Benjamin straightened in the booth. “Yeah, you too.” Something was heating up my face, but I didn’t have to look up to know it was Benjamin’s icy glare.
My phone dinged.
Roger: How about this Saturday?
Katie leaned over. “Is it the sexy nurse?” she asked me, and I nodded.
“Nurse?” I looked up to see Benjamin wrinkling his nose with his question.
“Yeah, he talked her out of her phone number the day she went to have her cast put on,” Katie mentioned.
“Cast?” Shit. Benjamin was staring intently at me.
“Katie,” I muttered.
“What?” She was completely oblivious. I didn’t tell her that I didn’t mention the wreck to him. I did tell him about Dad trying to become sober. I just excluded the whole ordeal on how we came to his journey of soberness.
“What did you not tell me?” He sounded frustrated.
I looked up and saw his dark penetrating gaze eating me up and daring me not to tell him. “Me and Dad wrecked right after the semester ended. He fractured some ribs, and I broke an arm, no biggie.”
“No biggie.”
“Benjamin,” I met his eyes and conveyed I didn’t want to do this in front of his girlfriend or Katie. He relented.
Tammy grabbed his hand and gave me a warm smile. “I’m glad it was nothing serious. He tends to worry about you a lot.”
“I know he does.” That was one of the reasons why I didn’t tell him.
______
“Benjamin.” I swore. “Stop breathing down my damn neck.”
After a session of Benjamin ruining the mood for everyone as we ate with his typical sulky attitude when he got in one of his moods, we were at the movies. He had offered to take us to the movies when we had planned this, but now I didn’t think he wanted to. The only thing he was worried about now was getting me alone so that he could interrogate me.
“We’re discussing this later,” he muttered, blowing over my hair as we stood in line.
I glanced back with a scowl. “Will you relax?” He tightened his jaw and didn’t reply. Why was he like this with me sometimes? He acted like a brother would when his sister didn’t tell him something.
Tammy looked uncomfortable. I pulled out my phone and sent him a text:
You’re scaring your girlfriend with your attitude. Feel ashamed.
It didn’t take him long for him to pull out his phone and reply:
Fuck, Emily. You make it sound like I really am Freddy Krueger.
Me: You’re not? -_-
Benjamin: Hah. Funny.
“Are you guys texting each other?” Katie whispered in my ear. I tucked my phone back into my jeans.
“Someone has to tell him to stop sulking. He’s making everyone uncomfortable.”
She grinned. “He’s always been like that with you. Cut him some slack. He’s probably going through a hundred different scenarios in his head about the wreck, and why you didn’t tell him.”
“I know.” I peeked back at him and he was giving me space but still staring. Turning back to Katie, I asked, “Is Jared gonna be able to make it?” Jared was Katie’s boyfriend. He was going to try to join us at the movies if he got off in time. I should have felt bad for inviting Katie and him along since it was just supposed to be us three originally, but Benjamin already knew I tended to do things without asking, and no one liked being a third wheel.
“Yeah.” She smiled. “There he is actually!” She pointed toward him coming in the door.
Once he joined us, I smiled at Benjamin and said, “This is Jared.”
Yikes. He scowled in return.
_____
“Don’t just barge in my room,” I told Benjamin as I lay on my bed with the laptop open. We left the movies over an hour ago and all went home. “How did you get in the house?”
“Your dad let me in,” he told me with a frown.
“He’s still up?”
“I think he was laying down when I knocked.”
I nodded. “Where’s Tammy?”
“Asleep.”
I glanced up from the laptop. “You made her so uncomfortable today.”
He sighed. “She’s shy and not used to me when I’m—”
“Freddy Krueger?”
“I’m not that bad.”
No, he wasn’t bad at all. Just petulant and unapproachable when he was aggravated…or worried about me. That was why we dubbed his attitude “Freddy”.
“Why didn’t you tell me about the wreck?” he asked.
“Because you worry worse than a mother hen when it comes to me.”
He gave me a heated glare. “I wish you’d stop placing me as a mom. Do I look like a mother hen?”
I squinted my eyes, messing with him. “Hmm.” I finally eased up. “No, but you sure do act like one.”
“It’s not me being motherly, Emily. It’s me going fucking crazy because you make me worry so damn much.”
“Yeah, I know and it’s not healthy,” I told him.
“W-what?” He looked surprised. “Why?”
“Because I’ve become too dependent on you over the years and no girlfriend wants to see her boyfriend fretting over his friend like you do me. It makes me feel bad for her.”
He sighed and sat down on the bed. “She knows we’re nothing more than friends. And she already knows how I am…” He looked at me. “How I am with you.”
“Hmm.” I grinned. “Then maybe she’s the one for us.”
He groaned and fell back on the bed. “Don’t start with that again.”
“You wouldn’t let me live with you and your wife?” I asked him.
He was looking at the ceiling. “I’d let you live with me anytime you want.” He raised up and ran his hand through his hair before glancing at me again. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”
I rolled off my belly and raised up into a sitting position. “No, because you’re already hard enough on my parents as it is.” I gave him the truth in those words.
His eyes darkened. “What the hell?” He practically growled. “Was your dad driving drunk?”
“He’s been sober since then.” I defended him.
“That doesn’t make up for driving with you,” he hissed. He was literally fuming. “He could have killed you!”
“Shh!” I warned him. “He’ll hear you.”
He stood up. “Yeah, good. I need to give him some advice.”
I grabbed his arm and yanked him down. “Stop! He knows he screwed up, but I was the one that jumped in the truck with him trying to stop him. He made a mistake, and he’s trying.” I met his eyes with my pleading ones. “Don’t. Mom’s been hard enough on him and so have I. And he’s been plenty hard on himself, but Benjamin, he stopped drinking.”
The muscles in his arms loosened in my grip. “He’s here alone all day while you work, and you’ll be gone even longer once school starts back. How do you know he’s not drinking?” I hated how Benjamin didn’t want to believe in my dad.
“Because…” I sighed. “He put me in charge of his check. He even switched it to my checking account so that I know he couldn’t touch it. He has no money on him whatsoever. I handle everything, our bills, the food, everything.”
And it was working.
Benjamin still looked upset. “I’m so fucking pissed right now, I don’t know how to shut it off,” he told me darkly.
“Don’t be.” I shook his arm and smiled. “I even make him drive me back and forth to work because it forces him to get out of the house. It forces him to want to be sober and to think it.”
“And it’s working?” Benjamin sounded disbelieving.
“It is.”
His shoulders sagged and the next moment, I was wrapped in his big arms, pressed against his warm chest. I closed my eyes and smiled, reveled in the comfort and smell that was Benjamin. He kissed my forehead and although it was the first time he ever did it, I didn’t mind. I welcomed it because I knew how much he worried about me.
I peeled my nose from his chest and leaned up and kissed his cheek. He stiffened. Our eyes met. I smiled. He frowned through obscure eyes. “Why did you kiss my cheek?” he asked me.
“You kissed my forehead,” I answered, confused. His eyes ate me up. Did I make him uncomfortable? “What?” I whispered softly. “I thought we were showing affection.”
“Friends don’t kiss cheeks for affection.”
“But you kissed my forehead.”
“You weren’t supposed to kiss me back like that… It felt intimate.”
This entire situation brought me back to the time I had kissed him on the lips when we were kids. I had stepped back and saw his face align with horror. My thoughts were completely innocent. I just wanted to kiss someone like I saw them do on TV, but for him to be less disturbed by his bestie kissing him, I lied and said I kissed three other boys before doing it to him. He was so mad after that.
“What?” I blinked at him. “I kiss my dad’s cheek now that it’s clean. And I was also your first kiss.”
“No, you stole my first kiss.”
“What are you, a girl?”
With that, he pushed me away. “So annoying.”
I touched the place on my forehead he had kissed and watched as he left. He kissed my forehead. Why couldn’t I return the affection? Hmm…
Then my eyes widened. Did an innocent kiss give him a boner? Or did I make him uncomfortable because he thought I was making a move?
Oh, God.
I didn’t know which was worse.
Chapter 8
_____
Emily
1 year 8 months prior…
The dreaded day.
My mom had finally asked me to meet him. With my Christmas dessert in one hand and my phone in the other, I shot Benjamin a text:
I’m on his porch.
It was cold outside, but I waited for him to text me back before I knocked.
Benjamin: Have you seen what he looks like yet?
Me: No, she’s been very secretive.
As I waited for them to answer the door, I chanted in my head, “Please don’t be the judge. Please don’t be the judge.”
The door opened, and Mom opened the door with a smile. Next to her was another woman… I looked down at their hands.
Right in front of them, I got out my phone and sent him another text:
Or… woman!!!!!
He replied immediately:
OMFG! GO DEB!!
Me: Stop! This is going to ruin Dad! Imagine how he’s gonna feel when he finds out Mom’s been stolen by another bun instead of the wiener!
Benjamin: LMAO!
I was glad he found it funny.
I glared at my phone.
Me: He’s been sober since June! (crying emoji) What will this do?
Benjamin: Nothing. Like u said. He’s doing good!
“Emily,” Mom said my name rather impatiently.
I slid my phone in my pants and smiled. “Sorry.” I looked to my mom’s girlfriend again.
“You didn’t tell her, did you?” she asked my mom.
Mom smiled. “This is my girlfriend, Sarah.”
“Hi.” I offered my favorite Butterscotch Delight dessert to her. “I brought dessert.”
_____
I slammed the door when I was home and yelled, “That’s it, we’re putting up a tree next Christmas!”
Dad stepped out of the kitchen and I took in the smell of the house. Had he cooked? “Was it that bad?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No, she was great and so was her tree.”
Dad’s eyes widened. “It’s not a man.”
I ran up to him and grabbed his shoulder. “This is big news but no alcohol, okay?” I told him.
He laughed and pulled away from me. “I’m fine, Emily. Really, the only time the temptation is too much is when I’m sitting around watching TV or I see alcohol.”
Which was why he kept busy now. He’d lost weight too. He looked great actually. But we both knew his alcohol tendencies would always be there in the back of his head.
“Did you cook?” I asked as I stepped into the kitchen. I gasped when I saw that he made a chicken and a few sides.
“About your mom…” He followed me into the kitchen. “She’s got a girlfriend?”
“Her name’s Sarah.” I studied his face as he was deep in thought. “How are you feeling about it?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing really… I just never considered your mom as a woman that’d go down on another woman.”
I covered my ears in horror. “Dad!”
“It’s not a bad thought actually,” he told me, then looked at me in all seriousness. “Did you look to see if she was completely into girls or does she go both ways like your mom?”
“OH MY GOD! Stop! Don’t even think about hitting on both of them!”
He laughed. Over the last six months, I was learning a whole new side of Dad. He was a completely different person. He was funny but also too much at times. I was still getting used to him.
But it was the best. No, the greatest.
“I know you already ate, but you can eat with me again,” he changed the subject. Thank God.
Chapter 9
____
Emily
1 year 4 months prior…
Come home for the summer!
Are you coming home for the summer?
Okay, it’s final, you’re coming. Make sure to bring Tammy.
That was the sort of texts I’d been sending Benjamin over the last month, and it wasn’t even summer break yet. He didn’t come home for Christmas last year, so I hadn’t seen him since last summer.
The distance between us was vast all of a sudden. I only wanted to stop depending on him, I hadn’t wanted to cross him out of my life completely.
He was still the same guy I knew over text messages, but he didn’t call or come home... Ever since that incident where he kissed my forehead, and I kissed his cheek in return. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t see him that way, but that would make it sound like I was defending myself when I didn’t have a reason to. He kissed my forehead. Why couldn’t I do the same?
He was being a turd. He was the only one thinking too much about it…almost a year later. He shouldn’t feel guilty. We weren’t like that. He was dating Tammy, and the fact that they’d been together so long told me he cared for her. They probably loved each other.
But because he was being so distant with me, it made me obsess over it. We were growing apart…even more.
I knew it was inevitable. I also knew it was needed, but I still went on about it, anyway.
Me: Fine. Don’t come home
Benjamin: I probably will. I just gotta see if we’re going to see Tammy’s parents or not.
That was him dismissing me.
Benjamin: How’re things with Roger?
I’d been dating Roger since our first date back in August. He was funny, sweet, and capable. A bonus: he was older, worked, and provided for himself. He didn’t live with his parents like I did with Dad.
But that was another thing.
Me: He asked me to move in with him.
Benjamin already shared his apartment with Tammy, so I thought telling him would help me somehow.
Benjamin: U going 2?
Me: I don’t want to leave Dad alone ;(
Benjamin: He’s doing great, ain’t he?
Me: Amazing.
Benjamin: Do u want to move in with him?
Me: I think I’d like living with him.
Benjamin: There’s your answer.
______
A couple months later…
Me: Did you get the pic I just sent you?
Benjamin: Downloading…
Benjamin: Is that my dad and your dad putting something together in my parents’ yard?
Me: Yes. That’s what I came home from work to see.
Benjamin: How did that happen?
Me: Dad said he saw him having troub
le putting the swing together while he sat on the porch and asked if he needed help.
Me: I sniff a bromance brewing.
Benjamin: LOL
Me: They’re still outside together! Dad’s back is going to kill him tonight.
Me: Your mom is going to cry.
Benjamin: -_- Don’t think I don’t know you take pleasure in thinking of her discomfort.
Me: Moi? Never.
_____
More weeks later…
Me: So, I’ve been thinking…
Benjamin: I never thought I’d see the day.
Me: -_-
Benjamin: (smiling emoji)
Me: I’ve been thinking about how crazy you were about giving me this laptop. I can’t think of anything epic to write. (sad face emoji)
Benjamin: No killer Teddies?
Me: Nope.
Benjamin: No possessed dolls?
Me: No.
Benjamin: No talking stuffed animal that has laser beams as eyes?
Me: LOL. No. What is it with you and toys?
Benjamin: Do you not remember how much you’d scare the shit out of me with them?
Me: Maybe…
Me: But seriously, I got nothing. I’m so boring now.
Benjamin: You’re not boring, you’re just busy with work and school… If you can’t be creative, how about you start writing about something you know for now?
Me: Like what?
Benjamin: Like… The terror that Katie was in high school.
Me: LOLOLOLOLOL. Leave her alone. She’s getting married next week! And you won’t even come home…
Benjamin: Poor fella…
Me: You’re awful.
_______
More weeks later… My thoughts turn to tales of gorillas…
That little boy’s got a gorilla in his hand…
Gorillas pound their chests.
Katie wouldn’t make a good gorilla though, she’d be more of a hyena or a leopard.
Benjamin would make a fun gorilla…overbearing and protective.
I snickered. He might look like one if he pounded his chest when he got into one of his moods.
That’s a good idea.
An ape-man looking out for his best friend, the human.
Hmm… What would her name be?
Gorilla would be Ben the gorilla, of course…
Oh no! The little boy dropped his dinosaur, and his mom took the gorilla from him.
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