Accidentally Hitched: An Accidental Marriage Romance

by Sullivan, Piper

“Well, you watch while I make progress because my guess is that we have just a few min-”

  “Daddy, where are you?” Norah’s voice echoed in the hall just outside my bedroom.

  “Or less,” Vivi said as she fixed her clothes and stepped back into her panties. “I’ll go out first.”

  “Wait.” She turned to face me, a question burning in her green eyes but no words passed her lips. “Don’t you think we should probably talk about this?”

  Acknowledgement flashed in her eyes. “I don’t.”

  “You don’t?” In my experience, women always wanted to talk. About everything, especially when there were feelings involved and the fact that Vivi didn’t want to talk, told me a lot.

  “No. We’re not involved, right? So no one’s getting hurt. See you out there.”

  We’re not involved. For some reason, hearing Vivi say those words really got under my skin and I didn’t like it one bit. I knew there was something I was missing, but in this moment, my mind and my body were too satisfied to give a damn about anything.

  Vivi

  Aunt Mae had been blowing up my phone for days, but I was locked up tight in my office. Writing. But after three straight days of writing until my eyes burned and my back ached, my first draft was complete. Nearly. Almost. I had a few more chapters to write but they were over outlined and after about a half a day of sleep, I would get back to it.

  But first, I grabbed the tray of dishes from yesterday, mostly from yesterday and tossed them in the dishwasher while I listened to my messages.

  “Viviana, please call me back. It’s Aunt Mae.

  Like I couldn’t recognize that voice in my sleep.

  “Vivi, have I somehow upset you? It’s Aunt Mae. Call me back.”

  I got that feeling in the base of my spine, the same one I had when I was ten years old and came home to an empty house. It wasn’t unusual for Mom to not be home but that day I just knew that something was wrong. And then I found the note. That feeling was one that followed trouble.

  “Viviana, I need to speak with you. Now!”

  And that feeling intensified, so I stopped the message and pressed the call button as I raced up the stairs and headed for the bathroom. I needed to take a shower and Mae wasn’t answering her phone.

  “Mae, call me back! I’m freaking out now thanks to your messages so call me, or better yet I want you to come here. Come and tell me what’s wrong.” I left the phone on the edge of the sink on the off chance she called back while I was in the shower. I rushed through, stepping out less than fifteen minutes later with my heart pounding. We didn’t have much family left but my thoughts immediately went to my dad on his fishing trip. Had there been a tropical storm on his way to whatever European port he was headed for?

  I stepped into a pair of underwear and reached for the first dress in my closet, a plain white t-shirt dress. Perfect since I wasn’t trying to impress anyone. Aunt Mae still hadn’t called so I grabbed my phone and went back to the kitchen, calling her on speaker while I brewed coffee. The phone began to ring while the coffee beans whirred in the grinder. The coffee began to drip and the phone still rang. But then I heard it.

  Another phone ringing.

  “Dammit, Aunt Mae! Where are you?”

  “The dining room, dear. This room is so amazing, I don’t know why you haven’t used it.”

  I stopped in one of two doorways that led into the formal dining room, which was amazing but completely impractical. Scanning the mostly bare room, my gaze landed on Mae first, in a bright orange maxi dress and her face almost completely free of makeup. Then I saw the other guest, Nash, and my heart stopped. “I haven’t used it because I haven’t had any big dinner parties yet.”

  “Right. Well, come on in and have a seat sweetheart, I have something I need to tell you.” Her hangdog expression had my pulse pounding in my throat, the blood rushed through my veins so loud I could barely hear anything around me.

  “Just tell me what’s going on. Is someone hurt, or worse?”

  She frowned like that was the ridiculous question. “Heavens no, baby girl. Your daddy is just fine. I spoke to him this morning.” Aunt Mae cut her words off, something she rarely ever did even if everyone else thought she should. “Everyone else is fine as far as I can tell.”

  “Then what’s with the frantic messages? Do you know what all this cloak and dagger business is about?”

  Nash shrugged, his expression confused and maybe a tad bewildered. “No, he doesn’t know anything yet either. Just have a seat first. Please?”

  I dropped down at the head of the table or maybe it was the foot of the table, all I knew was that there was plenty of distance between me and everyone else in the room. I had a feeling I would need it. “Okay. What’s up, Aunt Mae.”

  She was nervous and fidgeting with the bracelets dangling from her wrists and the rings covering nine of her fingers. “Well the thing is this, see, the thing about spells is that they’re precise. They must be exact in order to achieve the required results, like baking. You remember how long it took me to get the sticky toffee buns right?” Mae shook her head, lost in her own thoughts at the moment. “Anyway, the spell for the ceremony was the prosperity spell, meant to bring good fortune and success into your lives as well as the town.”

  “Okay. What’s the problem then?”

  A deep regretful sigh slowly rushed out of Aunt Mae. “Well, even though prosperity and abundance are the same dang thing, the spells are completely different. Apparently.”

  “And?” I rolled my wrist to urge her to keep talking but I sent a glare at Nash who, for some reason known only to him, decided to sit there like a bump on a log.

  “Well, the abundance spell is meant to bring not financial or social prosperity but rather…personal abundance. Things like love and children. A full, loving life.”

  My shoulders sank in relief. “Oh, thank goodness! You had me really worried for a second, Mae. So your spell is going to turn Nash and me into babe magnets? I can handle that.” I shook my head. “What’s with all the melodrama though, not that I don’t love you for it.”

  Nash still wore an impassive expression and Mae still looked worried.

  I was the only fool laughing and relieved. “What?”

  “The abundance ceremony is meant for couples on their wedding day.”

  “Why do you look so worried, Mae? Nash and I aren’t married so the spell is broken, right?”

  She sighed and stood, circling the large ovular table twice before stopping at the chair that separated me and Nash. Mae wrapped her right hand around Nash’s and her left around mine. “What I’m trying to tell you is that the abundance spell is the marriage ceremony. You and Nash are married.”

  I sucked in a breath as the news sank in and Nash choked on the news. “What? How? That’s not even possible…is it?”

  Mae’s apologetic smile telegraphed exactly how bad she felt about the news she’d just delivered. “That was my thought too. No harm, no foul. But Pastor Sullivan heard the ceremony and figured it was just an oversight on my part so being the good, god fearing man that he is, he filled out the license and pushed it through. For me.” Mae dropped her face in her hands and sighed. “He didn’t think I wanted my sweet girl to have the wrong wedding date.”

  She was so distraught I didn’t have the heart to unleash any of the anger or confusion I felt, on her. It was an oversight and a problem that was easy to correct. “Can’t we just have Pastor Sullivan recall the license as a clerical error? That seems like the best course of action since, though well-intentioned, it was a major overreach.”

  “Viviana!” Mae’s voice was full of reproach.

  “It’s true. He should have, at the very least, asked! Who in the hell just gets someone a marriage license?”

  “Vivi,” she admonished and put her hand over mine, taking the seat between Nash and me. “The good news is that I’ve already spoken to the pastor, discreetly, and he says an annulment is your best option. And since you t
wo are just friends, that won’t be a problem.” So pleased with herself, Mae bounced right back out of her seat and strolled to the kitchen. Whistling.

  “Aunt Mae, you get your tail back here! Right. Now.” I stood and glared at Nash. “Do you have anything to say?”

  “I’m processing, Vivi.”

  I snorted at his calm words. “Right. Well, thanks for your help.” Mae was in the kitchen and pulling leftovers from my fridge. “What on earth does my friendship with Nash have to do with getting this marriage annulled?” I’d never been married but I was pretty sure you couldn’t force two people to stay married when the ceremony was an accident.

  “Seriously, Vivi? What did you learn in Chicago?” She shook her head and I snorted.

  “How to start and run a business,” I answered, plainly.

  “Besides, it matters that you two are friends because if you have had sexual relations since the, ah wedding, then an annulment is completely out of the question.” Aunt Mae looked up from her sandwich-making, gaze landing on me first and then on Nash, when he finally entered the kitchen. A wide, satisfied smile spread from one cheek to the other. “Well, that certainly is interesting news. But I’m afraid it means divorce is your only option.”

  Shit. “I can’t be a divorcee! Not unless I have stretch marks, wine-tinged bitterness, and a big fat alimony settlement!” I twirled and glared at Nash when he snickered. “Problem?”

  “Not at all.”

  “Good.” I folded my arms over my chest and turned away from him.

  “Wife.”

  Fuck my life.

  Nash

  “Holy shit, man.” Zeke slapped his leg and doubled over with laughter, rolling off the sofa and kicking his legs. “That’s too damn good, man! Too fucking good.”

  I didn’t find the situation nearly as amusing as he did. Or as Mae did, but it was gratifying to see Vivi’s action when I kissed her goodbye and referred to her as Aunt Mae. “It’s not that funny, Zeke.”

  “Oh see, that’s where you’re wrong. It’s even funnier!”

  “Slap that knee one more time and I’m going to rip off your arm and beat you with it.” That stopped him cold. For about five seconds and then, Zeke laughed harder and louder and for a hell of a lot longer. “Zeke, I called you because I needed to talk. Not to fucking amuse you.”

  That sobered him up pretty quick, but it did take a while for the residual chuckles to die out. “Shit man, I’m sorry. It’s just, that story is crazy!”

  “Tell me about it. I’m the one who’s married.”

  “So this is totally real?” I nodded solemnly, still feeling like this was some alternate universe where these things happened and were fixed quickly; it was a dream, some might call it a delusion, but it was the only explanation keeping me sane at the moment. “Okay well, then you just have to get it annulled.”

  I let out another frustrated groan. Mae had made the same recommendation and I’d gone online to look up all the other acceptable reasons to annul a marriage and none applied to us. “We can’t.” It took about five seconds before Zeke finally caught on.

  Another laugh escaped him. “Friends, my ass. How long have you two been sleeping together?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I want to know, asshole. Tell me.”

  “Fine, the Fourth of July. I went to set up her headboard and things got…out of control.”

  “So just the once? If so, I think you and Vivi could get this thing done with a little white lie.”

  I scoffed. “And risk jailtime? I don’t think so.” I didn’t relish the thought of being divorced any more than Vivi did, but I liked the idea of prison even less.

  “And there’s no chance that you two might, say, want to stay married?”

  “Why would we?” I never really imagined getting married other than my ill-advised proposal to Nanette, but I was pretty sure if I had it might have included love or some other such nonsense.

  “You haven’t thought about you two together? Because that kiss the whole town saw had me sportin’ wood, never mind you spend all of your free time together. You’re practically married already.”

  “We’re friends.”

  “Don’t make me laugh, man. You’re not really this blind, are you?” With a smack of his palms to his thighs, Zeke stood and strode to my kitchen. “You still drink beer or does your vagina require chardonnay these days?”

  “Asshole.” Zeke didn’t understand. He was a player and even though he didn’t mean any harm, he did often leave broken hearts in his wake. “You don’t get it because you don’t have female friends,” I told him and accepted the dark beer he held out to me.

  “Yeah well, neither do you as it turns out. Unless we marry and sleep with our friends now?” Zeke held his hands up. “I’m not judging, but man you already sealed the deal. Why not make it work?”

  That was a damn good question. I knew that we couldn’t make it work but I had no idea why, and I knew Zeke would badger me to hell and back until I admitted as much. “It’s not a good reason to stay married.”

  “Why not? Vegas is built on that premise. Well, that and gambling. And prostitutes.”

  “You think you’re funny but you’re not.”

  “I’m funny as hell in fact, plenty of beautiful ladies will tell you as much. You just can’t see the humor in it right now. Soon, you will.”

  I didn’t have much faith in that as an idea, but I knew something had to be done. “And in the meantime? What do I do?” Three days had passed since Aunt Mae had dropped the mother of all bombs on us and so far, things had been strained between us. Tense. Awkward.

  “Do what you always do. Hang out and have fun doing whatever it is you two do when you’re together. And not naked.”

  “And the sex?” Because there was no way in hell I could give up sleeping with Vivi. The only way was if she wasn’t into it.

  “Enjoy it for as long as it lasts. Women are fickle creatures, Nash. This might freak her out and she might back away. But she might also double down in the hopes that you two will become something…more.”

  Something more. I wasn’t even sure if I knew what that was anymore. I hadn’t given or tried to give anyone but Norah more, not since Nanette. And I wasn’t even sure I had more to give because being a single parent took every moment of my free time not dedicated to working. “This has the potential to get too weird. We’re neighbors.”

  “The ship for normal has sailed already. You slept together and you’re married. Play it by ear.” Zeke grabbed his bottle and slid it across the coffee table towards me. “I have to go. Training a new bartender today and I told her to come in early.” He wiggled his eyebrows and I knew he’d have her in his bed by the end of the week and if she was smart, she’d make it another three weeks before getting the hell out of dodge.

  “What about Maddie? I thought maybe you two were…?” They seemed cozy at the barbecue, flirting and laughing together the entire afternoon.

  “Maddie is great. Gorgeous and she’s got her own thing, but I’m not sure about a single mom.”

  “I’m a single dad,” I insisted as though he didn’t already know that. “Does that mean I shouldn’t date?”

  “Settle down, mama bear. I’m just saying that I’m not sure how to deal with a chick who has a kid. Will her expectations be more because of him?”

  It was, honestly, more than I expected from Zeke and that made me feel like an ass. “Maybe, but only if she likes you. And I think you should let Maddie worry about her expectations, she seems like the kind of woman who’d tell you if you weren’t meeting them.”

  “True enough.” He grinned. “See you around, man. Kiss Norah for me when she gets home.”

  “Yep.”

  “And that pretty little wife of yours.” The sound of Zeke snickering was the last thing I heard.

  Vivi

  I didn’t know if it was Belle Musique or being away from Chicago or maybe it was all the orgasms I was having, but my words were fin
ally flowing. Freely and beautifully, they flowed onto the page as the story of Kade and Amber came together. Never had two characters been through so much drama and bullshit even before they touched one another. It was coming out longer than I had originally intended but it was good.

  Damn good.

  It was good news for me, since everything else in my life had turned into a big ol’ crap sandwich. That’s probably why I’d spent the past—almost—week hiding out in my own personal space. It was good news for Sweeter Nothings but it meant every morning I woke up and made a conscious decision to be a coward. And I was totally okay with that.

  For now.

  The time would come when I could no longer hole up in my house and avoid my neighbor who also happened to be my husband. Either I would run out of food or Nash would run out of patience. But that was a day off into the future and for now, I was free to hide behind my laptop in the comfort of my backyard. With fresh salsa.

  “I thought I heard the distant clicking of erotic romance being created nearby.” Maddie’s voice rang out, interrupting my nonstop thoughts and I looked up with a small smile.

  “Maddie. Come on in. What are you doing here?” Even my promise to make connections here as I settled in, had gone by the wayside when Aunt Mae had revealed my new relationship status.

  “At first, I thought you were avoiding my calls and ignoring me. But then I read this morning’s Gazette.” She held up the town newspaper which was more of a town schedule and gossip rag, but everyone subscribed to it out of fear they’d be left out of something really juicy. “Now I know you must be having lots of honeymoon sex. Right?”

  I sucked in a breath at the same time I reached for my sunglasses. “What are you talking about?”

  Arms crossed in her most intimidating mom stare, Maddie waited me out. I hadn’t said a word out loud to anyone but Lollipop in days so really, she just hadn’t realized she was outgunned. “News of your marriage made the front page of the Gazette.” When she was close enough, Maddie tossed the paper my way. “Why didn’t you tell me?”