Crocus

by Amy Lane

  “Yes, Larx, the Escort is outside.” Yoshi rolled his eyes to let Larx know his fear for his life wasn’t appreciated in the least.

  “We need to go get Kirby,” Larx said, very aware of Tane making the hand-off behind him and hoping all the other activity in the room masked the sound of the cellophane. “And settle Jaime with Christi and Kellan.” Larx closed his eyes and tried not to think of Aaron, alone in the hospital while he was triaged and assessed for surgery with nobody there for him. “And we need social services for Candace Furman—”

  Eamon shook his head. “Sorry, Larx. We couldn’t find her. I know you’ve got other things on your mind, but it’s dumped about four inches of snow in the last half hour. Whatever tracks she left—”

  “She’s not a very big girl,” Larx muttered, voice dead in his chest.

  “Yeah—they’re covered by now. We’re going to have to get dogs up here and conduct a house-to-house looking for her. You need to get on your way.”

  Larx closed his eyes. “On his way” meant getting closer to Aaron, and that was the one place he wanted to be.

  “Yeah,” he croaked through a dry throat. “Can Jaime pack a bag?”

  “He did that while you were calming his brother down,” Eamon said softly. “And I think Tane has given him whatever he was going to give him, so you can go now.”

  Tane tugged on Larx’s pant leg, so Larx knew that was true.

  “Let’s go,” he said, turning toward Tane and Berto first. “I’ll send him home after he’s dropped me off—”

  Tane shook his head and rolled his eyes. “He can crash at your place. You’ll have kids to deal with. He’s good with ’em. Right, Berto?”

  Berto gave a smile that only wobbled a little. “Jaime adores him,” he said dreamily.

  “All righty then,” Larx murmured. “You ready, Jaime?”

  Jaime dropped to his knees and pulled Berto into a hard, fierce hug. Larx didn’t hear what they said—if anything—but he was left in not the slightest bit of doubt that these kids clung to each other in love.

  Berto was the one who turned away, looking at Larx in mute appeal. “Take him… I… I can’t….”

  Larx reached for the young man’s shoulder as he stood, devastated, and took a deep breath. “Eamon, we’ve got to go,” he said, voice shaky. “Aaron’s SUV got… uh… decommissioned—you may need to have it towed.”

  Eamon tilted his head, an expression of outrage on his face. “You were in that thing when it happened?”

  Larx shuddered, numb to it now. It had been terrifying, right up until Eamon had told him Aaron was down.

  “Not for long,” he said. “Yoshi—the Escort?”

  “We can have someone run you over in a unit,” Eamon told him gently. “Yoshi’s Escort—”

  “Won’t have flashing lights and a strange officer to tell Kirby his dad is hurt,” Larx said brutally. “We’ve got to go—now—and I need to tell my kids.” He felt it pushing at him. Kirby’s fear, the thing he’d had to live with. Christiana and Kellan, who hadn’t done this before, who might be strangers to the kind of strength they would need.

  Eamon nodded slowly. “I’ll see you at the hospital, Larx—”

  Larx shook his head. “Tell me when you find Candace?”

  Eamon’s grimace spoke volumes. He was the man in charge—and for a moment, he’d forgotten too. “I’ll keep you apprised,” he said shortly. “You do the same. He’s my boy too.”

  Deep breath. Nod. Deep breath. Step. It was how Larx made it to the SUV to pull out the snow gear for Jaime. He handed the boy the parka, which he put on wordlessly as they trudged to Yoshi’s small car, looking forlorn in the snow. Jaime crawled into the back and burrowed into the jacket.

  “So are you going to be there, Mr. Larkin?” Jaime asked, voice shaking. “You said you were going to the hospital—”

  “I’ll stay at the house,” Yoshi said as he started his crawl through the deepening drifts of snow. He had good tires—and heavy chains—and Larx knew he didn’t take snow lightly. In the back of his mind, Larx wondered when he’d realized he loved Tane enough to move to a place with snow.

  “Really?” Jaime asked, his voice full of wonder. “You know Mr. Larkin’s house?”

  Larx had to laugh. “Mr. Nakamoto is my bestie,” he said fondly. “The dog loves him almost as much as it loves Aaron…. Deputy George—”

  “Aaron,” Jaime said softly. “I hope he’s okay. Berto looked….” He started to wobble. “He looked really bad, Mr. Larkin. I’m glad he had a friend there to take over, but… but I really miss my brother.”

  Larx pulled in a deep breath and tried to remember the things he’d told Aaron back when he’d been hurt. “I know you do. You guys have a lot of love between you. You’ll feel that at our house. And someone will stay with you—Mr. Nakamoto, yes, but Christiana and Kellan may too. We’ll switch off, I’m sure.” Larx thought restlessly about how long it would take to get through triage and be X-rayed and whether or not he’d have a chance to see Aaron before surgery. “I… my other daughter is staying at the hospital with a friend. Don’t worry. The house will have people.

  “I should call his daughters,” Larx mumbled, and then, “No. No. Tiff still hates me. She’ll need to hear it from Kirby. We’ll see how surgery goes. Fuck. I wish she didn’t hate me.” He’d been okay with it during Christmas—he’d figured, hell, four out of five was damned good odds, and he was going to take Maureen and Kirby’s affection and call it a win. But Aaron was hurt, and he’d want to talk to his kids, and it would be really rockin’ if his daughter didn’t make that horrible. Please, let her make it not worse than it is.

  “Larx,” Yoshi said sharply, and Larx wondered how long he’d been sitting, eyes closed, mumbling about Aaron’s oldest daughter and her unreasoning hatred. “Larx, we’re here.”

  Larx opened his eyes and turned to Jaime as they got out. “You and Yoshi get the couch,” he said with a small smile. “Hope you brought PJs.” Then, “Fuck, Yosh—we were going to give Berto boots, and I just brought the bag with me, and you’re going to have to have Tane come and get them and—”

  “Larx!”

  Larx’s head snapped back like Yoshi had slapped him.

  “Look, Larx, I know you’re trying to hold it together here, but I’m going to give you a little hint. You can’t do it if you hold everything. You got me and Jaime here. Achievement unlocked. Now go talk to your kids, and we’ll figure shit out from there. He’s going to be all right, okay? He’s got to be, because I can’t believe otherwise and neither can you. So go in there and deal with your family, and we’ll get Berto his snow boots some other time.”

  Larx smiled faintly. “You’re good at this, Yosh. You should have had kids.”

  “Why would I want kids when I get to raise you? Now go. Be a grown-up. We’ll be right behind you.”

  Larx had enough presence of mind to calm the dog down as he opened the door. Dozer, used to Aaron getting late-night calls sometimes, was well-behaved when he greeted the strangers. Jaime, exhausted and scared and sad, pretty much sat down just inside the entryway and wrapped his arms around Dozer’s neck and took the ever-present tongue full in the face.

  Well, therapy was cheap and easy if you didn’t mind walking it in the snow to poop.

  Larx’s house was so familiar that his feet made his way to Kirby’s room before his mind knew what he was doing. But then he got there, and all the lessons of the past year hit him, and he realized they needed to do this thing as a group or not at all.

  He knocked on all the doors in turn. “Guys. Guys, I need you up. Come out into the hall, family meeting. It’s important.”

  He wasn’t sure what he was expecting—grudging teenagers, irritated frumpiness, clueless innocence—but all three of these children had known loss and fear.

  None of them took a full night’s sleep for granted.

  They gathered around him, rubbing sleep out of their eyes and staring at him, sober and attentive.
Christi had haunting dark eyes and dark hair like Larx’s late sister, and Kirby looked like his mother, with pale brown eyes and pretty oval of a face, but with hair a little blonder. Kellan was smaller than they were but with broad shoulders and hazel eyes—together, they made his heart swell.

  His kids.

  His family.

  “Guys,” he said, keeping his voice steady, “Aaron is going to be okay, but there was an incident, and he’s in the hospital right now. I’m going to take Kirby with me, and you two can come too if you want—”

  “Of course we want,” Christi said, lower lip wobbling. “Aaron? He’s going to be okay?”

  Larx nodded, strengthened because he needed to reassure her. “He was wearing his Kevlar, but he took one at close range. Nothing penetrated, but—”

  “Broken ribs,” Kirby said, his voice mechanical. “Possible punctured lungs and internal bruising or maybe bleeding. He may need surgery.”

  “He’s probably in surgery already,” Larx said, stomach knotting with the worry, with the hurry he’d put on hold so he could be everybody else’s grown-up.

  Kirby blinked as though coming out of a trance. “You’ll be there, right, Larx?”

  Larx wrapped his arms around the boy’s shoulders and pulled him in like he would Christi. “Course. Wouldn’t be anywhere else. Go get dressed in a minute, but first.” He turned to the others. “Guys, there’s a boy downstairs. Yoshi’s with him, so if you decide to come with us to see Aaron, he’ll be okay. But his brother saw the whole thing, and his brother’s not okay. Berto’s with Tane, trying to calm down, but Jaime’s had sort of a crappy night. Even if you come with me, you need to say something nice to him. Welcoming, okay?”

  “He can sleep in my room,” Kellan said quietly. “I’ll get dressed and show him where it is. He can borrow my clothes too—I know him. He’ll be okay with me.”

  Larx ruffled his hair and then pulled him into a hug. “You’re so awesome. Do that. We’ll meet downstairs in five. I want to get there when they know about surgery.”

  Kirby reluctantly disengaged from the hug, and Christiana rushed in. “Daddy?” she said, lip still wobbling. “Daddy, he is going to be okay, right?”

  Larx nodded. “Yeah, baby. He’s got to be. Look at us. I mean, you and me thought we were doing fine, but look how much we needed an Aaron in our lives, right?”

  She nodded back, her chin crumpling. “I’ll go get dressed and show Jaime where the cat food is and tell him about the chickens. Is he going to school tomorrow?”

  Larx shook his head. “No. And we all might not either. Olivia’s got your car, so you guys can come back after we know for sure what’s going on.”

  Christi’s usually open expression grew irritated. “Is she going to be happier now that her boyfriend is here?”

  Larx sighed. “No. I think… I think she’s been really sad for a long time, hon. I think the boy might help, but there’s going to be a lot more to go.”

  Christi let out a grunt. “Well, I hope she can get her shit together, Dad. I mean… I’m always glad to see her, but she’s starting to piss me off.”

  Larx let out a little bit of a laugh. “You sound like Lila,” he said softly, remembering when his late sister used to give him a good kick in the ass. “It means you love your sister very much. Don’t change.”

  LARX TOOK five minutes in his room finding Aaron’s favorite sleep pants and old T-shirt, so he wouldn’t be forced to wear the hospital pajamas, and then rooting around for the paperback he’d been reading before he fell asleep on the nights he didn’t just crash.

  As he was lying across the bed, trying to weasel the book out from between the end table and the frame, he inhaled the smell of the two of them: Aaron’s aftershave, his deodorant, the smell of their lovemaking earlier that night.

  “Goddammit,” he murmured. “Goddammit, George. You had better fucking be okay.” With a heave and an “Aha!” he loosened the book and fished it out from the tiny space between the bed and the wall.

  He scrambled up, made a small bundle of the pajamas and the underwear and the book, and ran downstairs, where his children hadn’t disappointed him in the least.

  They were all dressed and pulling on snow boots and grabbing jackets—and giving Jaime last-minute instructions on how to live in their home like family.

  “Here,” Christi said, hopping on one foot as she finished getting her boot on. “I’ll show you where all the pet food is. We should be here in the morning, but if we’re not, the big fat furry floofy things are going to be all over you, and Uncle Yoshi hates cats, so you’re going to have to save him.”

  “I do not hate them,” Yoshi complained good-naturedly. “They just want to kill me.”

  “They love you, Yoshi,” Kirby told him. “They love you so much they want to sleep on your face!”

  “True story,” Yoshi said to Jaime. “Go with her. They’ve got stupid mash-eating birds outside that need instructions too.”

  “Here’s sleeping bags and stuff,” Kellan said, coming out of the laundry room with his arms loaded. “I’ll make up your bed, but Jaime can sleep in my room. The cats come in sometimes, and he might need them.”

  “Go show him where the room is,” Larx said gently, “but don’t be too hurt if he wants to sleep in here with someone familiar.”

  Kellan nodded and went trotting off, and Yoshi stopped smiling. “Don’t worry. They all welcomed him—tomorrow won’t be too bad.”

  “Someone should be home before you have to leave for school—”

  Yoshi gave a humorless shake of his head. “Didn’t you check your phone? Tomorrow’s a snow day—the text went out right before you called me.”

  Larx squeezed his eyes shut really tight. “Right before I called you I was watching… uhm… EMTs…” work on Aaron and hustle him off into the night.

  “Doh.” Yoshi scowled. “I’m as tactless as the damned kids,” he complained. “So, snow day. We don’t have to worry about anything except—”

  “Except Candace Furman wandering around in a fucking blizzard,” Larx said grimly, because while Aaron was sucking up most of his functionality, the part of him that worked for kids was not on complete hold. “Let me….” His voice threatened to break. “Let me see to my family, and then you and me and Eamon will have a talk if they haven’t found her by then.”

  Yoshi groaned. “God—Larx, she’s out tonight? It’s freezing out there!”

  “She was dressed in snow gear,” Larx told him. “And even more—I think it was survival gear. Like Red Cross or something. In fact….” He looked over toward the sliding glass door, where Christi, Kellan, and Jaime were all herding through. “In fact, if you get a chance to talk to Jaime, see if you can get some info from him about where she might be going, what specifically she was wearing, anything she said. Anything we can give Eamon to help find her—she was running, Yosh. Not sure if she’d planned it or if the school intervention tipped her off, but she was getting the fuck out of Dodge.”

  Yoshi nodded. “We’ve got to find her,” he agreed. “But first…?”

  “Way ahead of you,” Larx muttered. Then he raised his voice. “Kids, I’m going out to warm up the car. Get your asses in gear, okay?”

  Christi burst in through the sliding glass door just as Kirby finished with his impossibly complicated lace-ups.

  “Jaime?” Larx called the kid over and put his hands on the boy’s slight shoulders. “Jaime, you’re welcome here. Don’t worry if you forget to feed somebody. Yoshi knows the routine. Someone will be here in the morning, and there’s plenty of food, so make yourself at home. As soon as Yoshi knows something about Berto, he’ll tell you. But I need you to feel safe here, okay? Nobody here will be mad at you if you break a dish or track mud in on the floor. The sheriff knows our house and stops in frequently, so if you see lights, don’t freak out. You can stay here as long as you need to while your house is getting fixed up and Berto is calming down. So relax. Sleep if you can—anywhere you want, bed
room or living room. Yoshi is comfortable here—he’s your friend too. Are we good?”

  Jaime nodded and gave Larx a hug because apparently Larx invited that. “Thanks, Mr. Larkin,” he said hoarsely. “Go be with your family. You’ve been a good friend to me and Berto tonight.”

  And like that was the blessing he needed, Larx finally made it out the door.

  THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR BRAIN

  LARX HAD conveniently forgotten about the drive to the hospital in the middle of the blizzard with the kids in the minivan offering commentary.

  If he was lucky, by the time he actually hit fifty he would block that moment of time out, because he was pretty sure he aged at least two years while the car was in slow, torturous, slippery-slidey motion.

  When they arrived, the kids didn’t exactly fall to their knees and kiss the earth, but—as Kirby said sourly—that was only because the earth was covered with snow.

  But the bitching about the drive helped channel their anxiety as they spilled into the hospital and made their way to the waiting room. The nurse brought them right in behind the doors to the waiting room for surgery, and Larx tried to keep his heart out of his throat and in his chest where it belonged. They were greeted immediately by a practical nurse, who informed them that yes, Aaron was in surgery, and then told them soberly that he should be out within the hour.

  “Trauma surgery goes pretty fast,” she said. “The body’s not ready to be shut down like that so we mostly go in, tie things off, and go.”

  Larx tried not to laugh hysterically. You’d like to think being a surgeon was one of those things that didn’t come with a hurry-do-your-best caveat, but apparently the world really was in the hands of people just like him.

  He and the kids huddled in a corner, quietly. Kirby, to his relief, leaned his head on Larx’s shoulder while Kellan held his hand, and Christiana sat on Larx’s other side.