Fated

by T. L. McDonald

  The ground at my feet crumbles, each piece falling away to nothing. I struggle searching for any kind of traction. There’s none. His hand tightens around my throat. “Until next time.” Without warning he lets go and I fall into darkness with the sound of his laughter echoing all around.

  Screams rip through me as I jerk awake. My chair falls backwards taking me with it. Arms and legs flailing, my head slams against the hard concrete floor. Spots bloom in front of my eyes. The room sways out of focus, the edges hazy and gray. Something warm trickles down the back of my head as I struggle to crawl on my hands and knees into the corner.

  The door flies open banging against the wall. Two sets of hands pull me to my feet. Disoriented, I fight against them until I become coherent enough to recognize Detective Henderson yelling for me to calm down.

  “You’re okay now Hanna,” Detective Henderson tells me while the two Officers holding my arms lead me over to the chair he’s just righted. “No one is going to hurt you here.”

  He has no idea how wrong he is.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Adam is standing by the window with his back toward me when I’m led to the lobby. Seeing my reflection he turns. It takes only a half a second for me to see the look of worry and relief on his face and another half a second for him to cross the room to wrap me up in his arms. Cradling me against his chest, he runs a hand down the back of my hair only to pull his hand away wet with blood from the wound I’d just sustained in the interrogation room after I fell from my chair. He stares at the blood on his hand a moment before taking in the rest of me. Starting with my muddy shoes, his eyes move upward, grazing over my dirty, torn clothes until finally landing on my dirt covered tear-streaked face.

  “I’m okay,” I assure him. He doesn’t believe one word of it.

  “No you’re not. After what you've been through..." He pauses like he's unsure if he should continue. "Officer Jensen told me what happened." Another pause. "You’re hurt," He glances at the blood on his hand. "And you’re bleeding.” He puts his arm around my shoulders leading me towards the door. “We should get you to the hospital.”

  “No.” I swivel out of his embrace. “No hospital. I’m fine. I swear. Please Adam, I just want to go home.” I stare at him pleadingly until I see him cave.

  “Fine. But if I start to suspect you’ve got a concussion or something I’m taking you to the hospital and you aren’t going to fight me on it. Got it?”

  “Got it.”

  Outside Adam opens the passenger side door of his truck then helps me inside just as Will pulls in beside us. Our eyes meet long enough to express all the things we can’t say. And when he looks away to say something to Adam, it takes every ounce of restraint I have to keep myself in the truck because all I want to do is ask him about Jared.

  Fingers locked around the door handle I follow Will into the building with my eyes. When Adam starts the engine I nearly jump out of my seat. He looks over at me like I’m some fragile creature that’s been broken; the pieces barely glued back together.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Adam asks gently.

  “No.” I can’t talk to Adam about any of this. It’s bad enough I had to lie to the cops, there’s no way I can lie to my brother too. Especially with the way he’s looking at me right now. I’d crack in two seconds. The best thing I can do for the both of us is keep my mouth shut.

  The ride home is silent and awful. Tears refuse to stop running down my face and every helpless look Adam gives me rips me apart. I know he’s concerned. I know he just wants to be there for me, but I swear if he doesn’t stop, I’m seriously considering jumping out of the truck just so I won’t have to endure it anymore because this lie and his looks are killing me.

  We pull into the driveway ten excruciating minutes later where I’m so grateful to be home, I’m tempted to kiss the ground.

  Adam unlocks the front door then moves aside to let me in first. I’m halfway up the stairs when he calls my name. I stop without turning around.

  The sound of his keys clanking against the glass bowl on the stand echoes around the foyer. “I just want you to know that if you decide you want to talk, I’m here for you, okay?”

  “Okay.” I run to my room, locking the door behind me before I do something stupid. Like tell him everything.

  My reflection stares back at me from the full-length mirror beside the closet with puffy red eyes. I look about as horrible as I feel. Peeling myself out of my ruined clothes I step into the shower hoping the hot water will somehow magically wash everything away. It doesn’t. There’s no amount of soap in the world that can wash away all the guilt I’m covered in for all the lies I’ve told. For all the lies I still have to tell.

  Sitting on the tub floor, the water now ice cold, beats against my back leaving my skin a pale blue. I should get out. I can’t move. All the lying, seeing the look on Adam’s face when he picked me up at the police station, imagining how he’s feeling about all of this, imagining how Jared’s mom is going to feel when the police tell her they couldn’t find him after hours of searching, weighs me down.

  A knock on the bathroom door pulls me out of my delirium. “Hanna,” Adam calls from the other side. “I brought you something to eat. I’m going to put it on the computer desk, okay?”

  “Okay.” My teeth chatter so bad I’m surprised the word made it past my lips. Still, it’s another ten minutes before I finally reach up to shut the water off and another ten after that before I drag myself out of the tub.

  Wrapping up in a towel, I use the palm of my hand to wipe away the condensation on the mirror. Instead of seeing my own gray eyes stare back I see Jared’s bright green ones. My heart forgets to beat. It seems so real. If I were to touch the mirror right now would it be like touching his face, or would the illusion shatter leaving only my own sad reflection?

  If only I could see him for real. If only I could make sure he’s safe and that everyone at The Compound isn’t treating him like some freak because of whom he is, maybe I wouldn’t be so haunted by him now.

  Shutting off the light, his face disappears in the dark.

  The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on end the moment I step foot into my room. Someone’s been here. Fast shallow breaths escape past my lips. Scanning the room my eyes land on the window. Scrawled in bright red from the outside is a message.

  Next time this will be you.

  J.

  J., as in Jasper. A.k.a. Blondie. Forcing my feet to move ahead I peer out the window. On the porch roof is a very bloody, very dead crow. Wings spread out; the hilt of a knife protrudes from its chest. I barely make it to the trashcan before I hurl stomach acid.

  ***

  I can’t sleep.

  Every time I try various nightmares plague me. I dream of the dead bird morphing into a dead version of me or I dream about the distraught look on Jared’s mom’s face as she falls to her knees after the police tell her about all the blood they found in the woods. But the worst ones are all about Blondie and Jared. In those ones, Blondie stabs Jared in countless ways and each time I’m too late to save him. Each time Jared dies. Over and over, each death more horrific than the first with Blondie’s laughter becoming more and more crazed.

  Thunder shakes the house violently yanking me from my nightmares. Half a breath later the sky opens up with a torrential downpour. Kicking the covers to the floor I pull my knees up to my chest rocking myself back and forth. Outside my window Blondie’s face illuminates within a flash of lightning. My back slams against the headboard. I stare so hard my eyes hurt as I wait for the next flash.

  He's not there.

  I sigh while shuddering at the same time. Was Blondie really out there or did I only imagine it? Fully awake, my eyes search each window with every flash of light that moves across the sky.

  I don't see him anywhere.

  But it doesn’t matter. There’s no way I can sleep now. Every rumble of thunder makes me jump. Every shadow in the dark becomes sinister and fright
ening. The sound of the wind howling through the branches outside my window terrifies me to no end.

  I wish Jared were home. I wish I could walk across the street right now and find him safe and sound. I’d knock on his window. He’d let me in. And for a few moments, everything would be okay.

  But he’s not home. And the only thing I’d find in his house now is sorrow.

  I spend the rest of the night huddled into a ball and it’s not until the sun comes up, that I finally allow myself to somewhat relax, that I stop looking for Blondie in every dark corner.

  My alarm goes off. Unable to bring myself to get out of bed, to face the world, to face the lies I have to tell Adam, I throw the alarm across the room silencing it. Reaching down I retrieve my blankets from the floor so I can bury myself under them and forget the world around me. Forget that Jared’s gone for who knows how long. Forget that it’s tearing me apart.

  Closing my eyes I try to pretend everything’s okay. That none of this is happening at all. That Jared’s not the chosen one. That Blondie and the rest of the Fallen aren’t real. And as I fall asleep, for just a moment I believe it, until the nightmares begin and the horrible truth of everything worms its way back in.

  Adam checks on me throughout the day, bringing me food only to have to take it away when I don’t eat it. Each time I refuse to eat he lingers just a little bit longer in the doorway, a sad look of not knowing what to do or how to comfort me etched on his face. I hate that he’s worrying about me. I hate that he thinks something terrible has happened to Jared. I hate that I’m lying to him about everything, even if it is to keep him safe. I hate all of it.

  Hours pass as I huddle under the blankets and I’m about to tell Adam I’m still not hungry at the knock on the door when to my surprise Kat, one of my former best friends, enters my room. We stare at each other awkwardly; both of us silent and I can’t help but think about the stupid fight that ended our friendship. Misunderstandings. Jealousy. And boys. Will and Jared to be exact.

  Her eyes are puffy, a sign that she’s been crying. Guess everyone knows about Jared now. She takes a deep breath then comes over to sit beside me on the bed. Reaching for me she hesitates, then hugs me quickly before pulling away. “I heard what happened. I’m so sorry Hanna. And I’m sorry I’ve been such a bitch toward you lately. It all seems so stupid now.”

  Something inside of me snaps at her nonchalant apology. It’s like the whole fight—all the mean things she did and said were nothing. Meant nothing. Well it meant something to me. All the walls I’ve so carefully built around myself begin to crack. I’m so angry about so many things, many of which have nothing to do with her, but right now, I can’t seem to make myself see the distinction. “Because it was stupid. Our whole fight was stupid and it’s just sad that it takes the possibility of Jared’s death for you to see that.” Kat looks at me as though I’ve just slapped her.

  “I told you flat out I wasn’t into Will, but you wouldn’t believe me even though I’ve never lied to you. And as far as Jared’s concerned, you swore over and over that you had no feelings for him whatsoever, so you had no right to get mad at me for that.” My hands shake at my sides as I stand hovering over her. “And God, Kat, you were so mean that day at Frank’s with the things you said, but what hurt the worst was when you teamed up with Amber Bradford of all people to talk crap behind my back. And lets not forget how you wrote ‘whore’ across my locker. I know it was you, so don’t even try to deny it.” She flinches at the venom in my voice and I wish I could stop. I can’t. The floodgates are open now and the words are rushing forward. “And now, now you come over here crying over the possible death of someone who you constantly claimed to hate, apologizing for your bitchiness and you just what—expect me to forgive you? Well tough, I tried over and over to talk to you, but you wouldn’t listen and now your apology is too little too late and probably completely insincere. If Jared wasn’t missing would you even be here?”

  Kat stares at me open-mouthed. I can’t say I blame her. I’ve never yelled at her like this before. She probably doesn’t know what to make of me. I know I don’t.

  The shocked look on her face shifts to anger. “I can’t believe you just said that. I don’t hate Jared and I’m just as upset about him being missing as you are. Jared and I may not be the best of friends anymore, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about what happens to him. I’m not heartless Hanna.” Standing, she throws her hands into the air signaling she’s done with me. Maybe she should be. It would certainly be safer for her if she were.

  Her eyes narrow in my direction. “I don’t know what your problem is Hanna, but you’re not the little miss innocent you claim to be. And the whole ‘I’ve never lied to you’ thing is bull. You wouldn’t tell me why Will was really at your house when I asked the first time and I doubt you’ll tell me now.” She pauses, waiting for me to explain. When I don’t, she nods her head with a half smile like she knew all along I wouldn’t. “That’s what I thought.” She looks me over. “I know there’s something going on between you and Will and I’m going to find out what it is.”

  “There is nothing going on between Will and I, Kat. We are just friends and you’re just jealous because he’s not falling all over himself over you. Not every boy worships the ground you walk on you know.”

  “There’s nothing going on huh?” She scoffs, ignoring the jealousy comment. “Then explain to me what happened at Frank’s. Judging by the look on both your faces before you jetted off together on his bike I know there’s more going on than what you’re saying. You’re hiding something and I want to know what it is.”

  My mind goes back to that day, the memory of our fight replaying in my head. She had been so cruel and I had been so hurt and angry. I never meant for the bathroom mirrors to shatter after she left the room and I definitely didn’t mean for the front windows of Frank’s Pizzeria to explode outward with her standing right in the middle of it. But there’s no way she could know I had anything to do with it. Could she?

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say.

  “Liar.” I smack her hard across the face for calling me a liar even though it’s true. I am a liar.

  “You bitch!” Kat spits out between clenched teeth. She grabs a handful of my hair, yanking me to the floor. Her nails scrap my face as I try to maneuver out from under her.

  So she can’t see that the scratch marks are already healing, I take a page from her book and grab the hair at the back of her head. I pull her head back until she lets go of mine. Just as I get to my feet, she slams into me shoving me into the computer desk causing the lamp to fall over. The bulb shatters against the floor. She pushes me backwards right into the broken shards.

  Pain slices through my foot. Blood trickles around the glass embedded in my heel, dripping onto the floor. “You did that on purpose!” I yell, accusing her as I pull out the shard. She shrugs her shoulder.

  Wrong move.

  Rage takes over and before I can think better of it I punch her hard. Her head snaps back. Off balance, she stumbles backwards toward the bed.

  Regaining her footing, Kat covers her eye with her hand, no doubt already feeling it swell. The whole room goes still. Silent. She drops her hand slowly. A scream of war rips from her lungs right before she charges. Body slamming me, my back hits the bedroom door with enough force to take my breath away. Grabbing my hair she slams my head against the door until stars appear before my eyes.

  “What the hell is going on in there?” Adam yells from the other side of the door. The doorknob jiggles, but with the weight of Kat and I against it, he can’t get in.

  Knocking her foot out from under her, we fall in a tangled heap on the floor, freeing the door for Adam to burst through. He takes ahold of the back of my shirt, hauling me to my feet.

  “What the hell is wrong with you two?” Adam looks back and forth between Kat and I waiting for one of us to explain. Neither of us speaks. “I’m not even going to pretend to know what’s going on
between you two, but I will say this. Both of you have a friend who’s out there somewhere missing and injured. You two should be working together to help find him, not in here fighting each other.”

  Kat looks away from me to stare at the floor. Now that we’re not glaring at each other shame begins to eat away at me. She came here apologizing and I—I did nothing except make things worse. What is wrong with me? It’s not even her I’m really angry at. I’d say I’m sorry if those two words weren’t so insignificant right now. Besides, after what I did, blacking her eye like that, I doubt she’d accept my apology anyway.

  Adam leads Kat over to the bedroom door. “It’s probably best if you go home now Kat,” Adam says kindly. “I’ll walk you down. Get you some ice for your eye.” Kat goes out into the hall without looking at me. Adam hesitates at the door. “When I get back, you and I need to have a talk.”

  Resisting the urge to slam the door, I shut it with a soft click instead. I don’t want to talk to Adam. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to get away, get a grip, and get my head on straight. The lies I’m telling, the guilt I’m feeling, it’s making me crazy and I need to get over it because I made a promise to myself to protect Jared and if that means I have to go along with this insane plan of his, telling lie after lie, then that’s what I’m going to do. As of right now, I’m going to stop fighting against what has to be done. I’m going to stop moping over things I can’t change. I’m going to not take my frustrations out on people who don’t deserve it. Like Kat, she didn’t deserve what I just did. My heart constricts at the thought of how her head flew backwards after I’d punched her. I can’t believe I did that.