“He was like… all the time saying that I shouldn’t even think about Monica because she was dating you and that’s a rule between bros and I know that,” Rick said. “But then what’s the first thing he does? He dates your ex-girlfriend and breaks my sister’s heart! I wanna kill him just for the sadness in Emma’s eyes. You should see her to understand it. I never saw her like that. The last time I saw her really sad was after her Prom and I’ve found out that was Matt’s fault too.”
“I know,” I replied and Rick nodded. “I’m sorry for her. I… I always told Matt he shouldn’t get involved with Emma because she’s out of his league, you know?”
“That’s true. She’s better than him, and then again she’s heartbroken now and I can’t do anything. I can’t stop her from crying all day and night, I can’t make her to eat anything, I can’t cheer her up, I can’t kill him because the law doesn’t allow me to… I’m all tied up.”
“I… I never talked to them after I moved here. I thought Monica was still upset, because she didn’t even walk me to the airport or anything and Matt… I thought Matt would be Matt. But when Emma called and told me…”
“Yeah. It fuckin’ sucks.”
I agreed and then we stood in silence until the sun came out, hoping the sun would take away every bad feeling I had.
Chapter 29
Back to what we know
~ Matt Nicholls ~
I think it has been over two months since I’ve last seen Emma. And that was at work.
She refused to see me and it’s understandable that she rejected my phone calls and she asked Rick and Gabrielle to take all her things from our apartment. I have to admit that the last time I saw Emma wasn’t that great because I was drunk and during the night I called my current girlfriend “Emma”.
And of course Monica had to make such a big deal out of it! She yelled at me for two days and hung up on me about ten times and closed the door in my face a few times, too. I was trying so hard to get over Monica’s insecurities it just was so weird that someone as amazing as her would be that insecure about something. Or someone.
But coming back to Emma, it was Saturday when I had so much to work considering I had no one to help me with my documents and stuff, Monica had to go to Chicago for the weekend with her colleagues for some important thing and since Rick didn’t talk to me anymore, I was kind of left alone. So I opened my e-mail account and I noticed an e-mail from… Emma.
I was pretty reluctant about it at first, because I knew Emma’s talent at writing emotional e-mails so I ordered pizza and watched an episode of Arrow before pulling myself together to read Emma’s e-mail. Yes, I was terrible but even though the curiosity was totally killing me, I didn’t actually want to know how much she hated me right now.
Only the thought of Emma hating me made me cringe. After all what happened I had to ruin everything and push her away…
At first I was a mess and I think Monica noticed it and I hated that I was doing this to her. She has been amazing and I couldn’t enjoy more her presence. She was brilliant and amazing and we had so much in common, even though she wasn’t Emma.
It has been pretty tough to stop comparing Monica with Emma cause it’ll just drive me crazy, but at the beginning was all I could do. Obviously, I tried not to show her how much I wanted Emma to be instead of her.
But after a month I found myself stop thinking about Emma (all the time) and I was surprised to acknowledge the fact that I was actually missing Monica every time I left her in her apartment. And it was cool, because I knew she enjoyed being around me too. And everything between us became great that we moved together about a month and a half after we hooked up. Started dating. Same thing. I’m a guy, cut me some slack.
So after my ego pretty much dropped after seeing Stephen Amell shirtless for about 10 minutes in the entire episode, I decided to go jogging on the beach and made myself plans to start going to the gym again every day. I mean, Monica goes jogging every single morning and she has this amazing energy and it’s mind blowing, cause I am always tired after working out and obviously I have to be as hot as she is. It’s amazing to go out with her cause there are always guys turning out their heads to stare at her and she’s so beautiful and so mine that I can’t even picture my luck. Ben was a lucky son of a bitch who didn’t know how to make a good choice. I would’ve give up on every single job in New York just to date Monica one more day. And yeah, that sounds pretty corny but I do like her. A lot. A lot meaning… I might love her. Someday. Because right now I am pretty sure I am still in love with Emma. I mean, even though I live with Monica and so, my first thought in the morning is still related to Emma and my last one also about Emma. So… yeah.
And that leads us to her amazing e-mail.
After jogging on the beach for two hours and talking to Monica on the phone for another half an hour, I took a long shower and made a sandwich then returned to my laptop. The e-mail was still there, unopened and I made such a big deal about it because the subject was “I have a question”. She really knows how to make herself sound intriguing.
I clicked on it and immediately turned my head to the other side of the room, feeling like a stupid asshole cause I couldn’t read an e-mail. It’s an e-mail it won’t kill you, Nicholls! my mind joked, but I didn’t mind.
From: Emma West
Subject: I have a question
To: Matthew Nicholls
Is the job still available?
Emma West
That was it. Just one question, like the subject said. I really thought she’ll write a lot of mean things and I would’ve deserved that, but she didn’t. She just asked about her job, which obviously was still available and it leads us back to the point of why I was working in a Saturday afternoon.
Of course, right now was past 9 PM cause I took the day off doing all those things to avoid reading Emma’s sentence. It was just one sentence, for Christ’s sake! Not even a hello there. Nothing. And maybe she just needed the job and that’s it. Nothing else. Until she can find something better. But I never even thought of giving someone else the job. It wouldn’t be there same. The CEO asked me if my secretary quit her job and I said ‘no’ instinctively. I wanted her to come back to working with me cause she made my work day better.
So it took me another half an hour to reply an “of course” to her.
All I knew about Emma was that she went back home for a while to her parents’ house. Maybe she needed some time or something and I couldn’t blame her. I didn’t even try calling my mom, cause I figured it out she already knew about me and Emma being… apart?
Talking about my mom, yeah she recently visited me apparently for no reason. I had no idea she knew about Monica, because I returned home on a Friday night and found my mom on my couch talking to Monica like they knew each other since the beginning of the world. Later on, I found out Monica talked to her on the phone one day and they just continued talking without even telling me about it and my beautiful girlfriend invited her to Los Angeles to get to know each other.
Monica liked my mom so much and it made me wonder why I never heard her talk about her parents, but she just cut me out saying they are not “that close” and they just send her money and stuff if she needs anything. My mom liked her too, even though she couldn’t stop herself not to make comments about Emma every now and then. I knew she wanted Emma and I to be together, but somehow that wasn’t possible. Not anymore anyway.
I hated that besides the fact that Emma and I were not together anymore, I lost my best friend too. And Rick. Rick hated me, probably because he knew what I did to Emma and because of Monica too, since he always had that stupid crush on her. I liked Rick from the beginning and we got along so good, we were bros and everything, but Monica was way out of his league to be serious.
I always pictured Monica with Ben cause they looked stunning together, but right now I couldn’t picture Monica with anyone else but me. Because she completed me even though I was
kind of in between, wanting Monica and Emma at the same time.
Just before I wanted to close my laptop and go to bed and find something interesting to watch, I checked my e-mail account once more and there was another e-mail from Emma, which briefly said “Good, can I come back?” and I replied immediately with a “Yes” and smiled to myself. Maybe at least I could get back my best friend.
*
The rest of the weekend went well, the next day I really took advantage of my spare time and went to the gym and I saw Morgue there and since he had no relations with Emma right now, we got along pretty well I might say.
Not that I would take advice from Morgue in any situations, but I felt like forever alone being at the gym by myself without having someone to talk to. And when I saw Morgan coming towards me I felt relieved. I hated the fact that Rick didn’t talk to me anymore. Not that I blame him.
The last time I saw him was about a month ago and he was hanging out with Gabrielle. I could understand why he hated me that much, but I felt bad. Bad because I screwed everything up, but still I don’t feel as bad as I should.
“You’re a douche bag, Matt,” Rick said that day. “Just because you look like that and have a nice job and that attitude doesn’t give you the right to screw all of us!”
“Look, Rick…”
“Save it. I thought you were more of a man, you know? There are some simple rules as a guy. Firstly, you don’t hook up with a friend’s girl. Monica was your best friend’s girlfriend, even though they were over. Is it worth the fact that Ben doesn’t talk to you anymore? Or I? Secondly, you don’t mess with a bro’s sister. And here goes Emma. And the only thing that keeps me from punching your stupid face is the fact that you clearly aren’t worth it. At all. And thirdly, you don’t hook up with a girl a bro of yours has a crush on. And that’s Monica. And you know just how much I liked her. But obviously you didn’t care. So for me you’re dead, Nicholls,” Rick finished his speech with a shrug and I couldn’t say anything else.
And he was right, but after all it felt pretty good when I was around Monica. I never felt awkward, we were just… great together. But how could that change the fact that I made the wrong moves to get here?
So it was really refreshing that Morgue had no idea about what I had done or that I even had something with Emma, and he seemed like he didn’t want to talk about her either so we had a lot of fun today forgetting everyone else.
Around 7 PM I went to the airport to wait for Monica and I tried the entire night to change my excitement of having Emma working with me. Actually, it wasn’t that hard since Monica was so happy about her job and she was talking so enthusiastic about it.
The next morning I was way too excited about seeing Emma again so I would stumble all around the house, ending up in a hurry and make Monica laugh all the time.
“You’re cute when your head’s in the clouds,” she commented as she took a sip from her coffee and sat on a chair next to me. “Everything okay?”
“Yep,” I replied with a smile as I bent over and kissed her cheek. “Need a lift?”
“Nope, I’m in the mood to take a cab today. You can pick me up tonight though,” she said with the grin I loved about her. “If that’s okay.”
“Sure, babe. Just give me a call,” I said as I finished my coffee and kissed her before heading out of the kitchen. “Have a good day!” I yelled towards the kitchen before opening the door.
“You too, I love you!” she yelled back and I froze with the hand on the door handle.
What did she say? No, I can’t do this now. Shit! I’m not… We’re…
“I’m…” she appeared behind me and I turned to look at her and didn’t even bother to hide the surprise in my face. “I’m sorry, I just, I…”
Shit! I don’t know how to do this ‘I love you’ thing. No, I’m a man. We don’t do that.
Even though you said it to Emma?
Hey, Emma was Emma!
Are you seriously thinking about Emma after Monica told you she loved you for the first time? You’re so fucked.
“Monica, I…”
“No, I’m sorry! It’s too fast, I know and I don’t know, it just… I-I… didn’t even think about it! It just slipped, okay? I’m sorry. I don’t wanna rush into anything, I’m… I’m sorry!”
“No, look! Don’t… I…” I wanted so bad to find the right words to say right now, but everything was a blur. I couldn’t say ‘I love you’ back. I just couldn’t.
“Just… go, okay? You don’t have to say it back. I just… I…”
“I get it, Monica, okay? It just… took me by surprise, okay?”
“You and me both,” she said and I smiled and leaned over her to kiss her one more time.
“Pick you up tonight, okay?” I asked and she nodded and I finally made my way out the door.
Fuck! This wasn’t in my plan for today.
I drove way too fast to the office and got there before everyone else, and by that I meant Emma. I closed my office door behind me and ran my hand through my hair. This couldn’t be happening.
Why are you making such a big deal about it? You’re dating Monica for over two months and you live together. That says a lot, right? No need to freak out about it. It’s normal.
But is it normal for me to still love Emma? Because I’m more excited about seeing her than hearing Monica say ‘I love you’ one more time.
I sat on my desk and turned on my computer as I tried to push away Monica’s words. I could deal with this later.
‘Deal with this’? You make it sound like a problem. It should be awesome that Monica loves you. Normally you should say that back. Especially to someone as special as Monica. She loves you. For who you are. And she’s hot.
Anyway, as I signed into my e-mail account there was an e-mail from… yeah, you guessed obviously, the one and only person who sends me e-mails like this. Except from people who I work with, but that’s other business. After avoiding clicking it for two whole minutes, I did it!
From: Emma West
Subject: Work
To: Matt Nicholls
So, we’re not friends. We won’t do small talk, we won’t talk at all. We’re not even coworkers, do you understand? So basically I can do my job without talking to you.
Is that okay?
Emma
I looked at the screen and a smile appeared on my lips before bursting into hysterical laughter. Was she serious about this? I think she is. But God help me if I didn’t think this was way too cute. Because she still cared.
And that leads us to the fact that Monica was the one who cared now. Because she said she loved me. She didn’t say she was in love with me, she loved me. Like… the whole deal. I mean, maybe I was in love with Monica, because she was amazing and she really made my day, night, week, month whatever and I was happy only to think about her, but… love? I mean, being in love is that awesome feeling and you just don’t care about anything else and you’re happy, but actually loving someone is… terrifying. It means responsibility and devotion and… Oh, man, I’m not ready for this.
I replied to Emma with an “okay” and tried to get back to the things I had to do for today.
*
A week has passed since the incident. Since Monica told me she loved me and since Emma returned to work and I still haven’t talked to her face to face. Of course we ran into each other around, when she needed to hand me something or to give someone something or in the mornings in the elevator, making the both of us uncomfortable like hell or something like that.
And about Monica… Well… We kinda talked about it and she agreed with the fact that we weren’t quite there and I had this awful feeling she wasn’t that happy I didn’t say it back, but she took me by surprise! So things were a little awkward at first, but now it all seemed better now.
Emma was being incredibly immature right now. I mean, at first I really thought this was a joke. This whole e-mailing thing, but it wasn�
�t. I got a lot of one worded e-mails from her with indications and people who called or all this shits and I could understand she really hated me for what I did to her, but could she be even more immature? We worked together, for Christ’s sake!
So I decided I had to talk to her.
“Emma, can I see you for a moment?” I asked standing in the door frame and I observed she sighed and avoided my eyes as she nodded.
Everyone in the department looked at us, like it was so weird to call my secretary in my office. I guess everyone noticed we haven’t talked in about two months. She refused to even look at me, and she e-mailed everything I needed, and when she came to give or take documents she simply avoided me. It was cruel and I hated it.
She sat on the blue chair in front of my desk and I kept pacing around the office, without having an idea how should I start. What should I say to make it better?
“So could you please at least let me explain?” I asked running a hand through my hair.
“No,” Emma replied shortly avoiding eye contact.
“Emma, I’m sorry, okay?” I told her taking her hand in mine, but she moved it away. “I know it sucks, but it was a mistake, okay? I don’t know, I was just…”
“I don’t care!” she hissed and took a step back. “It doesn’t seem such a big mistake, right?”
“What do you mean?”
She ran a hand through her dark straightened hair and rolled her eyes. She seemed extremely tired and her eyes were red like she’d been crying all night and she didn’t sleep too much. I hated myself for it. I didn’t know how things were gonna end up after I slept with Monica. And then with Emma. Then Monica decided that we should date out of the blue. I mean, what the hell? I had no intention of dating Monica, but I knew how fucked up she was because Ben left, so I thought I could play along for a while until she gets better.
And she was different, considering her hair seemed a little darker now, previously her hair being light brown and now it was way darker, her clothes were different and she looked even classier than before, with a shirt unbuttoned at the top and a really short black skirt. I never saw her wearing skirts so short at work, but I wasn’t complaining. She actually looked amazing. It really showed that she had spent some time on her style lately.
Perfect Match Page 31
