by M Helbig
Cedra pushed Alizia’s hand off her shoulder and moved over to Georgius. “You have the full support of the entire guild. We’ll spend every waking moment tracking her down—in between our scheduled raids, meetings, and events.”
Noradine fumbled her resurrection spell on my corpse as a deep grimace spread on her face. “Cedra!”
“Fine, we’ll cancel the raids and meetings for this week, and half of them in the following weeks if we still haven’t found her.”
Noradine grumbled and went back to her spell. “We’ll talk later.”
With my monochromatic vision, I missed the full spectacle of the spell as it washed over my corpse, yet it was still amazing. It took a few seconds for my eyes and my mind to adjust to the sudden change of viewpoint and return of color, but when I did, I was surprised to see Cedra waiting above me.
“So, what is it I’m banned from?” I asked. “Everything with the word ‘knight’ in it? Going out at night?”
Cedra laughed. “No, but I would like to extend an offer to join our guild. You’re going to have to run those crazy plans of yours by me first from now on, but we could use someone with your mind.”
“Does that extend to my friends?” I asked.
“We can take the gnome, but there’s no way I’m letting the giant anywhere near any guild activities.”
Alizia pointed excitedly at Tunk.
I sighed. “Sorry, I can’t let her loose on the world unsupervised. No deal without her.”
Cedra bit her lip. “If you ever change your mind, let me know.”
For the first time, the bright light of a resurrection spell was not illuminating the room. Noradine had joined Georgius in staring at Yary. There were no other corpses I could see. Hers was the last one left.
“We need answers from her, and the fastest way to find her would be a rez,” Noradine said to Cedra. “Should I?”
“Please.” Georgius’s eyes began to water. “I have to know what she did with my sister.”
Alizia stomped forward. “No way! She’ll just start attacking us again. I’m not risking Olaf’s son and my parade so we can get more non-answers from that monster.”
“Could we lock her in a cell or put some sort of incapacitating spell on her and then rez her?” I asked.
“Unfortunately, no,” Cedra said. “You have to be alive to get debuffs put on you and Pyrite placed safeguards in the very first patch to prevent people from being resurrected inside unescapable rooms or with restraints on them. They’re still paying off a few of the lawsuits from then.”
“The longer we wait, the less likely she’ll be to accept,” Noradine said.
“At least let us get Kasper away from here before you do,” I said.
Cedra rubbed her chin. “Bosses can’t usually leave their area. In the rare cases they do, it’s only within the confines of their dungeon—but he did get in here somehow.”
All eyes turned to Kasper. He was moving again, as was Olaf. The two of them were standing off to the side, carrying out their own conversation, seemingly oblivious to the important decision being made about them. After what’d happened with Yary, it was no surprise that Kasper wanted to keep his distance from other players. I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject with him, but before I could speak up, an intermediary interrupted them.
“Excuse me, my good half-man, but the rest of the class would like to share their cupcakes and conversation with you,” Clewd said. He was no longer in his boxers, having put on a suit that was a perfect match for the impossibly dark one worn by Kasper.
Kasper and Olaf stopped mid-laugh as they noticed every eye in the cavern on them.
Clewd clapped. “Excellent. I wish I had time to get a stage setup, but this’ll have to do. So much easier to get the cast together directly afterward than to track everyone down and fly them in months later for the reunion special. Now, where to start? Kasper, what was your first thought when you realized the young woman with the glowing knuckles wanted to kill you? Please speak clearly into the microphone . . . as soon as I find one and figure out what exactly a microphone is.”
“Well, I wasn’t exactly happy about it, and thought she probably wouldn’t want to do that if she spent time getting to know me better,” Kasper said.
Clewd nodded thoughtfully and headed to the other side of the cavern. “Hmm. Yes, I have a feeling the same could be said of most bosses. Ofni being the exception. A few minutes of hearing him drone on about murdering everyone and making the world one big funeral pyre and you’ll be forced to kill him lest you die of boredom.” He stopped in front of Cedra and held up his imaginary microphone. “What were your thoughts, dear? Did you feel betrayed or just incredibly stupid for not realizing who she really was?”
Cedra’s hand shot out but stopped when she realized there wasn’t any microphone to swat away. “We don’t have time for your dumb games, Clewd. We need to figure out if we can get that boss out of here.”
“My apologies.” Clewd shook his head as Cedra turned around.
“Kasper, can you leave this place or are you stuck in the confines of this dungeon?” Cedra asked. “We want to resurrect Yary to ask her more questions about Georgius’s missing sister, but we don’t want to put you in danger.”
“That is very thoughtful of you,” Olaf said. “Georgius has done much for us, so we would be happy to help in any way we can. We will leave immediately if that is possible.”
Kasper looked around the cavern. “I’m not actually sure how I got in here. I did try leaving once, but my HPs started ticking down as soon as I set foot outside. I barely made it back in before they hit zero.”
“I can help with that, Repsak,” Clewd said.
Cedra glared at him. “No, you can’t.”
“Well, I did bring him in here. I’d assume the principal in moving him back out would be the same.” Clewd reached down to pick up his fallen, imaginary microphone.
“You did what?” Cedra grabbed ahold of him. “Clewd, this isn’t the time for your idiotic jokes. We don’t have time for this.”
Clewd leisurely brushed her hands off his collar. “My dear lady, I am well aware of the gravity of the situation. Greg needs to talk to the GM to find where she put his poor lost sister Yarina, but we need to move Kasper here to safety before we bring the GM back to the land of the digitally living. Might I also suggest you send all of your recruits to safety and bring in a full raid of your best first?”
“Uh . . .”
Noradine summoned a gate and motioned the recruits through it. “Sent the command to Marlisu already. She says she can have two-thirds of a raid here in five minutes. Stragglers should be able to fill it within ten minutes.”
A piece of paper appeared in Clewd’s hand and he began writing on it. “So, the command the Knights use to summon a gate is ‘uh.’ Interesting. Most of the other guilds call them ‘gates’ or ‘ports.’ So, that just leaves my part of transporting my dear friend Repsak to yet another dungeon.”
“If he has to stay in a dungeon, that must mean he is part boss and not part Reaper,” I said. “Yary was wrong.”
“Exactly as I said before. If everyone had listened to me, that whole dramatic fight could’ve been avoided—of course, then I wouldn’t have had this epic non-video to share with my non-subscribers. Why don’t people listen to me more often?” Clewd tapped his imaginary microphone. “Does anyone know how to fix this thing?”
“I’ll be sure to mention she was wrong about Kasper when we rez her,” Georgius growled. “Right before I make her pay for what she did to Yarina.”
“Could you maybe mention it a few dozen times before that too?” Olaf asked. “It would help my son immensely if she did not try to hunt him down and kill him again.”
Clewd tapped his imaginary microphone a few more times before giving up and tossing it away. “Darn things aren’t what they used to be. Back when I was a lad, our imaginations made them much more durable. But, back on track. Yes, please mention that to her and be s
ure to mention that to any other GMs you come across, as well. That should fix one problem, but now we have the issue of the rest of the players. As the Knights demonstrated here, if others hear about a new boss, they will come swarming. Therefore, we need to put Kasper in some low-traffic dungeon where he won’t get noticed.”
A few of the recruits stopped to argue with Noradine, including Murderwinkle and Tunk. Apparently, they wanted to stay and fight. Cedra walked over and after one look at her face, they scurried through the portal.
“Scraggle Rock or the Cave of Gy’Gaxx,” Cedra said. “The only loot the bosses drop is for quests that no one does anymore, and they’re way off the beaten path.”
“King Larry’s Compound,” Noradine said. “Below average loot and you have to build up a ton of faction to even get in.”
“Or the Sky Kingdom of the Harpy Goddess, Oopra,” Georgius said. “Stupid hard boss, can’t rez while inside, and the loot is sooo ten years ago.”
“All excellent suggestions, but I have a better idea,” Clewd said.
“Ogreton? Cave of Lamentations? Fangsylvania?” Cedra asked.
Clewd smiled. “All excellent guesses, but no. This will have to be my little secret, I’m afraid. The less people that know, the less likely anyone will find him.”
“But if we know, we can warn our people off,” Cedra said. “I can tell the other guilds it’s off limits.”
“And draw attention to it from those we don’t want to know. Such as spies in your ranks impersonating family members.”
Georgius summoned his swords and advanced on Clewd. Noradine and Cedra grabbed him and pulled him back.
“I think that’s your cue to leave, Clewd.” I was going to point to the exit until I remembered I wasn’t sure where it was. In most games, after a boss was defeated a convenient way out appeared in the room. No such exit was obvious in the cavern, however. But then again, we hadn’t actually defeated the dungeon’s boss. The only way out appeared to be the way we’d come in.
Clewd seemed to agree. He pulled out a red and gray miniature and placed it on the ground. It quickly grew into a large metal box with an old phone in it. “Kasper, if you could get inside. I have a new home I’d like to introduce you to.”
Kasper took a step forward but Olaf grabbed his arm and held him back. “You are not leaving my side ever again. I am coming with you.”
Kasper looked at Clewd who motioned Olaf to come forward.
Olaf barely got halfway before Alizia stopped him. “And you’re not going anywhere without me and Horus. We’re a team, and teammates don’t just abandon each other because their son got turned into a shadowy boss who can’t leave the game they all kind of like.” Her head turned to me. “Right, mentor?”
I looked at her and was about to agree when my eyes hit Olaf. Something he’d said days ago hit me like a brick. Alizia was an NPC. I’d initially thought she’d been sent by the game to do stupid things and make the game harder for us so we’d die more and the company could take more of our money, but recently she’d started acting sensible and downright competent. Could that be because she was on to me? Lulling Olaf and me into a false sense of security so we’d lower our guard and then she could do something monumentally terrible—like kill Olaf’s son? True, I’d trusted her to help finish off Yary and she’d come through spectacularly, but this time I could afford to be cautious.
“I think we should stay here,” I said. “The less people who know where Kasper is the better, like Clewd said.”
“This’d be the same guy who spends all his time setting up videos that he never records, correct?” Alizia asked.
“Yes,” I said. “But he’s also the only one who knows how to keep Kasper safe.”
Alizia pouted for a bit but finally let out a soft sigh. “You’re my mentor, so I guess that means I have to trust you, even if I do think this is stupid and a really unfair thing to ask of Olaf’s best friend.”
Olaf looked me in the eyes and I reluctantly confirmed Alizia’s suggestion. Without a word from Olaf, Clewd closed the glass door and quickly pressed the buttons on the phone. The odd box glowed first from its antennas and then the whole thing lit up. A small portal appeared below it that quickly sucked it and its occupants through. The portal disappeared with a pop, leaving nothing but gravel and a small cloud of dust in its place.
My staring at the spot was eventually interrupted when a message icon popped up. It was from Olaf. “I wanted to give you a long, heartfelt goodbye, but certain people had other ideas,” Olaf wrote. “It looks like you came to the same conclusion as me: that even though I am not leaving the game with my son as planned, your path and mine must diverge. Sitting in a dungeon all day is no way for a young person such as yourself to live. You should be out adventuring and having fun with other young people.”
I began a reply when, as usual, Alizia distracted me. Her argument with Georgius had gotten pretty heated. Mercifully, she eventually settled down when he dropped three small but apparently heavy bags into her hand. As curious as I was to find out what was in them, I had more important things to worry about. I hastily composed a reply to Olaf.
“The only reasons I took the risk to go adventuring were to chase Nyytro down and then to help you find Kasper.” I wrote back. “I actually wouldn’t mind something safe and boring. Remember, if I die too much, I die for good. I held back on going with you though because I wasn’t sure if I could trust Alizia. She’s an NPC, and as such, I’m not convinced she’s looking out for our best interest. The AI, which NPCs are a part of, was built by a company to maximize profit. Nothing is more profitable to Pyrite than us dying a lot. I think up until recently, she’s been sabotaging us so we’d die more. The only reason she’s been good lately is so we wouldn’t be prepared for when she did something big. What could be bigger than taking Kasper down? The AI must view him as a glitch. I’m not sure if that all makes sense, but I figured it would be safer if Alizia didn’t know where Kasper was.”
The new raid members appeared from Noradine’s portal. Cedra cleared her throat loudly and motioned for us to go through. I held up my finger for one more minute. Shockingly, Cedra complied and went back to conversing with the new arrivals. While I was distracted waiting for Olaf’s reply, Alizia yanked me through the doorway into the secretary’s room. With the noise and confusion of the new raid assembling, I was sure no one had noticed our exit. What could she possibly want now?
Alizia Reveals That Thing I Wanted to Know
“I heard about your little conversation with Laffy.” Alizia put her hand over my mouth. “Did you really think we wouldn’t read it? You sent it digitally through our system. A system we control. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to reveal myself, but you figured it out.” A feral grin spread across her face as she summoned the scepter to her spare hand.
The obvious question gushed from my mouth, but her hand devoured the sound until the words were nothing more than an impotent mumble. I was surprised that something with the intelligence of a machine had wasted time covering my mouth, since I could still be heard through group chat; however, on second glance I realized we were the only two people left in our group—or the raid, for that matter. Even if I couldn’t call for help, I still had to know, so I asked the question in group chat. “Are you going to kill me?”
Alizia cackled and then rubbed her scepter slowly across my brow. “That, my ‘mentor,’ is much too simple for someone like you. No, after I’m finished, you’ll beg for the sweet release of permanent death. First, I’ll use you to find everything I need about everyone you care about in this digital world. And then—”
Another message icon appeared. I knew it was from Olaf and hoped with every fiber of my being that he hadn’t revealed where Clewd was hiding Kasper, but given the timing, was sure the message contained that very information. I couldn’t bring myself to open it and instead looked back at Alizia.
Alizia’s grin grew wider, as a knowing look glinted in her eyes. “Using your knowledge of a
ll of their deepest secrets, I will make your friends suffer in the most inventive ways my creator can muster. With decades of exposure to some of the most sadistic things you players have done, I can assure you, they are quite elaborate and highly effective. Only after I’m done playing with them and disposing of their useless husks will I let you join them in oblivion, but don’t worry, I’ll be sure to let you live long enough for the grief to melt that last bit of sanity from that pathetic piece of meat you call a mind.” She threw every fiber of her being into another cackle. The tone was completely different than anything I’d heard from her before. I’d a feeling she’d pulled it off the net from a sounds-to-make-your-friends-crap-their-pants list.
I tried to pull away but she wouldn’t budge. I shouldn’t have been surprised. Her Strength was almost three times mine—normally. Now that the charade was over, she could’ve probably moved it as high as she wanted. My only hope was to outwit her. “Well, I guess you can pretty much do whatever you want with me. Darn. Your master has such vast resources, there’s no way I can hope to beat the two of you. I guess I should just give in and do whatever you want. What is it you want me to do?”
Alizia’s grin turned upside down. “You have no chance to—what? I mean, yeah. Of course you’re giving up. You’re a smart person so you understand the inevitability of the situation. Very prudent. First, I want you to tell me your most embarrassing secret. The kind of thing you’ve never told anyone, as a test of your sincerity.” Her grip loosened.
I should’ve used the opportunity to try to escape again, but she’d caught me completely off guard—which was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I shouldn’t have been surprised. How was a mortal supposed to outthink a computer whose yearly operating cost was greater than most countries’ GDP? “Well, when I was in third grade, I wet my pants and tried to hide the evidence in the class’s hamster’s cage. The hamster—”
