvage this semester.
A sharp pop broke the peaceful silence of the greenhouse. I glanced down at my hands and the cracked pieces of the pot they held together that had shattered.
“Heath, you okay?”
My head snapped up and Felix stared back at me. I hadn’t even heard him come in. Plastering on a smile, I dropped the pieces into the trash and brushed my hands on my jeans.
“I’m good. My heads not in it tonight. I’ll see you later.”
I left before Felix could question my sanity like I was right now.
Her lips pressing against mine ran on a loop through my head almost continuously. We hadn’t spoken in days, and it was driving me crazy. The antiseptic smell of the hospital ward with the freezing temperatures outside. It brought back memories I’d struggled to leave behind. I didn’t want to be here, but I had to. With a gentle knock on the partially opened door, I poked my head in. The soft melody from the doorway stopped.
“Come on in.” Imogen’s voice came from behind the curtain drawn across the room.
“Hey.” I pushed the curtain back and smiled at the two of them. “Do you ever leave?” I walked over to her and gave her a hug.
“What? She gets a hug before me?” Preston pushed himself up higher in the bed.
“I mean, she is prettier,” I said over my shoulder and let go of Imogen before giving Preston the best hug I could while he was stuck in that bed.
The bruising had gone down a lot on his face. The stitches looked like they’d mostly dissolved.
“I don’t know about that. I’ve heard I’m pretty pretty.” He pinched his fingers around his chin and struck a pose.
“I’m going to go with straight-up hot, if we’re casting votes here.” Imogen raised her hand and pointed at Preston.
“You don’t have to say that because he’s your boyfriend,” I stage-whispered to her.
Her laugh was the reward itself. I figured she probably didn’t get much of that here.
“Was that you singing, Imo? I didn’t know you sang.”
Her cheeks turned a bright red. “Sometimes,” she mumbled.
“She’s got a beautiful voice.” Preston beamed from the bed.
“Are you going to be here awhile?” She jumped out of her chair.
“Yeah, until Pres kicks me out.” I slid into the empty chair beside the bed.
“I’m going to grab some food and a shower. I’ll be back before you know it.” She kissed him on the forehead and squeezed my shoulder as she passed. Grabbing a bag sitting by the door, she darted out of the room.
“She hasn’t gone home for a day since I’ve been here.” He stared at the empty doorway.
“That’s not a bad thing, is it? Of course she’d want to be here for you.” I leaned back in the chair, trying to get comfortable. What were these things made from? Bricks?
“My parents haven’t even stayed here as much as she has. I keep telling her to go home and get a good night’s rest not in one of these torture chairs, but she only goes home to pick up new clothes if she can’t get someone to bring her some.”
“What’s she doing about classes?”
He dragged his hands over his face. “She only had two classes during the semester. She didn’t even need to take any, but to stay on campus she had to and she wanted to do all the normal college stuff and graduate with all her friends.
“I keep trying to get her to go for a break. There’s nothing more boring than sitting in this room all the time. Hopefully I can get out of this bed and start doing some PT soon. Need to get out of this place.”
“Hell yeah, you do.”
“How bad is it?” He turned his head and pinned me with his stare.
I let out a deep sigh. “We’ve not been doing the best.”
“I know all about that. You think anyone here could keep me from checking the stats? I mean, whatever’s going on with you and the girl from the bar—”
My head snapped up. “What the—how in the hell…?”
He gave me a crooked smile. “I have my ways.”
“Meaning Declan has a bigger mouth than he thinks.”
“What’s the deal? And why did you come in here looking like someo
ne killed your cat?”
“I didn’t come to saddle you with my issues. You’re laid up here in the hospital. I want to talk about you.”
“And I don’t. I need some fucking gossip! I need something other than these four walls and the crushing feeling of disappointment that I can’t get out of this bed and carry my girl out of here to make her feel better.”
“No one expects you to do that.”
“I do!” His voice boomed in the room, and his eyes got wide like he’d shocked himself. He sank back into the bed. “I do, man. I hate being here. I hate being broken like this. I’ve let you guys down. I let Imogen down.”
“Don’t even say that. You saved her. How would you feel if it were her lying in this bed?”
“I’d lose my mind.”
“Exactly. You did what you had to do to protect her, and she’s safe and can stand by your side. Of course we all wish you weren’t here like this, but don’t ever feel like you’ve let anyone down. Not a single fucking person.”
The conviction in my voice seemed to placate him. He leaned back in bed. “Come on, man, give me the dirt.”
“She’s my new TA. The woman from the bar is my new TA.”
Pres let out a long, low whistle. “Damn.”
“Tell me about it.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Stay away from her as much as possible. There are only four months left in the semester. I have to keep my distance so I can graduate and she can keep her job.”
“Didn’t you do this back in high school?”
I threw my hands up. “How does everyone know about that?”
“You’re not the only one with loose lips.”
I dragged my fingers through my hair. “She was a student teacher. She was twenty and a junior in college. I was eighteen. I figured it wasn’t a big deal. I’d graduated by the time we even hooked up, and that was all it was. Nothing happened while I was still in school, not that I didn’t try.” I grimaced. I’d been pretty relentless.
“And what happened?” The motors on his bed whirred as he sat up straighter.
“Everyone made jokes, but I figured it was nothing. I wasn’t in school anymore. That summer between high school and college, we went out somewhere. It was something stupid like for ice cream or something, and another teacher at the school saw us together. That was it. She left before the next school year started. Went somewhere else to start over because someone thought something could have been going on while I was in school. It sucked.”
“Sounds like it did.”
“That was infatuation to the nth degree. Kara is different. It’s a whole new ball game. I broke my phone and I couldn’t talk to her for almost a week and I nearly lost my mind. She gives me something I didn’t even know I was missing, and I can’t even put a name on it.”
“I’m not going to try because it would scare the shit out of you.”
My gaze shot to his.
“What do you want to do?” He laid his cast-wrapped arm across his lap.
“I want to call her up and take her out to dinner, bring her back to my place and fall asleep with her in my arms.”
“Why don’t you?”
“Because it could ruin her. Ruin the career she’s building. People don’t get a PhD on a whim. Obviously, it means a lot to her, and I’m not going to lose her because I couldn’t back off for a while and let this semester end. And if they find out about us, they could void my grade for the semester. It would DQ me for every game I played when I wasn’t eligible and wreck our season.”
"What do you think you need to do?”
“Stay as far away from her as I can and try to keep things professional.”
Preston nodded his head. “That’s what you’ve got to do when you care about someone, her and the team. Protect them. Keep them safe.” His gaze drifted to the doorway.
“Is she all healed up? I saw the brace was off her arm.”
“Yeah, she is doing some physio for it. She’d been skipping it to stay here with me. I nearly kicked her out and made her go home when I found out. Sleeping on these chairs and stuff, she’s going to break her back.”
“It makes her feel better being with you.”
“My parents are also relying on her a lot since things at the restaurant are a mess and they’ve been putting out fires left and right.”
“I don’t think she minds, man.”
“I know, but I still don’t have to like it.”
We talked more about the abysmal season since the New Year and what he thought I could do to get the guys back in shape. Our dynamics were off, and me freaking out wasn’t helping.
I hopped up to grab some coffee from the room on the floor for family. Imo was standing at the counter in front of the coffee machine when I stepped inside.
“Hey, Imo.”
She jumped and quickly brushed at her face. Dragging her sleeve across her cheeks, she shoved a cup under the coffee dispenser. Her damp hair hung in a loose pony tail.
“Hey.” Her voice was rough.
“Are you okay?” I stepped beside her, and she turned her head.
“I’m fine.” She turned to me with a wide smile. “The cleaning products in here sometimes get to me and make my eyes water.” The coffee in front of her stopped pouring. She dumped in about ten packets of sugar and some creamer. Spinning around, she held the piping-hot cup of coffee up to her lips. Steam poured over her face. Her eyes were red-ringed, and she avoided my gaze.
“How are you holding up?” I slipped my cup into the coffee machine.
“I’m good. Arm’s all better.” She bent her arm at the elbow and wrist.
“I’m not talking about your arm.”
She tried to take a sip of coffee to stall but ended up burning her mouth. “Damn it!” She hissed, and ran her fingers over her lips.
“I—”
“Imogen, delivery called the desk when you didn’t answer your phone. The food you ordered is here.” A nurse popped her head into the room.
“Thanks, Marcie. I’ll go down and get it.”
She tried to breeze past me, and I put my hand on her shoulder. “I can go down and get it.”
Glancing back over her shoulder, the corners of her mouth turned up a little, but her attempt at a smile didn’t reach her eyes.
“It’s okay. I’m glad you came. It always makes Preston’s day. Hang out with him, I’ll go get the food.” She left the room, and I walked back into Preston’s.
Five minutes later Imo breezed back into the room with her bag on her shoulder and a few take-out trays balanced on one arm. I hopped up and grabbed the bag, setting it down in the chair.
“Thanks, Heath. Sorry I was gone so long, babe. There was a line in the comfort room for the showers.”
She set the take-out boxes on the tray beside Preston’s bed.
“I ordered a few different things since the cafeteria decided to cancel taco night. I got one for you too, Heath.” She grinned and pushed one of the boxes toward me. I didn’t miss the grimace on Preston’s face.
“I hate that you have a favorite food day in this place.”
“I’ve got to head out. But thanks for grabbing something for me.” I’d head to the rink. It was late, I could skate until my legs didn’t work anymore and then maybe I’d be able to fall into a dreamless sleep that wasn’t haunted by Kara’s mouth, body, voice, and mind.
21
Kara
I tapped my pen against the composition book I’d filled in only a week and grabbed my phone out of my bag. Not a reply yet from Stevenson. A whole seven days without a response. Why was I even surprised?
I’d watched Heath stroll down the hall from the darkened corridor of the Ansel Building and fisted my hands at my sides to keep from calling out to him. Mrs. Robson had looked at me funny as my gaze had followed him until he’d turned the corner.
That was when I knew, this was not going to work. We hadn’t made it through one session without kissing—and we�
�d have done more if we hadn’t been interrupted. Our session was barely an hour, and my body had been humming from being in the same room with him.
Once I’d smoothed out my clothes in the office and grabbed a hair tie from my bag, I’d thrown my hair up into a messy bun and sat in the chair behind the desk. Tears prickled the backs of my eyes. Why wasn’t I allowed to be happy? Why couldn’t I be with him? Why did he have to be my student?
Opening my e-mail, I tapped out another message to Professor Stevenson. This was the only way I could look at myself in the mirror and still be with him. I’d dropped my forehead to the chipped and nicked wood and banged it there a few times. Thoughts that I could knock something loose had been quickly replaced by the highlight reel of our hot-for-teacher moment. And that was how I’d ended up fanning myself on the walk to the shuttle on the way home in the dead of winter.
Even worse, Heath and I had been in our session, keeping our hands to ourselves when Jason waltzed into the office like it wasn’t my time to be there. Even though there was nothing happening between Heath and I, the look Jason gave me made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. Heath wanted to know who he was and I filled him in on the most sanitized version I could. Fellow master’s student. Asked me out. I turned him down, and he had it out for me.
Closing my notebook, I stared out the window of my bedroom. The way my body responded to him wasn’t the only issue. I tried to deny it, but I liked him. More than liked and that was scary enough on its own, without the other complications.
He was smart, hot as hell, and the sex was like nothing I’d ever experienced. The tension between us was palpable from the second we walked into a room together, the risk of trying to make it through the whole semester wasn’t worth derailing my whole career. Maybe this was how I could stop myself from plunging down the path of destruction I’d witnessed in my past.
Be responsible. Take control of the situation. Don’t mess up.
The only problem with my request was Jason was the only person left who might be able to take on another student. He’d weaseled out of having as many as everyone else because of the “special” work he did for Stevenson, which probably meant slacking off sipping espressos and shit talking everyone else in the program who did the work.
