Fortunate Sum

by M. Ullrich

Linda stumbled inside. “Such mixed signals, Cat.” Catherine watched her make herself at home by kicking off her heels and sitting back on the couch. “First you want me gone, and now you’re happy to see me. I don’t think you know what you want.” She laughed.

  “I thought you were someone else,” Catherine explained. “How did you get my address?” she asked and closed the door.

  “You make it sound like the company directory is top secret information.” Linda took a sip of Catherine’s wine. “Although I must say, you’ve trained Vivian very well. She wouldn’t tell me a thing.” Catherine noticed an uncharacteristic slur in Linda’s speech.

  “Have you been drinking?”

  “Yes,” Linda answered coolly.

  “Great,” Catherine said as she took the glass from Linda’s hand and pulled her to her feet. “Come on, I’m calling you a cab.”

  “But I’m not ready to leave.” Linda whined and wrapped her arms around Catherine’s neck. Catherine had only seen her like this one other time, and it hadn’t ended well.

  “I think you are.” Catherine stepped back, but Linda advanced nearer, pressing the length of her body against Catherine’s.

  “I’m not happy with how our reunion turned out, and I thought we could make one more good memory to carry with us.”

  “Have you always been this desperate?” Catherine bit off.

  “I’m not desperate, sweetheart, I’m horny. And you playing hard to get turns me on.” Linda thrust her hips forward as if to punctuate her point. Their faces were inches apart, the tart scent of wine mixed with stale liquor turning Catherine’s stomach. “One more night together, and I’ll be gone. I need to have a taste of this woman you’ve become.” Linda pushed Catherine toward the sofa, causing her to sit abruptly. Linda settled herself on her lap.

  “Linda, listen to me,” Catherine said, looked into her glassy eyes. “I don’t want you, I don’t want any of this, and if I’m being completely honest, I don’t think I ever did.”

  “Oh please.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “Is this because of that woman who came to your office today?”

  “Yes,” Catherine replied.

  “And yet I knew nothing about her.” Linda started to unbutton her blouse. “That’s pretty telling, don’t you think?”

  “It is telling,” Catherine said as she grabbed Linda’s hands. “It’s telling that I’m an idiot for seeing more than there was between us and for letting myself get carried away by something meaningless. It wasn’t until you kissed me that I knew I had made a mistake.” Catherine gripped Linda’s hips and tried to shift her away. “There’s only one woman I want and it’s not—” Catherine’s words died against Linda’s lips. She was being kissed again and this time there was no accompanying confusion, only anger. She tore herself away and before she could berate Linda for her unwanted advances yet again, a soft knock sounded in the room.

  Catherine stood abruptly, throwing Linda off her lap on the floor. “Stay here.” She raced to the door and opened it enough to see Imogene standing on the other side. Shit!

  “Imogene! What a surprise!” Catherine slid out into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

  “I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t show up unannounced twice in one day.” Catherine watched Imogene bounce from one foot to another nervously.

  “It’s okay, really. I’m very happy to see you. I wanted to explain—”

  “No,” Imogene held up her hand. “Let me talk because I have to. I have to say some things first because this is how it’s meant to be.” Catherine looked at Imogene curiously as she rambled on. “I stayed today, you know. I stayed in the city, and I went to the September Eleventh Memorial for the first time, and there was this guy and his pocket square…” Imogene looked directly into Catherine’s eyes. “I’m meant to be here. For whatever reason, I needed to see you again.” Catherine wanted to jump right into her explanation and apology but Imogene wouldn’t let her.

  “Can we go inside? I feel a little weird talking like this in the hallway.” Imogene chuckled warmly, and Catherine’s heart seized.

  Catherine breathed deeply and bit her inner cheek. “How about getting a drink?”

  “I’d much rather it be just you and I someplace quiet and comfortable.”

  “Inside isn’t…” Catherine paused and stared into the hopeful blue eyes looking at her. “Inside isn’t good right now.”

  “Why?” Imogene’s question was so innocent. Catherine remained quiet, but she knew her fallen, guilt-ridden expression said it all. Imogene reached around her and opened the door. Just inside, Linda stood buttoning her blouse.

  “Imogene, please let me explain.” Catherine grabbed her hands.

  “If you say ‘it’s not what it looks like’ one more time…” Imogene pulled against Catherine’s grip.

  “It’s not! She just—” Catherine tried in vain to explain.

  “You must think I’m stupid!” Imogene stopped struggling and looked into Catherine’s eyes. She looked so defeated, it twisted Catherine’s gut. “You keep hurting me, and I just keep coming back for more. I am stupid.” Imogene’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m pathetic.”

  “No, you’re not stupid or pathetic. Please, Imogene, let me explain,” Catherine said frantically.

  “There’s nothing left to explain, you got what you’ve wanted all along and one day maybe I’ll even be happy for you.”

  “Linda isn’t—”

  “Just let me go, Catherine.” Imogene interrupted. “This was a mistake.” Imogene started crying forcefully. “Please just let me go. Let me go!” She nearly begged Catherine with a panicked tone. Catherine released her hands, and Imogene ran from her.

  Catherine’s eyes flinched as they began to burn with gathering tears. She stood in the hallway and stared. The overwhelming reality that she had spent all her chances hit her in the chest. When she walked back into her apartment, she wondered how things had gotten so twisted and so out of control. Linda was perched on the edge of the sofa, a sober look on her face.

  “I owe you an apology, Catherine.”

  “You owe me more than that.” Catherine’s voice hardened enough not to crack under the weight of her emotions.

  “But you owe me one as well.”

  “Excuse me?” Catherine asked indignantly.

  “I pursued you because I was under the impression that you were single. You had told me as much,” Linda pointed out. Catherine looked at the floor in shame. “After what had happened earlier today, I should have walked away, but my ego was wounded and after a few drinks, I felt like I had something to prove.” Linda stood before Catherine. “I needed to prove that I could still have you if I wanted you.” Catherine’s head shot up and she looked Linda in the eyes.

  “I don’t—” Linda silenced Catherine with an index finger over her lips.

  “I can’t have you because you love her, I get it,” she said. “But what I don’t understand is why you let her go.” Catherine didn’t have a reason to give. Linda stepped back and made her exit as Catherine stood silently in the wake of her words.

  Once Catherine was alone, she knew that was the last she’d see of Linda. But the sickening grip she felt tightening around her stomach told her the same was true for Imogene.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  “I told the guy to dress up for court, and you know what he showed up in? A plaid shirt, jeans, cowboy boots, and a bolo tie!” Catherine’s rotund uncle Mark laughed. “That may be formal attire down South, but this is New Jersey!” His round belly strained against his sweater. “There was no chance I was going to win that case, but you know what? I did.”

  Catherine sipped at her white wine and watched as several of her nieces and nephews slid across the polished hardwood floors. She willed one of them to fall so she could escape the conversation she found herself stuck in. Luck was on her side as she watched her six-year-old niece, Tina, tumble to the floor.

  “Excuse me, Uncle Mark
.” She rushed to the aid of the small child, who wasn’t hurt nor did she need any care. Tina looked slightly confused when her aunt thanked her, but she stood, brushed off her knees, and ran to join her siblings. So much for an escape.

  Catherine continued to the back of the Carter estate. It was never easy for her to return to her childhood home. Every time she stepped foot in the house, she felt as if she had to defend every decision she had made in her life and act as though she had everything she ever wanted. But that Saturday afternoon felt like the biggest lie of all, because she put on the “perfect rich daughter” show seamlessly as she thought about Imogene.

  When she smiled her fake smile, she kept dreaming of the bright smile Imogene put there effortlessly. When her aunt from her mother’s side asked if she had a boyfriend, she just laughed the question off and told the old woman she didn’t have time to date. She didn’t mention anything about Imogene. Nobody needed to know those details. Or wanted to. Catherine just flashed her perfect smile and kept her family on safe territory, like her plan to purchase a vacation home. When she grew bored, she’d simply excuse herself for an important phone call and disappear into an empty room for a half hour. When she slid into the first-floor guest bedroom, she came face-to-face with her least favorite sister-in-law, Rachel.

  “Need some quiet time, Cat?” The artificial blonde was fixing her overapplied makeup in the mirror. Catherine hated when Rachel used that nickname for her, but she learned to hide her disdain well. When her oldest brother announced his engagement to Rachel, Catherine’s whole family was in shock. For such a brilliant young man, Patrick Carter was blind when it came to how harsh the real world could be. Rachel was obviously after his money but Patrick didn’t want to hear one negative word about his wife. So the rest of the Carter family sat back and watched as Rachel bought what she wanted, had the surgeries she felt were necessary, and changed luxury cars more often than she changed her designer underwear.

  Catherine shook her head as she watched Rachel apply pink lipstick to her overly enhanced lips.

  “What’s new, sis?” Rachel asked. “It’s been a long time.”

  “Nothing much.” I’m not your sis.

  “Still single?” Rachel turned and smiled a sweet smile that turned Catherine’s stomach and made her right eye twitch. “It’d probably be a bit easier for you if you glammed it up a bit.”

  “I’ve been dating, but I’m not ready to subject an innocent person to the family yet.” Lying to Rachel was easy, and she usually believed them.

  “Any plans for the big three-oh? It’s right around the corner.”

  “Just a little over two months.” She watched as Rachel eyed her up and down, judging the way she chose to dress. Her black slacks and the shirt Imogene had given her didn’t seem to pass the test. “I probably won’t celebrate.”

  “That’d be a shame.” Rachel stepped around Catherine’s side and opened the bedroom door, motioning to the crowd outside. “You should have a party like this, at least. Celebrate with your family.”

  This is the last way I’d like to celebrate my birthday, Catherine thought and chuckled.

  “You know, Cat, I have to admit I really expected you to find someone by now.” Rachel walked toward Patrick. “I guess some of us are just late bloomers.” How does she always manage to hit all my sore spots?

  For the first time in a while, Catherine really observed her family from the doorway, studied their faces and thought about where life had led them. Patrick seemed happy but that probably had something to do with the trophy wife he only saw on weekends. His bank account was large, and he had everything that everyone wanted, but no one had seen him laugh openly and freely since childhood.

  Her other brother, Russell, stood tall but without a smile. His two young children ran circles around his legs, and he didn’t even bother to stop them. He seemed closed off to the world as he drank down the rest of his aged bourbon in one gulp. His wife, Cynthia, decided to stay home, claiming she was feeling under the weather. Catherine couldn’t remember the last time they had attended a family gathering together, and she had a feeling they did so in order to avoid anyone noticing how unstable their marriage was.

  Catherine realized her brothers followed the example set for them, met their self-imposed deadlines, and strived to be the exact person she was striving to be. She couldn’t help but wonder if she’d be another frown amongst the crowd next year if she continued to make the poor choices she had. Her relationship with Imogene was the only decision she made with her heart, and that hadn’t gone well. She decided to find her parents and say good-bye. It had been a long few days since Imogene had run from her office Thursday morning and she was exhausted. She spent each night berating herself or dreaming of a reconciliation she knew was futile. She had called Imogene several times only to get her machine.

  She looked through the crowded main rooms and finally found her father in his study. The eldest Carter was cradling Russell and Cynthia’s newborn, wearing a large smile. Catherine didn’t want to disturb him, so she turned back toward the kitchen where she found her mother sitting quietly at the table.

  “Sit,” Martha Carter demanded as if she had been waiting for Catherine’s arrival. Looking at Martha, one would never believe she’d had three children, the youngest about to turn thirty. Her pastel pink polo tee showed off her trim torso, and her face was nearly wrinkle free for a woman in her early sixties. Catherine obeyed, accepting the fine china tea cup her mother pushed in her direction. “We need to talk.”

  Both women sipped their tea for close to five minutes without speaking a word. Catherine started to fiddle with the delicate handle. This has to be serious, Catherine thought. You usually can’t shut her up.

  “You should call more,” Martha finally said. It was a gentle scolding, and it accompanied every conversation they had. Catherine apologized and Martha accepted. They spoke of work, how the grandkids had been, and how they both missed Alice’s bubbly personality at the party. In record time, the benign conversation turned personal.

  “I couldn’t help but notice you arrived alone. I said you could bring someone special.” Martha looked expectantly at Catherine.

  A vivid vision of Imogene’s saddened eyes and Linda’s triumphant snarl entered Catherine’s mind. “There isn’t anyone.”

  “You should at least be enjoying the single life. Go out and meet people!”

  “I’m not getting any younger,” Catherine grumbled.

  “You’re not even thirty yet! What is it with my children feeling the need to do exactly as their father did? Just because your father and I were married with kids by thirty doesn’t mean that’s how it always should be. We were lucky to find love so early in life and have it be strong enough to withstand so many years.” Martha pinned Catherine with a stare. Catherine remembered that intimidating stare from when she was a girl. That look alone would stop her from doing whatever devilish deed she had planned. “Marriage shouldn’t be a goal you set out to accomplish. The only goal you should focus on is being happy. The rest will follow.” Martha clicked her tongue at her youngest.

  Something became open between mother and daughter in that moment, giving Catherine the confidence necessary to ask the question she needed answered. “What if I find someone that makes me happy, but I do something stupid enough to lose them?”

  “If it’s meant to be, all the stupid things in the world won’t keep the two of you apart.” Martha grabbed Catherine’s hand.

  Catherine asked quickly, “How does anyone even know if it’s meant to be?”

  “Oh Catherine.” Martha’s lips spread into a slow, soothing smile. “You just know. You’ll know because that person will be your equal in the least obvious ways. You’ll want to protect this person, and you’ll want to help them when they feel utterly helpless. They’ll make you feel more comfortable in your own skin and damn near invincible.” Martha chuckled, and her dark eyes took on a dreamy quality. “You’ll feel born again.”

 
“Wow. I had no idea you were such a romantic.”

  “Shush.” She slapped Catherine’s hand lightly. “Tell me, dear, have you given anyone a real chance since college?”

  “No. There hasn’t been—” Catherine stopped when her mother’s exact words registered. She had never spoken of any romantic relationships in college. Before she could question her mother, Tina ran into the kitchen demanding a cookie. Catherine watched quietly as her mother stood and cleared their empty cups before forcing her granddaughter to ask politely and getting rid of her.

  “Whatever happened with Linda anyway?” Martha asked.

  “What do you mean?” Catherine was ready to deny everything.

  “Don’t you dare play coy with me, Catherine Elizabeth. Your mother is not deaf, blind, nor stupid.”

  “I’m sorry.” Catherine heard her own words. What I am apologizing for? How does she do that!

  “Every time we spoke, you’d go on and on about that woman. If I can be completely honest with you, every phone call I was waiting for you to announce your engagement or tell me that you eloped!” It was clearly a one-sided joke since only Martha was laughing. The older woman grew somber before continuing. “But then you came home the summer after your junior year, and you never mentioned her again. Something changed in you then. You haven’t seemed happy since. It broke my heart because you were always such a happy child.”

  “Martha!” Her father called out from the study. “Stephanie won’t stop crying!”

  “I’m coming, Terr.” Martha hurried toward her husband, but Catherine heard her clearly on the way out. “I was hoping you’d be the one to bring home a normal girl.”

  Catherine was left at the kitchen table with her mouth agape. All the new information was dizzying, yet she felt more clearheaded than she had in years. She stood immediately and made her way to the door without as much as a good-bye to her family and fellow guests. She needed to talk things through before she made any drastic plans and she knew just the person who would be perfect on the other end of her rant and revelation. Once she got to the safety of her car, she turned the ignition and set the heat to high before dialing her phone.