American Daughter
Page 28
Emma Parry, my agent. Thank you for believing in me and my story. For recognizing the potential of American Daughter to inspire others and for working diligently on my behalf.
Ross Cohen, my dear therapist, counselor, life coach, fill-in father, and healer. Thank you for showing up in the best way, week after week. Thank you for the unconditional belief in me that never wavered—especially at the junctures when I did not believe in myself. Above all, words cannot express my gratitude for EMDR. Without it, this book would not have happened.
My beloved staff: Kristin Sidorak, Amy White, Cara Murray, and Janis Howard. Thank you for your continual contributions to Heritage and to this book. None of it would have been possible without each of you. Janis, thank you for being so dedicated to our students and for reading every iteration of this book as it took form. Thank you, Kristin, for your help and support during the creation of this book and in the final hours of panic. You came to my rescue.
To Patty, who’s been like a mother to me.
Thank you, Uncle Allan. You showed up as family for me. You are the first and last uncle I will ever have. So fun and talented you are. And to my niece Rachel, who’s been unconditionally supportive of me and this book.
I’m also thankful to the Thorntons for giving me the instinct and force to continue my heritage of bringing education to generations of people.
To my cousins, Debra Panzanella, Belinda Tobacco, Connie Tobacco, and Daniela Foti, for welcoming me into the family and working vigorously with me to discover our Italian lineage.
Thank you to all of the discerning readers who took the time to read each chapter and respond with honest feedback. You know who you are. Your input has been invaluable.
For those in my family who have died and whom I have gotten to know through this book: You have been with me in spirit, guiding me in ways unseen. You have been by my side in life even when I wasn’t aware. To my grandparents: It’s sweet to think that I might be the apple of your eyes.
As I write this, I can recall a quote that’s been with me for a long time, but which didn’t fully resonate with me until I wrote this book:
I come as one, I stand as ten thousand.
—Maya Angelou
About the Author
STEPHANIE THORNTON PLYMALE is the CEO of Heritage School of Interior Design. Stephanie calls Portland, Oregon, home—a word with much meaning as she grew up without one. From living in a car on the beach with her siblings to isolation in the dependent unit of the state of California to a horribly abusive foster home, Stephanie never experienced a feeling of family as a child. Married at nineteen to her high school sweetheart, Stephanie held on to a desire for family roots that helped her to build a stable marriage and loving home for her three children.
From a young age, Stephanie had an insatiable desire to create a feeling of home. This incited her passion for interior design, which led to a successful career working in nearly every facet of the industry, including residential, commercial, retail curation, fabrication, and staging. After eighteen years of owning her own firm, Stephanie felt ready to pursue her next chapter. It was then that she took over Heritage School of Interior Design. Stephanie’s vision was to make education accessible to all who were interested in excelling in the industry.
Stephanie has supported hundreds of students in achieving their dream careers. Many alumni have gone on to win prestigious awards and begin wildly successful businesses. She continues to balance family life with promoting Heritage, the success of its students, staff, continually growing community, and philanthropic efforts.
Though Stephanie’s traumatic childhood, family life, and career are unique, she takes heart in knowing that life’s lessons are universal and that everyone has a story. Her goal is to inspire others to share their stories, receive support, and feel empowered by their ability to survive, forgive, heal, transcend, and live the life of their dreams.
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Advance Praise for American Daughter
“Much more than a story of a rape and its aftermath, American Daughter—in the tradition of classics like The Glass Castle, The L.A. Diaries, and White Oleander—explores in unsparing detail the complex interplay between intimate family ties, generational abuse, cataclysmic losses, and the extraordinary and limitless power of compassion and self-discovery. Stephanie Thornton Plymale is often asked, throughout this riveting and powerful memoir: How? How did you emerge from that wreckage powerful and whole? But American Daughter resists such easy binaries and instead gives us a portrait of coming together stronger at the broken places as Plymale interrogates both her own survival and her fragile, damaging and compelling mother’s. A story by turns feral and transcendent, American Daughter illustrates the enormous strength and will it takes for anyone to choose love.”
—GINA FRANGELLO, author of Every Kind of Wanting and A Life in Men, editor of The Coachella Review
“Stephanie Plymale brings readers of her well-written memoir into the complex process of attempting to understand, reconcile, and forgive adult family members who failed her. When she looks at her accomplishments in deep relationships and a powerful career, she asks the poignant question, ‘Why am I the resilient one?’ Ultimately unanswered, it is gratifying to follow her on the journey to redemption. She leaves us with hope for every individual and every fraught family relationship.”
—JANIS AVERY, former CEO of Treehouse
“American Daughter is a deeply compelling page-turner of a memoir, beautifully written, and insightful. The reasons some of us survive chaotic childhoods and go on to lead happy productive lives, to even thrive, are complex and seemingly random. Yet we long to discover a secret formula for resilience. American Daughter does not give us facile answers. We follow Stephanie’s journey from horrific childhood to successful businesswoman, mother, and wife, and are captivated by her inner strength, her kindness, her desire to seek truth, and most poignantly, her desire to find her place in the world, to belong. This memoir does not pretend that scars of a traumatic childhood can be erased, but it shows us happiness is still possible. Stephanie’s investigation into family history leads to a truth many abuse victims eventually discover, that our abusers have often survived their own hellish childhoods, and that we all carry the trauma of our ancestors.”
—KAREN LYNCH, author of Good Cop, Bad Daughter: Memoirs of an Unlikely Police Officer
“American Daughter is a riveting page-turner that has the reader looking forward to each chapter with a mix of anticipation and unease; given that it inevitably means another heartache lay just around the corner for the author, her mother, and siblings. The book is both a haunting memoir and Cinderella story that has you rooting for this family until the end. The writing is exquisitely vivid and poetic, making it easy to conjure up images of mother and daughter throughout the many decades of their lives together, and apart. In the end, American Daughter is one woman’s triumphant tale of determination and hope to create a truly beautiful life for herself against all odds.”
—TRACY KLINKROTH, founder of ChickChat and The Power of She
“The story of American Daughter has affected my life forever! Stephanie’s story minimizes what being a survivor is: Does a victim really have a choice or in their journey do some just get luckier than others? The people they meet, the breaks they get—bottom line, those who can survive the most horrific, unimaginable things actually can break the cycle of such a terrible life. And if they do, then to me they are nothing short of a living saint! My heart is so heavy for Stephanie’s unimaginable story, but I have learned so much about love—even if it’s too late—and about forgiveness even if it seems impossible.
“I want to help share Stephanie’s story to inspire others! We have many surface similarities including a life in the Northwest, tennis, adopting a baby girl from Guatemala, running from things in life, family secrets revealed late in life, ancestry surprises, and life perceptions. Her book reminds me that we are a
ll connected at some level and all of us have a story. Ten percent of life is what happens to us and 90 percent is really how we react to it! God bless her bravery in sharing her well written book with many intricate details of her life! You have a fan, a friend, and a real admirer in me.”
—KAREN PHELPS MOYER, founder of Good Morning Gorgeous, LLC; Emmy award winner; founder of Moyer Foundation
“This book takes the reader along on a journey that is equal parts heart-rending, shocking, and uplifting. It may be surprising to describe a story of homelessness, child abuse, and mental illness as uplifting, but Plymale’s open and thoughtful consideration of her life story gives hope to those who have struggled through adversity. She does not shy from describing those challenges, creating a sense of profound empathy for both her and, shockingly, for the mother who was the catalyst for so much suffering. But the heart and humanity at the core of her story ultimately leave the reader with a sense of the redemption that is possible and an abiding appreciation for what we have.”
—CHRIS SHORTELL, author of Rights, Remedies, and the Impact of State Sovereign Immunity; political science professor at Portland State University
“The story is never less than compelling as the reader learns how her mother’s grandiose statements have a basis in truth. The trauma Plymale discovers is so horrible it was recorded in the newspapers. Stephanie Plymale is honest about her family’s failings and her own, but ultimately forgiving, reminding me that hope is not: ‘the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense regardless of how it turns out.’ (Vaclav Havel, Disturbing the Peace, 1985)”
—MARTHA CRITES, author of Grave Disturbance, mental health counselor
Copyright
The names and identifying characteristics of persons referenced in this book, as well as identifying events and places, have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals and their families.
For permission to reproduce copyrighted material, grateful acknowledgment is made to the following sources:
For “California Dreamin’.” Words and music by John Phillips and Michelle Phillips. Copyright (c) 1965 UNIVERSAL MUSIC CORP. Copyright Renewed. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Reprinted by permission of Hal Leonard LLC.
For “Just You and I.” Words and music by Melissa Manchester and Carole Bayer Sager. Copyright (c) 1975 BMG Bumblebee, Trio Music Company, and Round Hill Music. Copyright renewed. All rights for BMG Bumblebee and Trio Music Company administered by BMG Rights Management (US) LLC. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Reprinted by permission of Hal Leonard LLC and Round Hill Carlin, LLC.
For “San Francisco (Be Sure To Wear Some Flowers In Your Hair).” Words and music by John Phillips. Copyright (c) 1967 UNIVERSAL MUSIC CORP. Copyright renewed. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Reprinted by permission of Hal Leonard LLC.
AMERICAN DAUGHTER. Copyright ©2020 Stephanie Plymale. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
First published in 2020 by River Grove Books.
First HarperCollins edition published in 2021.
Front cover design: © Emily Weigle
Front cover image: courtesy of the author
Digital Edition JANUARY 2021 ISBN: 978-0-06-305435-6
Version 11202020
Print ISBN: 978-0-06-305433-2
ISBN 978-0-06-308310-3 (Intl)
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