by Shyla Colt
“Look at me, so I know you’re here with me right now.”
She glanced up and fell into the brown pools of his eyes. “We’ll get through this, all right? Don’t fall apart on me now. You’re a tough broad. I admire that. Don’t let these bastards pull the rug out from beneath you. We will be your muscle as long as you follow the rules.”
She bit back her acidic reply and nodded her head. He was right. Without their help she’d be a sitting duck.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Stage an unexpected yet totally believable trip for the people in your life who’d worry. Leave, but pay with cash only so there’s no trail. During that time we’ll do a bait and switch. You’ll get a makeover and come and live with me.”
“And then what?”
“When you’re in our house or in the club around Mayhem members, whatever you want. I’m not your slaver. Around anyone else, however, you play your role.”
“You keep saying that. What is my role?”
He wrapped a strand of her hair around his finger and she shivered. “To be my doting, smoldering sexpot who hangs over me like a cheap suit and does what I say.”
“Seems like you’re enjoying this more than you need to,” she muttered.
“One thing you’ll learn about me, babe. I take pleasure and find happiness wherever I can. Life’s too short to be all gloom and doom and the shit I deal with on a daily basis would break most people. I live for the fun, pretty girl. You should too.” He released her hair and peered into her eyes.
“I can’t live like you. By the seat of my pants with no concerns but the ones I choose to make a priority.”
“Why not?”
“Because I have responsibilities.”
“Like?”
“Bills, a mortgage, family…fuck.” Thought of her parents threw a monkey wrench into Hawk’s carefully laid plans.
“What?” he said.
“My parents are going through a nasty divorce. They’ll lose their shit if I drop off the face of the earth.”
“Why? You aren’t the one married.”
“No but I’m the only child, and it just came out my father’s been cheating for years. It’s messy and I’m the unofficial mediator.”
“That’s fucked up, babe. They need to hire a professional to do that shit, not put you in the middle of some fucked-up game of tug-of-war.”
The truth stung like nettles. “Family sticks together. You understand that. It’s how the club operates.”
“It’s not the same thing and you know it. I hate to speak ill of your folks, but it sounds like they’re being selfish as fuck right now.”
She turned away. “It’s a difficult time for everyone.”
“All the more reason for them to believe you need time to yourself.”
He isn’t going to let go of this. “So I just bail on them?” Her stomach churned at the thought. Some days she thought she was the only thing keeping them from murdering each other.
“What do you think your presence does?”
“Keeps things level and semi-calm. Without me there’d be total chaos.”
“So it’s your job to be the one who upholds the peace? That’s a heavy weight. I’m not a parent, but one thing I do know is kids come first. That doesn’t stop once they hit eighteen.”
“It’s easy to say when you’re on the outside looking in.”
Hawk shook his head. “I been there. You got to learn to step away from shit and let people work things out for themselves. One thing I know. You can’t be responsible for what someone else does. You can’t make them be the way you want them to.”
“Your parents?” she asked, shocked.
“No, my brother. Best thing I ever did was realizing I wasn’t his keeper, not really. Nothing I did or said was going to stop him from doing exactly what he wanted to do. Made life a lot simpler once I figured that out.”
She mulled over his words for a minute. “So you just stopped caring?”
“I’m not a cold-hearted bastard. I cared, still care, but I couldn’t waste my life bailing him out, bitching, and trying to force my will, and that of our parents on him. Rayen loved smoke more than he did anything else. I think jail was the best place for him. Forced him to get straight and think about shit.” Hawk shrugged. “Point is, you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, and even if you could, it’s not your job.”
She blinked as his words hit her. What he said had a lot of validity. Still, guilt ate her up from the inside. What kind of daughter left her mother high and dry when she learned her whole marriage had been a lie?
“Just think on it. Either way, we’re going to have to go with my plan.”
“You haven’t even talked it over with Pres yet,” she said, grasping at straws.
“It was his idea. He made you my responsibility. That means we do it my way. I’m not some prospect who has to run every thought that enters his head by another person. I’m V.P. for a reason.” He tapped his patch with his pointer finger, and she mentally swore. Damned if he didn’t looks sexy as fuck with his hair tumbling in his face and confidence etched on every strong line of his face. He reminded her of the cover models from the old Western novels with the Native American decked out in his tribal finery. Only, he had a hell of a lot of rough edges, and a few scars. One in particular cut through his right eyebrow, lending to his air of mystique.
“You aren’t going to say anything?” Hawk said.
“Why? It’s not like I have a choice.”
“Now you’re learning.” He stood. “But for the record I like it when you fight. I’m sure your girls are chomping at the bit and driving their old men crazy. I’m going to let them know you’re good to have visitors. After that I’ll have the house mice talk to you.”
She watched him leave the room, completely confused. The man ran hot and cold. He had a crazy charisma she’d never noticed before. Yes, I did. That’s why I never let myself be around him too much. How in the hell am I going to live with him and play this role without giving in to my very insistent urge? With her insane writing schedule, promotions, research, and travel, her libido had been all but dead lately. No man had piqued her interest because quite frankly she’d had a one-track mind. The writing industry was hard, and romance could be downright cutthroat. It’d taken every ounce of creativity, determination and a shit ton of sacrifice to get where she was. Being stuck here with everyone had shown her just how much she’d neglected. It was like waking up from hibernation in a cave full of berries and honey.
* * * * *
She answered the door and found herself bombarded with hugs and concern. She basked in the care of her friends.
“Are you okay?” Juliette asked shakily.
“Physically yes, other than a few scrapes and bruises. Mentally? I’m walking on that thin line between anxiety and hysteria. If I hadn’t had dropped my cellphone I’d be dead right now.”
Her knees weakened, and she leaned into Juliette and Evonne, who kept her standing.
“This is getting more and more dangerous,” Joey said, rubbing her baby bump as she rubbed Hil’s back. She soaked up the gentle touch.
“They’re going to handle it,” Juliette said firmly.
“At this point, it’s us or them,” Evonne said.
“Good thing we’re on the winning team,” Juliette said. The conviction in her voice gave Hil strength. Juliette’s man, Shooter, was sergeant in arms. If anyone knew how hard the boys went, it was her.
“I’m scared,” Hilary whispered.
“We all are,” Joey said.
“What are we going to do?” Hilary asked.
“Whatever they tell us to. Hil, I know you. You’re hard-headed and you buck the rules. Promise me you won’t this time,” Juliette said.
Hilary ground her teeth. “You know they placed me with Hawk, right? They want me to go undercover as his house mouse.”
“Shit,” Joey said.
“Yeah,” Hilary said. Droll
y.
“Wait, what’s a house mouse?” Evonne asked.
“Basically his bitch,” Joey said.
“Wow,” Evonne said.
“Yeah, you think you’re surprised,” Hilary mumbled.
“I don’t care how uncomfortable it is as long as you’re safe. I live with the knowledge that this all stems from me. No, I didn’t make Peter crazy or pick his friends, but you’re all in danger because of your association with me. So I take the overseeing of your safety seriously,” Juliette said.
In that moment, Hilary could see her husband coming through. Shooter’s rubbing off on her.
“You’re the most vulnerable, Hilary. I support their decision to bring you in deeper. I know it’s going to be hard. I’m asking you to do this for me, please,” Juliette said.
Hilary bowed her head. “Of course. I know I’m in over my head, but I hate the feeling.”
“That’s understandable, babe,” Joey said.
“Come on, let’s get you a seat. We’ll make you some tea and you can relax,” Evonne said.
Hil surrendered herself into their care, walking to the couch and allowing them bundle her in a blanket that smelled like Hawk. Wedged into the corner, she clung to the calm that settled over her.
“Here you are, love; it’s chamomile,” Evonne said handing her a mug.
“Thank you,” Hil said accepting it and bringing it to her lips. These women had always been there for her when she needed them most. They piled onto the couch beside her and she soaked up their silent support. Today I stared death in the face. They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die. What stretched before her wasn’t the success she’d gained in her career or the time she’d spent with family and friends. It was a darkness. A vast emptiness. The unfulfilled dreams she had given up due to circumstances out of her control. At some point, she’d let the chance of pain outweigh the possibility of greatness. Life was too short to allow the chains of fear to bind her.
Chapter Three
Hawk studied the silent woman in the passenger seat carefully. She’d been subdued as they made their way to the police station. The cage made his skin crawl, but it was necessary to accomplish their goals today.
“Everything okay?” he asked as they headed toward her home to start phase one of their plan.
“Yes, I don’t know why they brought me in when they clearly already made up their mind I brought this on myself.”
“People judge and treat you as they see fit whether they want to admit it or not.”
“Yeah,” she said.
“You think about your plan?”
“I drafted an email this morning and let everyone know I’m planning to take a research trip for an upcoming book. Once I hit my parents with a round of phone calls we’ll be set.”
“Good. What about your car?”
“The insurance people are working on it. There’s no protection plan against getting shot up. I’m sure I’ll pay a deductible and they’ll fix the damage, if they can. I’m still not convinced it wasn’t totaled.”
“After you get a few of your things and take out some money, your education will begin.”
He could feel her eyes on him.
“Education?” she said.
“How to be a proper house mouse, remember?”
“Who’s going to be um…instructing me?”
He laughed. “No need to be so formal. Just a few of the girls I trust to steer you in the right direction. They’ll get you hooked up with appointments and shit for your hair and shopping. I draw the line there.” He pulled his ball cap down over his head. He was dressed down in a pair of jeans, a T-shirt and a black pullover hoodie. He’d left his cut at the complex and waited in the car while she spoke to the police. To anyone else, he was just a friend giving her a ride to where she needed to be today. He followed her directions to the brownstone townhouse in an affluent area.
“My space is number twenty-one.”
“You like rules, don’t you?” he asked.
“They keep things orderly.”
“You still believe that?” he asked.
“I have to,” she whispered.
“All we can control is ourselves. The sooner you realize that, the better your life will be.”
“Why? Because then I can live in mayhem?”
“No, you can live in peace because you won’t be trying to regulate every aspect of life instead of living.”
“And you know all about that, right? You’re completely cut off from regular society. You live by a different set of rules.”
“Which is why I know what I’m talking about. The world we live in is a façade. It’s a nice farce perpetuated by those in power. All the politically correct behavior and rule following doesn’t make life any sager or more predictable.”
“So we should all live by the seat of our pants and do what we want?”
Hawk shook his head. “Do I look like someone who doesn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground? We have organization and ways of doing thing. Respect that’s given is returned, and we live how we see fit. You can’t get better than that. I have a dedicated group of people all working toward the same goal. The government can’t even say that.”
“You present a pretty picture—”
“No, I speak the truth.”
Silence filled the car.
“All I’m asking you to do is open your mind. This experience doesn’t have to be as bad as you’re making it out to be. It’ll be easier on both of us.”
“You’re right. I’ll try.”
“That’s all I’m asking,” he said as he scouted the area and moved from the car. The next twenty minutes were tense as they rushed through her place, gathering clothes, unplugging machines, and removing spoilable food. He breathed a sigh of relief when they made it out unscathed. They went to a branch of her bank she’d never been to before and returned to the compound. He took her to a cabin that housed their regular girls and knocked.
Fancy opened the door with a smile.
“Hey, Hawk, you here to visit?” she purred suggestively.
“Not today, doll. I brought that friend of mine I told you about,” he said.
“Ah, welcome, Mi casa es su casa,” Fancy said opening the door to reveal women in various stages of dress.
“I’ll be back later to get you,” he said.
Hilary’s mouth formed a perfect O, and her eyes dilated. He bit back a chuckle as he gently nudged her inside and went to hunt up some brothers. One thing about the complex, there was always something going on.
The look on Hilary’s face when he’d dropped her off with the questionable women of Mayhem had been priceless. Hilary wasn’t a snob, per se, but she had a sheltered feel about her. Clearly her parents had drilled into her head what a lady did and didn’t do. Though he could tell she’d always straddled the fence on being proper. She had a streak in her as wild as the hair on her head. He was amused and disturbed by how much time he was spending thinking about her.
He discovered Tiny in the game room, engrossed in a game of a pool with Casanova. Tiny glanced up as Hawk walked in and smirked.
“I wasn’t sure you’d make it back alive.”
“Ha ha. Dick. We have an understanding,” Hawk said.
“How’d you manage that?” Tiny said.
Hawk walked over to stand beside him, leaning back against the wall as Casanova lined up another shot and sank two more balls.
“Told her the truth. We were trying to save her life. She’s not stupid; she understands this is how it has to be and why. Now I’m not naïve enough to think there won’t be bumps in the road.”
“Try trenches,” Tiny said.
“You’re having way too much fun with this shit, you know that?” Hawk said.
“This is the longest I’ve seen you with a woman. Can’t help it if I’m amused it’s one I know will give you hell. You’ve grown used to being the one to give orders. The change of pace will be amusing. Let’s face it; I can u
se a little comedic relief in my life about now.”
“You’re all heart,” Hawk drawled.
“Where is the lucky lady who gets to be stuck with your grumpy ass?” Tiny said.
“Off getting a crash course with Fancy and her crew about how to be a house mouse.”
Tiny snorted. “I’m sure she’s loving that.”
Casanova scratched, completely missing the cue ball as he burst into laughter. “Wait, what? Hilary is going to pretend to be a house mouse? How’s that one going to work? I’ve seen that woman almost make a prospect cry. Now she’s going to flip the script?” Casanova bent over and clutched his stomach as he laughed harder. “I-I don’t even think she knows the meaning of meek.”
“Jesus, fuck you guys,” Hawk said. “I’m going to get a drink.”
“Yeah, you should. You’re going to need it,” Tiny said.
“Dick,” Hawk said under his breath. Tiny had been with Boston for about five years, but before then he’d been the same as Hawk. How easily people forgot what it was like to be single. Not that he was complaining. He rolled solo by choice. He’d yet to experience the secret brand of magic woman unleashed that changed men.
“Summer, I need a whiskey straight up.” He leaned against the bar, admiring the curve of her ass as she walked over and picked up a black-labeled bottle.
“Where’s Hilary? We saw her leave with you and then she just disappeared,” said a familiar voice behind him
So much for peace.
Summer set a shot glass in front of him, and he downed it. Giving a nod of thanks to Summer, he turned to face a concerned-looking Joey, Juliette, and Evonne.
“At ease, ladies, Hil is fine. She finished up her crap with the cops and she’s in another room talking to some of the other girls. She’ll catch up with you later.”
Joey wrinkled her nose. “No offense, but why?”
“She can explain that to you when you see her.” He stared them down, daring them to ask more. Their eyes widened, and they glanced away. That’s right, ladies. Don’t forget who’s had your back all this time.
