Underneath It All (Sexual Misconduct Volume II)

by Bethany Bazile

  Dealing with the fact I’d taken her parents away from her was already eating me up. For years I thought about the strangers in the other car, but never brought myself to find out who they were. Putting a face to them and knowing how I’d wrecked their family had all been too much.

  I should’ve been man enough back then to do what I’d wanted to do, but my dad had talked me out of turning myself in. He was convinced I’d ruin my life and everything I wanted by taking responsibility. Not to mention he was running for senate at the time, and the whole thing would’ve turned into a family scandal. Justice had never been served, and now I was going to pay for that tenfold because once Avery found out, it would destroy us both.

  “You have to tell her, Xander.” He put a hand to my shoulder and squeezed.

  “It’s so easy for you to sit there looking in and tell me what’s right. I’ve lived with this guilt and pain for almost twelve years. I finally found the one person who was my remedy to it all, and now I’ve become her poison.”

  I put my head back down, took a few calming breaths because my heart was beating rapidly, then looked back up at Marcus. My eyes stung, but I blinked the moisture back. If there was anyone in this world I could show my pain to, it was Marcus. He’d pulled me through a hell of a lot and even talked me into rehab. But despite that, I didn’t want him to watch me break. I wasn’t ready to let the pain bleed out.

  I looked into his eyes and asked him, “How do I look the woman I love in her eyes and tell her I killed her parents?” I sniffed, trying to fight off the overwhelming emotion smothering me. “How, Marcus? How?”

  I wiped my face on my palm, and Marcus patted me on the back. “I don’t know. Whatever you decide to do, you know I’m on your side. You’re a good man, Xander. You just made a colossal mistake that you can’t live down. Don’t let it wreck you.”

  “I never deserved happiness. I knew that, and I stole it anyway. This misery will be my lifetime penance.”

  Desperate Measures

  Avery

  Xander came back from his meeting with Marcus in an odd mood. His gaze was distant, like someone threw blinders over him and cloaked his green eyes with a cold, sad gray.

  “Are you okay?” I touched his face, and he flinched, seeming to finally notice I was in the room. He reached out and pushed my hair behind my ear, his eyes searching my face.

  “Xander?”

  “I’m fine. It’s just…” His frown deepened as he traced my lips with his finger.

  “Just what?”

  The look he gave me was very similar to before he had opened up to me about Jessica. The look of a man who had a lot on his mind. I just wished he knew he didn’t have to hesitate with me. I wanted to share his burden with him. Maybe find a way to make it easier for him to carry.

  “Nothing.” He pulled me into his arms and held me tightly. “I just love you. You know that, right?”

  I pulled my head back and looked up at him. “I know.” I reached up, cupped his face, and pulled him into a kiss. He sighed when our lips met. The tension coiled in his shoulders eased slightly.

  Something was wrong. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew something had changed since he’d left earlier. He held me differently, kissed me desperately. The Xander who had returned was coming at me with an intensity I’d never experienced with him—and he’d taken me to high places.

  I leaned away from the kiss to question him, but his lips followed mine, not allowing me to break our connection. His lips and tongue moved aggressively against mine, devouring me.

  He finally broke the kiss to yank off my shirt. I tried to look into his eyes, but his gaze was lowered as if he were purposely avoiding eye contact. He stripped me, pushed me back onto the bed, and climbed over me. His cock pressed to my thigh, his lips closing around my nipple.

  His hands against my skin were rough and possessive. He explored my body like he’d never get to touch me again. He was off in that he wasn’t talking dirty and there was none of his playfulness to it. But he was also so on. His absolute focus was on my body, and he licked and sucked me everywhere. I was getting pulled into whatever dark abyss he was in. Desire mounted quickly once he slipped his fingers into me and slowly stroked me over and over again.

  I caught him watching me as I writhed underneath him, but his stare was blank. He was like a video camera, recording a moment and storing it to its memory.

  “Xander,” I said breathlessly. He blinked and met my gaze briefly. “Are you okay?” He stared at me silently, his finger still deep inside me, his thumb circling my clit.

  He nodded, removed his hand, and pulled his jeans halfway down his hips. I seemed to have snapped him out of his daze, and a sudden urgency overtook him. He spread my legs and positioned the head of his cock at my entrance. Finally, he looked at me with intense eyes as he sank deep into me.

  As always, my breath caught, and instant pleasure coursed through my body. He surrounded me, his elbows resting on the bed. He cupped my face and said, “As long as I have you, everything is perfect.”

  I wrapped my hand around his forearm. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He wrapped his arms around me, cradling me, buried his head into my neck, then ground his cock into me slowly—beautifully. I felt him all over, inside and out. His skin pressed to mine. His breaths on my neck. His cock caressing me intimately. I was wrapped up in his love, because no matter how many times we’d fucked, it had never been like this. This was an emotionally consuming act of lovemaking.

  He rocked into me in a rhythm that sent a searing heat through me. I was sweating. He was sweating. We were wrapped in a cocoon of heated love that was bound to erupt soon.

  I ran my hand up and down his back, then dragged it into his hair and massaged his scalp. He growled his approval into my ear, lifted his head, and our gazes locked. He pumped into me at a faster pace, his green irises a window to his soul. It was the most unguarded I’d ever seen him. There was so much emotion in his expression that when he pushed his cock against the bundle of nerves deep within me, his pelvis rubbing against my clit, I exploded into a heart-filled orgasm that shook my body and brought tears to my eyes.

  He grunted as my pussy tightened around his cock. His gaze finally shuttered with lustful bliss. He kissed me. His tongue plunged into my mouth as he drank in the sweet sound of my fulfillment. With three sharp, frantic thrusts, he joined me with rapid breaths and heated moans against my mouth. The vibrations of his song of completion were the most delicious thing to ever touch my lips.

  He fell over me, completely boneless, his lips near my ear as he mumbled incoherent words. Every single time we were together, it was like a collision of emotions and physical need that ended in a wreck of tangled limbs.

  Once he’d caught his breath, he looked at me. His thumb glanced across my face, wiping away my tears. Then he put his thumb in his mouth and sucked.

  I was mesmerized by the move. I’d shed those tears out of love. And him taking that symbol of love and tasting it caused my heart to swell, yet pound in fear. If there was ever someone who could shatter me, it was this man who filled me so completely in every sense of the word.

  His world was larger than I ever comprehended. He carried its weight with great tenacity. He was the alpha and omega to millions of people, but in that moment, I was his beginning and end. The small flicker of vulnerability that sparked in his gaze stroked a need in me to be his everything. To be the one person who could save him. The person to conquer the demons in his head.

  Even the seemingly invincible had a kryptonite, and we were quickly becoming that for each other. What we shared was the kind of weakness that could cause us both to implode.

  Xander

  We barely slept. I was ravenous in my need to preserve every last memory with her. I’d fucked her all night, slept an hour, and had to have her again. She had to know something was up. But if she did, she hadn’t mentioned it yet.

  I pumped my cock into her with even thrusts. She ran her n
ails down my back as she came, all wild-haired and glassy-eyed. She yanked me along, pulling my orgasm out of me like it was hers to control.

  This—the way she made me feel—was everything.

  Did I know I was risking it all? Yes, but the possibility of losing her was worse. I needed time. Time for her to see how good we were together—time to make her love for me stronger—because then I’d have some hope to cling to.

  I wanted to stay in this trance-like bubble where nothing else existed but us. There was a vulnerability in me when she was around. Something I’d hidden from for years. The kind of thing that could break me and turn my nightmares into a worse sort of hell than they already were. It was a weakness. She was my weakness. But I needed her.

  I knew better than to put myself in this position again, but it was too late. I was lost in her. And if she found out what I’d done—what I’d cost her—she’d disappear with my heart.

  I rolled off her and she flipped over to her side and gaped down at me.

  “What?” I asked as I tried to catch my breath.

  She looked at me as though I’d lost my mind. “How many times did we do that?”

  I shrugged. Five. Six. I stopped counting when my balls got sore from all the fucking. And coming.

  “You’re not fucking normal,” she proclaimed, voice filled with awe.

  “I thought you already determined that when I went to a psychiatrist for help.”

  She giggled and dropped her head to my chest. I held her for almost an hour before we got out of bed.

  We showered, ate, and spent the afternoon packing up. Late Sunday night, we boarded a plane and headed home. To the place that would now hold more ghosts for me.

  We took our seats in first class, and I gazed out the window as we taxied down the runway. I wish I could say I was okay with not telling her, but I was disgusted with myself. Ashamed of how selfish and weak I was being.

  When my dad had pulled up to the scene that day and talked the officers out of including me in their report, I should’ve stopped him. As a beloved mayor up for the senate seat, the officers on the scene had been friends of his, and everything had been swept under the rug quickly. That old rug was now worn out, and all the dust was starting to float into the air.

  “Do you ever wonder why good people lie to protect others?” I asked Avery as I watched the plane rising off the ground into the night sky.

  “I don’t wonder, Xander. It’s my job to figure it out. All lies are not always what they seem on the surface.”

  “So all lies aren’t bad?” I faced her.

  “All lies are wrong, Xander. The reasons behind the lies make them more bearable.” She narrowed her eyes curiously.

  I turned away, quietly staring at the back of the seat in front of me.

  After a few silent moments, she asked, “Are we talking about someone lying to you? Or you lying to me?”

  “Does it matter?” I grumbled, too deep in thought to realize what I was implying.

  “It does. Because if you’re lying to me, all the trust we’ve built in this relationship and as patient and therapist would be trashed.”

  I kept my head straight and wished I’d never brought it up. She reached out and turned my head with a hand on my chin, forcing me to meet her questioning gaze.

  “Is there something you want to tell me?”

  I killed your parents.

  Ruined your life.

  Gave you a reason for the armor you wear.

  Made it hard for you to love.

  Any way I said it in my head, it all seemed wrong. It all seemed like the catalyst to our ending. It was so much easier to forgive my stupidity when she was detached from the crime. Once I told her I was the person who changed the course of her life, she’d hate me, and I couldn’t live with that.

  So instead of taking the opportunity to change and risk everything, I decided to not take the chance at getting my heart ripped out.

  I shook my head because I couldn’t bring myself to say the lie out loud.

  “Don’t lie to me.” She stared at me with her sharp, blue, demanding eyes.

  “We’re fine. It’s just something my dad did for me.”

  Something I’d do for you. Lie to protect you—protect us. I wasn’t prepared to ruin us, and I didn’t want to destroy her with the truth. So if I had to lie to her to keep us happy, then I’d just have to prepare myself for the extra guilt I’d be lugging around.

  End of Episode 2

  A note to the readers

  So we’ve come to another cliffhanger…

  Thank you so much for sticking this out with me and taking your time to read this book. I really hope you enjoyed this episode of Sexual Misconduct. The next book, Lie To Me, will conclude this story on July 24, 2014.

  About Lie To Me

  It was all too much. There was no way I could keep piling up these lies without it all tumbling down.

  I was desperate to keep her, even if it meant I had to withhold the truth. But when everything unravels, the only thing that can save us is the truth in our love.

  Stalk Me

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  More by Bethany Bazile:

  Beautifully Broken

  Beautifully Revealed

  UnBurdened (A Novella)

  Deceitfully Yours

  Fight For Me

  About the Author

  Bethany Bazile reads, writes, and lives in the Northeast with her husband and two amazing kids. Her passion for writing was born from a love affair between books and music. She loves books that draw her in and won’t release her until she’s inhaled every word, panting with excitement. Then she realizes the sun came up, but the loss of sleep was so worth it. When she isn’t reading, she’s conjuring up steamy love scenes and hot romance stories to share with fellow romance lovers. She can’t function without her cup of coffee and operates on a vampire-like timeframe.

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Slippery Slope

  The Cover-up

  Nightmares

  Stay

  Let’s Play Doctor

  Underneath It All

  Brotherly ‘Love’

  Safe Haven

  Come Away With Me

  Celebrity Status

  Marcus Fucking Wilder!

  Mr. Hollywood

  Starry-Eyed

  Codependency

  Unearthed

  Desperate Measures