Just Enough

by Michelle Gross

  “My birthday present from Benjamin.”

  “Why so early?”

  I shrugged. “I sent his early too.”

  He took another sip and nodded. I opened the box quickly and saw some sort of purplish clothing inside. I lifted it to see that it was a dress. My eyes caught what was underneath the dress and I jammed it back in so fast Dad lifted an eyebrow at me.

  Feeling red, I muttered, “I’m gonna go try this on.”

  I rushed to the bathroom and slammed it shut. I was going to kill him. A heads up would have been nice. Why did I open it in front of Dad? I knew it was going to be something outrageous from his text. A dildo though?

  A purple one at that. A purple dress. A purple dildo. Gorilla Ben happened to be purple.

  This was an otherworldly omen of some sort. This was a sign that they were so skillfully delivered from Benjamin. The cruelty of it all. It was a warning that I needed to accept what I’d been ignoring. I needed to re-evaluate what I thought I felt for someone that I’d thought of a certain way for so long…until I didn’t anymore.

  Now everything was blurry…and smothery and uncomfortably achy.

  Yes, Emily.

  This purple dildo sent from your best friend was doing more to your body than your boyfriend.

  And it wasn’t the dildo as much as it was the mere thought of the person sending it to you.

  Oh, God.

  I covered my face with my hands. I felt ashamed. I had Roger…who I passed on sleeping with lately to the point that even he was noticing.

  Benjamin was my best friend. The nasty reality of it all was Benjamin was everything to me since forever. He’d always been so many things, my protector, my best friend, my Freddy and Mother Goose, my shoulder to cry on, but never…

  But now…even sexually, he had me feeling things I shouldn’t, and he was in another state! Just thinking about him had me feeling this way!

  I was so awful. How could this happen? How was I supposed to act around him now that I admitted it to myself? I was going to destroy our relationship if he somehow noticed.

  The thought had me sick to my stomach.

  I couldn’t think about him like that.

  I wouldn’t.

  I dropped my hands and spotted something else in the box and there was a note.

  Learn your body if no one else can!

  Then I saw the finger vibrator that he added. Heat flooded my stomach and sex.

  Shit. I shouldn’t.

  But my body wasn’t being its normal self, and it was going to not be normal however it wanted toward Benjamin.

  ______

  I didn’t want to go back to the apartment. I didn’t want to have to look at Roger and expect to kiss him when all I could think about was Benjamin. Once you opened such a box as I did, there was no peace and comfort in finding a dark truth about yourself. That truth would uproot me. It wouldn’t allow me to stay a second longer. The thought of staying in place was suffocating.

  How long had this been haunting me?

  Benjamin.

  Gorilla Ben.

  Benjamin. Benjamin. Benjamin.

  He was everywhere even when he wasn’t here. I was so torn up. I wrote about him. Had my head been innocent about him then or…

  It didn’t matter. The problem was I thought about him too much. Real life or in my fictional world, he was there.

  I was so confused. It made me want him here. I always wanted him here though. Even before I became weird and grouped him with s-e-x.

  So, I had to leave. I couldn’t stay with Roger, not when I had this overwhelming urge for someone else. I dreaded the confrontation. I knew the things he’d say. He’d blame Benjamin. Even though it wasn’t Benjamin’s fault I felt this way, he’d still be right.

  Benjamin had complete and utter control of my world. He didn’t know that, of course, but it was the idea of him that controlled me.

  Maybe it would fade with time. Please let it fade.

  Chapter 15

  _____

  Benjamin

  4 months prior…

  There was something downright wicked about trying to convince Emily to pair us up in her series. It was also equally pleasing to send her a purple dildo. Did she think of Gorilla Ben? Did the purple dildo have something to do with her breaking up with Roger? Had he finally had enough of me being in the picture.

  The thought made me smile.

  That probably made me an asshole.

  An asshole that wanted his best friend.

  We could continue for the rest of our lives being best friends, it’d just be fucking beautiful if we could bump-uglies every day while we were at it.

  I was doomed. Because Emily had never once seen me as anything other than her best friend. I’d been friend zoned since we were kids, except that one day in first grade when she walked up and kissed me right on the lips. It had been my first kiss and maybe it was then that she truly weaseled her way into my entire being, but I had been so star-struck from that kiss, and my kid brain had thought it had meant something special… Until she told me she kissed three other boys before she came to me.

  Hell, Emily was my first and only true heartbreak if I thought about it, too.

  Emily and Roger had broken up, although I was 100 percent on board with their break-up, I still had asked Emily about it, and it had played out entirely too much like mine.

  Me: Are you okay? Do I need to kick his ass?

  Me: Do u want to talk about it?

  Emily: Nope.

  That had been three weeks ago. Now she was living with her dad again, but she was looking for an apartment. I needed to find a place to stay when I returned home too. The thought of living with my parents after living alone for three years sounded awful.

  But I was so ready to get back home to see Emily.

  One more month. Then I’d get to see her all I wanted.

  _____

  Emily

  I was currently looking at an apartment that was available.

  It was right on the edge of town, still in the county though, and a ten-minute drive from Crash’s, twenty from Dad’s, and five from the college. I could also afford the rent on my own and the utilities were included, besides TV and internet.

  It hadn’t gone well with Roger when I had ended the thing between us. I had thought he’d pitch a fit and call me names and it’d be over with, but he had only gotten mouthy until I started packing. Then he begged me to stay.

  It made me uncomfortable. It didn’t make me want to stay. It just made realize how much he cared because even now, he still called and when I didn’t answer, he’d text me and tell me that I could come back if I wanted.

  I didn’t want to. It hadn’t felt good to hurt him, but it had been a relief to walk away. And it felt good not to constantly feel guilty for wanting to talk and spend more time with my best friend than Roger.

  Roger deserved better. I did too. I hoped he’d find someone that could love him as much as he loved in return. I hoped I figured myself out. I hoped this body crisis would be over soon. It wasn’t fun. I was scared of how I felt. I’d never felt drawn toward anyone like I did by simply hearing Benjamin’s voice over the phone. It was sending little messages to parts of my body it had no place making throb.

  I hadn’t used the dildo, but the urge was very real every night. Masturbating seemed out of the picture until Benjamin was out of my brain. That felt like I’d cross some line that shouldn’t be crossed. Benjamin coddled me all the time. How would he feel if he knew I was thinking strange thoughts lately?

  It was mortifying thinking about it.

  BEGONE EVIL SPIRITS! Stop doing this to my brain and body.

  Giving my head a quick shake, I surveyed the apartment. It had two bedrooms. One bathroom and a joined living room and kitchen. I wouldn’t be able to wash my clothes in the apartment, but I didn’t mind taking my clothes to Dad’s while I visited him through the week. It did have a stove and fridge though, thank God!

  It was
decent and clean, and I wasn’t picky, so I already knew I was going to get it. I called Benjamin as soon as I made up my mind.

  “Did you like it?” he asked as soon as he answered.

  “I’m going to take it before he gives it to anyone else.”

  “Need a roomie?” he asked with a laugh.

  I felt like this was a very bad idea, especially when I couldn’t control certain areas and how they might feel around Benjamin, but I was already thinking about it, processing it, and liking the idea far too much.

  “Why? You want to move in next month?”

  He snorted. “You’re funny. Like I could put up with you.”

  “You lie.”

  “Send me pictures,” he ordered then hung up.

  This was a bad idea, I reminded myself again.

  I got busy snapping photos. I sent a picture of the bathroom then sent a text:

  Small but will be all mine!

  I took some pictures of the bedrooms. Don’t Emily.

  Enough for two people.

  I sent it.

  Benjamin: Hmm…

  Then I took a selfie in the living room. Pleaseeee stop!

  And you’ll get to see her every day!

  Sent.

  Oh, God. I did it talking third person.

  Things I would have done before suddenly seemed inappropriate.

  Benjamin: SOLD!!

  What was that thing my chest was doing? Why the heart palpations? Why was I smiling? Why was my body doing all these involuntary things?

  Shit.

  Benjamin used to be all comfort and warmth—safe. Now he felt more like combustion and fire, setting something aflame that had never been lit in me before.

  Something was wrong. My Benjamin was supposed to be safe. Why wasn’t he anymore?

  Chapter 16

  _______

  Emily

  I should have known things were going too well. My old-timer had to putt-putt-boom during my move. Dad was behind me in his truck with my bed, so he pulled to the side of the road when it happened.

  I stepped out, suddenly petrified of my Malibu, wondering if she was going to burn until there was nothing left. There was an awful lot of smoke coming from underneath the hood. Dad stepped out and called Benjamin’s dad to tow it to his garage. I was already sweating about it. I couldn’t afford to fix it if it was something huge.

  Dad told me not to worry though, and I climbed into his truck—another junker that we had found him after he had destroyed his—and we headed to my apartment. Once we were there, my good mood was gone. I had a place to live, but now my car was giving up on me. I watched Dad glance around the empty living room and he frowned. “Are you sure you want to move?”

  I sighed. “Yes, I do.”

  I didn’t want to live at the house. I craved independence.

  “You don’t even have any furniture,” he told me.

  “I know. I’ll get some little by little.”

  “I don’t like you living alone.”

  “Women live alone all the time, Dad. I’ll be okay. Besides, I’ll only be alone for a few weeks.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Benjamin’s going to be my roommate.”

  He looked surprised but not unhappy about it. In fact, he seemed more than okay with it. “You should have told me. I’ve been worrying for nothing.”

  “I wonder how long it will take to find out about my car?”

  He gave me a pitying smile. “That car’s as good as gone, Emily, we might as well start looking for another one.”

  I couldn’t look for a car. I had rent and enough bills to pay already. I couldn’t afford a car payment or my insurance being higher. Dad must have seen my distress because he added, “I’ll drive you back and forth until we find out about your car.”

  I hated to bug him, especially since I was moving here. “But I’ll be here. That will give you a hard time.”

  He shook his head. “Just gives me something to do.”

  I sighed. My big moving day had been ruined.

  ______

  I hung up the phone and sighed.

  “So, it can’t be fixed?” Katie asked, sitting on the couch she had given me with her baby, Jeffy, bouncing on her knee. He was a little butterball, and I lost my frown as I bent over and held my arms out to demonstrate to him that I was coming for him. He lost his pacifier when he started smiling at me, which turned me to mush.

  “Said I was better off junking it,” I said, taking him from her arms.

  She smiled as I did so. “I’m sorry. What are you gonna do?”

  I shrugged my shoulders because I didn’t know myself. “I don’t know. I’ll look online for another junker. I can’t afford a car payment right now, not when I just moved in here.” I stared around the living room. I had the burgundy couch she had given me, my TV stand, and TV. Oh, let’s not forget Benjamin’s PS4 he had his dad give me from his old room so that I could leech off his Netflix and things. Otherwise, I’d have nothing.

  My internet would be hooked up in a few days. I was happy about that, but I was just piling up bills that were suddenly making me nervous.

  “How are your books doing?” she asked me.

  I shook my head. “It’s kind of more of a hobby right now, I haven’t even received my first payment yet. There hadn’t been an amazing turnout for the first volume, but with the second, it was better.” My books were being purchased though so that was a plus. I loved the idea of readers loving and reading the imaginary people that I’ve come to adore. That I even took a chance to create them and share them with someone else.

  Okay, share me and Benjamin, more like.

  She smiled. “Still pretty cool, regardless.”

  Jeffy screamed at us, trying to gain our attention, and we both laughed. “Such a chunkster, I love you so much,” I told him.

  “He never complains when he sees you, so he must love you too.” She smiled at her little boy with such love that I was grinning at her. “What has Benjamin said about your car?”

  I stopped grinning. “He’s trying to get me to go down to the dealership and pick out one of their loaners.”

  “Why don’t you?”

  I lowered my eyes. “Are you serious? Faith hates me already. She’d die if she found out that he got his dad to give me a vehicle to use.”

  She nodded. “That’s true. What did she say about him moving in with you next month?”

  “I don’t know if she knows yet, and I honestly don’t want to know.” I shivered at the thought. “She doesn’t care to say how she feels about me. You know I’m a marshmallow and can’t say anything back most of the time.”

  She laughed. “Marshmallow, that is you.”

  Chapter 17

  ______

  Benjamin

  3 months prior…

  The Shenanigans of Gorilla Ben and a Hottie named Rosie

  Vol. 3

  By E. Loves

  Closing Chapter…

  Gorilla Ben was gone. Rosie checked from daylight to dark for days and couldn’t find him. He wasn’t one to leave, especially not her. If he was to run somewhere, he’d take her with him. Only he hadn’t. Rosie knew in her heart something was wrong.

  Only where could he be?

  She worried something bad must have happened. She didn’t know where to go or where to even look but sitting and waiting seemed equally terrifying if something truly had happened to him.

  Not many liked him that she knew.

  He had many enemies, many threats.

  She cried while she ran into the endless jungle in search of a gorilla man that might not be found. Her feet hurt, but her heart hurt worse.

  _____

  Gorilla Ben awoke in a white room. His head swam, and his eyes hurt from the bright lights. Something spoke, but he couldn’t see anyone in the room with him.

  He stood up, glanced around, and saw no Rosie. So, he grew angry, and he grew big. More voices spoke. He roared and punched the white walls. Not
hing came from it.

  He sunk down to his knees and thought of Rosie. Oh, how he missed her. His mind grew heavy with thoughts of her being hurt. He couldn’t protect her here. He had no idea where she was. No idea where he was.

  That made him terribly sad, and angry, and completely at the mercy of the white room.

  But as always, his worry was for that of human Rosie than it was of himself.

  Please be safe, my human.

  My Rosie.

  I’ll get out. And we’ll be together again.

  To be continued…

  _______

  Reviews:

  *****

  OMG!! I think Rosie realizes her own feelings. Or am I wrong?

  _______

  *****

  Man, this is good. I don’t even know why it’s good. I just want their friendship to go further than it is… Will it happen now that Rosie lost her Gorilla Ben? And what’s going to happen to him??? Can’t wait to find out!

  _______

  ***

  The story’s dragging, but I’m still holding on for Rosie and Ben to realize their feelings. The author writes in such a way that it should be obvious, and IT IS, to everyone but them.

  ______

  These readers were feeling my pain from a lifetime of being friends with Rosie. Everyone BUT her realized how good we were together. I was even envious of Gorilla Ben because at least he didn’t seem to know the extent of his feelings for Rosie yet. That he was crazy in love with her. Probably would always be. And what made it worse was Rosie loved him too. Just not like Ben loved her.

  Rosie likely loved him in the way Emily loved me—like a best friend or an anchor that kept her safe. Hell, she told me I was her safe place.

  Maybe her publishing this series wasn’t such a good idea after all. It was making me think about us all the time and the possibilities… I was moving in with her today. I was getting ready to leave Mom and Dad’s house. I got in last night but decided to come here and see them, so I could break the news to Mom that I was moving in with Emily. She hated that idea, of course, but she couldn’t stop me.

  She just hovered and never stopped nitpicking every little thing about Emily.