She had to say that. Now I felt the need to show off. I led her to the wall and placed her hand against it. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Don’t just leave me.”
“Just watch.” I skated backward then spun around and started moving around the circle passing everyone. I even caught a young lady’s hand and spun her around with me before letting her go and tossing my hands up in the air towards Emily.
Only she wasn’t at the wall anymore. She was wobbling out in front of everyone. They were all having to move around her as she tried to do it herself. She started tipping backward, her skates clacking over and over as her arms flayed all over the place. I was behind her before she fell, letting my hands roam over her hips as I pushed her forward. She grabbed my hands, looking back at me to make sure it was me.
She relaxed and started actually trying. Finally. She started guiding one leg out in front of her at a time. Her hips swayed underneath my palms and this was somehow sensual. It felt intimate. My hands would probably never get a chance to be all over her hips like this any other time.
She sighed, then leaned back with a smile. “Like this?”
I nodded, eyeing her lips, her smile, her happiness.
“Here, let go. I want to try by myself,” she said.
I didn’t want to, but she was already pushing my hands aside. I fell back and watched her stumble along by herself. I stayed beside her as she circled a time or two until she got brave and decided to go faster. I already knew that would be a big mistake because she didn’t have a clue as to how to slow herself down when she came to a curve. She started looking for me and trying to slow down. She had no other choice but to smack into the wall. I bent down and started laughing so hard. I just let my skates roll me to where she was because I couldn’t hold myself up. She looked down at me rolling toward her laughing too.
“Thanks for helping,” she said.
“Just wanted to see you tongue the wall.”
“Can you not be annoying?” she asked me.
“You’d hate it if I wasn’t.” I stood up and offered my hand to her. “Wanna stick together?”
She grabbed my hand. “Yeah.”
_____
That night, we sat on the couch and watched a horror movie together. Emily lived for them. Throughout the movie, her head had somehow ended up in my lap where I ran my fingers through her hair.
This evening, this entire night had been amazing. Just being with Emily all the time was amazing. I didn’t ever want it to change.
Her phone lit up in front of her face with a call. She ignored it like she had been doing for the entire movie. I didn’t want to be nosy but every time it lit up in the dark room while she was laying her head on my lap, the possessiveness that ran through me was getting harder and harder to ignore.
So I finally asked casually, “Who keeps calling?”
She sighed. “Roger.”
I shouldn’t have asked. “You still talk to him?”
As if she could sense the change in my mood, she tilted her head back and looked up at me. “No, I don’t. That doesn’t mean he stops calling though.”
“What does he want?”
“For me to come back.”
I really shouldn’t have asked. “You don’t plan to, do you?”
She snorted. “What? No! I do feel bad that I couldn’t love him though, not in the way he deserved.”
I found myself relaxing and nodded. “I know exactly what you mean.”
Her eyes stayed on me. “We seek love, but we don’t know how to return it.”
“You’re still looking in all the wrong places.”
I was right under your nose.
“Then what’s your problem?”
“Maybe it was stolen.” I shrugged.
She laughed softly. “How does love get stolen?”
“It wasn’t mine to give? I don’t know. Maybe my girl stole it and forgot that she took it.”
Her eyes held a strange force lately that had my blood running hot. More fiery than usual. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but it was shaking me to the core.
Resisting my best friend used to be easier because it felt safe. Now, not so much.
I felt like we were so far from safe. Did I really want to keep protecting her from myself?
Chapter 22
_______
Emily
1 month and 1-week prior…
“Is that Kelly you’re texting?”
I held a change of clothes in my hand because I was headed to take a bath. Benjamin sat on the couch, and I could hear his phone pinging repeatedly while I was in my room.
He nodded. “Yeah, she wants me to hang out tomorrow.”
I hovered in the hallway. “She still hasn’t given up?”
He simply sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Do you need to use the bathroom before I bathe?” I asked.
“I’m good.”
I slipped into the bathroom and shut the door. It was already ten PM. I had worked an early shift today. I stripped and hung a towel on the shower rod as I filled up the tub. It was time to shave as much as I didn’t want to, but it was hot all the damn time, so I barely wore any clothing. I had a love-hate relationship with summer.
My hair was in a clip, and I worked on shaving my legs first. Once they were finished, I worked on my bikini line before deciding I’d rather shave it completely. I was halfway done with it when I spotted a black thing on the edge of my tub. I lifted my eyes and screamed. My arms splashed into the water as my hysteria came out sounding ridiculous, something like, “He-he-hoo-ho-ahhh.”
I scared it onto the floor and used the chance to stand up and grab the towel. Only I was too afraid to step onto the floor where that monster was. That was the biggest spider I’d ever seen.
“Jesus, Emily, what’s wrong?” Benjamin was on the other side of the door.
“Come, kill this spider! I’m covered up!” I panicked.
He opened the door, took one look at me standing in the tub, and then to the floor where the vicious monster was. “You have socks on, kill it with your foot!” I told him.
“I’m not killing it with my foot,” he told me as he glanced around for something to use. He grabbed my hairbrush.
“Not my brush,” I hissed.
“You want me to kill it or not?”
I shut up and watched as he stepped closer. It jumped at him. This time it was Benjamin who did the scream of hysteria that sounded something like mine. I was too stunned to realize what he was doing, I was just briefly thinking that I needed to take his man card when he jumped into the tub with me. His foot slipped, he reached for me, we tipped and slipped in the tub. His head and back smacked into the faucet, completely breaking it. I landed on top of him. He groaned and arched his back. He was soaked. My white towel clung to my body as all my weight rested on him. The faucet was spewing water, but I was worried more about Benjamin. “Are you okay?” I asked quickly, raising up so that I could grab his head.
“I’m fine.” His eyes opened, and my breasts greeted him. My nipples were sharp points, and I quickly backed away and covered them with my arms when I realized it. What was even more embarrassing, he seemed to realize that I was naked with a wet towel. His eyes were suddenly everywhere.
I blushed. “Benjamin. We broke the faucet.”
He placed his hands to the side and gently raised himself up and looked back. “Shit. I’ll have to shut off the water and go get a new one.” But then his gaze was back on me again, roving over me.
“Where’s the spider?”
He sighed. “Here. Give me a second to look for it.” I leaned back and gave him space to stand up and climb out of the tub. He was completely drenched, but he grabbed a towel and tossed it to me instead. “Your nipples are distracting me.” He wasn’t looking at me as he spoke. I was more worried about the spider and faucet to say something back. He searched around the bathroom while water spewed from our broken faucet. “I think it got away, Emily.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Here, come on.” He reached for my hand and I took it as I stepped out of the tub, searching for the spider. “I’ll look again for it later. I gotta get this water turned off before we destroy the floor.”
I nodded. I hurried to my room as he disappeared to deal with the water. I shut my door and dropped my towel. “Shit,” I muttered. Half my cooch still needed to be shaved. There was no way I was going to get to shave the rest tonight.
“I turned off the water, but I won’t be able to go out and get a new faucet until tomorr—”
“Benjamin!” I screamed just as he opened my door. One arm had gone to my breasts and the other my privates. I didn’t think I covered myself in time. He saw my half-shaven vagina perfectly. “Why would you just walk in?”
“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
He was still standing there. My bust size was impressive, so I knew my arms weren’t doing anything to cover them.
“Benjamin!”
He shut the door.
“Emily?” He called my name from the other side of the door.
“Don’t,” I warned him.
“Were you shaving when the spider came to visit?” There was amusement in his voice.
“How many times a day do I have to tell you not to be annoying?”
He simply chuckled.
Chapter 23
_____
Benjamin
1 month and 6 days prior…
“Who knew you could install a faucet?” Emily muttered from the doorway. She wouldn’t come in closer. We still hadn’t found her spider friend. Despite the bruise on the back of my head, I was going to have to thank him. I saw so much Emily last night. Not enough, or long enough, but a guy couldn’t complain.
“There are a lot of things I can do that you don’t know about.”
She snorted. I finished putting on the new faucet and stood up in the tub and stretched my back. “You see that monster anywhere?” she whispered as she peeked into the bathroom.
I smirked. “He’s gone for now.” I stepped out of the tub. “You work today?”
She nodded. “Yeah, must be nice to be off on the weekends.”
“We’re open on Saturdays too,” I protested.
“Yeah, but you’re not working today.” She paused. “Look for the spider while you’re off today.”
I followed her into the living room. “Leave him alone. He’s probably harmless.”
“Harmless?” She turned on me. “He was on the tub staring at me when I first saw him. He was seconds from attacking.”
“He was probably just stealing a peek.”
She placed her hands on her hips. “You were working with the spider weren’t you?”
I laughed at her ridiculousness. “Yes. I was in cahoots with the spider.”
“Now that the truth is out in the open, let’s talk about how you never even closed your eyes!”
“I need them open to see.”
“Exactly!” She huffed. “You saw all my goods.”
“Yes. I saw your half-shaven peter eater,” I confirmed.
“Who even says peter eater?” Her face went red. “I hate you.”
“But Gorilla Ben loves you.” She tried not to smile. “You want him to show you by banging on his chest?”
“Oh, please don’t.” She looked horrified, so of course, I had to do it. I started making gorilla noises and pounding my chest. Once I had a good rhythm going, I scooped her up into my arms while she protested and laughed.
“You’re so annoying.” Only she was smiling, and that was all that mattered.
“Should I sling you over my shoulder?” I asked her.
“Please don’t.”
So, I did, of course.
That put her perfect ass right next to my face. I slapped it, and she covered it with her hands. “Please, put me down!” I carried her to the couch and dropped down on it with her. Her legs were on mine as her ass bounced on the cushion. She lifted herself up with her arms laughing, and when our eyes met, I swear I felt static. Every day, what I felt continued to grow. We had this perfect rhythm going, just the two of us… Just a little more because just enough wasn’t doing it for me anymore.
I couldn’t just be her friend.
So easy. I could pull her in and kiss her. I could seduce her with a kiss, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to mend our relationship after.
I wish I knew what she was thinking right now. All I needed was some sort of sign that I had a chance, and I’d take it. I’d run with it. I’d show her just how much I’d worship her. All I needed was her to show me, grab me, touch me, fucking kiss me. Anything.
The way her eyes called to me, danced with mine lately, felt nothing like friendship. It felt like they sought to possess…but this was Emily… I second-guessed myself when it came to her. I’d been in this loop with her for so long, it wasn’t easy to get out.
But I sure as hell didn’t want to stay any longer. Just being next to her was no longer enough anymore. I needed her as my one and only.
“Emily,” I started.
Her phone started ringing, and she jumped a foot off the couch away from me. And that was when I knew I couldn’t handle this anymore. My heart was beating right out of my chest, I had to take a deep breath just to ease it. Only it didn’t help. Being in this apartment with her every day was wearing me down and turning me inside out.
I feared I would truly become an ape and run off with her into the woods.
And just like that, my phone started ringing too. Our cell phones echoed in the living room. It was like the universe was trying to say something. Like it was trying to tell me to lay it all out on the table or continue to torture myself. Emily silenced hers, but I answered mine without even seeing who it was. “Hello?”
“You answered.” It was Kelly.
Shit.
“Kelly.”
That got Emily’s attention, she turned her head around casually as she stood next to the couch.
“You never did give me an answer about hanging out today?”
Oh yeah. I hadn’t, but I hadn’t planned to go. Emily kept her eyes on me. “What time?”
“How about we meet at Crash’s in an hour?” Kelly asked over the phone.
“Sure.”
I hung up and Emily stood there silently. “That was Kelly. She wants me to meet her at Crash’s.”
“Oh,” she murmured, then wiped her hand over her face as she walked toward our small kitchen.
“Emily.” She turned around when I called her. “Should I not go?” Just tell me not to go and I won’t. You look disappointed and so am I. Let it just be us.
I swallowed. My chest was absolutely killing me. I only wanted one answer from her. Just a sign that we were already moving toward something more.
She turned around quickly. “You should, I mean… Unless you don’t want to go?”
My heart plummeted.
She redirected me, wasn’t that just as bad? How did I tell her I’d rather stay with her? How could I keep this up? I couldn’t.
She wasn’t safe. I couldn’t be safe for her. I loved her with a fire in my veins that only she lit. Some days it simmered. Some days it smoked, but days like today, it suffocated and choked. My hands twitched with the need to make her understand the way I burned. If I stayed any longer…
I stood up. “You’re leaving?” she whispered. Why did she have to whisper in that soft tone of hers?
“Do you need anything before I leave?” Like maybe you’d want me to stay?
When she said nothing, I hurried out of the apartment where I ended up meeting Kelly at Crash’s. She took one look at me and frowned. “Something tells me you don’t actually want to be here.” She twisted herself around on the stool as I joined her at the bar.
I looked at Kelly. She was prettier now. We were all better looking now, but she did nothing to my heart, body, or mind. If I were with someone else, I might forget about Emily for a litt
le while, but it wouldn’t matter. She controlled every corner of my brain now. I couldn’t even look at any other woman with any sort of interest.
“You feel like being a designated driver today?”
She lifted her eyebrow at me. “As long as you spill what’s going on with you.”
I turned toward the woman with all the alcohol. “Can I get a beer?”
_______
Emily
My stomach protested and churned when Benjamin walked out of the apartment. I sat on the couch full of self-loathing and regret. I grabbed the strands of my hair and tugged on them. Why couldn’t I say what I really thought? Why was I so terrified that I couldn’t utter the truth? I thought I might throw up.
My heart was so uncomfortable sitting inside my chest. I couldn’t sit still any longer, so I stood up and paced. The more I was alone, the harder I thought about it. The more I wished I could have made myself tell him… What? Something. Anything.
That I didn’t want him to go see Kelly. I wanted him to stay with me. That I wanted him, unlike anything I’d ever experienced before.
“Why? Why? Why?” I said aloud to myself. “Why can’t you ever speak up for yourself? How hard would it have been to say ‘stay’?”
Feeling foolish for talking to myself, I bent down and placed my head on my knees. If this was what being in love felt like, I hated it. I hated how little control I had of how I felt or thought. I hated how much I obsessed and over thought every little thing when it came to Benjamin. I hated how much I missed him when he was away. I hated how much I thought about him when we were apart. I hated how much I looked forward to coming home to our little apartment where I’d knew he’d be up waiting for me because he never went to sleep until I got home. I hated how much I hated Kelly now when I never did before. I hated how good he was to me. Why did he feel the need to protect me so damn much?
Did I not look like a woman at all to him? Did he not feel anything every time we touched?
Most of all, I hated that I couldn’t act on what I felt. Fear kept me still. Just as much as love made me feel, it also kept me frozen.
Just Enough Page 13
