by A. E. Wasp
“No problem.” Benny caught the bartender’s eye and winked.
The guy laughed. “I’ll send Angel out in a second. We’re a little short-handed.”
“We’re not in a rush,” Mikey said, seating himself. He took his glasses off and placed them on the table.
“We’re not? I figured you’d have to get back to work.”
“Boss gave me the rest of the day off.”
“Nice. This place is nice, too. I hadn’t gotten up to this part of town.” He didn’t mention it was mostly because he’d been avoiding areas with bars. But it was time to widen his world a little. He couldn’t avoid alcohol forever.
“Yeah, my boss’s husband owns it. Runs it? Maybe they both own it. I didn’t ask.”
“Does your boss know she owns a gay bar?”
“He. And I don’t think he’d care. But what makes you think it’s a gay bar?”
Benny pointed to the rainbow-striped umbrellas, the posters advertising the Pride Event and a Cabaret fund-raiser that had gone on the weekend before, and, hidden in the corner, a sticker of rainbow painted dog tags. Interesting. “If it’s not officially a gay bar, it should be. Speaking of, did you see that waiter? He’s a babe. Former military, too, I’d bet, if I were a betting man.”
The waitress, a tiny woman with dark brown hair that was shaved on one side and left long and dyed bright pink on the other, handed them a menu. She had a cute nose ring and rose tattoos peeking out from beneath the black t-shirt she wore. “You’d win that bet,” she said. “Troy’s ex-army. You?”
Benny hesitated long enough that Mikey jumped in. “Ex-Marine,” he answered.
“Former Marine,” Benny responded automatically, “but I don’t really like to talk about it.” His tone hinted at horrors witnessed, and traumas survived. It usually worked to keep people from asking too much more on those rare times the subject came up. It worked now, too.
“I totally get it,” the waitress said. “Troy’s dealing with some stuff, too.” She leaned in a little closer. “Afghanistan.” She nodded as if Benny would know what she meant. Sadly, he did. “My name’s Angel,” she said, handing them him a menu.
“Thanks,” Mikey said, taking the laminated plastic sheet from her.
“Don’t get too excited. The cook is out sick, so it’s whatever Troy and I can fry until Vincent gets in.” She tossed her long pink hair over her shoulder. She turned to give Mikey his menu. “You must be Michael?”
“How did you know?”
“Kevin called said you might be coming by and I should be nice to you. I was a little offended. I mean, I’m nice to everyone. Ask anyone. Besides, not like there are a bunch of people in Red Deer fitting the description he gave which was, and I quote, ‘Extremely good-looking, young African-American gentleman with gorgeous dreadlocks and impeccable taste in clothing.’“
Benny burst out laughing, and blood rushed to Michael’s cheeks when Angel joined in. “Your boss is so gay,” Benny noted.
“Oh, God.” Mikey covered his eyes with his hand.
“I’m Benny,” Benny said, nodding at Angel.
“Nice to meet you. So can I get you two gentlemen something to drink? We have pretty much all the good local beers on tap. And the rest in bottles.”
“Do you have iced tea?” Benny asked.
“Sure thing.”
“Make it two. Unsweetened for me.”
“Good plan,” Benny said approvingly. “Don’t want to go too wild. It’s a school night.”
“Bite me.”
They both ordered the chicken strips basket, which Angel suggested as the tastiest of the minimal choices at the moment. “Come back Thursday night. It’s so much better when the cook is here, and you can listen to the music on the square.”
Benny handed her his menu. “Vincent might want to invest in another cook.”
Angel raised an eyebrow at looked Benny up and down. “You offering?”
Now it was Mikey’s turn to laugh. “You don’t want Benny cooking for you. He burned Rice Krispie treats.”
“Hey!” Benny held up a hand in protest. “That was,” he looked at the ceiling and did a quick calculation, “fourteen years ago. I was twelve. Let it go already.”
Mikey’s eyes were bright as he laughed at Benny, and Benny wanted to kiss him so bad. God, he’d missed Mikey. If someone had asked him if he ever regretted how it went down with him and Mikey, he would have said he was over it. How much could he miss some friend from his childhood? After all, Benny had lived longer without Mikey as his best friend that he had with Mikey in his life. But like so much of what Benny told people, it was total bullshit. He’d never stop missing Mikey and never stopped beating himself up for being too cowardly to reach out to him.
In one short night, Mike had filled a hole in Benny’s heart that had been empty for almost a decade. He didn’t know if he would survive losing him again.
Mikey watched the kids playing in the square. “I should pick Jasmine up from her daycare, bring her back here and get some ice cream. She’d love it.”
That was a perfect opening if Benny had ever heard one. “Tell me about Jasmine.”
Mikey’s eyes lit up. “Well, she turned four in April. She’s smart as a whip. I had no idea kids could be so smart. She just says things, and I’m like...” He spread his hands and shook his head, helpless in the face of the amazingness of his child. It was adorable. “She’s funny, too. She cracks me up.”
“I saw her at the park yesterday. She looks like a little mini you. I love the hair.”
Mikey touched his hair self-consciously.
Benny leaned over the table to get closer to him. “And I love your hair. It’s fucking sexy as hell.” He loved watching Mikey get flustered.
He leaned back, smirking, as Angel came back and plopped their baskets of fried deliciousness on the table. “You boys need anything else?”
“No ma’am,” they replied in unison.
“First Troy and now you guys with the ma’am. You hit thirty and all of a sudden everyone is ma’am-ing you.” She shook her head, tucked the tray up under her arm, and left.
They tucked into the food. It was all fried, but something about it hit the spot. As usual, Benny had skipped breakfast in favor of coffee. Jay-Cee told him it was going to tear his stomach apart one day, but today was not that day.
Benny closed his eyes and leaned his head back, enjoying the feel of the sun on his skin, and the light breeze blowing through his hair, just tickling the curls on the back of his neck. He heard the kids laughing and the splash of the fountain. Music played softly from inside the bar.
And Mikey was sitting across from him, his foot pressed against Benny’s. Benny let himself be completely present in the moment, soaking up all the details for those times when life seemed like a sentence rather than a gift. Right now, right this second, everything was good. He wasn’t going to let these moments pass unacknowledged anymore.
Mikey’s foot nudged his. “You okay? You falling asleep over there? Is it time for a nap?”
“It’s always time for a nap. Besides, I didn’t sleep so well last night. Some pendejo stole all my blankets.”
Mikey shoved a handful of fries in his mouth and spoke as he chewed. “Yeah? Guy, I was with snored like a cement mixer. Cold feet, too.”
Benny waved a hand at him. “Gross. Have you still not learned not to talk with your mouth full?”
Mikey covered his mouth with his hands. “Sorry, Julia was always on me about that, too.”
He didn’t say anything more about Julia. So that’s how they’re going to play it? Keep the past in the past? Benny could work with that. His sponsor would tell him he’s being a dumbass and setting himself up for failure, but it was headed for a disaster eventually anyway. Why rush it? Besides, it might work out. They’d been close in high school. They could recapture that and more.
Benny took a sip of iced tea and worked hard on not wishing it was beer or even something stronger. A nice summe
r day like this called for a gin and tonic. Or lemonade and vodka. Throw in a splash of amaretto – delicious.
“So how’d you end up in Colorado?” Mikey asked.
Very diplomatic of him. The phrasing let Benny decide how far back into the past he wanted to go. The answer was not very far. “A buddy of mine knew I was looking to move and that I liked art, so he made a few calls, and got me a job at the studio with Jay-Cee.”
“That sounds perfect. What kind of studio?”
“Art studio. Jay-Cee’s a sculptor. Bronzes mostly. Didn’t you see the booth at Pride? We were right across from the kittens.”
Mikey looked up at the sky while he tried to remember. “Oh, yeah. I think I saw that booth. I remember there was a hot shirtless guy with a cowboy hat. Welcome to Colorado, I thought.”
Benny coughed as the iced tea went down the wrong pipe. “Uh, that was me. That’s when I saw you with Jasmine.”
“Oh! Yeah. Yeah. That totally could have been you.”
“I was me. I promise. The only other guys it could have been was either Chris or Jay-Cee. Chris is a young, blonde twink and Jay-Cee is a hot older guy with gray hair and a shit ton of tattoos.”
“Definitely you then. Are any of the sculptures yours? Do you get to do any of your own work?”
Benny shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “No. Not yet. I haven’t really been working on anything lately. I guess I just haven’t felt inspired. Jay-Cee said he would help get me going though when I’m ready. I’m thinking about getting into digital art like Chris. It’s where the money is.”
Mikey nodded and used one of his chicken strips to prod at his French fries. Benny knew he was looking for the more well-done ones, and he pulled a few dark brown fries out of his own pile and dropped them in Mikey’s basket.
“Thanks. So is Chris just a friend? Are you guys dating?”
Benny was surprised to feel insulted by what Michael had said. “Do you really think if I were dating somebody I would’ve hooked up with a stranger in the bathroom? Is that what you think of me?”
“I don’t know,” Michael said. “I don’t know how gay guys are. I thought you were all into just hooking up.”
Benny sat up straight in his chair, hands braced on the arms and then slumped back blinking.
Angel came up to the table. “You boys doing okay?”
“I could use a Fat Tire,” Michael said.
“Bottle or glass?”
“Bottle.”
“And you, Hon? More iced tea?”
“Sure.” She left, taking Benny’s empty tray with her.
Mikey probably hadn’t even noticed Benny wasn’t drinking. Benny wished he could ignore it as well. Past experience had taught him that the hyper-awareness of not drinking would pass. He wished he hadn’t had that stupid beer last night. He’d been well on his way to his year chip, and now he was back to day zero. Maybe he should just get one. He’d still be at zero, and the conversation would be easier. But, no. Benny picked a paper napkin tearing into strips while he tried to process what Mikey had said.
Mikey reached over and put his hand on top of Benny’s to stop his nervous action. “Look I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a jerk.”
Benny pulled his hand away. “You say gay guys like they’re some monolithic group that all act the same. Some group that you’re not a part of.”
“Well,” Mikey looked around to see if their conversation was being overheard, then leaned forward and spoke softer. “I’m not gay. I may be bi.”
Though Benny knew a lot of self-identified straight guys didn’t object to having their dick sucked by a guy, most of them didn’t show up half naked at a gay club looking for hookups. Playing back last night events in his mind, it had definitely been Michael who had started things. He’d asked Benny to dance. “I’d say definitely bi at the very least. So how would you like it if someone who was supposed to be your friend started a sentence, ‘I thought black guys were supposed to dot dot dot?’”
Mikey’s face clouded, and he tugged at that one dreadlock at the nape of his neck, pulling it forward over his shoulder. “You’re right. That was really stupid of me. I’m sorry. Look, this whole thing is kinda new to me. I mean I’m not like you. It isn’t as black and white with me. I know I really loved Julia. I wasn’t faking that.”
“I’m sure you weren’t. Things are rarely ever clear, I find.” Time for a change of subject. From one painful topic to another. “Is Julia Jasmine’s mother?”
Angel came back with the beer, and Mikey reached for it gratefully. He took a sip, not meeting Benny’s eyes, and then looked over into the square at the mothers playing with their children. “Yeah, she was.”
Was. As in wasn’t anymore. As in she had probably passed away. “Oh. Oh, God. I’m sorry.” Benny’s mind reeled as the information sunk in. His best friend had met someone, fallen in love, gotten married, had a kid, and lost a wife, and Benny hadn’t been there for any of it. He’d fucked that up, just like he’d fucked everything in his life up, and he didn’t know how to fix any of it. “I’m sorry,” he heard himself saying again. As if that made anything better.
“A lot of shit happened while you were gone. My life didn’t stop when you left.”
Mine did, Benny thought. He had some amends to make with Mikey, for sure. But Mikey had some things Benny thought he should apologize for, too. Number one, running away when Benny needed him the most. So why didn’t they just call it even and nobody would bring up anything?
“I’m sure it didn’t,” Benny answered, trying to keep his voice even. “We both have had lives these past eight years, but I’m more interested in the future.”
“There’s a lot we don’t know about each other.” Mikey looked sad.
“There’s a lot we do know. A lot of good. We were always good together. Even on the field.” Benny scooted forward on his chair leaning over the table. “I said it last night, and I’ll say it again. I missed you. I missed you a lot. I’m sorry I was such a dick back then. I shouldn’t have left like that. I should have tried harder to stay in touch.”
“I wasn’t at my best back then either,” Mikey said. “I reacted badly. I should’ve been there for you. I did try to find you, though. But your parents said they didn’t have a number for you, just an address. And I couldn’t find you on Facebook.”
“Yeah, I wasn’t really looking to stay in touch with anybody. But now we have found each other again, and by some miracle, we both live in the same fucking small town in Colorado. Can we try to make it work again?”
“As friends?”
“If that’s what you want.” Benny was surprised to find he meant it. If he couldn’t have Mikey in his bed at least he would have him in his life. He was already in his heart.
“Of course I want to be your friend,” Mikey said. “It’s not like I have a hundred friends. But-.” He scooted his chair around the table until he was sitting next to Benny. He leaned in close and laid his hand on top of Benny’s. Their fingers overlapped. Benny loved the way they made a pattern of alternating light and dark skin. He wiggled his fingers to settle Mikey’s hand closer on top of his.
“But every time I look at you, I just want to touch you. And I can’t stop thinking about last night. About what we did.” His voice dropped lower, and his fingers tightened around Benny’s. He stroked Benny’s thumb with his. “About what we didn’t get to do.” He looked Benny in the eye, then his gaze dropped to Benny’s mouth, and he bit his lip. “I don’t usually have that reaction with my friends.”
Benny saw the bartender, Troy, approaching them from behind Mikey. Troy caught Benny’s eye, nodded, and went back into the restaurant.
“It’s all I thought about all day,” Benny confessed. He pressed his leg against Mikey’s.
“It scares me to death, man.” Mikey’s hand dropped to Benny’s thigh, and he rubbed it gently.
Benny wondered briefly how big the bathrooms were in Vincent’s, but the bartender would know what was going on and
Benny wasn’t feeling that bold today. He liked this place and didn’t want to get kicked out on their first visit.
He grabbed Mikey’s hand. “If you want me to be able to walk out of here, you’ve got to stop that.”
With a squeeze to Benny’s knee that went right to his dick, Mikey put his hands back up on the table. “Do you think it’s weird? Would us dating be weird? We’ve been friends since were like eleven.”
“Confession? I totally would have jumped your bones in high school if I had thought for one second you were into it.”
“I probably would have punched you.”
“I figured. Would have made football practice weird. All that tackling and tight pants.”
Mikey gasped. “You totally were checking out the other guys! The rumors were true.”
Benny rolled his eyes. “Of course they were true. Started by at least one guy I’d actually jerked off in the locker room after a game.”
“Who was it?” Mikey leaned forward.
Benny coughed into his fist and looked away.
Mikey pulled back. “Was it Grant? Tell me it wasn’t Grant. It was Grant, wasn’t it? I hate that guy.”
Benny laughed out loud.
“Besides,” Mikey continued, changing the subject. “Who would pay when we went out? How do guys decide who’s paying?”
“You figure it out,” Benny said. “It’s not that hard. So,” he cleared his throat. “Do you want to try it? Try dating? Do you want me to woo you?” He meant it as a joke, but Mikey’s gaze went hooded, and his hands dropped to Benny’s knees again.
“I was thinking I would woo you. I think you’d like it. I think you deserve it.”
Holy crap. Benny swooned internally. This was too much. Like a fantasy come true. It was going to end in fire and flood and blood and tears, but right now he didn’t care. “Control freak. I’d forgotten about that.”
“You love it.” Mikey looked around and caught Angel’s eye. “Can we get the check?” He turned back to Benny. “And I’m paying. Next one’s on you.”
“Damn, if I’d have known you were paying, I would have gotten dessert.”
