A Perfect Snow

by Nora Martin

  Jason Johnson, standing in line next to us, saw her and said, “Mmm, tight.”

  I didn’t answer. Maybe I had to sit in a small room with him but I didn’t have to talk to him.

  All morning Jason had tried making conversation. He was still trying. “Great game last week, huh?”

  I scowled at him.

  “Look, Campbell,” he said. “I’m sorry I punched your brother. But every day in history class the punk keeps kicking the back of my chair, no matter how often I tell him to cut it out. Then yesterday, when we’re walking out of class, he sneers, ‘Your chair’s got the shakes, or are you playing with yourself?’ So I smacked him.”

  I knew that was just the kind of thing David would do. But I wasn’t going to give Johnson the satisfaction of knowing I agreed with him. So I stayed silent and Johnson gave it up.

  When Johnson finally quit trying to talk to me, I had plenty of time to think about Eden. Her face and voice grew in my mind until she seemed to float there all the time.

  After school David and I were headed for the truck when I noticed Chuck at the far end of the parking lot by his car. There were several other kids with him.

  “David, wait for me in the truck. I want to talk with Chuck over there.”

  “What about me? Why do I have to wait in the truck?”

  “Come on, David,” I said. “I’ll make it up to you somehow.” Wasn’t I always doing things for my brother? I had just saved him from RETCH Jason Johnson, after all.

  Reluctantly David walked on and I went over to Chuck.

  “Campbell,” Chuck called as I approached. He stepped away from the group he was with. Then he gripped my arm, grinning. “I looked for you this morning. Travis and I took a drive past our little job to see how it turned out.”

  “Detention,” I explained.

  “Wish you could have been there,” he went on. “Cops all over the place. And some pitiful scrawny kike in a suit trying to scrub the walls. It was great.”

  “What about the car?” I asked him. I felt the excitement in my throat.

  “A black shell.”

  “I want to do it again,” I said.

  “Sure,” Chuck assured me.

  But his answer wasn’t enough. “When?”

  “Hang on,” he said. “You got to stay quiet for a few days. Let the newspaper cover this one. Do too much and each job won’t get the attention it deserves.”

  I noticed David giving me impatient looks from the truck. Chuck followed my gaze and said, “I’ll be talking to you.” And then he was gone, melting into his group.

  I was left standing alone. This new hunger cramped at my insides. I wanted the previous night’s feeling of power again, soon.

  Chapter Four

  Metal

  Thanksgiving came and went. For more than two weeks I waited for Chuck to give me news from Lonn. I saw him several times after school and at the meetings. But nothing was said about burning the car or when we would go again.

  “You have to understand, Campbell,” Chuck explained. “Let everybody stew about it awhile. Then when the fuss is about to die down, bam, we do it again.”

  “Yeah, I get it,” I told him. But it didn’t quiet the urge to feel that power again.

  I hung on until the next Friday. That was the day I saw Eden in the library. I had gone in to pick up a computer printout for the English teacher. Eden was in there sitting around a table with a couple of girls that I hadn’t seen her with before. I knew the blond girl next to her from math. Her name was Jill. She seemed the type to hang out with a RETCH like Jason Johnson.

  “Hello, Lady Eden.” I walked past and Eden waved. I almost stopped to talk more but Jill elbowed Eden and leaned over to her, whispering. Her eyes skimmed over my body. I could feel it. Standing at the counter, I asked the librarian for the printout. I kept my back to the girls but could still feel their looks. It was like being back in Prairie Springs, when girls admired me all the time.

  “It’s yummy from this angle,” Jill said loud enough for me to hear. “But it was better when he still wore those butt-tight cowboy jeans.”

  “Jill!” Eden gave a shocked laugh.

  The librarian took her time finding the papers and so I leaned on the counter and ventured a look over to the table. I thought this might turn out to be fun. Jill’s hungry looks made me tingle and feel every inch of my body. I saw Eden blushing as Jill whispered to her again.

  Eden said, “I met him a couple weeks ago.”

  Then suddenly Jill’s voice rose intentionally. “He’s the one who got in a fight with Jason.” Her tone took on a cold edge but she was still giving me that hungry look.

  “He seems nice,” Eden said. But it was almost a question.

  “Nice to see, but not to be seen with,” Jill said.

  The bitch! Then I knew what was really happening. She had me pinned. That girl had turned me on and was now deliberately cutting me open. Staring at me, she continued, barely bothering to whisper. “Trashy. Lives in some dump of a trailer.”

  Eden’s face was bright red and she wouldn’t look at me.

  “Girl, you don’t want to go out in a pickup that stinks like cow crap!” Jill concluded.

  I wanted to close her ugly mouth with my fist. When the librarian finally handed me the printout I grabbed it from her. Jill smiled as she watched me turn red and fumble in my anger. And I couldn’t think of a thing to say. I just walked out cursing Jill, cursing Eden for turning out to be another RETCH and cursing myself for not saying anything to them.

  I was headed back to English class when Eden came up behind me. “Ben, wait.”

  I stopped but couldn’t face her. She put her hand on my arm and for a second I didn’t know whether I was going to take a punch at her or start crying. It was such a rush of different feelings. I tried to suck everything deep inside, like taking a huge breath of freezing air.

  “I’m sorry about what Jill said. She isn’t usually mean,” Eden explained.

  When I felt I had my face fixed into a don’t-care look I turned to her. “That kind of mean takes practice,” I said. “She gets an A-plus in Rich Bitch class.”

  “I guess she is a snob,” Eden said. “But I’ve only been here since school started. I made friends with whoever let me. It’s not easy being new.”

  “At least people let you make friends with them,” I snapped.

  “I don’t care what she said about you.”

  “You’d better care,” I said. “Friends like that can make life hell for you if you cross them.” She looked embarrassed again. I didn’t wait around to hear any more lame excuses. I could see what was going on. She wouldn’t be wasting time talking to me in the future.

  After school I was still fuming. It was like being hungry for hours and not getting any food. My stomach cramped and ached. I couldn’t sit still or rid my mind of that scene in the library. I had to do something, anything, to get it out of me.

  In the parking lot I saw Chuck sitting on the hood of his car. “Hey, Campbell.” He beckoned me over. “Lonn wants us. It’s time to make ourselves seen again.”

  Hot damn! This could be what I needed. I didn’t want Chuck to see I was so excited. “Sounds good.”

  Then my brother joined us. “What’s up?”

  I didn’t know what Chuck’s reaction to David would be. In the past he had ignored him. But that day I was surprised when Chuck said with friendliness, “We’re cooking up some plans for tonight.”

  I saw David hesitate. Neither of us knew if this was an invitation or not.

  Chuck turned to me. “Why don’t you bring your brother, Campbell.”

  I shrugged and said, “Sure.”

  “Eight o’clock at Lonn’s.” Chuck drove off.

  In the truck David’s eyes were shining. “So what are we doing tonight? Is there a game on TV?”

  “I don’t know what we’ll do,” I answered truthfully. But I knew it wouldn’t be watching TV. I had to wonder if David was up for what Chuck r
eally had in mind.

  As we pulled into the driveway I saw a little Toyota parked in front. “Aunt Jana’s here,” I said.

  “At the same time as Dad?” David pointed to the other truck. “I wonder if the blood is flowing yet.”

  Aunt Jana is our mom’s sister. She’s lived in Lodgette ever since she got her nursing degree. Now she works at the hospital. She kind of likes rubbing it in that she was the first and only person in the family to get a college degree. She had always bugged Dad, but since he lost his job he couldn’t stand her.

  “Hey!” Aunt Jana greeted us as we came in the door. She was leaning on the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee in her hands.

  “Hi, Aunt Jana,” I returned. I looked around for Dad. He was sitting in his chair. He didn’t turn around.

  “What do you boys say to Christmas dinner at my house in town?” Aunt Jana asked. My aunt’s face looked a lot like my mom’s, but Aunt Jana was more outspoken. She didn’t hesitate to say exactly what she was thinking. When she talked to my dad he never knew if she was kidding or really giving him a hard time. But he wasn’t quick enough to tease her back, so he just got mad.

  Dad grumbled something that I couldn’t hear.

  “Yeah, we hear you over there,” Aunt Jana said to Dad. “You have to get out of that chair sometime. It might as well be to eat at my house.”

  My mom gave the back of Dad’s head a sad look and said, “That would be nice, Jana, thanks.”

  “Maybe we can even get the folks out from Miles City. Besides, you couldn’t fit a turkey into this place,” Aunt Jana said, looking around the trailer.

  After Aunt Jana left, Dad started in. “That woman should watch her tongue. No wonder she can’t get a man to marry her.”

  When David and I arrived at the auto shop the lights were off. Out in the cold night, Lonn was talking with Chuck and Travis. They stood in a huddle with hands in their pockets and bounced as they talked, rocking toe to heel as if trying to push the cold away. When we pulled up Lonn headed for his truck.

  Chuck came to my window. “You guys ready for a little fun?”

  Like a young puppy, David chimed in, “Absolutely.”

  He didn’t have a clue what we were going to do but he was almost jumping up and down on the seat. I could see Chuck giving him an annoyed look.

  “Why don’t you guys come in my car,” Chuck suggested.

  We drove toward town. Looking out the window, I caught sight of a street sign glowing in the headlights. Lancy Road. I thought of Eden and wondered what she was doing. It made all the anger at her and Jill come surging back through me like a wave.

  To take my mind off it I asked, “Where are we going?”

  Travis twisted around to us. “Several tasty spots have been suggested.”

  “Jew hunting,” Chuck said. “Always an open season.”

  David gave me a questioning glance. I ignored it. I wasn’t going to let my little brother spoil the action.

  Travis handed back a six-pack and I took a beer before passing it to David. He gave me another one of those looks.

  “Come on, David,” I said. “You’re going to have to do it sometime. All the guys drink after the football games.”

  Chuck suddenly laughed and said to David, “Still the little kid, huh?” That got David mad. He flipped the can open and started gulping. After a few minutes he started on a second one.

  A few blocks from the center of town Chuck parked the car where bare-branched trees hid us. He pointed to one of the houses. It was completely dark. I knew no one lived in it.

  “It’s the Jew church,” Chuck said. “We need to leave them a little message.” He opened the trunk and took out the cans of spray paint.

  “Like the other night?” I asked hopefully. But there wasn’t a car close enough to set on fire.

  “Not exactly,” he answered. “First we write our message and then we’ll give you the special calling card.”

  “But we have to be quick,” Travis said. “Too many houses here to hang around for long.”

  I turned to the car. “Hey, David, you coming?”

  “Yeah,” David mumbled as he pulled himself out of the backseat. But he just kind of stood there not moving. He looked like one of those toy blow-up punching bags, the kind you hit and they bounce back up. No wonder Jason Johnson punched him. Chuck and Travis exchanged exasperated looks.

  My brother was a constant embarrassment. “I told you to go easy on the beers, David,” I said.

  He groaned and let his body fall back across the seat of Chuck’s car. “I feel dizzy.”

  “Never mind.” Chuck handed me a can of paint. “He’s extra baggage anyway.”

  Before closing the trunk, Chuck took out a .22 rifle, the kind David and I learned to shoot with when we were kids, back at the ranch. “This speaks louder than words,” he said, handing me the gun.

  The metal barrel was freezing cold from being in the trunk. I couldn’t hold it in my bare hands so I pulled the sleeves of my jacket down to grip it.

  “Let’s hurry,” Travis said. He started across the street toward the house.

  “And stick together.” Chuck looked right at me.

  Chuck and Travis painted Nazi swastikas and Kill Kikes in large dripping orange letters across the front of the house. Then they turned to me. “Let her rip, Campbell,” Chuck said.

  I felt the rifle in my hands and it was the same sense of power I’d had when I threw the match onto the car. Even better. I opened fire and felt the exploding power of each bullet as it left the gun. No one could be stronger than I was at that moment. My fingers pulsed and I felt the heat spread through my body. The hot metal shells struck the building with a quiet shattering of wood and the sharp crash of glass. I got off five shots before a light came on a few houses away.

  Chuck elbowed me as a signal. As we ran to the car I felt my legs surge with strength. I could have run for miles and miles without even feeling it. Chuck was already pulling away from the curb as I pushed David’s sagging body farther into the car and slammed the door.

  A few blocks away Chuck announced, “Gentlemen, that was perfect.”

  “Yes!” I cried, and slammed the back of the seat with my fist, trying to express more of the release. It was like a flash flood racing over the surface of my skin.

  “So, Campbell,” Travis said, laughing, “you like the gun?”

  I nodded.

  Chapter Five

  Weight

  We drove around for about a half hour longer, drinking and shouting out the excitement we all felt. Everyone except David. He sat quietly staring at his knees. But my feelings of strength started fading too soon. No matter how hard I tried to stay pumped up, I couldn’t. And as it all slipped away like a slow leak in a tire, I found, underneath, that I was still mad. So when David said, “I think we should go home,” I lit into him.

  “You piss-ass,” I said.

  Chuck interrupted me. “We’re not done yet.”

  “No way!” Travis added. “There is more fun to be had.”

  My brother sulked as I whispered, “Come on, David. This is what you’ve been wanting, isn’t it? You gotta stand up for yourself for once. Fight instead of sneaking kicks at the back of other guys’ chairs.”

  I could see David puff out in shock at what I knew. “Screw you, Ben,” he growled at me. “I didn’t do anything to Johnson.”

  I wanted to egg him on more. I thought it would make him tough. Chuck handed him another beer, which I didn’t think was such a good idea. But he said, “Come on, Dave. Lonn said he wanted you to be with us tonight.”

  I looked at Chuck in surprise and he nodded at me. I tried to go along with it. “Yeah, we don’t want Lonn to be disappointed. Not when he’s helping Dad out.” I said it even though the words sounded hollow and meaningless in my mouth. But David was giving in. He was always trying to please Dad, even though he could never quite get the knack of it.

  We drove into the nice neighborhoods that were on the
outskirts of town. Finally Chuck pulled over and turned off the engine. Everyone spent a moment in silence. Then Chuck pointed to a white house four doors down from where we were parked. “You know who lives there?” He grinned.

  “Nope,” I said.

  “Faggot Trenton Biggs,” Chuck and Travis almost said together.

  “Who’s that?” David asked.

  “He goes to your school,” Chuck said.

  “How do you know he’s queer?” I asked. I knew who they were talking about. A tall quiet guy with wispy hair that was almost white. He never said much and hung around mostly with girls.

  “The guy has it written all over him. He wiggles his butt like a girl, he talks like a girl and he wants to be a girl,” Chuck said.

  “He wants into guys’ pants,” Travis added.

  “I’ve seen him around,” David said.

  “But what’s he got to do with anything even if he is a fag?” I questioned.

  “He’s just another kind we don’t want around here. Who knows what he’s doing—or who he’s doing,” Travis said, laughing.

  The street was well lit, so we left the car a good block away, under some spruce trees that shaded it from view. Cutting through the yards, Chuck warned us to stay quiet. As we neared the Biggses’ house we ducked back behind a row of bushes. I could see there were lights on inside. Most of the curtains were drawn shut except for over a large picture window in the living room.

  Chuck reached down and dug around in the snow until he found a rock. Travis threw his beer can on the ground and started digging too. He handed a large stone to David and one to me.

  I gripped the rock. It fit well in my hand. I knew this stone could absorb all the energy that ached inside me. I thought about Eden and Jill in the library, about all the crap I had to listen to from people like them. In his big house Trenton Biggs was just as bad as any RETCH.

  Chuck and Travis were whispering to David. “Send that rock to hell, boy! Throw it!”

  David just stared at the rock in his hand.

  “For once in your life, David, don’t be a wimp,” I said. “Remember RETCH Johnson.” As he looked up at me I pulled back and threw my rock. Chuck and Travis followed my action. Finally David did as well.