Toni L.P. Kelner - Laura Fleming 01 - Down Home Murder

by Toni L. P. Kelner

  “I guess Uncle Loman’s just not used to children anymore,” I said.

  “Never did like kids, if you ask me. When are you two going to have kids?”

  “We haven’t decided,” I said. I hate it when people ask me that, and since Richard and I got married, not a trip home had passed without somebody or another bringing it up. “When are you due?” I asked, hoping to distract her.

  “The first week of September. There’s nothing wrong with you, is there? I mean, you two are fertile, aren’t you?”

  “As far as I know. Have you picked out names yet?”

  “Me and Linwood can’t agree on anything. You two want children, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” I said tersely, and decided that if Sue asked how often Richard and I made love, I was going to slug her.

  Fortunately even Sue didn’t have that much nerve. “I didn’t know,” she said. “So many women would rather work than stay home and tend to children. You shouldn’t wait too long, or you’ll end up with a Mongoloid.”

  “Actually, the latest research says that you’re pretty safe until forty, so we’ve got a couple of years left,” Richard said mildly.

  Before Sue could argue the point further, the doorbell rang again. This time it was Aunt Nora, Uncle Buddy, Thaddeous, and Willis. Linwood and Clifford came upstairs to join us, and as everyone found places to sit, Richard and I brought out several cartons of cold bottles of Coke.

  “Who’s been driving Paw’s car?” Linwood asked suddenly.

  “Me,” I answered.

  “I thought you didn’t need a car. Especially not a station wagon. It’s not like you’ve got kids or anything. We have to squeeze two car seats in Sue’s Chevette, and we don’t know how we’re going to get the third one in.”

  “Aunt Maggie just loaned it to me while I’m in town, Linwood,” I explained. “I’m not planning to keep it.”

  “All right then.”

  The doorbell rang once more, and Richard opened the door to let Aunt Daphine, Vasti, and Arthur come in. I offered Aunt Daphine my chair and went into the kitchen to keep from getting caught between Sue and Vasti. Aunt Maggie was in there talking on the phone.

  “Nellie? Are y’all coming over or not? What? I don’t give a hoot about that floor wax. Get on over here! We’re all waiting.” She hung up firmly.

  “Sometimes I don’t think Nellie’s got sense enough to come in out of the rain,” Aunt Maggie said. “Laurie Anne, do me a favor and take these stools into the living-room. We’re going to run out of places to sit soon, if we haven’t already.”

  Sure enough, by the time I wrestled the first of the heavy, pine stools into the living-room, the couch and every chair was already taken. Richard gave up his seat to help me bring in the rest of the stools, but Burnettes kept arriving faster than we could find places to put them. By the time Aunt Nellie and Uncle Ruben showed up, even the floor was nearly full.

  Aunt Maggie refused all offers of chairs, choosing instead to install herself in the middle of the room where she could turn as necessary to see everyone. In her hands were several pages of notebook paper, and I recognized Paw’s careful printing on it.

  She waited until everyone settled down, put on a pair of half-glasses, and then said, “Y’all know why we’re here, so I may as well get to it. Ellis made me his executrix and I aim to do things just like he told me to. If anyone don’t like it, you can just keep it to yourself. What you like don’t make one bit of difference to me.”

  She paused as if inviting comment, but went on when no one spoke. “Ellis wanted me to tell you that he loved every one of you, and that he felt proud to have lived long enough to see so many of you grow up. He left a piece of something for each of you. Now not every piece is worth the same, and I don’t want y’all comparing. Ellis decided what he wanted to give, and that’s all there is to it. Does everybody understand that?”

  There were nods and a chorus of “Yes, ma’ams.”

  “All right then. Nora, Ellis wanted you to have the family Bible our Mama and Daddy bought when they were first married. It’s got all your names and birthdays and wedding dates in it, and he wants you to keep it up. He also wanted you to have all the family pictures and things like that.”

  Aunt Nora looked pleased, and I had to admit that it was an appropriate bequest. She had been keeping the family together ever since she was young, and it was only right that she keep up the job.

  Aunt Maggie went on. “Buddy, Ellis said you’ve been doing all his odd jobs for years, so he thought it only fair that you get his tools.” She peered at him over the list. “You be careful with them tools, now. Some of them were my Daddy’s. They’re collector’s items now, bringing good prices at the flea market.”

  Uncle Buddy nodded.

  “Thaddeous, you’re the oldest grandson and Ellis wanted you to have his pocket watch. Our granddaddy gave it to him because he was the first Burnette to graduate from high school.”

  The list went on. Paw had chosen a fitting bequest for each one of us. Sue got the station wagon, with plenty of space for her two kids, the one on the way, and later additions. Uncle Ruben was given Paw’s color television, and it did not need to be said that at last he would have one that was paid for and could not be reclaimed by irate creditors. To Idelle, Odelle, and Carlelle, Paw left three completely different gifts, saying he had never had trouble telling them apart. To Richard he gave an ancient copy of Hamlet, which he had read in high school and kept ever since.

  My legacy was a map of the Burnette lands as they used to be, and I wondered if it was Paw’s way of reminding me where I came from.

  Some of the bequests surprised me because they revealed things about my family I hadn’t known. Paw left his guitar to Clifford, who shared his love of music. He left Willis a beat-up bedroom set, long since consigned to the attic, saying there wasn’t a piece of furniture made that Willis couldn’t repair and refinish. How had I missed learning these things about my own family?

  Finally Aunt Maggie finished the list, removed her glasses, and said, “That’s it. Like I said before, I don’t want to hear about it if anyone’s unhappy.”

  “Aren’t you forgetting something, Aunt Maggie?” Vasti asked.

  “I don’t believe so.”

  “What about the house?”

  “Paw left it to the church, didn’t he?” Aunt Edna said anxiously.

  Aunt Maggie carefully folded her sheath of papers. “No, Edna, Ellis did not leave the house to the church.”

  “He said he would.”

  “Oh Edna,” Aunt Nellie said scornfully. “He did not, and you know it.”

  “Well he didn’t leave it to you,” Aunt Edna fired back. “You’d have a second mortgage on it within six months.”

  “Better that than to let Glass get his slimy hands on it.”

  Aunt Edna glared at her sister, her cheeks high spots of red. “You watch your mouth! Reverend Glass is a man of God!”

  Aunt Nellie snorted loudly in response, and I had to resist the impulse to cover my eyes. This could get ugly in a hurry.

  Then Aunt Nora stood up, her hands on her hips. “I hope y’all two realize what you sound like! You would think grown women could show a little respect when their father is barely in his grave.”

  Aunt Nellie and Aunt Edna stared at each other for a minute, but then Aunt Nellie relented. “You’re right, Nora. I’m sorry, Edna. This week has been hard on me.

  “I’ve been on edge myself,” Aunt Edna acknowledged. “I’m sorry, too, sister.”

  “Then who does get the house?” Vasti persisted.

  “Me,” Aunt Maggie said. “I’m the last one with the Burnette name, and Ellis figured that since it was our daddy’s before it was his, I’ve got as good a claim to it as anyone else.” I was pretty sure there could be no argument to that, and everyone else seemed to agree.

  The family milled around as Aunt Maggie located and distributed bequests. I went downstairs to help Aunt Nora remove family photos from
the wall, then helped carry the ancient sewing machine Paw had left to Carlelle out to her car. I was in the kitchen wrapping Vasti’s legacy, the cordial glasses Paw had given his bride on their first anniversary, when the doorbell rang.

  I was the closest to the door, so I called out, “Aunt Maggie, do you want me to get that?”

  “Go ahead,” she hollered back from somewhere.

  I opened the door, and there was Reverend Glass standing on the porch. “Reverend Glass,” I said stupidly. “What a surprise.”

  He smiled like the cat who had just swallowed the canary. “I understood that your family would be reading Brother Burnette’s will tonight, and I thought it would be a good time to start making arrangements.”

  “Arrangements?”

  “For the transfer of title.”

  Good lord, he still thought he was getting the house. “I think I better get my aunt.” I hesitated, not wanting to be rude and just yell for Aunt Maggie but certainly not wanting to leave him alone in the house.

  Fortunately, Aunt Maggie saved me from making the decision by appearing from upstairs and saying, “What is it? Another casserole?”

  “Aunt Maggie, you know Reverend Glass,” I said.

  She looked at him with ill-disguised disgust. “I suppose you want to come in.”

  “If that would be all right,” he said, still smiling.

  “Laurie Anne, take him on into the living-room. I’ll go get Edna.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Won’t you come this way, Reverend Glass?”

  The living-room was currently empty. Glass took the recliner, and I perched on the couch. Neither of us said anything. I didn’t know what to say, and I think he was too busy making plans for the house.

  A few minutes later, Aunt Edna came in looking more than a little flustered, her hands fluttering from smoothing her hair to fixing the belt of her dress to wiping her hands. She was followed by Aunt Maggie, who had a stern expression on her face but a gleam in her eye. She was looking forward to this.

  “Why Reverend Glass,” Aunt Edna said as brightly as she could, “I wasn’t expecting you.”

  Glass rose and took her hand in his. “I heard from Mrs. Funderburk that you would be reading your father’s will tonight, and while I did not wish to intrude upon your grief, I thought that it best that I be here. I hope you don’t find my haste unseemly.”

  “No, no, of course not. Please sit down. Can I offer you a drink? A soft drink, of course. Or iced tea?”

  “No, thank you.”

  We sat for a minute without speaking. A few other family members walked by, but crept away when they saw Glass. Aunt Edna kept a brittle smile on her face, and nodded amiably.

  Glass cleared his throat a few times before saying, “Has the will been read yet?”

  “Oh yes,” Aunt Maggie said. “We took care of that a good hour ago.”

  “I see. I thought it was customary for all heirs to be present when a will is read.”

  “We were all here,” Aunt Maggie said with a wide-eyed, innocent look. She obviously wasn’t planning on making this any easier for Aunt Edna.

  Glass cleared his throat again. “I’m afraid I don’t understand. I realize Mr. Burnette left his house to the church and not to me personally, but shouldn’t a representative of the church have been present?”

  Aunt Maggie turned to Aunt Edna. “Well Edna? Are you going to tell him, or am I?”

  Glass looked from one of them to the other, and I looked everywhere else. Someone was going to have to tell him, and it wasn’t going to be me.

  “Well, Reverend Glass,” Aunt Edna finally said, “I’m afraid there’s been a misunderstanding.” She smiled again, as if pleased with finding the right word.

  Glass waited for her to continue, but when she didn’t, he prompted, “What kind of misunderstanding?”

  “Though Paw and I had discussed leaving the house to the church, he never completed the paperwork. His death was quite sudden, as you know.”

  “Of course, of course, it must have been a terrible shock to you all.” His look of deep concern lasted a full ten seconds. “Still, you and I should be able to make the title transfer easily enough. It did pass on to you as the oldest, did it not?”

  “Not exactly,” Aunt Edna said. “Paw left the house to Aunt Maggie.”

  He turned to Aunt Maggie. “Then you and I should be able to take care of it.”

  Aunt Maggie said, “Hold on a minute, fellow. I’m not giving this house to nobody.”

  Glass’s eyebrows lowered, for the first time betraying his consternation. “But surely,” he said, “you will want to carry out Brother Burnette’s wishes.”

  “Oh, I’ll be carrying out Ellis’s wishes all right,” Aunt Maggie said, “but they do not include giving this house to a—” I had a good idea of what was coming next and I could tell Aunt Edna did too because she cringed, but Aunt Maggie stopped and visibly took hold of herself. “What I mean to say, Reverend Glass, is that Ellis had changed his mind about the house. He decided he’d rather keep it in the family.”

  “But the church!” Glass wailed. “We had such plans.”

  “I sure am sorry about that,” Aunt Maggie said dryly. “Ellis’s decision was fairly recent, and he hadn’t had a chance to tell you.” She looked at Aunt Edna. “Or Edna,” she added, letting her off the hook. “As Edna said, Ellis’s death was unexpected.”

  A selection of emotions played across Glass’s face. He eventually cleared his throat three times and said, “I must admit that this is a disappointment, but of course Mr. Burnette had to do what he thought proper.”

  I noticed that now it was Mr. Burnette instead of Brother Burnette.

  “I just don’t know what to say, Reverend Glass,” Aunt Edna said miserably. “I thought Paw’s mind was made up.”

  Glass nodded stiffly. “Don’t trouble yourself, Sister. The thought processes of the elderly can become confused, and they often change their minds suddenly. The Church is forgiving.”

  I could tell Aunt Maggie wanted to say something else, but what came out was, “If you don’t mind, Reverend, we’ve got some more family business we should attend to before it gets too late.”

  It was a clear dismissal. “Of course,” he said as he rose. “I’ll be going now.” He was halfway out the door when he turned to Aunt Maggie and said, “Now that you’ll be living next door, Miss Burnette, perhaps you’d be interested in attending our weekly Bible study classes. Wednesday evenings at six?”

  With some effort, I kept my face straight. Glass might have lost this battle, but he wasn’t giving up the war.

  “I’ll keep it in mind,” Aunt Maggie said, and closed the door firmly behind him. Then she turned to Aunt Edna and said, “Edna, you know that you’re the only reason I didn’t tell that so-and-so what I think of him.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Aunt Edna replied, hanging her head and looking more like a five-year-old child than a grown woman.

  Aunt Maggie allowed herself an exasperated sigh and said, “We’ll say no more about it. But if that man ever gets the idea that I’m giving him this house—”

  “He won’t have any reason to think that, Aunt Maggie,” Aunt Edna said hurriedly.

  “All right then.”

  Aunt Edna muttered something, and scurried away.

  Aunt Maggie went back upstairs, and I found Richard to tell him what he had missed. I finished up with, “I think you’re right about Glass. He was peeved about the house, but I can’t believe he wanted the house badly enough to kill for it. It’s just as well. I wouldn’t want to be the one to have to tell Aunt Edna that he was a murderer.”

  After everyone gathered their inheritances, pockets of people formed throughout the house until finally Aunt Maggie announced with her characteristic tact, “Y’all can go home now.”

  I got caught in a last flurry of conversation with my aunts at the front door.

  “We’ll see y’all at church on Sunday,” Aunt Nora said to everyone in general.

/>   “Sunday? Are we not going to the outlets Saturday?” Aunt Ruby Lee said.

  “I forgot all about that,” Aunt Nora said. “I don’t suppose we should, so soon after the funeral and all.”

  “I guess not,” Aunt Edna agreed mournfully.

  “Why not?” Aunt Daphine said. “We’ve been talking about going shopping together for I don’t know how long, and it’s taken us weeks to set a time when none of us had to work or anything. Paw would want us to go.”

  “Maybe you’re right,” Aunt Nora said.

  “What are y’all talking about?” I asked.

  “Why don’t you come with us, Laurie Anne?” Aunt Nora said. “We were all going to drive to Burlington to be there when the outlet stores open. We’re going to make a day of it, and then go someplace nice for dinner.”

  “Are you sure you want me to tag along? If it’s just going to be you sisters…”

  “Of course we want you to come. Vasti’s coming, too. It will be all of us girls together.”

  I agreed, pleased not only by the chance to go shopping, but also by the prospect of picking my aunts’ brains. Maybe one of them, without realizing it, knew something about Paw’s death.

  After everyone else was gone, Richard and I helped Aunt Maggie straighten up.

  “Well that’s that,” Aunt Maggie said once we were finished. “Laurie Anne, do you think you could get over to the flea market Sunday? I had a lawyer put together some papers for you to sign about the house. Not that I don’t trust you after you swore, but it’s best to get everything in writing.”

  “That makes sense to me, but wouldn’t it be easier to go to the lawyer’s office?”

  “No, let’s do it at the flea market. You see I’m not exactly paying the lawyer. I’m trading him something for his services, and this way I can give it to him as soon as we finish.”

  I nodded. For Aunt Maggie, the arrangement made sense.

  She headed on upstairs, but I didn’t feel much like going to bed yet. Instead, I unrolled the map Paw had left me to show Richard. “This is the land we used to have,” I said, showing him the borders. “Then, like Aunt Maggie said, we had to sell most of it during the Depression.” I outlined a much smaller area with my finger. “That’s all that’s left.”