The Undead That Saved Christmas
Page 24
But there used to be six of us, we lost three in attacks.
We were set to move on, but in rolled a fog.
So we stayed till it passed, instead of walking through smog.
Out on the porch there arose such a clatter,
I peeked out the crawlspace to see what was the matter.
Out of the mist, in walked such a thing,
Leather jacket and a crown like some kind of ‘Zombieking.’
It brought three more in the house like a twisted, sick shepherd
Seeking something to eat, hunting more like a leopard.
Not listless or clumsy like its counterparts,
It hunted for us like it was some kind of art.
It shambled, and moved toward the stairs where we were,
And started to climb like it KNEW we were here.
It passed close to the legs of the owner, who hung,
And pulled the thing down, and his group grew by one.
Now five of them climbed all seeking a meal,
I knew we had to run if we were to survive this ordeal.
The king led them on at a slow steady pace,
Climbing up toward the landing, near our hiding place.
I looked once at Bill, who now understood,
We were going right now while the getting was good.
I burst out of the crawlspace in a full run,
Toward the far bedroom where I had hidden a gun.
I thought Bill, and Mary were all ready to go,
It turns out the king was faster, and they were too slow.
I looked out of the bedroom at the macabre Xmas feast,
I eveled my handgun at the king of these beasts.
The shot rang out and careened off the crown,
The thing turned about and shot me a frown.
The other four tore apart, Bill and Mary,
But the king rose up, and damn, was he scary.
The crown now askew, with a beard of blood and gore,
That was once my friend Bill, only moments before.
He regarded me once, with malice and hate,
Then turned back to eat some of Bill’s former soul mate.
I took it as a sign to just run away,
A sick Christmas gift, to live another day.
Out the window I went to the ladder we placed,
Into the fog I went towards the river I raced.
I found a small boat, now I row toward the sea,
Hoping to find some part of humanity.
I heard on the radio that there were some ships,
But no one expects a ‘Zompocalypse.’
I only hope that I never see ‘him’ again,
Cause I know if I do, he will just eat my brain.
Christmas has changed, there are no carols to sing,
There’s no Santa Claus…just the Zombieking.
“Scary Christmas to all, and to all a good FRIGHT!” –
*Vincent Price laugh…*
We Wish you Reanimation &
O Rotting Corpse
By Stacey Graham
We wish you reanimation,
We wish you reanimation,
We wish you reanimation,
And a happy new meal.
Good tidings we bring while you chase down your kin.
Good tidings for Christmas and a happy new meal.
Oh, bring us some brainy pudding,
Oh, bring us some brainy pudding,
Oh, bring us some brainy pudding and a cup of some ears.
We won’t go until we get some,
We won’t go until we get some,
We won’t go until we get some, so bring them right here.
We wish you reanimation,
We wish you reanimation,
We wish you reanimation,
And a happy new meal.
O Rotting Corpse, O Rotting Corpse,
Why are your limbs so tasty?
O Rotting Corpse, O Rotting Corpse,
Why are your limbs so tasty?
Not only in the evening light,
But all the day and through the night.
O Rotting Corpse, O Rotting Corpse,
Why are your limbs so tasty?
O Rotting Corpse, O Rotting Corpse,
Much pleasure doth thou bring me!
O Rotting Corpse, O Rotting Corpse,
Much pleasure doth thou bring me!
Jingle Bells, Something Smells
By Beth Bartlett
In the front room, a Christmas tree twinkles with a hundred tiny lights,
Piles of gifts below, and outside there’s snow.
Our hearts are warm in the toaster oven on this perfect holiday night.
The presents are wrapped but the edges are damp with ooze,
It’s red and green, a groovy festive scene,
But shaking the boxes makes them drip on your shoes.
Brains are floating in the eggnog because carolers stopped ‘round,
Dad may be dead but he bit ‘em in the head.
That screaming version of ‘Silent Night’ was the best, hands down.
Christmas can be tough for others especially when they need food,
We gave cans to the drive so the needy could survive,
But none wanted pork brains with gravy; they gave it back, how rude!
I picked out my favorite stocking and hung it on the mantle with care,
But there was a foot still in, to my chagrin.
At least I don’t have to ask Santa for a new one while I hop everywhere.
I know we’re not the normal family and I hope Santa will understand,
I wrote him myself and told that big red elf,
Zombies don’t eat magical toymakers so he can come as planned.
It might have been a little white lie because I remember last year,
The mall Santa took off his hat and, well, that was that,
Because Mom just couldn’t wait for pizza with fresh brains so near.
This year I’ve made my folks promise that the big guy they’d spare,
They’re all aglow, drooling under the mistletoe.
With eyes for only each other, kept in a large paper bag to share.
It’s Christmas Eve, and I’m celebrating with all my family and friends,
Singing ‘Jingle Bells,’ but something smells.
Happy Holidays to all, I’m having a ball and I’m eating it upwind!
Zombies Having a
Wonderful Christmas Time
By Lyle Perez-Tinics
It’s Christmas Eve, the dead are up.
They’re coming to, my house tonight.
Zombies having a wonderful Christmas time.
Zombies having a wonderful Christmas time.
The Party’s here. The dead just knocked.
They’re coming in, to eat our brains.
Hoards of zombies sing their song,
Groan, moan, groan, moan, groan, moan, groan.
They’re Zombies having a wonderful Christmas time.
Zombies having a wonderful Christmas time.
Hoards of zombies sing their song.
They’ve rotted all year long.
Groan, moan, groan, moan, groan, moan, groan.
The dead are in, my house tonight,
They don’t want us, but want to party.
Zombies having a wonderful Christmas time.
Zombies having a wonderful Christmas time.
The night is up, and Santa’s here.
The dead have waited, an entire year.
Zombies eating Santa’s Christmas brain.
Zombies eating Santa’s Christmas brain.
Meet
The Contributors
Artist Bios
David Naughton-Shires – (Cover art designer, art on page 43,109)
David Naughton-Shires lives in County Clare, Ireland with his wife and three fantastic kids with a background in security he works full time as a security officer but has the dream to make his art a full t
ime job. He trained at Exeter where he attained ‘A’ level in graphic design and communication studies as well as media studies. He has a great interest in all forms of art both visual and audio. You can buy his first fully illustrated book ‘Grunge Bob Camo Pants: Zombie Hunter’ really soon (check out the website at http://grungebobcamopants.com) and can see samples of his work and contact him via his web site http://theimagedesigns.com or his facebook pages http://facebook.com/david.naughtonshires
http://facebook.com/theimagedesigns
Jason Tudor – (Recreation of the “Undead in the Head” logo, Dedication page clip arts and art on page 33, 42, 96, 133, 160, 181)
Jason Tudor is a writer and illustrator from San Diego. Rather than talk about himself, he wanted to say what a privilege it was to create artwork and a story for the foster kids at Hugs Foster Family Agency. Foster kids deserve every opportunity to succeed. Please give time and money generously. After you’ve done that, please visit Jason’s web site at
http://www.jasontudor.com
Jessica Geis – (art on page 17, 215, 227)
"i r awsom desiner sense 1986." I am a graphic designer who lives and works outside of Minneapolis, Minnesota. I believe in creating original and innovative modern design. I have a background of a Multimedia major and art. I've been drawing and painting since I can remember. Outside of designing I love my video games. I'm also a big movie nut. Where do zombies come into it? I love horror movies. I love Halloween. Random Facts: I have an obnoxious laugh that carries...I do not enjoy it. I am terrible at telling stories. TERRIBLE. I'm even worse at explaining things. Jones Soda is the greatest beverage EVER.
Justin Coons – (art on page 55)
Justin Coons is a freelance fine artist/illustrator and horror enthusiast based out of the Philadelphia, PA area. He specializes in ink and oil paints among many other 2-D mediums. Making the grotesque and macabre beautiful are continuous themes throughout his work.
Byron Rempel – (art on page 169, 219)
Byron Rempel is hiding in rural Canada, preparing for the zombie apocalypse. He has been creating comic book and fantasy artwork for the last 20 years, including a 7 year stint as a web graphic designer. As of the last 3 years Byron has been exploring his dark side, unleashing a horde of zombies on an unexpecting population in the form of zombifications (zombie portraits) zombie comic books, book covers and paintings. You can find his artwork or hire him to create your own custom zombie at
www.idrawzombies.com
April Guadiana – (art on page 201)
April Guadiana creates drawings that are influenced by film noir and the work of artist Tim Bradstreet. She started drawing at a young age and has been a self taught artist ever since. Graduated from University of North Texas with a degree in Graphic Design, her art can be seen in the Indie movie project Night of the Living Dead: Reanimated. April now is looking to work more with illustrations for various project with hopes in becoming a recognized comic book artist.
Scott Cole – (art on page 191)
Scott Cole is an artist, graphic designer, and writer, all at the same time. His words have appeared in anthologies like Bloody Carnival and Zombonauts, while his images have been showcased in magazines and art galleries, as well as on CD covers, and that show flyer you picked up at the coffee shop. He lives in Philadelphia, listens to strange music, and loves cold weather. His website is 13visions.com.
S.S. Michaels - (How the Undead Saved Christmas art page 10)
S.S. Michaels has a BS in Business Administration and a MA in Media & Visual Arts. She has worked for such entities as Scott Free (Ridley Scott), dick clark productions, inc. (The American Music Awards, The Golden Globe Awards, Arista Records 25th Anniversary Celebration, etc.), and CBS. She has lived abroad, traveled widely, driven a racecar, and jumped out of an airplane. She has completed two novels and has others in the works. A handful of her short stories have appeared in various publications. S.S. writes from her home in the South, where she lives with her husband, two kids, two dogs, and a swarm of inhospitable sand gnats.
Topetine – (art on page 143)
Topetine is an amateur artist who donated her services for a good cause. She can be found on twitter at twitter.com/topetine
Robert Elrod - (art on page 79)
Robert Elrod is the creator of "Tickling A Dead Man: Stories About George" and illustrates Monster Portraits as well as book and comic book covers. He's created book covers and pinups for May December Publications, Sonar4 Publications, Triskaideka Books, Pill Hill Press, Wicked East Press, Undead in the Head, Creator's Edge Press, Bluewater Comics, and Angry Dog Press. You can see more of his work
at www.monsterportraits.com and www.robertelrodllc.com.
Nick Hallard – (art on page 161)
N.J. Hallard is the author and illustrator of 'Breaking News: an Autozombiography'.
He lives in a cabin inside a fortified compound on the south coast of England. He owns two zombie-killer hounds, is an expert longbowman and has destroyed over fifteen-hundred zombies since the initial outbreak.
Jess Smart Smiley – (art on page 19)
When Jess Smart Smiley isn't busy digging himself out of his own grave or lurching around the living, he enjoys doodling, drawing, scribbling and scrawling. He is the author/illustrator of A Map in the Dirt and Upside Down (Top Shelf Productions, 2011). Jess lives with his wife and children in the majestic mountains of Utah.
Lindsay Babroski – (art on page 97)
Lindsay Babroski was born and raised in rural Texas just south of Dallas, where she and her husband live with their three daughters. A classically trained artist, she is now focused on digital graphic design and is the proud owner/operator of Mouse Tamer Designz. Check out her design portfolio on the Mouse Tamer Designz Facebook page or at her (work in progress) website www.mousetamerdesignz.com
Chris Williams – (art on page 121)
Chris Williams; co- author of Dead Meat (www.DeadMeatNovel.com) and artist. Top five favorite horror movies in no particular order; Near Dark, Aliens, 28 days later, Jaws and Funny Games (original).
Poems and Carols Author Bios
Beth Bartlett is a freelance writer and self-proclaimed psychic humorist, because she sees funny when no one else does. When she’s not penning poetry about zombies, she’s posting snarky horoscopes and 2012 shopping lists at www.wisecrackzodiac.com. Her freelance work has appeared in numerous magazines, websites and newspapers, including Writer’s Digest, Mental Floss, Meetings South and American Profile.
Rusty Fischer is a full-time freelance writer and part-time zombie author! His first zombie novel for young adults, Zombies Don’t Cry, is due out in Spring of 2011 from Medallion Press. Rusty also writes a blog for would-be authors; check it out at www.requestedmaterial.blogspot.com.
Angie Mansfield, confirmed insane by friends and family, is on a mission to live in a tent for six months, hitting all of the lower 48 states. She is undertaking this journey with her dog, her jade plant named Fred, and her twelve-pack soda box collection, which she hopes to someday fashion into a hang glider. Because hang gliding is, like, totally cool. Currently, she is working on her escape plan for the coming zombie plague and setting booby traps for Santa, whom she has never fully trusted since the Tragic Barbie Incident of '79.
Kevin Preece (aka- ‘the Zombieking’) is not a conventional writer per se…
He spent most of his life as a performing musician, writing songs. With his band he saw a measure of success in the early 90’s with a video in rotation and touring in Canada. It was during this time the creative spark to write began to grow expanding into doing whole concept albums, then short stories, and screenplays. After his music career waned, he began to shoot short films and do scores for others doing the same.