Free Bird

by Amelia Oliver

  “Move on mom, that was years ago. You've clearly forgiven him. Why can't you forgive me? Or do you just like to remind us all how terrible your life is because of us? Gives you something to do?”

  “I resent that, Faye-”

  “You resent words, and truth, and me, Dad, and Sweetie…that’s your life now: resenting every choice you made or wish you’d done differently. You resent the decisions we’ve all made because somehow it’s solely affected you and only you.”

  “I did not raise you to speak to an adult like this,” she says, as she stands.

  I exhale an exhausted breath. I can’t believe I fell for her trap. She’ll use me talking to her like this for weeks in an attempt to get pity from me and my dad. I shake my head and turn towards the stairs, giving up even trying to open her eyes and see that not everything’s about her.

  The next two days fly by, and before we know it, Gwen and I are walking toward the diner to meet Sven and Joseph. The days between us seeing them were filled with day dreaming and giggling over what we thought our dates might be like. We’d seen glimpses of the guys as they worked on the house, but didn’t talk since Gaye was watching us like a hawk. We have no idea what we’re doing other than it’s at a park, so we both decided on high waisted jean shorts. Gwen chose a denim collared shirt tied at her waist, while I opted for an orange macramé halter top.

  I feel sexy and when Gwen sees me, her expression assures me I look as good as I feel. With no bra, I know my breasts are on full display, but I want Sven and hopefully tonight, I’ll have him. I’ve decided over the last two days to fuck living for anyone but myself. Sven wants me and I want him. I don’t care what happens after the summer, I just want to do what feels good now. I know that behavior’s gotten me in trouble in the past, but you only live once. Our wood platforms clap on the sidewalk and as soon as we notice the guys outside the diner, leaning against two motorcycles, they notice us. I smile as Sven pushes off the machine and steps closer, his eyes taking in my body, my bare arms and legs and the little fabric covering me.

  “Is this okay?” I ask, referring to my outfit as I reach him.

  “Absolutely,” he nods, a small smile on his lips.

  “I didn’t know what we were doing, but it’s supposed to be a hot one today,” I say.

  “It’s already pretty hot,” he tells me, and I have a feeling he means this in regard to me.

  He throws his leg over the seat and sits, then I hold his shoulders and take position behind him. My thighs press into his hips, my core right against him, my hands wrapping around his waist.

  “You good?” he asks over his shoulder and I nod.

  Firing up the bikes, I look over at Gwen and we smile at each other like lunatics. I’m happy she’s with me and that we’re doing this together. We’ve always been those square girls who never had boyfriends or anyone interested in us, so what’s happening now feels like a dream come true. We both giggle as the bikes speed down the street and everyone walking Main Street looks over at us, including my boss, Chief Milton, as we pass by the police station. I try to turn my head so he won’t see me. I don’t know why I care, but I don’t want my boss to see me. The next thing I know, we’re flying down the freeway and through the desert in the opposite direction of Galaxy Field. The wind blows our hair and I rest my chin on Sven’s shoulder, one of his hands moves off the handle and he places it over mine on his stomach for a long moment. His touch already feels familiar, like he’s always been with me in some cosmic way.

  On the horizon, only fifteen or so minutes after we began our journey, an oasis comes into view. Lush and green, with more trees than Plantain. I begin seeing signs for a state park as we get closer. This part of the country blows my mind with the differences in scenery so closely located. We enter the trees, and the sun through the leaves dances between shadows and light all around us as we drive down a narrow road at a slower speed now. Eventually, I start to hear music over the engine of the bike, smell food cooking, and begin to see people along the roadside. Tents are set up here and there, and a large wooden sign is posted for campgrounds and cabins. The trees thin out and the open space is crowded with people and motorcycles, grills and games like horseshoes and cornhole. Parking the bikes in a vacant section, we get off and I stretch my legs, looking around at the women wearing less clothes than me, some in bikinis and even topless, traipse around unselfconscious. Sven takes my hand and I look at him, his free hand brushing my hair down and I wonder what the hell it even looks like. I know he’d tell me if it was a complete mess, so I put some faith in him and let him tame it until he’s done and gives me a smile.

  “Hungry?” he asks.

  I nod and look over to Gwen who’s being introduced to someone by Joseph and I give her a signal that we’re heading off, and she nods with a wide smile. We walk through people, a lot of men in black leather vests, but they seem older than us. Most the men have on t-shirts or no shirts. Like Sven, most don’t wear bellbottoms which is the current fashion, but jeans and pants that don’t flare, like the greasers from the last decade. Sven’s wearing a faded blue Led Zeppelin t-shirt, jeans and brown boots. His hair’s tucked behind his ears and the sun radiates off his tan skin. I admire him as he leads us through the areas that are crowded and look down at his massive hand in mine, his fingers between mine. I think about those hands on me, touching me. Sven’s brought out a desire in me I’ve never known before, and has me wanting things.

  “Sven,” a man yells over “Listen to The Music” by The Doobie Brothers playing somewhere near us, and we both look over to see a man a few years older walking towards us.

  His hair’s almost white he’s so blond from what I can see above the red bandana tied around his hairline. He’s tan, skinny and shirtless, only wearing skin tight jeans and no shoes, a can of beer in one hand.

  “Visste ikke at du skulle komme,” he says, coming over and slapping his hand on Sven’s shoulder.

  “Yeah, dette er Missy,” Sven says, and they both look at me.

  I shouldn’t like that he calls me that and not my real name, but I kind of do.

  “Missy, Missy,” the man says with a wicked smile, his eyes looking me up and down. “Lovely to meet you.” His free hand takes mine as he presses his lips on the top of my hand. “Can I get you a beer, or some sausage perhaps?”

  Sven’s hand on the man’s chest pushes him back from me, but I can see both them smile at one another and I know what he means by sausage.

  “Later, man,” Sven says, and his hand on my lower back begins urging me in a different direction.

  Smoke from cooking food billows into the air and the sun is almost too much as we get closer. There’s pigs roasting on spits, tons of make shift grills over open fires and women beneath tents making salads and other uncooked food. Kegs of beer sit near the tree line where the open space becomes forest again, I assume to keep them cool in the growing heat.

  “Who was that?” I ask once we stop and Sven looks around for something.

  “Dusty,” he tells me.

  “Dusty?” I question with a smile. “What is it with you and nicknames?”

  “It’s a reference to his dick, and I didn’t give it to him,” Sven says with a teasing lilt to his voice.

  I bust out laughing. “Do I wanna know what dusty has to do with his dick?”

  Sven’s eyes flair when I say ‘dick,’ and for a moment he looks at me in a way that has me wanting to tear my clothes off. He blinks quickly, clearing his lust, before smiling and shaking his head.

  “He seems nice, are you guys good friends?” I ask, trying to regain some control.

  “He is nice, and yes he’s a good friend, but a total pervert, so don’t find yourself alone with him,” he tells me with a smile.

  As we get food, a lot of the things under the tent I don’t recognize and know must be Norwegian, so I pick the things Sven suggests. When people come over and talk to him, he immediately introduces me and they always say something to him in their lan
guage. I don’t know what they’re saying, but Sven always replies in English, like he doesn’t want to exclude me, and I appreciate that.

  By the time we finish gathering food to eat and get cups of beer, I feel almost dizzy from the heat. I don’t say anything about it, but Sven takes one look at me and tilts his head for me to follow him into the trees. As soon as the shade engulfs me, I feel marginally better and know once I eat I will be brand new. I hear water, and I’m shocked to see a decent sized creek running through the trees. Sven walks to the bank where grass has taken over, just before a small strip of rocks borders the water’s edge. There’s some sun shining on the grass through the trees, but it’s not as harsh, so I don’t mind when he chooses to sit there. The food’s delicious and we eat without much talking, but I can see it pleases him that I like it.

  “Can I ask you something?” I question.

  “Yeah.”

  “Today’s the parade on Main Street, for the holiday. I would’ve thought you’d like something like that.”

  With a shrug of his shoulder, he says, “We always come out here for the fourth. It’s a hard day for a lot of us, so we’ve always just celebrated for the men we’ve lost here.”

  I nod and look out at the water.

  “Did your mom say anything about you coming today?”

  “No, she was out with Sweetie this morning so we didn’t even see each other.”

  He nods and drinks from his beer, setting his plate down in the grass beside him.

  “Is it weird having a sister that young?” he asks.

  “Not really, I still feel childish,” I smile.

  “And that’s what surprises me about you not being in pageants anymore. You have that fun, youthful energy.”

  “That was my mom’s doing, getting me in pageants. I liked it but it wasn’t something I loved. I’m happy to not have the pressure anymore.”

  “Does Sweetie do ‘em, or…?”

  “No, my mom sort of had a breakdown, a bunch of things happened and I think she finally realized her ‘perfect life’ was anything but. So, she gave up on it.”

  “I’m listening.”

  I down my beer and set my plate and cup beside his as I look over at the water.

  “My dad used to be a civil rights lawyer, which he became due to living in Mississippi during integration. That’s when my mom started hating him. Anyway, when I’d see them together, I thought she was a client. But then he asked me later that night not to tell my mom about it. I figured the lady was a client. She was black and my dad had promised my mom he was going to stop taking civil rights cases, so I just thought he didn’t want Gaye to blow her lid if she knew he was still taking those clients. When she did find out he was having an affair, somehow the time I saw them together turned into me knowing about it, and she’s never let it go.”

  He nods and I look over at him looking out at the creek.

  “My dad and I have sort of the same relationship, resentful. He didn’t want me going to war.”

  “Why not?”

  “You know how things were, it wasn’t our war. But neither was World War II, but they all went.” He shakes his head.

  I nod.

  “He wanted me to take after him, live the life he did. But he’s miserable. My mom’s never around, his life’s the club. You’d think he’d want better for me. Even when I went off to college, he didn’t see me off, give me any fatherly words of encouragement.”

  I marinate his words, relating, yet not relating to them. “And your mom?” I ask.

  “She’s here and there, comes and goes.” He shrugs.

  He stops and we both sit in the silence of the woods. The birds chirping around us, the water trickling as it flows so effortlessly past us.

  “I want a family,” I state, and he looks over toward me. “Like, a genuine family, people who don’t feel wounded because you didn’t turn out like they wanted, but love you because you’re happy and they’re happy to have you in their life,” I say, as my eyes pool with tears. Not because I’m sad, but because it sounds so beautiful, and I know me and Sven will have that someday.

  Sven’s hand cups the side of my face, and I move closer, letting him know what I want, but he doesn’t budge. Because I’m tired of ignoring what I want, I lean up and move over him, straddling his hips. He seems surprised, but puts his hands on my hips as I run my fingers along his beard. The sun catches the crystal blue of his eyes as he looks up at me. I know he wants me, but I know he’s trying not to want me.

  “Kiss me,” I say, exhaling against his lips.

  “No.”

  “What?”

  He sighs and moves his hand up my back and under my hair, his fingertips rubbing the skin of my shoulders.

  “I can't just kiss you. We're not sixteen, I can't stop at kissing. We'll end up…you know what I mean.”

  “So, you don't want to?”

  “I do, but you're you and I feel like you deserve more than this, here.”

  “I won’t expect you to marry me after,” I tease, feeling slightly rejected he isn’t taking advantage of my offer. “It doesn’t matter where; it’s who it’s with that makes it special.”

  He shakes his head and smiles, but looks away from me.

  I lean in and press my lips against his ear. “I want you to fuck me.”

  “Are you ready for that?” he asks, facing me again. His eyes look more serious than I’ve ever seen.

  “I'm not a virgin.”

  I don’t know if he thinks I am, or won’t want me because I’m not. His hands move up to the top of my hair and then down to cup my face.

  “But I know you haven't been fucked by a man before. Boys I’m sure…but can you handle me, fucking you?”

  I swallow and feel my heart burst with a rush of something at his words. I don’t have an answer for that, and even if I did, words don’t seem necessary right now. With my hands on his, I bring them down to my chest and pull the front of my top to each side of my breasts, exposing myself to his eyes. He exhales quickly, groaning deeply as I bring his fingers to my mouth and I kiss each one while closing my eyes. Sven inhales deeply as his hands move around my back to pull me closer, attaching his mouth to my nipple.

  “Vakker,” he groans as he moves from one breast to another, and I feel his cock between my legs.

  Just then I hear voices, and blink open to see people coming out of the trees only a few feet from us, ripping their clothes off and running into the water.

  “Oh shit,” I gasp while covering my chest, and Sven drops his head to my shoulder and starts laughing.

  They don’t seem to notice us, and the sudden appearance of them has my heart pounding in a different way than Sven just had. With a growl, Sven stands and I yelp. In a flash, he pulls my top over my head, picks me up, and tosses me into the creek. Instantly I pop up, coughing and brushing my hair out of my face.

  “It’s freezing!” I yelp, and clear my eyes to see him removing his clothes and walking towards me buck naked. His body is unreal and that thick rigid cock of his has my body trembling with the mere idea of it inside me.

  My shoes start floating down the river, and I grab them and throw them towards the shore. Sven’s smile is so wide as he walks toward me, reaching out and pulling me into his arms, standing us up to only bring us crashing back into the water as he laughs and I screech. My head doesn’t go under this time but my teeth chatter from being cold, so I wiggle free from him to tread water under a shaft of sunlight to warm up.

  “Come here,” he says as he swims over to me, pulling me onto his lap with my back to his chest. He wraps me in his arms again and we move towards the shore.

  The other swimmers start playing chicken fight. They’re loud and in their own world. As I sit on the grass, Sven kneels at my feet. I take in his body, thick, tan and hard. His shoulders are wide, and his biceps flex as he reaches up to undo the closure on my shorts, pulling them down my legs and tossing them along with my underwear over towards his clothes. We’re t
otally naked, outside, mere yards from other people, and I’ve never been so turned on in my life. My hands reach for his erection, his skin hot against my frozen fingers. He leans in, one hand propping him up before me, while the other runs up the inside of my leg. I blink over at the group of strangers, and his hand pauses, causing me to look at him.

  “It’s just us here,” he tells me, just as his lips touch mine.

  My jaw falls open as his fingers run over between my legs, his lips sucking on my lower lip as I gather my senses and return his kissing. The breeze blows over our skin, adding another element of feeling to all this. My nipples are pebbled, my back arching, my hips grinding into his palm as my hands hold me up on the wet ground. But I want to touch him, so I lay back onto the grass and he follows me, lying down between my legs as he moves his hands to cup my face. His thumbs caress my cheeks, our blue eyes meeting and sharing that unspoken connection we have. The sun shines down on us, and he’s backlit, the rays carving around him like an angel. I look up at him in wonderment and awe, because he looks surreal and ethereal in this moment. I see him looking at me in the same way, and I feel like I’m part of a dream.

  He moves off me and to my side, putting his naked back between me and the swimmers. I’m laid out in the sun, my hair wet and clinging to my skin. At the same moment my hand drifts up to tuck hair behind his ear, he reaches out and, with delicate touches, begins pulling away random strands of hair stuck to my damp skin. Something about this, how he’s touching me, looking at me, unrushed and unhurried, makes me feel at peace. I can’t describe it in words really, but it’s like we’re Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. We’re naked, but it doesn’t feel sexual. More an exploration and primitive in a way.

  “You’re breathtaking,” he says in a soft voice, peeling wet locks of hair from between my breasts.

  My chest rises and falls, my heart thundering. My nipples are still stiff and I feel the electricity still flowing between us. My eyes watch his as they scan from the top of my head to between my legs, then his fingers follow the same path. When they brush over my pubic hair, my breath hitches as he continues running them up and down. On his fourth pass up my torso, his hand shifts and his fingers graze my nipple. He watches as he repeats the movement and my eyes bounce from my breasts to his face. His tongue peeks out to wet his lips, and then he’s leaning down to trace around my nipple. I gasp and swallow thickly, feeling the sensation jolt through me. My fingers run through his hair as my eyes flutter close. Between my legs is pulsing, and I just want friction. My knees bend and I press my legs together, rubbing my knees back and forth. Moving to my other nipple with a growl, he plumps my breast this time and sucks hard.