Keeping Secrets & Telling Lies

by Trice Hickman

  Parker gave her a warm hug that lingered a bit too long for Victoria’s comfort before she finally pulled away.They walked to a table and were seated in a small booth near the back of the restaurant. After they placed their orders, Victoria looked at him as he unfolded his napkin, placing it on his lap. She wished she hadn’t ordered, and now she was trying to decide whether she should tell him before or after their food came out.

  Now that she was sitting across from him, she was glad that she had decided to meet him face-to-face. As Tyler had said, Parker was the type of man who required force and tangible proof, and even then that might not be enough.

  She decided to jump straight in. “Parker, the only reason I’m meeting you here today is because I wanted to look you in your eyes and tell you that we have to end this. Please don’t call, text, or e-mail me. This has to stop.”

  Parker had known that Victoria was on edge from the moment he walked into the restaurant. From the stilted hug she’d given him when he greeted her to the uncomfortable body language that made her shift in her chair, he knew that she had something on her mind.

  He didn’t delude himself. He knew that between the two of them, it was she who was taking all the risks. Fidelity was important to her, and it was plain to see that she was wrestling with the fact that she felt like she’d cheated on her husband. But he wanted her back, so he was prepared to walk down whatever road he had to take. He shook his head. “You don’t really mean that.”

  “Yes, Parker, I do.”

  They were interrupted when the server brought out their food. Parker didn’t even look at his pepper steak, and Victoria asked the server to take back her steamed vegetable platter altogether.

  “Parker, I won’t deny that the moments we shared were special. I don’t make a habit of jumping into the arms of other men on a whim. But we can’t continue to see each other. We’ve got to end this now, before anyone gets hurt.”

  Parker sat back, looking at Victoria with intensity. “Are you happy?” It was a question and subject that neither of them had yet to broach.

  “I have a good life.”

  “That’s not what I asked.”

  They sat in silence, staring at each other.

  “Why did you come to the hotel,Victoria?”

  She took a moment. “I never got you out of my system. Maybe that’s not a good enough reason, but it’s an honest answer. And yes, Parker ... a part of me still loves you. My actions might seem ambiguous and conflicting, but the one thing I know for sure is that we have to end this now. Too many people will get hurt if we don’t.”

  “You mean your husband?”

  “And you, too,” she wanted to say but remained silent.

  “Does he make you happy? Does he fulfill your needs?”

  Victoria nodded.

  “All of them?”

  “Yes, Parker. He does.” Even though she knew her answer wasn’t 100 percent true, she could honestly say that it was damn close.

  Parker shook his head. “No, he doesn’t. If he was giving you everything you needed at home, there’s no way you’d be here with me right now, and you know it.”

  “Is that why you cheated on me? Because I wasn’t fulfilling your needs?” She had turned the tables, and she instantly regretted venturing down that road.

  “We’re not talking about me, but since you ask, no. I cheated because I was selfish and stupid.You were all I needed.”

  Victoria ran her fingers through her hair and let out a hard sigh. “Not everything is as cut and dry as you think. Sometimes people just make bad decisions, like you did.”

  “I know I made a big mistake back then, but is that what you think you did with me the other night? Made a bad decision? I’m a mistake?”

  “C’mon, Parker—”

  “Let me tell you what I think,” he interrupted. “I think your cozy little life is just that ... cozy, safe, and predictable. You haven’t had real passion since we were together. Even when we argued, there was incredible energy in those moments. What we had was rare, and there’s no substitute for it. We know each other’s thoughts, wants, and needs. We’re good together, and that’s why you’re sitting in this restaurant with me right now.”

  “No, I told you why I came here today.”

  Parker leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “Victoria, you don’t know how many times I’ve wished I could go back and change what I did, but I can’t. Like you said the other day, what’s done is done. But what I can do is live in the present and look toward the future. Baby, when I see my future, I see you in it.”

  Victoria’s back stiffened. “I’m married, and I have a family. Ted and Alexandria are my future.”

  “As much as you love your family, you can’t deny your true desires. Baby, I’m not the same man I used to be. I know that when we were together, I was selfish and unsupportive, when I should have been your biggest cheerleader, and I wish that I hadn’t betrayed your trust. I was used to always having my way and not making concessions for others. But when I lost you, it forced me to take a long, honest look at myself with a critical eye. Then, when PJ was born, everything became very clear.”

  A long silence settled over the table.

  Finally, Victoria spoke up. “I’m happy that your life has changed for the better. I truly am. But I can’t be a part of it.”

  Before their conversation could go any further or Parker could stage a rebuttal to her words, Victoria pushed her chair back and stood. “Please accept what I’ve said. Good-bye, Parker.” She put her large handbag on her shoulder and walked out the front door.

  Parker sat at the table, staring at his untouched plate. He took a sip of his water and wondered how long it would take before Victoria stopped fighting the inevitable.

  I Know What You’ve Been Up To... .

  Victoria pulled into her garage, deep in thought about the way her weekend had unfolded. Even though she’d known it was possible, if anyone had told her on Friday morning that she would be ending a secret rendezvous with her ex-lover on Sunday afternoon, she would have told them they were crazy. She still couldn’t believe what she’d done.

  Slowly, Victoria stepped out of her car and opened the back door that led to her kitchen. She was drained after her encounter with Parker and glad to be back in the comfort of her home. “I’m gonna take a nice long soak in the tub to clear my head,” she said aloud, thinking about the relaxing serenity that the warm water would bring. But her heart nearly leaped out of her chest when she looked up and found Ted standing in front of the refrigerator.

  “Hey, you,” he said as he twisted the cap off a bottle of Amstel Light.

  Victoria nearly jumped out of her skin. He wasn’t supposed to be home until the following afternoon, yet there he stood in all his ruggedly handsome glory. His thick five o’clock shadow told her that he hadn’t shaved in a few days, and the tired look on his face let her know that he hadn’t gotten much sleep while he was away. But the bright smile in his eyes spoke volumes about the fact that he had missed her and was happy to be home.

  “I didn’t think you were coming back until tomorrow,” Victoria said with nervous bewilderment.

  Ted sat his beer on the counter and walked over to her. “I wasn’t, but I decided to come back a day early.” He gathered his arms around Victoria’s waist and drew her in for a hug.

  Victoria felt his body press against hers and prayed he couldn’t detect the scent of infidelity lingering on her skin.

  “It’s good to be home,” Ted whispered in her ear.

  Victoria hugged him back, even though she wanted to free herself from his embrace. She was afraid that he’d smell the faint trace of Parker’s cologne on her cotton top from the hug they had shared at the restaurant, or that he’d instinctively notice that her body and touch seemed different because she’d been in the arms of another man. She knew how intuitive and discerning Ted was, and very rarely did anything slip by him. But to her surprise, he didn’t seem to notice a thing. Victoria
lowered her head, resting her shame on his shoulder.

  “V, what’s wrong?” Ted asked, raising her chin with his index finger so he could see her face.

  “Nothing. I guess I’m just tired.”

  He stood back for a moment and looked at her, taking in every detail, from the top of her slightly tousled hair to her fidgety posture, down to the strappy sandals on her manicured feet. He inhaled a deep breath and strained his face, looking into her eyes as he shook his head. “I see ... I know what you’ve been up to.”

  Victoria was too scared to even tremble, knowing that she couldn’t hide anything from him. “You do?”

  “Yes, I do. Despite the fact that you need to rest, you’ve been at your office all day,” he said. “I love that you’re so driven, but sometimes you just need to relax.”

  Victoria was so distraught, all she could do was nod her head.

  “Tell you what.Why don’t we go upstairs, and while I unpack, you take that bubble bath you were talking about when you walked through the door.” Then a sensuous grin covered his face. “And who knows? I might join you.”

  As Victoria followed Ted up to their bedroom, she felt panic and guilt grip her stomach. Two days ago she was in the throes of passion with another man, but now there she stood, about to take a sensual bath with her husband.

  She looked across the room as Ted began to shed his khakis and button-down shirt. She studied his face, and when she did, she noticed something that she hadn’t seen when she first walked through the door. Beneath the sexy stubble lay a look of deep distress that bordered on nervous anxiety. She watched as his eyes darted toward his luggage, which was sitting on the other side of the room. It was still unpacked.

  “Ted, are you okay?” she asked, moving toward the edge of the bed, where she took a seat in order to get a better look at him.

  “I’m fine.” He shrugged. “Just a little travel worn.”

  “Did you get a chance to spend time with Lilly last night, before you left?”

  Victoria wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw Ted flinch, and when his eyes met hers, she could see that his entire expression had changed. She knew his grief was still fresh and raw, but then again, she wondered if something else was going on. “Honey, I’m sorry. I know it was an emotional visit for you.”

  Ted looked away, feeling the weight of his own guilt nipping at his heels. Rather than continuing to expand on the pack of lies he’d already fed her, he decided to change course.

  “Why don’t you take your bath. I think I’ll just unpack and then check a few e-mails,” he said, walking over to his luggage. He began unpacking his things, concentrating on the task as if it was a matter of life or death.

  Victoria noticed a complete shift from the man who had held her in his arms not five minutes ago to the one in front of her now, who seemed distant, frustrated, and bothered. But rather than question him again, she went into the bathroom and filled the Jacuzzi tub with bubbles. She decided to give him some space, and herself some, too.

  She soaked in her bath so long, the water turned from steamy to tepid. Finally, she dried herself off and headed out to the bedroom, where she found Ted asleep on top of the comforter. He’d stripped down to his boxers and T-shirt, looking like a helpless child as he lay curled in the fetal position.

  Victoria walked to his side of the bed, noting that she’d never seen him sleep that way. He usually slept on his back or on his side, but never had she seen him nestle in as though he was searching for comfort. It made her pause with worry.

  She forgot about her own heavy burdens and shifted to her husband’s. Lately, he had seemed edgy and distracted, and the fact that he hadn’t even noticed the sheer panic on her face when she walked through the door was highly unusual. And now here he was, fast asleep and oblivious to the betrayal she’d committed. As she studied him closer, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that something was wrong with her husband.

  If I Don’t Seem Myself ...

  The next morning Ted rose early, as usual, but he felt as though he was recovering from a hangover. His head was pounding, and his limbs were heavy, like they had been submerged in quicksand. He didn’t remember falling asleep the night before, but he’d obviously been out cold, because he awoke to find that Victoria had thrown a light blanket over him as he slept. He looked over at her and sighed, wondering how long he could keep up his stories.

  After a long shower and a quick shave, he dressed and was about to head out the door when Victoria stirred. She looked at the alarm clock and yawned. Five thirty was way too early for her to do anything except make an attempt to wipe the sleep from her eyes.

  “Good morning,” Ted whispered, walking over to give her a quick kiss on the forehead.

  “How’re you feeling?” she asked, still groggy and not fully awake.

  “Good enough to start a new day.”

  “It’s so early. You must have a busy one.”

  Ted bit his tongue, telling her another half-truth. “Yes, I have an urgent early morning meeting. That’s part of the reason I came back a day early.”

  Victoria nodded her head as she let another small yawn escape her mouth. Even though the room was still dark, the light beaming in from the hallway shone brightly enough for her to see Ted. He looked dapper, as usual, sporting a custom-made navy blue suit like an Esquire centerfold model. Physically, he looked like his old self: fresh, clean-shaven face, neatly combed hair, and stylishly handsome good looks. But there was something off-kilter in his eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked.

  Ted felt like he was going to scream if Victoria questioned him again. He knew she was simply concerned, and that her love for him was the reason for her constant worry. But it was starting to wear on him, despite her good intentions. The more she asked how he was feeling and if anything was wrong, the worse he felt.

  He had to lie and pretend that all was well until he could figure out how he was going to live his life knowing the truth. But he also knew that he needed to make a compelling case to his wife, convincing her that he was fine, because the last thing he wanted to do was cause her any further distress or, worse yet, feed her growing curiosity.

  “V, I know you’re worried about me, but I’m okay.This has been a really trying time, and I’m facing challenges that I’ve never dealt with before. So if I don’t seem myself, it’s because I’m not. But I’m dealing with it, and I know that everything is going to be all right.” Ted wanted his words to comfort and reassure Victoria, because he could see her doubts. “Knowing that you and Alexandria are by my side every step of the way is what’s going to pull me through.” He reached for her hand and kissed it gently.

  Victoria looked into her husband’s eyes. “I love you, Ted.”

  “I love you, too, V.”

  They held on to each other’s words, hoping their love was enough to overcome their individual deceits.

  A New Awareness ...

  After giving Victoria one last kiss, Ted left to start his day. He maneuvered his car down the deserted early morning streets and across town to his intended destination. He looked at his watch as he pulled up to the back entrance of a small, unassuming brick building. He parked beside the lone vehicle, which occupied one of the reserved spaces. “Thank God for small favors,” he whispered to himself as he dialed his cell phone. “I’m here.”

  He climbed out of his car, taking large steps that led him up to a set of double-paned glass doors. A minute later a short, stout woman opened the back door and let him in. “Good morning,Ted. How are you?” Claire Langston, the bank president, greeted with a cheerful smile.

  Ted appreciated the fact that she was pleasant, even though he was sure she knew that whatever business he’d come to do must be unscrupulous, especially since it necessitated a predawn meeting to ensure his privacy. Looking at Claire in her neatly tailored Brooks Brothers skirt and jacket, Ted could see that she was the kind of no-nonsense person who normally followed strict protocol. But she’d made an excepti
on for him because his old friend Chip Langston, who happened to be her favorite and dearest brother, had called in the favor.

  “Thank you for making this special accommodation. I greatly appreciate it,” Ted told her.

  Claire nodded, then gave him a quick handshake. “Any friend of my brother’s is a friend of mine.”

  Ted followed her into the bank and down the hall as she led him to a small conference room. He looked at the medium-sized black metal box and the small stack of papers that sat beside it.

  “Just fill out the forms, put the necessary contents in the box, and let me know when you’re finished,” Claire told him before leaving the room.

  Ted took a deep breath and thought about what he was getting ready to do, which was, ironically, to repeat his mother’s pattern. Nearly twenty minutes later he found himself looking through the faded papers for a fifth time, straining his eyes behind the lenses of his smartly framed reading glasses. He scrutinized every line of each document, as if he were seeing it for the first time.

  He held his mother’s birth certificate in front of him and rubbed his forehead. According to the age-worn document, Carolyn Thornton had been born Carol Lynn Milleux. Her mother was listed as Sally May Turner, age nineteen, and her father as Jean Paul Milleux, age fifty. But what stuck out most in Ted’s mind, and what still held him in a state of disbelief, was not the fact that his mother had been born in Mississippi, and not in Louisiana, as he had always believed and as the certificate plainly stated, or that there was a significant age difference between her birth parents. What made his heart race and his head pound was that Jean Paul Milleux was white and Sally May Turner was black ... or Negro, as the birth certificate read, and so was little Carol Lynn.

  Along with Carolyn’s birth certificate were other documents that stood as evidence that she was born of a union between a young black woman and an older white man. Ted held a near-pristine black-and-white photograph of a young black woman dressed in fine clothing, holding a white baby in her arms.The inscription on the back read: Sally May, nineteen years old, and daughter, Carol Lynn, six months old.