Secret

by Penelope Sky

  Balto looked bored, like he’d rather be at home with Cassini. “This must be getting serious, then?”

  I shrugged. “Might be.”

  “Then are you going to tell her about your attempted manslaughter?” He turned to look at me.

  I stared at the program even though I wasn’t really looking at it. The situation with her father hadn’t been on my mind because I refused to think about it. I should probably tell her, but that happened before I knew her, so I also felt like it was unfair. “I don’t know.”

  “She’ll find out at some point, right?”

  I shrugged again. “I’ll deal with it later. But for now, I’m just going to enjoy it.” The lights were lowered, and the curtain began to open.

  Balto continued to stare at me in the darkness, his blue eyes piercing into my face even as the music began.

  When the performance was over, Balto left and I headed backstage. Now that the girls knew exactly who I was, they didn’t hesitate to let me inside to see my girl. I moved through the cast members as they undressed and wiped off their makeup, all moving around the dressing area, congratulating one another.

  I saw Catalina sitting at her vanity, pulling all the pins out of her hair so she could get that bun loose and let her long hair fall around her shoulders. Her fingers dug into her scalp and massaged her skull as she closed her eyes and enjoyed it, like that tight bun was uncomfortable throughout the entire performance.

  Mesmerized by her actions, I just stared, picturing her doing the same thing in my shower, her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted.

  I came up behind her, watching her expression in the mirror.

  When she opened her eyes, she noticed me behind her. Instead of giving me a soft smile and looking at me with an affectionate gaze, she looked panicked. She rose from the bench and immediately turned to me. “My family is here. You’ve got to go.”

  “I know. I saw them.”

  Her eyes widened. “Then why are you here?”

  “Because I’m gonna kiss my baby and congratulate her.” My arm wrapped around her waist, and I kissed her. Once our lips touched, she relaxed, stopped thinking about the possibility of her family catching us together. My hand moved into her loose hair, and I gently rubbed her head, knowing it would make her feel better. The only reason I pulled away was because I had to, because we didn’t have the time to make that kiss last.

  Her affection immediately died away as she looked past me. “They just walked in. You’ve got to go. What if they see you?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t care.”

  “Well, I do care.” She pressed her palm against my chest. “Please leave.” She glanced at them again, her panic worsening. “Now.”

  “Alright.” I brought her wrist to my lips and kissed her before I moved back. “I’ll meet you at the car.”

  “They’re probably going to take me to dinner.”

  I stopped and turned back to her. “Then I’ll meet you at your apartment.” I stepped away and walked to the other side of the room, finding cover from a clothes rack on wheels. I didn’t have a second longer to linger because they appeared.

  Anna hugged her first. “Oh my god, you were so beautiful.”

  “Thank you.” When Catalina pulled away, she forced a smile on her lips, her eyes still giving away her unease if anyone was paying attention. “And thank you for coming.”

  Damien moved in next, giving her a one-armed hug before he pulled away. “You were great.”

  “Thanks…”

  Her father brought up the rear, holding an arrangement of sunflowers. “Sweetheart, I’m so proud of you.” He stared at her like she was his entire world, like the love in his heart couldn’t stay inside his chest. “It doesn’t matter how many times I watch you, I just can’t believe how talented you are.”

  All the stress disappeared from her voice when she looked at her father. “Thank you, Daddy…”

  He gave her the flowers. “Summer is almost over, but I managed to find these.”

  She took the arrangement from his hands and brought it to her nose so she could smell them. Then her eyes softened in a new way, like the gesture was particularly evocative to her, like it really meant something. “Thank you so much…” She set them in the empty vase on her vanity. When she turned back to him, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly, closing her eyes.

  He hugged her back, cradling her like she was still the little girl he remembered.

  Her father adored her, brought her flowers.

  I never brought her flowers.

  When she pulled away, her eyes were a little wetter than before, like she knew the moment would be a memory that she would hold on to when he was gone. “You guys want to take me out to dinner?”

  “Yes,” her father said. “And you’re going to get a nice tiramisu—and eat it all.”

  The joy I felt from kissing her was long gone. Now I felt pain, unbearable agony. I’d made a mistake I could never take back, did something unforgivable. Seeing how close she was to her father shattered all my hopes.

  She would never forgive me for what I did. We couldn’t work past it. Time wouldn’t heal the wound.

  Once she knew, she would leave me.

  And never come back.

  My clothes were on her bedroom floor, and I lay against her headboard in my boxers. The blinds to her window were open, so I stared at the buildings across the street, one hand behind my head as I replayed their interaction over and over in my head.

  If only I could go back in time.

  The locks to the front door clicked open, and Catalina stepped inside.

  I was just about to get up to greet her when I heard other footsteps accompanying her. I settled back onto the bed and became still so they wouldn’t hear my large size make the bed creak.

  “You guys didn’t have to walk me all the way to my door.” Catalina’s purse made a distinct thud on the counter when she set it down. Then her keys rang as they clattered against the dish in her entryway.

  Damien’s deep voice was filled with concern when he spoke. “Cat, what’s with your door?”

  She played dumb. “What do you mean?”

  “It’s got five bolts on it, and it’s not the door you had before.” Suspicion was pregnant in his voice, picking up on the details only a criminal would notice. “And you have an alarm. Cat, what’s going on? You aren’t telling me something.”

  I listened for her response, wondering how she would handle this. She probably knew I was in her bedroom, listening to the entire exchange.

  “There was a break-in a few weeks ago,” she said. “My neighbors told me about it, so I asked my super to get a better door. That’s all. And the alarm is just good sense.” Her footsteps sounded as she walked across the floor. “Who wants wine? I just got a few new bottles the other day.”

  No, I did.

  “I’ll take some,” Anna said.

  Damien didn’t let it go. “If you don’t feel comfortable here, I can always buy you a place—”

  “Oh my god,” she said with a scoff. “Don’t be a drama queen. Now, you want red or white?”

  Damien backed off, grudgingly. “Red.”

  “Me too,” Anna said.

  “Daddy?” Catalina asked, her voice a higher pitch whenever she spoke to him.

  “I guess red,” he said, his voice deep and raspy.

  She poured the glasses and handed them out. It seemed like Damien and Anna moved to the living room because their voices were farther away. Her father started to speak to her, keeping his voice down like he didn’t want his son to overhear.

  “Maybe your brother is right,” he said, his voice coarse with age. “He could buy you a nice place close to the theater—”

  “Daddy, I’m fine,” she said quickly. “It’s not his responsibility to take care of me. He has someone in his life he’s supposed to care for, and that’s exactly how it should be. I’m not his problem.”

  “Sweetheart, we’re a family
. We always take care of one another.”

  “I’m perfectly fine, okay? One day, I’ll have a man who can take care of me the way Damien takes care of Anna.”

  That could be me…if she let me.

  “I don’t believe that,” he said. “Because I can’t imagine any man being good enough for you.”

  There was a long pause, like she was taking it in. “Daddy…”

  “I mean it. Who’s ever gonna be good enough for the smartest, most talented, most beautiful woman in the world?”

  “Stop,” she said with a chuckle. “And even if that’s true, it doesn’t matter. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

  Her father was quiet for a while. “Sweetheart, I’m glad you’re a dancer because I can’t imagine you doing anything else, not when you’re so talented, but it’ll never earn you enough money to be comfortable. Your brother has enough money to share with you.”

  “Dad, just let it go, okay?” she said gently. “I’m only twenty-five. I’ve got time to worry about that stuff later.”

  “Alright,” he said. “I just want to make sure my little girl is taken care of.”

  I sighed to myself, hated listening to this conversation, listening to the bond they shared. He was a sweet old man who loved his daughter so much, wore his heart on his sleeve, and after what I did… I was fucking evil.

  They all chatted together on the couch for another fifteen minutes before they decided to leave. It was getting late, so I was surprised they’d stuck around so long. The front door opened, and they said their goodbyes.

  “Goodnight, sweetheart. Come over tomorrow so we can play a round.”

  “Alright, Dad.” She kissed him, probably on the cheek. “I’ll see you at lunchtime.”

  “I love you, sweetheart.”

  “Love you too, Daddy.”

  I pushed my fingers through my short hair and down the back of my neck, sighing to myself.

  Anna said goodbye next. “Let me know when you want to go out to lunch. Sofia is having her baby any day now, so I won’t have long lunches anymore.”

  “Alright, girl,” she said.

  Footsteps sounded as they stepped into the hallway.

  That meant Damien was the only one who stayed behind.

  “Oh no…” Catalina sighed. “Not you too.”

  “Let me buy you a place,” he insisted. “It doesn’t have to be fancy.”

  “I don’t need you to buy me anything, Damien.”

  “Then move in with me. Come on, there’s plenty of space for all of us.”

  She released a sarcastic laugh. “God, I’d rather be homeless than live with you, Damien.”

  He chuckled slightly in return. “It wouldn’t be that bad. We’d set some ground rules to make it work.”

  “Yeah?” she asked sarcastically. “What about when I want to bring…” She faltered for a moment, choosing her words carefully before blurting them out. “My guys over?”

  He sighed loudly. “We’re both adults, Catalina. I understand you have a personal life. I wouldn’t say a word.”

  “You would hate it, and you know it.”

  “But I would keep my mouth shut.”

  She turned quiet. “I appreciate you looking out for me, but I’m fine. Really. Don’t worry about me.”

  “You’re my little sister. Hard not to.”

  “I’m not little, Damien.”

  He chuckled. “Let me know if you change your mind. Offer is always on the table.”

  “I know.”

  Their voices shifted like they shared an embrace.

  “And you were amazing tonight, by the way.”

  “Thank you.”

  He walked out and shut the door behind him.

  I stared out the window and listened to their footsteps fade down the hallway. Catalina didn’t move, probably staring at the door to make sure they were really gone before she turned all the bolts into place.

  Then her footsteps came my way.

  I turned to the door, expecting to see her any second.

  She came inside and looked at me, not the least bit surprised to see me lying on her bed. Her eyes scanned me over, noticing my nakedness. “What if they’d walked in here?”

  I shrugged. “If they saw me in your bedroom, they would know we’re fucking, so I didn’t see why it mattered.”

  “You could have closed the door.”

  “Would have made it obvious you were hiding something.”

  She didn’t lean down to kiss me, probably because she was still anxious about the whole thing. “Want some wine?”

  “Sure.”

  She walked back into the kitchen.

  It gave me time to clear my thoughts, to stop thinking about what I’d just heard, to stop thinking about the future and just live in the moment. I got out of bed and followed her, seeing her stand at the kitchen island and pour an extra glass.

  I stood across from her at the kitchen island and grabbed it, taking a deep drink.

  She did the same, swirling it when she was finished then taking another sip. When she set it down, her eyes moved to her glass, her thick lashes covering a small part of her cheeks.

  “You’re close with your father.” I’d never wondered about her relationship with her family. When I was with her, I only saw her, not the people she was connected to. She was just mine…and that was all that mattered.

  “Yes. I’m his favorite.”

  “No surprise there.”

  She smiled slightly and lifted her gaze. “It’s not because I’m better than Damien.”

  “I disagree.”

  She ignored the jab. “It’s because I look just like my mother.” She swirled her glass again and took a drink. “He says I keep her spirit alive, that all he has to do is look at me when he misses her…and it feels like she’s still here.”

  I watched her face, mesmerized by all the subtle expressions she made, how beautiful she was when she was sad. “Then she must have been gorgeous.”

  She looked at me again, a slight smile on her lips. “She was.”

  I took a deep breath as I stared at her, so deeply transfixed by her appearance, I felt paralyzed. I couldn’t look away, not even to grab my glass, because she’d never looked more beautiful than she did in that moment. My eyes burned as I looked at her because my stare was so rigid. I could feel the tightness in my face because I’d held the same expression so long. But whenever I looked at her, that was all I could do…look. “How did she pass away?”

  “She got sick.” She turned away and opened one of the drawers until she found a stack of pictures. Then she came back to me, sorting through the pictures until she found one she liked. She held it out to me.

  I took the picture and stared at it, staring at a brunette with the same green eyes. She sat on the beach with Damien playing with his toys beside her. She seemed to be the same age Catalina was now—and the resemblance was uncanny. “You weren’t kidding.” I handed the picture back to her.

  “No.” She flipped through more pictures until she found one that had all four of them. She and Damien were just small children.

  I didn’t care about Damien or the other members of her family. I stared at her, the little girl with a big bow in her hair. A smile came onto my lips before I returned the picture.

  She returned it to the stack before leaving it on the counter. “Our family was never the same after she was gone. My father stopped smiling. He hasn’t smiled the way he used to since she was alive. He always tells Damien and me we need to have children, that we shouldn’t wait until we’re older like he did, because we’ll have less time with our kids…and that’s his biggest regret in life.”

  I never thought about having kids. I was willing to get married if it happened, but having kids…not so sure. Balto was going to do it, and I was curious to see how that would go.

  “My father has been attached to me ever since. I know he loves Damien, but I comfort him in a way Damien can’t. Damien has her eyes, but that�
��s about it. The rest of his genetic inheritance comes directly from my father.”

  That explained her exceptional beauty and his plainness. “I’m sorry you lost her.”

  She opened the drawer and returned the pictures before she came back to me. “Thank you.”

  I hated to see her sad, but her eyes had a special quality that was so breathtaking. It was like looking at the nighttime sky and seeing nothing but bright stars.

  “What about you?” she asked. “You don’t talk about your family.”

  Because there was nothing to say. “My father beat my mother repeatedly and ultimately disappeared. She died of her injuries. My brother and I made our own way in life.”

  She watched me, unable to hide her surprise at my tale.

  “Don’t feel bad for me. I turned out fine.” I never cared about not having a family because I had Balto, and that was more than enough. Our lives were different from everyone else’s because we got involved in crime to survive. Anyone outside of our background and profession could never possibly understand.

  “Never said you didn’t.”

  “Well, you’re looking at me like you feel sorry for me.”

  “No,” she whispered. “I just think you deserved better, that’s all.”

  “That’s not how life works. You don’t deserve anything.” Everything I had was a result of hard work and a high tolerance for risk. My life was on the line many times, but I never had anything to lose, so I wasn’t gambling much in the first place. But now I was at the top of the food chain, with more money than I could spend, with a beautiful woman who wanted me all to herself. Now I had everything to lose…and it was fucking scary.

  She watched me for a while, her green eyes still soft and vulnerable. It was a side to her she didn’t show often, but the longer we were together, the more she displayed it. She was less afraid to be weak, less afraid to show me her scars.

  And that made her irresistible.

  She grabbed her glass and finished it off. “Keep an open mind, alright?” She cleared her throat.