“I don’t want to get physical with Shia, I just want to meet the guy. Why are you being like that, Gabrielle? You just keep them to yourself, don’t you? Kinda selfish for my liking… It’s like… Did I ask you to introduce me to Megan Fox? I didn’t!” he almost yelled and a smile came across to my face.
Always Rick managed to change my mood, because he was just this great person. And I never saw him angry or sad. I think he was pretty angry right now after Gabrielle told him that Matt was dating Monica, but he could just manage that one by himself. He was always happy and joking and making a fool out of himself.
And I appreciated how he always took care of me. Especially in the last years. I cannot believe we couldn’t stand each other when we were kids. I hated having a little brother, because since I was a little girl I thought it would be cool to have a protective brother out there. And all I’ve got was a younger brother who’d cry a lot. And make me look like a fool in front of my other friends who’d have older brothers.
Even when I grew up and I was a teenager, other girls had awesome brothers who’d help them sneak out of the house or teach them how to drive. Obviously, since Rick was younger, he couldn’t teach me how to drive and I still can’t drive till this day. And when I wanted to sneak out and go to my friends’ house, he’d start yelling and telling my parents all my plans. He was a pain in the ass until he was 15 or so. And then he started growing up and becoming cool at school and I hated the fact that girls would befriend me to get to know Richard.
And now he was the most amazing person I’ve ever known, who’d do anything for me and protect me from the cruel, bad world. So how could I not love Rick?
“Oh, wait. Can you introduce me to Megan Fox?” Rick asked after a couple of seconds and Gabrielle started laughing.
*
It was so weird to be at Destiny’s with Gabrielle and Anne and not having to wait for Monica. Or Matt. My heart sunk at the thought that now they were actually dating now. I had to accept the thought, but I wasn’t quite ready yet.
After a few days I managed to get my mind off the thought of them together. I tried to focus on anything else, like cleaning Gabrielle’s place until it looked so clean you could eat from the floor. She wasn’t bothered by it.
Gabrielle was great as she always was, she even suggested me to go to work with her for a day and meet Jensen, and the fact that she was willing to take me showed that she was worried about me. She introduced us to Shia after a long while and she said we couldn’t meet Jensen, because they’re not friends, they just work together. And now she was willing to do that for me. She knew I was crazy about Jensen, but right now it didn’t matter as much. I couldn’t make such a fuss about meeting Jensen because I’d look like another fan and I didn’t want to make a bad impression for Gabrielle’s sake.
“You know, I’m so sick of Shia…” Gabrielle told us, but Anne was paying more attention than I was.
I ran my hand through my hair and thought about what happened in the last three weeks since Monica told me about her relationship with Matt.
Everyone said I’ll get over it and I’ll be okay, but I was not. I haven’t seen Matt since that day, I didn’t even bother to go for my stuff, Rick and Gabrielle did that for me while I stayed at Gabrielle’s and cried until they returned. I know Rick couldn’t understand it, and he wanted to beat the crap out of Matt because I was suffering, and he specifically said he doesn’t wanna see him again.
Since I lived more than a year and a half with Matt, and Rick lived with us for about a year, we didn’t have anywhere to go and Gabrielle accepted the both of us at her place, but Rick started looking for a place and he found a nice apartment downtown and we both moved there. He was working part-time now as a couch assistant at some private high school and he was pretty happy with the payment and he did what he liked, and also he had the chance to stay with me because he felt the need of taking care of me since I wasn’t going out of the apartment and I barely ate during the day and cried myself to sleep every night.
I knew Rick always cared for me because I was his sister, but now it really showed that he loved me. He didn’t go out at all anymore, he was only at work then hurried home, he made me eat healthy, but also he blackmailed me a lot if I eat something, then he’ll give me chocolate or pizza, but I never got to eat pizza or chocolate, because I didn’t eat at all. I was driving him insane, but he never complained. And I felt pretty bad he had to give up the job he previously had because I needed someone to babysit me. But after all, what he did now, coaching those kids, seemed to please him more than his other job. After all, soccer was his life.
Gabrielle was spending time with me as well after work, she made me watch horror movies while she was hiding under the blanket and screaming, while the only reaction I had was a weak smile due to Gaby’s behavior.
Of course I didn’t return to work, but I knew I had to do that someday soon. Because I had no work perspective or the mood of getting another job and I was used to being Matt’s secretary, but the problem was that I had to spend time with Matt and only the thought made me cringe. I wanted everything to go back to normal. I would even accept us being just friends like we were before Valentine’s Day and that trip to New York, God I’d even accept just to be acquaintances, and getting along well at work or… Anything. I couldn’t picture myself around him without remembering everything again and again or feel that pain I felt in the first days when I found out about them.
But the fact that he was dating Monica was tearing me apart. That he was dating her when we slept together. It made me feel like a bitch for wanting to hate Monica, but I couldn’t help it. She was dating Matt, when I finally decided that we could work together. That we matched perfectly, as a matter of fact. I never felt as good with anyone and he understood me and likewise.
“Hey! I was talking to you!” Gabrielle complained, stopping my reverie.
“I’m sorry, you were saying?” I asked trying to smile.
“That we’re going clubbing with Jensen Saturday night.”
“Can I go, please?” Anne asked, and Gabrielle raised an eyebrow and I knew she would say no. She was doing this for me out of pity or maybe because I was her best friend and she had no idea how to make me get over it, since she’s been through it too.
I looked away to see Matt and Monica holding hands on their way to our table. I pinched myself and made a grimace when I realized this was actually happening. Gabrielle stopped talking and Monica greeted us with a smile. She didn’t even realize how much this affected me.
“Hey, guys!” she said with a wide smile.
I realized she was really happy and I felt bad, although I shouldn’t have. I had all rights to dislike Monica right now, so why was I feeling bad about it? I avoided Matt’s eyes and looked over Gabrielle who just sighed.
“Can we stay with you?” Monica asked as she said before anyone replied and dragged Matt on the chair next to her.
No one said anything for a few minutes and I caught Matt’s eyes and he seemed affected by this and also confused. I sighed and tried to stop the tears which were forming in my eyes.
C’mon, get over it! You can’t show weakness in front of them. Just keep your dignity, Emma West, my mind scolded me. Yeah, like that’s super easy, I fought back but my conscience just ignored me.
I tried to keep my gaze away from him, even though it was kind of impossible. I wanted to look at him and realize if he was still the same Matt I used to know, but yet he wasn’t. He sat there without saying a word the whole night and Monica was acting just like she always did, talking and laughing loudly and being beautiful. I studied her and I understood why he would prefer Monica. She was flawless. And I realized she was so happy, and a part of me was relieved she got over the sadness of losing Ben. But then she hooked up with my Matt. Clearly, she didn’t know he was my Matt, but on the other hand she always assumed we were supposed to be together. And now we’re not, because of her.
N
o, it’s not because of her.
It’s in his nature. It’s his fault. If it wasn’t Monica, it would’ve been any other girl and we wouldn’t have lasted. I was stupid for allowing myself to think I could get a happy ending. Or that I could ever be enough for a guy like Matt.
And that brings us to the very first times when we hung out together. I knew he was trouble more than Taylor Swift knew about that One Direction guy. Because Matt was too perfect to be true, and because I was a bookworm who knew better that hot guys are trouble.
That’s why I thought we should be friends. Friends are just that, friends. And you’re not supposed to cross that line. At least not without getting hurt. And I did get hurt, a lot I might add.
I noticed that all night Matt had drank a lot and I knew for sure he didn’t use to drink that much. He wasn’t paying attention to anyone and he never lifted his head from watching the table or the glass of whisky in front of him and every time he finished one, he would order another one with a harsh tone. At some point of the night he lit up a cigarette and Monica looked at him in surprise, but didn’t say anything.
Matt was not like that. He never acted like that before and I wondered if I ever knew him for real.
Gabrielle tried to talk to me all night, but I only replied with a few words and she was starting to get really upset by this, but I couldn’t help it. I felt like crap and the only person who felt worse than me was Matt. And I hated we couldn’t be like we were before all this. Be just Matt and Emma.
“Um… Matt?” started Monica in a low voice.
“Yes?” he answered and his voice was harsh and bored.
“You drank a little bit too much, baby,” she said and placed her hand on top of his and my heart froze, and I sighed and Gabrielle looked at me and I shook my head.
“So?” he asked with a severe tone and he pulled his hand away.
“So you should stop drinking, Matthew,” Monica said and she seemed annoyed.
It was weird anyone else called him “Matthew”. It was weird actually remembering that Monica and Matt were really dating. How could they?
“Stop it, Emma, you don’t even care,” he said and took another sip from his now empty glass.
Everyone stopped talking and they all looked at me in surprise and I felt a knot in my throat as Gabrielle grabbed my hand.
“It’s… Monica, Matthew,” she said with a sweet tone.
“What?”
“You said Emma. I’m Monica,” she said and it showed she was making such an effort with him. I think I forgot how to breathe correctly for a few moments and Monica looked at me and she suddenly looked so tired and embarrassed. Maybe she was going through a hard time too.
Hard time? Are you being serious, Emma? She’s dating Matt now and you’re not. How that makes it be a “hard time”?
“Yeah, whatever,” he said and rolled his eyes. “Dude, can I fucking get another one of this?” he yelled at the waiter as he pointed to his empty glass. “It seems no one here does his fucking job!”
“Matthew. Stop making a scene, please.”
“Stop calling me ‘Matthew’,” was all he said and Monica sighed and ran a hand through her hair, and then she said she needs to go to the restroom and Anne followed her.
I couldn’t bear to see him talking. I jumped out of my seat and picked my bag and stormed out of there. The fresh air of night hit me and I realized I was a little underdressed for this type of weather. I sighed and wiped away the tears from my cheeks. There was no point in crying. You should stop doing this! He doesn’t deserve it.
Yeah, but he’s miserable.
Who cares, Emma? You can’t find him excuses for what he’s done.
Yes, but I love him.
I sat on the border of the sidewalk in front of Destiny’s and ran a hand through my hair. I had to get over it. I had no idea where I should go and I wasn’t in the mood for anything. I wiped away a tear from my cheek and looked at the ocean.
“Enjoying the night?”
I held my breath for a while and I saw him sitting next to me, and he didn’t seem to keep his balance good. In any other occasion I would’ve crack up and I would make fun of him the entire night, but not now.
“Yeah…” I whispered and he nodded.
This was the first time we were alone after what happened. And this wasn’t good. At all. It felt so uncomfortable and weird, because it was us and we were never like that. Not even in the night when I saw him in Los Angeles and he walked me home. That was far from weird.
“Look, I…”
“Save it, Matthew. You wouldn’t remember tomorrow anyway, so why would you say things you don’t mean?” I asked and he stared at me for a while then looked away.
“I’m sorry, Emma.”
“Me too,” I said as I got on my feet and walked away. This was the best thing to do.
Chapter 28
Different perspectives
* Monica Martin *
After I saw Emma’s expression I realized maybe I have been wrong, but actually right. I couldn’t say it out loud. I couldn’t tell Matt that we… that I did the hugest mistake ever, and that I was right all along and maybe Emma really had a crush on Matt. Or maybe even more than just a simple crush. And it took me that long to realize it.
I used to tease Emma about Matt because somehow it felt unbelievable the fact that they were just friends. That they get along so well but still are not together-together, even though they had an amazing chemistry going on.
And then Ben left and the first thing I did was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I slept with Matt. And that’s not it - I actually thought Matt could help me get over it and I needed to know someone was there for me, not only Emma and Gabrielle.
Matt was one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met and when I kissed him that morning it felt just right. It felt like this was supposed to happen anyway. Then he didn’t reject me, and promised he won’t do the same thing Ben did. And I believed him, I wanted to believe him. I needed it.
All my life everyone thought I was just a pretty face with no feelings at all, that I only cared about my “perfect” life and that I could get everything I want.
That’s not what happened. Life was pretty hard on me, even though I had everything anyone could ask for. I was smart enough, sociable and my parents were wealthy enough to assure me that I’ll have everything to success in life. But that wasn’t enough. I learned what pain was in high school when Sean cheated on me like the bastard he was. And my heart ached every time I saw him around with his arm around Anna.
Then I got the chance to change the ambiance and moved to L.A. and got a new start. Everything changed when I got into UCLA, I met Anne and Jane and we became friends, they introduced me to the others and on a rainy day in January they introduced me to Ben.
Obviously I was impressed by his charm and the way he held the chair for me to sit, how his smile literally lit up the whole restaurant and he was one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met at that time. We talked the entire night and I noticed Mariah watched me with jealousy and later I found out they had a thing for a couple of weeks, but he broke up with her out of nowhere. I don’t want to be mean, but he was out of her league.
Instead of dating Ben right away I flirted a lot and went out with Craig a couple of times and hooked up with Marshall at a party we went together. I had no idea what I really wanted, and it felt fun at the moment, and then half way through summer when we were left alone, Ben asked me to dinner and I knew it had to be him.
Even though it sounds cheesy, I never thought someone like Ben would be interested in me for the simple fact that I wasn’t that interesting or smart enough for a guy like him. He was unique, funny, charming and polite, and it was hard to keep up with. The other guys were easy, after the thing with Sean I never allowed myself to get involved in anything and I learned how to play this game they call “love”. The one who loves less is the one who’s in
control. And I’ve always liked control.
But with Ben was different. He seemed so confident, so mature and I didn’t have to worry about anything anymore because he really took care of me. He was there every time I felt sad, happy, depressed or euphoric. He was there. But still, I never took him for granted.
We’ve been going on for five years and at some point I figured this is how my life would be and I was happy this was the way it had to be.
Then all of the sudden, Ben told me they offered him a job in New York. I had no idea if he was serious about this, he loved advertising, and his job here was kind of shitty. His boss was shitty actually and he hated being ordered around. He was mature enough to know what he’s doing, and he was more responsible than the whole department, and he never got promoted or anything. So the offer meant a lot for him, but he didn’t say anything at the moment.
I didn’t even think he was considering it or that he wanted it. I always thought he was happy this way because he never expressed a need of change. And a week after he noticed me about the offer he told me he was going to take it. Just like that.
“Monica, it’s a really important step for me,” he said with his calm voice and I nodded without a word. I had no idea what I should say. “You don’t hate me, do you?” he added with a grin and I shook my head and he kissed me softly and pulled me closer to him.
How could I say I wanted him to stay? How could I express my need towards him? He was everything I knew. He gave me everything, he showed me what love truly was, and I never felt more protected than I felt with him or happier. I had nothing to worry about and I’ve been happy with him.
And he just decided to give up on everything and leave me here.
I understood his need to excel in his job because guys usually have the need of being number one in everything and I supported him every time, but what I couldn’t understand is why he didn’t ask me once to go with him. He let me know he was leaving, but never asked me to go with him. And that made me realize he never thought of a future for us because I wasn’t good enough for him.
Perfect Match Page 29
