And because of that I decided to go out and have a drink, even though I didn’t use to. And then I saw Matt and we just talked for hours, laughing because after an amount of time we weren’t coherent anymore or aware of what we were saying. So when we reached my apartment, everything went with the flow. I was perfectly aware of what I was doing, but I don’t think he was. He seemed even more affected than I was and I wasn’t completely sure it was all because of Ben. He mentioned Emma a couple of times, but changed the subject pretty fast so I should have understood there was something going on. But I didn’t care at the moment. I just acted like everyone thought I’d act, like a complete bitch who only cared about her own happiness.
And I didn’t realized how selfish I was until I saw Emma’s confused face and the way Matt didn’t even look at her. I couldn’t understand why he hasn’t said anything about it and why he was avoiding looking at her or talking at all and after she stormed out of the apartment he just sighed and ran a hand through his hair and left the apartment a few minutes after she did.
But after all, he did say he was going to be with me and he had all the chances in the world to back out of this. Right? And he didn’t. He said he’ll be with me and I think this whole Ben thing really got us together. I mean, this is true, but… What if my dating Matt meant I would stop being friends with Emma?
What if I was right all along and she never admitted she loved him?
“I’m sorry I left like that earlier, I needed to talk to Emma,” Matt said when I opened the door and saw him standing there looking completely exhausted.
I nodded and took a step back and let him get inside and he sat on the couch and ran a hand through his already messy hair. I sat next to him and smiled awkwardly and he placed his arm around me.
“So you guys talked?” I asked and my voice sounded weaker than I wished.
“No. She didn’t want to listen to me obviously,” he said.
“Do you think I made a mistake? That I hurried into this and that we shouldn’t-“
“Monica, c’mon…” he complained and I waited for him to continue. “No, I… I have no idea. My relationship with Emma might be a little more complicated than you think though.”
“What do you mean?”
I didn’t actually want an answer because considering I spent five years of my life wishing Emma and Matt would start dating, now I might get the answer I knew all along.
“Nothing, it’s just complicated. We’re not in a good place right now and we might never be again,” he whispered and I realized he wasn’t happy. At all.
“Matt, I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s not your fault,” he smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and kissed my cheek.
“You don’t have to do this,” I told him and he laughed.
“What, doesn’t all this hair bother you?” he asked.
“I wasn’t…” I ran a hand through my hair and he smiled. “I wasn’t talking about this. I was talking about us. If there is an “us”. I can totally understand if what happened between us was a one-time thing, because trust me, Matt, I’ve had a lot of those,” I said with a smile.
I didn’t want him to say it was a one-time thing, because the last few days with him made me feel more comfortable.
He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out and I realized how wrong I was. But could I say it out loud? Could I stop being the girl everyone thought I was?
I wanted to be selfish this time, but what was the price?
“Stop worrying about it, Monica,” he said and kissed me.
“No, wait. I can’t do this,” I told him and his eyes widened. “I want to know for sure Emma would be okay with it.”
“She won’t be,” Matt said after a few seconds and he sighed. “But then again… You want this, right? And I want it, too,” he added even though it sounded really false.
“I don’t know. I think I rushed into it. I am a mess,” I confessed and he nodded and took my hand in his.
This small detail made me smile and I realized how much I liked holding Matt’s hand.
I remembered the first time Gabrielle showed me his picture and I said I’d definitely marry him. Obviously, at the time I never would have thought that was possible because I thought Emma was into him and well, I had Ben.
But I wasn’t in Ben’s plans and it turns out his player best friend is actually more of a man than he was. I had no idea about Matt’s feelings towards me, but it made me feel safe around him. It was easy to understand him, and it felt like I’ve known him since forever, even though before this we barely got to spend time together alone.
“It will be fine, beautiful,” Matt whispered and I nodded and he kissed me and for a moment I thought he was right.
Of course it would’ve been shallow of me to get over Ben in a few days just because I hooked up with his best friend or to say that I was so into Matt because I wasn’t.
I appreciated the way he took care of me and how he meant every word he said. I had no idea Matt could be like that considering his girlfriends were stupid blondes who… Oh, wait. I’m a blonde.
“Matt, do you think I’m stupid?” I snapped and he stared at me and started laughing. “Why are you laughing?”
“Why in God’s name I’d think that, M?”
The way he said “M” I actually thought of Emma, since her nickname practically sounded the same, but then I remembered he called Emma “Ems” so he wasn’t actually referring to her. Or was he?
“Because you used to date all the stupid blondes you could find…”
“Oh, not this again,” he complained with a sad smile.
“What? Who said that to you before?”
“Emma,” he answered and then he moved his gaze away from me. “But no, Mon, I don’t think you’re stupid. I’d be stupid to think you’re stupid,” he said and I smiled. “I don’t understand why you would ask such thing.”
“Because I’m a blonde and it seems like a stereotype and…”
“You’re always selling yourself short or is it just because Ben was a stupid son of a bitch and left you?”
“I don’t know,” I answered with a shrug and he shook his head.
“You’re amazing, Monica, okay? And you didn’t do anything wrong. I mean, it’s kind of my fault that all this happened and I… I don’t regret it, okay?” he paused, and moved his gaze away, and sighed. “Not quite, anyway. And Emma… Well, I think she’ll definitely hate me for a while,” he said with a frown.
“Why?”
“We had some problems, but it doesn’t matter.”
“So I told you everything about Ben and you wouldn’t say anything about Emma?”
“There’s nothing to say, okay? Let’s drop this. We should go to dinner tonight. We never actually went on a date,” he said and I nodded as he wrapped his arm around me.
What else could I ask? And he was so good at changing the subject!
-- Ben Newman--
The air in New York was colder than in Los Angeles, even though it was March. When I landed I expected to feel excited about this new chapter of my life, but I felt nothing. I looked around JFK eager to see something that would make me feel over the clouds for the simple fact that now I was moving to New York and I was changing my life completely.
But… I felt nothing.
I looked around and saw a Starbucks right on the corner and I remembered the first time I went with Monica to Starbucks and we laughed so hard because the employee was checking her out and he was blushing so hard when she ordered. I think she was impressed by the way I didn’t feel imitated by that young man, but somehow I was aware that I had to compete with everyone for Monica. But I knew she was worth it.
Even though she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, I tried to act cool around her, but it was impossible. Her confidence was intimidating, and it was hard to be different and to not act like any other guy caught in her obvious cha
rm. I had to show her I was more than that and that’s how I adopted the elegant style before we even started dating. She fooled around a lot with Jared, Craig and others and I knew I didn’t want to be something like that for her. I wanted everything with her.
And then I felt intimidated by the fact that now she was a powerful manager in her company and I wanted to be the one in control and show her I could take care of her and do everything, but I couldn’t do that with my job and this new opportunity came out of nowhere and I knew I had to take it.
I wondered for weeks before I told her, and I had no idea what to do. I had to make a choice between Monica, and God I loved her to death, and my career. And I loved what I did, too. And then there was Matt too, and he was acting all immature, actually he was acting like himself, because he is immature, but he was like my brother and I had no idea if I could stay away from them.
At first I wanted to ask Monica to come with me. I almost made up my mind and the day I asked her to dinner to talk about it she started talking about the awesome week she had at work and how amazing her job was and that she wouldn’t change it. So how was I supposed to say something?
Basically I wanted to move because of a job, and then she said the things were great at her job and I couldn’t take that away from her so I let her enjoy that. Maybe that was the clue that we didn’t want the same things.
And I never thought about it.
Somehow she made me live in the present and never worry about the future, the only future I was thinking about were the vacations and where Monica wanted to go or usual things. I never thought of spending my whole life with her and that made me realize that, even I, wasn’t ready. How could I say that Matt was immature when I couldn’t commit to my girlfriend? We were dating for six years almost and I never thought of marrying her? She never said anything, though. I couldn’t picture Monica as a wife, she had her freedom and we were fine that way.
But maybe if I had married her, I wouldn’t be here. And then maybe I’d get to hate her for not pursuing my dream. So this way it’s better. For the both of us.
I was fully aware of that. But being aware didn’t stop the urge to call her and tell her I missed her like hell even though I saw her a few hours ago. And I couldn’t see her anymore. I couldn’t see her amazing smile, her beautiful face being the first thing I see in the morning…
I sat on a chair in the huge airport and pulled out my phone and dialed her number. One ring. Two. Three. I waited and waited, there was no answer. I tried again once, twice, third times, but she never answered.
And I still had no idea if what I did was the best thing or the biggest mistake I’ve ever done.
*
I just started to get used to the crazy rhythm of New York and missing Monica wasn’t that hard anymore. It was almost bearable. The job I had now was actually amazing and the first four days I still couldn’t believe that there’s where I’m gonna work and those were the people who were working for me now. Everyone was amazing and even though I got lost in the huge company at least five times in the first week, they all helped me and no one was arrogant or anything.
And then Emma called.
Of course I was surprised to hear her voice, because we never actually shared something important, she was just the girl Matt liked - even though he never decided anything, and I still hoped he wouldn’t, because he’d ruin anything - and my girlfriend’s best friend.
Her voice seemed weaker than usual and I tried for about ten minutes to find out what was happening. She was all saying that she wanted to know what I thought about New York and how was everything going, but what was weird was that Monica never answered my phone calls, and Matt stopped answering too for about a week now.
“So, Emma… Why did you call, again?” I asked trying to be as polite as I could be. Hearing her sound like that couldn’t make me anything but curious. Maybe something bad happened to Matt, because he didn’t answer my phones.
“Um… Just wanted to…” There was a long pause and I decided not to push it. It didn’t seem like she was too keen to talk about it. “See how is everything there.”
“It’s great. Yep. Really, really great,” I answered and nodded as if she was standing in front of me. “Are you okay, Emma?”
“Yes,” she said and her voice sounded more like a whisper. “No, I’m not and it’s…”
“You know you can tell me, right, Emma?”
“Yes,” she said again and sighed. Okay, I was getting worried. “I have no idea if it’s my right to tell you this, but considering you… I think you don’t know yet, right?”
“Know what?” I asked and my voice sounded harsher than I would’ve intended.
“Matt and Monica are dating now,” she whispered and I felt a nod in my throat. What?
“What?” I asked out loud and laughed as if she said a bad joke. A really bad joke.
A million images came through my mind but none was credible. How could Emma say such thing? There was no possibility Monica and Matt could be dating. They had nothing in common except… me.
I heard Emma sigh again and my heart ached. Was she seriously being serious?
But I left nearly a month ago! My longtime girlfriend couldn’t just hook up randomly with my best friend. After a month! With my… best friend! That was stupid.
I checked the calendar and it showed 10th March. Nope, it wasn’t April’s Fools. So Emma had no motive to joke. But she couldn’t be serious. We are talking about Monica, the woman I’ve loved for six years and I knew her, she wouldn’t do that! And Matt… God, I can’t even picture that! Of course that’s stupid, Matt’s my best friend.
“Okay Emma, now would be a great time to tell me you were joking. It’s the worst joke ever, but I don’t blame you. Matt never had a great sense of humor so I guess it’s contagious.”
“I’m not… I’m not joking about that, Ben,” she said and I held my breath until she spoke again. “I found out about a week ago… So… Yeah, it’s…”
“But that can’t be!” I yelled and sighed. “I mean, they have nothing in common. That’s not possible! Monica loves me. And Matt… Well… Matt loves…” I paused before ruining everything.
“No, he doesn’t. I have no idea who Matt is anymore,” she said and I could feel the pain in her voice. It was almost palpable.
So she felt the same about Matt, but then Matt hooked up with my Monica? What’s the matter with him? How could he give up the opportunity of dating Emma, since that was what he wanted in the first place? He moved in Los Angeles for Emma!
“I’m…”
“Emma, I’m sorry,” I said and she didn’t reply immediately.
“Yeah, me too,” Emma finally said and hung up.
*
All I could think about the next few weeks was that Matt was dating Monica. And he didn’t even have the guts to tell me. How could he possibly say he was my best friend if he was dating my girlfriend now and he didn’t even tell me?
I never called him or her again. I knew she wouldn’t pick up anyway.
Rick was the one I talked most and who was actually even more pissed than I was. If that’s possible. How could that be possible? I knew how much he fancied Monica, but I always thought he’d somehow get over it. I never saw them together, because I knew Monica and I were a great couple. But then I left and I had no idea she’d get over me that fast. With Matt. That was impossible.
What surprises me most was that I woke up this Saturday early because my phone was ringing like crazy. I sighed and saw that the one who was calling me at this early hour was Rick. At 5:36 in the morning.
“So, I’m on JFK now. Come pick me up,” Rick said with an excited voice.
What? JFK? Where is JFK? What’s a JFK?
I looked outside the window and it was still dark. And I was in New York! Oh! JFK is the airport, right! And… Rick? In New York? What?
“Dude… Are you being serious?”
“Yes, B
en, get out of bed and come pick me up. It’s weird standing here. I just landed half an hour ago. I needed to drink a coffee and I got you one, too. From Starbucks. So are you coming?”
“No,” I said as I returned in bed.
“Yes, you are. Don’t be a dick. I needed some time apart, okay? And you are the only one apart from the L.A. madness. Come. Pick. Me. Up!” he ordered and I sighed.
“I’ll be there in half an hour,” I murmured and he agreed then hung up.
I jumped out bed and went to take a shower. Obviously hanging out with Rick would be exhausting and I needed all the time I could get. The traffic wouldn’t be that bad at this early hour so I could take my time and wish I could get there on time.
Despite the fact that was completely weird that Rick came here without saying anything, I could understand him.
“Hey, man,” Rick greeted me and handed me a cup of coffee. It wasn’t warm anymore and it tasted pretty shitty, but I appreciated the gesture.
“You could’ve warned me or something,” I said nodding towards the exit of the airport.
“Then where would’ve been the surprise?” Rick asked with a grin as he followed me through the crowd.
“Yeah, right,” I said with a harsh tone and he laughed.
“Look, I really needed to be away from Matt. I know he’s your friend or… I don’t know, but you have no idea how it’s… Um… Emma’s really, really bad, you know? She’s actually in Connecticut right now. She needed time apart from him, too.”
I sat in my car and ran a hand through my hair. Of course Emma would feel bad now! And I never really thought of her these days.
Even though I always told Matt he shouldn’t try and date Emma, somewhere deep down I knew they were perfect for each other. And now he didn’t think at her at all. It made me wonder if he had a thing for Monica all along or it just happened.
Perfect Match Page 30
