Naughty & Nice

by J. S. Scott

  Kenna took one last look at the short Main Street with Christmas decorations covering the storefront windows and Christmas lights twinkling over the doors before she turned down the alley between the historic buildings. She parked her truck behind the law office she shared with Henry Rooney, the town's only defense attorney, and headed to work.

  She pushed open the back door and wiped her red Manolo Blahniks on the tan doormat before taking off her black wool pea coat and hanging it up beside the door. There were some aspects of New York City she just couldn’t let go, and sexy shoes was one of them. She walked down the hall of the once old historic house to her office. She had decorated it in a cheery yellow and had sheer navy blue drapes hanging across the oversized window. Pictures of her with Will, Sienna, and her best friend, Dani, covered one whole wall.

  "Morning, Boss."

  Kenna dropped her bag next to her large rectangular desk and turned to see her best friend leaning against the doorframe. Her Royal Highness, Danielle De Lucca Ali Rahman, stood clad in jeans, a white boatneck sweater and tan Uggs. The white sweater popped against the bronze colored skin she inherited from her Italian father. Her long black hair was pulled back into a stylish ponytail. Her retro purse, a deal she found at Miss Lily Rae Rose's yard sale, hung loosely by her side.

  "What are you doing here? Isn't Mo's family in town?" Kenna asked.

  Dani's husband, Mohtadi Ali Rahman, was the prince of a small island country in the Middle East and his parents were in town for a couple of weeks. The king, queen, and Dani had differing opinions of what was an acceptable behavior for a princess. Dani believed in being the same person she had always been—a hard working, yet sarcastic paralegal. However, the king believed she should be dressed up and paraded around the elite circles of royals from around the world.

  "Exactly. Which is why I'm here, avoiding lectures of duties and endless diatribe on the fact that I'm not with child yet." Dani rolled her ice blue eyes and walked into the room to take a seat in one of the leather chairs facing Kenna's desk. "Plus, it really pisses the king off that I still work." Dani laughed with a twinkle in her eye. It was the way their relationship worked for them. They fought and each time she stood up to the king, he loved her more.

  "Then you may as well come to court with me today. I have a huge stack of cases to get through." Kenna pulled out file after file from her bag and piled them up on her desk.

  "Ooh, full moon and a holiday. Court should be better than any movie today," Dani joked as she picked up half of the stack of files.

  Dani and Kenna made their way across the street and toward the courthouse talking about family and their Christmas plans. The town Christmas party was tomorrow and everyone was coming. Kenna held open the door to the courthouse and sighed. The place was packed.

  "Hiya Kenna, Dani." Deputy Noodle stood in his brown uniform collecting random contraband from the people walking through the metal detector.

  "Deputy, this is old Bertha. She goes everywhere with me," a large lumberjack of a man whined to Noodle.

  "Sorry sir," Noodle said as he held up the large eight-inch hunting knife. "Not in Judge Cooper's court. I'll take good care of her and she'll be right here waiting for you as long as you don't go to jail," Noodle drawled.

  Dani hid a laugh behind her hand and Kenna smiled serenely. Full moon and a holiday- anything could happen! "Are you bringing that pretty doctor to the Christmas party?" Kenna asked as she walked through the metal detector with Dani. Noodle, real name Eugene Miller, had started dating the emergency room doctor who patched him up this past summer after he was shot. The Keeneston Sheriff’s Department had been on the hunt for a criminal ring wrapped up in dog fighting, guns, and drugs. Noodle had been ambushed while night fishing, but that had led to emergency room. Nothing was cuter than seeing him and Dr. Francis together. Noodle was tall and lean, whereas the doctor was short and curvy with curly hair that bounced as she talked.

  "Sure am. Good luck in court, it's going to be a doozy."

  Kenna smiled and headed for the large oak courtroom doors. She pulled them open and was hit in the face by the noise. There was standing-room only as people waited for the docket. Kenna and Dani pushed their way forward to the prosecutor's table. Martha, the D.A.'s assistant, sat at the end of the table. Kenna eyed the tall stack of files ominously sitting before her.

  "Merry Christmas, Martha." Kenna smiled cautiously and laid down her own files on the table.

  "Humph. I hate Christmas. All the loonies come out. Here." Martha shoved the files toward her. "Tom decided to take an earlier flight to Florida. He wants you to cover his caseload today. Merry Christmas," Martha managed a fake grin on her tight face before standing up to go back to her post in the D.A.'s office.

  Kenna straightened her auburn hair currently in a French twist and worried it may not last the day. She smoothed her black pantsuit and buttoned her suit coat over her red silk shirt.

  Dinky, Noodle's partner, came out the door behind the bench and yelled, "Please rise!"

  Here goes nothing she thought as Dani handed her the first case file.

  Three hours later Kenna was close to grabbing Judge Cooper's gavel and banging her head with it. "What happened next, Mr. Haverton?" she asked instead.

  "Well, then my ex-wife kicked me out of her house. Alls I was trying to do was tell her how much I missed her and wanted her back." The short man with circular wire-rimmed glasses, a mistletoe bow tie, and balding head told her. His droopy eyes made her think of a sad basset hound.

  "So why did she call the police?"

  "Because I might have sat down on the stoop and started crying."

  "He wasn't crying, he was wailing! I told you to man up and then I'd take you back, but what do you do? You sit down and cry like a girl!" An Amazonian woman yelled from the gallery.

  "Enough." Judge Cooper rapped his gavel. "What happened then, Mr. Haverton?"

  "Well, I heard the sirens and got pissed. I thought since she'd ruined my Christmas, I should ruin hers. She loves lights and had the tree in her front yard all lit up. It was so cheery and happy and I was so depressed. Those lights made me so mad. So I went over and pissed on the lights. But the damn tree had the last laugh. My wife may be good at most things, but electrical work ain't one of them. There was an exposed wire, and well, when I peed I got quite a shock. I started jumping around and swearing. That's when the cops arrived to find me yelling and the tree on fire."

  "Really?" Judge Cooper asked as he leaned over the bench. "I thought that was just a myth."

  "Well, alls I know is it hurt like the devil and 'he' was swollen for a while, but I'm right as rain now."

  Kenna rolled her eyes. Boys. Next she could double-dog dare them to go stick their tongues on the flagpole like in Christmas Story just to see if they'd do it. Pretty good chance they'd take the challenge.

  "So, you've admitted to trespassing after you were asked to vacate the property and to destruction of property." When the little man nodded Kenna turned to the judge, "I ask you to fine him $250 and to pay for replacing the now burnt tree and destroyed lights," Kenna said while Judge Cooper and Mr. Haverton talked more in-depth on getting shocked while peeing on things. "Your Honor?"

  "Oh, yes, yes, sorry. Well, Mr. Haverton, I order you to pay for the replacement of the tree and lights only. I think you've suffered enough."

  Kenna looked back at the gallery and saw Dani hiding behind a stack of files. Her shoulders were bouncing up and down as she laughed silently. Mr. Haverton's Amazonian wife was still standing and shaking her head. Yup, boys will always be boys, no matter how old or educated they got.

  "Please tell me it gets better," Kenna asked Dani when she reached for the next case.

  "Nope," Dani laughed as she handed a thick file to Kenna.

  Kenna opened it and groaned. "You have got to be kidding me!"

  "God, I love this job. This is so much better than having tea with the king and queen." Dani sat back and watched as their old friendly mastu
rbator, Mr. Chapman, made his way to the front of the courtroom.

  "Mr. Chapman, a pleasure to see you again," Kenna said to the man who resembled a geeky version of Anthony Michael Hall, even after two years of knowing him.

  "Mrs. Ashton. That was real nice of you to send me a Christmas card."

  "Well, I do see you in court enough to know you pretty well by now. Okay, Mr. Chapman, it's been almost a year since your last arrest. Tell us what happened."

  "I was doing real good like. I went to all those meetings and I had stopped masturbating in public. The therapist said I was crying out for attention and wanting to get caught and we really delved into my childhood and my marriage to find out why I was doing it so often. I mean, at church, the grocery story, in the car, at work—anywhere I could get a hand on it."

  "Yes, I remember. What happened this time?"

  "Well, it was the pressure of the holidays. Me and the wife are giving it a real good shot at this marriage thing again. I'm even going to church with her and I've stopped watching so much porn. I even stopped taking those Viagra pills I bought from this guy in the parking lot."

  Where was that gavel? Kenna thought as she just watched Mr. Chapman dig a deeper and deeper hole for himself.

  "Her whole family was coming into town and she wanted me to take them to the live nativity. I was real nervous because her father doesn't think too highly of me and I wanted to make a good impression. So there I was, waiting for them at the nativity and I knew a quick therapeutic rub would calm me down a bit. I ducked behind the cows near the manger and was about to finish up when Father James found me. He was with Joseph and Mary and well, the rest is history."

  "Mr. Chapman, this is the third time you've been arrested on these charges," Kenna said as she flipped through the file.

  "Fourth. Don't forget the time at the Fourth of July parade last year."

  "Oh, yes, of course. Father James has asked that you not be prosecuted this time. He actually had an alternate idea that I think we should try. It seems like jail doesn't work, and therapy only works while you're in it. So, I am asking that you be required to attend weekly therapy meetings, at your own cost, for the next three years as part of your probation."

  "So ordered. Maybe you need shock therapy. Talk to the man that got his willy electrocuted before you go and see if that may work." Judge Cooper banged his gavel and handed the signed order to the clerk. "That's it everyone. Have a Merry Christmas."

  Chapter Two

  Dani helped Kenna pick up the files as they all said goodbye to the court workers and chatted about the town Christmas party being held the next day. It was one o'clock in the afternoon so Dani figured she had avoided her in-laws long enough.

  It wasn't that she didn't like them. She did. Mo's mother, Fatima, was so sweet. His father, Emir, could be caring in his own way. But he remained so focused on Rahmi business that she just tuned out. She may be a princess of the small country, but she didn't feel like it. She felt like the young girl from Maine who ran around and hunted in the woods, or who played in the grapevines of her father's Italian winery.

  She had woken up early this morning and felt terrible. Her in-laws were putting so much pressure on her that she literally got sick to her stomach. Hurry up and have an heir, dress more properly, talk to the Ambassador of Italy for us, sell the horse farm in Keeneston and live in Rahmi… it was all just getting to her. When they weren't visiting, she and Mo were so happy and carefree. He did all the royal business and she enjoyed her job as Kenna's paralegal. They went riding together and Dani had gotten Mo to loosen up enough to go hiking with her in real jeans instead of a suit.

  She opened the courtroom door for Kenna and hurried to catch up with her as they pushed through the glass doors to the parking lot. "It may be silly, but every time I walk through these doors I feel the bullet tearing into my chest," Dani said in a hushed voice, as if saying out loud would make it happen again. They had been targets of an assassin. Luckily they had survived and were now moving on in their lives as the assassin and the people who hired him were all sitting in jail.

  "I've gotten better. It doesn't happen as often, but I still have nightmares."

  Dani felt the shiver run through her and decided it was time to change subjects. That was in the past. "What are your Christmas plans?"

  Obviously relieved to be on a happier subject Kenna smiled and practically glowed when talking about her family. "Betsy and William are coming over and then we'll open Christmas presents. I'm afraid my house may become overrun with toys. And as doting grandparents, I doubt Betsy and William will come empty handed!"

  Dani felt a tiny ping of jealousy at the thought of having a baby at Christmas. It wasn't like she and Mo weren't trying. They had been since their wedding almost a year ago. She had thought nothing of it until after six months of trying. She tried a round of fertility treatments and then the worst night of her life happened two months ago.

  She woke up in the middle of the night with cramps and some bleeding. Mo was in Belgium when it happened so she had woken up in pain, disoriented, and alone. She called Ahmed, the head of their security and best friend, and crawled to the bathroom as tears rolled down her face. If she thought about it, she could still feel the cold marble on her skin and the feeling of utter despair knowing in that one second that she had lost a baby she hadn't even known she was carrying.

  Ahmed had found her and rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand while the doctor told her that her body had rejected the baby around a month into the pregnancy. She cried into Ahmed's shirt and mourned what might have been.

  She wasn't that surprised when Mo appeared just eight hours later with bags under his normally smooth eyes and wrinkles in his normally pressed suit. Ahmed had called and Mo immediately left the meeting he was attending at the European Union to be by her side. She had tucked away the pain and pretended it hadn't happened. She hadn't even told Kenna.

  "Well, make sure you have room for what Godmother Dani has for her!" She laughed to hide the pain. She loved her goddaughter, but it hurt too. "I'll see you tomorrow for the party. I think we're bringing dessert courtesy of our French cook. His attitude may leave a lot to be desired, but his pastries make up for it."

  "Very true. We're bringing sweet potato casseroles." Kenna said as they approached Dani's beaten-up brown 1997 Chevy Lumina.

  "What's that?"

  "I don't know. Betsy said she’d teach me how to make it. Apparently you use sweet potatoes, brown sugar, and marshmallows. There are some things in the South I just haven't picked up on yet," she joked.

  "Isn’t that the truth?” Dani stated as she shook her head. There were many things she was still getting used to, including when you should or shouldn’t bless someone’s heart.

  “I'll see you tomorrow. Behave yourself with your in-laws."

  Dani just snorted as she climbed into her car. The engine struggled to life and cold air blasted out from the vents. Eventually she'd take the time to get the heat fixed. She loved her car. It pissed off the king to have a princess driving around in a busted up old car, but it reminded her of what she could do on her own and it was an everlasting symbol of her independence. She had bought and paid for that car all on her own and she intended to keep it.

  The drive back to the farm was quick. She pulled around to the garage and parked her car next to Mo's black Mercedes SLS. Dani turned off the car and peeked out from the garage. She didn't see any of the window treatments moving, so maybe she hadn't been spotted yet. She ducked back into the garage and took the back hallway into the kitchen and prayed her cook wouldn't alert the group to her presence. She was hoping to make it to the master suite to hide out for a while before having to endure another dinner.

  She pushed open the door to the aroma-filled kitchen and sighed. Ahmed was at the large oak table sampling some of cook's pastries for the party. Two long, matching wooden benches sat on each side of the warm colored table. A small vase of flowers sat in the middle of the table. He
r chef sneered his hello and then went back to making the dough in his industrial mixer across the room.

  "Have fun in court?"

  Dani had given up long ago knowing how Ahmed knew everything. "Sure, it was a real pisser."

  "I heard about Mr. Haverton." Ahmed crossed his legs and looked slightly uncomfortable.

  "Are you waiting for me or are you hiding out too?"

  "I don't hide," he said darkly.

  "Of course not." Dani rolled her eyes and grabbed a cherry tart. "So, am I being summoned?"

  "Yes. Mo needs to talk to you and prepare you for dinner tonight. It's going to be a tough one."

  "Great. Any chance of you pretending you didn't see me so I can grab a couple more of these tarts and hide in the garage?"

  "Sorry wife, too late."

  Dani looked to the far door and saw her husband leaning against the frame. He was in a black pinstripe suit that accented his dark skin and eyes. His hair, slightly longer than normal, was slicked back and skimmed against the collar of his French blue dress shirt. He looked more delicious than one of the cook's tarts.

  "It was worth a shot," she shrugged and popped another pastry into her mouth. "So, what's up?"

  "We need to talk before my parents find you. Come on, let's go to my office."

  Mo turned and headed down the hallway toward his office. She looked at the tarts longingly and grabbed a couple more before following her husband. It couldn't be good if she was being called into his office.

  She passed the beautiful Impressionism oil paintings that hung on the walls and the pictures of family she had snuck in after they had been married. His house—mansion really—had been more like a museum. As soon as they married, she started taking down some of the "priceless art" as the king called it. It may be priceless, but it didn't mean it was pretty. So she took them down and replaced them with pictures of her family, Mo's family, and the two of them instead. She was slowly turning the museum into a beautiful home.