Free Bird

by Amelia Oliver

  At some point today, I’ll head over to the law office my dad’s been working out of and talk to him. I know he’ll try to convince me to come back but I’ve decided this is it; it’s time to break away, now or never. In the back of my head, I know my dad will help me, that’s just how he is. Not necessarily with money, but he’ll send us our things from Mississippi and make sure we’re okay. He’ll always have an eye out for us like a normal parent, unlike Gaye, who’ll never forgive me for yesterday and probably never speak to me again. I can say I’m fine with that, that that’s what I want, and to a small degree it is. But really, I just want a mom, one who cares about me and my daughter and isn’t always trying to manipulate everything. I barely slept last night, even though I was thoroughly sated by Sven and my mind was taken off all the mess that now is my life, it didn’t take long for worry to creep back once I laid down beside Sweetie.

  I get to work at the police office before Milton, which is normal. Starting a pot of coffee, watering the small window plants and open the blinds before eventually hearing other staff arriving to work outside the office. I then sit down and begin working on some notes for cases he needs transcribed. The typewriter is clacking loudly in the smallish space, so loud that I don’t hear Milton enter the room. It’s not until the small bell is struck and I reach to the side lever to shift the paper back to the beginning of the next line that I hear him and startle.

  “Sorry,” he says with a soft smile, a lunch bag and thermos in his hands.

  “No, I was just…I’m a bit on edge today.” I dismiss.

  He walks to his office and sets his things down while speaking to me through the opened door as I staple some papers.

  “Any calls?”

  “No.”

  “When you get a minute, can we have a word?” he asks.

  I shift in the chair, grabbing the small notepad and pencil before heading into his office to stand in the doorway and waiting for him to begin. He sits in his roller chair, leaning back with a creak and nods for me to have a seat across the desk from him. Maybe I should’ve grabbed my large pad if this is gonna be something I need to sit down for.

  “You don’t need to write this down,” he tells me. And I look at him confused, resting the paper and pencil on my lap.

  “Don’t worry, you’re not fired,” he assures me and I feel relief. Just my luck, I’d get fired now when I need the money more than anything. “No, this is more personal.”

  I nod and inhale slowly through my nose, a feeling of uneasiness creeping over me slowly.

  “I received a phone call last night, at home, from your mother.”

  Something else now washes over me, mortification. God only knows what the hell she told him. Gaye has no boundaries when it comes to revenge. I inhale deeply again while trying not to look like I’m panicking.

  “She was demanding I tell her where you could be. You two had a fight or something?” he asks.

  “Something like that,” I reply.

  “Now, I don’t mean to be nosey, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice you and Sven Frederickson around town together. I’m not making assumptions,” he says lifting his hands. “I know you’ve made friends here, but I was worried for you and drove by his place last night, and saw you guys outside. I didn’t tell your mother anything because that’s your business, but I assured her you were okay and ended it at that.” he says, leaning closer in his chair to rest his elbows on the desk. “I just want you to know what you’re getting involved with as far as Frederickson goes. Do you know a lot about him, his family and how they make their living, I mean?”

  I nod, unable to tell Milton I don’t really care what he has to say about Sven, but rather, I instantly become defensive.

  “Will my answer affect my job?” I ask.

  He gives me a smile, “No, I know you’re an adult and can make your own decisions.”

  “Yes, I know he’s a member of a bike club. But as far as his involvement, he doesn’t tell me and I don’t know.”

  He gives me a long look, maybe my words finally have him realizing that I am with Sven. I’m not sure if maybe he was hoping I’d say that I wasn’t. And if that’s the case, I want to believe that’s more due to it being Sven in general, rather than him having some sort of crush on me.

  “I’ve grown fond of you. I’d hate for you to be tempted into something with someone who might not be completely honest with you.”

  “Well, I appreciate that. Sven and I have gotten to know each other well since I’ve been here and he’s helping me and Sweetie out. I trust him and he’s done nothing to indicate otherwise. I don’t know what my mother said to you but I hope it doesn’t make you think less of me. I’ve worked hard and I’ll continue to work hard-”

  “Faye,” he stops me. “I know. If you need somewhere to stay, there are hotels in Bannister, or… you and your sister could stay with me if you needed to.”

  “She’s my daughter,” I declare, then watch his eyes widen and then narrow slightly as he tries to figure out my words. “We’d been telling everyone she’s my sister so it didn’t make my family look bad, or me look bad.”

  I tell him this because I don’t want him to feel like I’m untrustworthy.

  “Well, the offer still stands.” He nods once.

  This is the small-town kind of gesture I’m used to and although it shouldn’t surprise me, it does. This man doesn’t really know me, so the offer defuses my defensiveness and I realize that him asking me about Sven is coming from a good place. He just wants to make sure I’m okay.

  “As of right now, we don’t really need a place to stay. Thank you for the offer and if I don’t find something by the end of the day I just might hold you to that.”

  “Good.” He nods again, a tight-lipped smile dismissing me.

  I stand and turn toward the door. “Thank you,” I say but he just waves his hand as he looks at some paperwork on his desk.

  During lunch, I use the payphone in the lobby to call Sven and check on Sweetie. He tells me she’s taking a nap, that she fell asleep as they sat in the driveway and looked out at the desert for hours. It makes me more than happy to know that my little girl is happy, that she’s found a kid companion in Sven. He asks me how I’m dealing with everything that’s happened, in a Sven round-about way. It feels good to have him as a confidant, and I know how lucky we are to have met him. I decide to go see my dad who’s been working just down the street and eat my sack lunch later. I haven’t been in the law office before, but I find a nice-looking receptionist on the phone as I enter, mouthing for me to hold on. I look around and see the doors to the offices open and empty.

  “Can I help you?”

  “Hi, is Frank Hamilton here?” I ask as I face her and step closer to the desk.

  “Oh, are you his daughter?” she asks with a kind face.

  “Yes, I’m Faye,” I introduce myself.

  “He told me you were a beauty queen, but I didn’t expect a girl so beautiful,” she tells me.

  “Oh,” I state, a little embarrassed. “Not anymore, but thank you.”

  “You’re modest. But no dear, he’s not. He went back to Mississippi with your mother. I assumed you and your sister went also.”

  Now this is a surprise.

  “Thank you,” I tell her, leaving the office and not really knowing what to make of this.

  In all my made-up scenarios, I didn’t think of this, that he would just leave. With my interest piqued, I walk briskly towards the mansion and sure enough as I get closer, it looks like a ghost town. Windows and doors closed, no cars, no signs of life. Part of me saddens when I think of how the mansion had a taste of new life, only to be abandoned. It was time I pulled up my boot straps and started living the way I wanted to, for me and for Sweetie.

  11

  SVEN

  I ride with Owen and Joseph to the clubhouse and hope this shit doesn’t take too long. I’m supposed to have a phone call with the dean of my college to discuss the letter I se
nt asking for readmittance. I’m banking on being accepted back into school so I can become a lawyer and make a decent living. Now I need a career more than ever. Working on houses in this town won’t cut it, especially if I want a future with Missy and Sweetie. I always swore to myself I wouldn’t raise kids in the MC like my parents did with me. Joseph and Owen had moms, ones who didn’t ever go to the clubhouse, while their dads kept that shit separate. I spent too many nights as a small kid in my dad’s clubhouse apartment, listening to the parties and the fights. Sometimes my dad would be so drunk he’d bring a woman into the room with me right there on the bed. Drunk or maybe he just didn’t give a shit, I vowed I’d never let my kids be a part of that kind of life.

  Me and the guys patched into the Warrior of the Gods at eighteen, a formality for me since I planned on school, football, and a life away and never returning to Plantain. But clearly the war changed all that, and here I am. Ivan and the other head guys haven’t been calling on us much since we’ve been back, giving us some time to readjust. They’d all been in the second world war and knew what we’d been through. Ivan, Owen’s dad was a father figure to me, so was Gustaf, Joseph’s dad. They watched over me, took me into their homes and accepted me as one of their sons. I’ll never forget that, and what they’ve done for me. I hope to one day extend the same courtesy and guidance to someone in my life.

  Memories take over as we pull up the long driveway leading to the clubhouse on our bikes. The collision shop is barely running, with little to no business since the reputation of the club is not something civilians tend to willingly involve themselves in. I feel like the grounds are a place to hang out since the members don’t do much but drink, smoke dope, have parties, fuck and listen to music. I know this isn’t the way the founders of the club meant for the Warrior of the Gods to be, but when you have more members willing to be lazy than to make the club work and work for the club, it turns into this. There’s probably twenty guys hanging out around the driveway and outside the main doors to the club where there’s picnic tables set under a tarp tied between two fence posts. They’re all either drunk or high and start cheering us as we shut off our bikes and exchange a look amongst each other. Seeing them like this, seeing the club like this is embarrassing. I shake my head as we pass by and they taunt us, calling us baby bikers and stupid shit like that.

  Even more memories come to my mind as we enter the black interior of the club. There’s more men in here, laying on couches and even on the floor, plus a few slumped against the bar top. I wonder for a minute if my dad’s one of them. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was. We all know that Ivan and the other elders who aren’t passed out will be in the gathering room, so we head there. Sure enough, when Jasper pushes open the door, they’re sitting in rank around the table and look at us as we all enter. We don’t sit. We haven’t done anything for the club so that means we stand. Ivan looks us all over, first his son Owen, then to Joseph, then Jasper, then me. I notice my dad isn’t here and I don’t know how I feel about that.

  “Boys,” Ivan barks. “It’s time. The time has come for you to fulfill your duty to the club.”

  We all nod because we knew that’s why we were called here. Ivan leans closer on the table and we all stare at him. Ivan has the ability to suck you in with his eyes, to make sure he’s the only person you’re focused on. Just then the door flies open and bangs against the wall and we all watch my dad enter the room, drunk and looking half-dead. His sunglasses are still on as he stumbles his way over to his vacant chair beside Ivan. I knew he wouldn’t miss this.

  “As you can see, the club members as of late have gotten lazy. We need young, smart, no bullshit guys on a job. There will be preparation, at least a month before it’s time, so I need you to be here every day to gather-”

  “I can’t commit to that,” I interrupt, then raise a hand in apology toward Ivan. Meaning no disrespect to which he nods. “I’m trying to get back into school, should know later today for sure.”

  Ivan nods again.

  “And coming every day, are we going to get paid for that?”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I notice my friends turn to look at me. The leaders exchanging looks before me.

  “We’re going to miss potential legit jobs for this-”

  “You get paid at the end,” dad states. “Potential of a fifty-thousand-dollar gain.”

  “Split between us, the ones doing the job, and those pathetic sacks out there-”

  “Those are your brothers,” dad booms.

  “These are my brothers,” I say, tilting my head toward my friends beside me. “They’ll have my back. Those guys, won’t. I understand this is a family and a brotherhood, but I’m not risking my life for those wastes out there.”

  “You’re the waste!” dad rages, standing as he pounds his fist on the table.

  Ivan raises his hand, taking a long, deep breath before nodding slightly.

  “I understand where you’re coming from, and I see what you’re saying. The club has fallen on hard times, gotten lazy. I agree with you on that. But this is a family, and that means that even though we go through things, your brother never lets you go completely. Maybe when you get older, you’ll understand that sometimes having someone’s back is more than physical.”

  I nod, and I understand what he means but it still doesn’t change how I feel. Ivan asks the others if they’re willing to begin on the job and they all say yes.

  “Come back tomorrow once you’ve made your decision,” Ivan tells me and I give him a curt nod as we exit from the room.

  “Jesus, Sven. I can’t believe you did that?” Jasper says as we walk out to our bikes.

  “I’m not committing to something for these fucking losers,” I say looking out at the expanse of men wasting space.

  “Still shouldn’t have said all that,” Jasper adds.

  “Why? You mean to tell me that you guys are proud to be a part of this?” I ask, looking between three sets of eyes as the sun blazing down on us adds to my temper. “Maybe when we were kids and I looked up to these guys, But now…fuck, man. I don’t even want people to know I’m a member,” I shake my head.

  “We all understand what you’re saying. It fucking sucks, especially now being home, we all are grateful for every day. But we’re patched in. Ivan asked us to do this…it’s disrespectful not to do it.” Joseph says.

  “I need to get my life in gear. I’m happy being home, being back here. But I need to make my life more about living it than skating through.”

  Joseph and Owen nod, while Jasper shakes his head.

  “I don’t think that’s a good move, brother,” he tells me.

  “Well I don’t give a fuck what you think, brother.”

  Jasper huffs and gets on his bike, and we watch as he leaves us.

  “So, Faye’s been working at the police station huh?” Owen asks, after Jasper’s bike engine fades, and I have a feeling I know where this is going.

  “Yeah.”

  “For Milton?” he nods in confirmation.

  “Owen,” I sigh.

  “Just ask her. I mean, she might know Jill. If she’s cool with her then maybe we can all go on a double date,” he suggests.

  “Owen, Milton won’t ever let you date his sister.”

  “Yeah, but, maybe he won’t find out,” he shrugs. Joseph and I laugh as we shake our heads.

  “You busy tonight?” Joseph asks, smacking the back of his hand against my abdomen.

  “Not sure yet. Sweetie asked if we could get ice cream tonight.”

  Joseph smiles and shakes his head a little. “You’re really giving this a go, wanting this to work with Faye, huh?” he asks, already knowing I do.

  “I can’t explain it. It’s like, part of my life was missing but I didn’t even know it until those two came along.” I shrug. “Just seeing where it’s going.”

  Joseph nods. “Hope your call to the school goes well. Let me know if you wanna grab a beer later.”

  We all hea
d our separate ways. Since it’s still early in the day, Missy’s working at the police station and Sweetie’s at school. I head home to make that phone call, continuing to prepare myself mentally for the possible outcome.

  An hour later and I feel defeated. The dean told me I can come back, but not with the scholarship. That he’s taken my grades into consideration, and the circumstances under which I left school. That if I’m able to pay my way, that I can re-enroll. I sit at the kitchen table, thinking. I saw red the instant I was told my options and was unable to calm myself before ripping the phone off the wall and smashing it.

  I can’t pay for school without working with the club. My two destinies have collided, two lives I always viewed as two separate entities, are now one in the same. I need one for the other. If Missy stays with me and I help raise Sweetie, I won’t raise her in this life. I need to get back into school.

  I also inquired about housing for married couples and was assured I could sign up for that and would have no problem getting a place on campus. I could take them with me and we could start a new life anywhere we wanted.

  On my way back to the clubhouse, I use a pay phone to call Missy and ask if she wants to meet at the ice cream place after work. I have to talk to her about my plans, what I know I’m about to agree to about my involvement with the MC. She tells me she’ll meet me and Sweetie there and just hearing her voice, calms my anxiety.

  Instead of rotting outside in the setting sun, most of the men have moved inside and the party has begun. I don’t know for sure if Ivan will be here, but I walk through the members standing around while a Three Dog Night song plays loudly over the speakers. The gathering room door is closed and I knock on it before entering. Ivan is standing by the window alone and he turns to face me as I close the door behind me.

  “Sven,” he states, turning to receive me.

  I stand beside him and lower my head a little.