Release Me

by Farrah Rochon

  They wanted him to play basketball again.

  Toby wasn’t even sure how to feel. He was torn between elation, relief, and being totally pissed off at himself for even entertaining the idea of picking up a basketball again. He had finally gotten used to the idea that the sport was not in his future. It had taken him nearly seven years to come to the conclusion, but at least he was there.

  Or, so he thought.

  One call from the owner of a minor league team in Spain had him rethinking everything he had come to accept about himself over this past year.

  “It shouldn’t be a question,” Toby said out loud.

  He loved his new career, his new life. Helping Aria achieve her dreams gave him as much pleasure as finally achieving his own. How many other up and coming artists could he discover? After the way Aria’s career had taken off, new talent would be knocking at his door. Why would he give that up?

  And what about his family? He loved being back home with his mother and brothers just a few minutes away; being around to see his niece grow up.

  What about Sienna?

  He was in love with her.

  When he’d come back to New Orleans, Toby had prayed for the chance to regain the friendship he and Sienna had once shared. What he’d found with her was more than he could have ever imagined. How could he even think of moving half a world away from her?

  Because they would let him play basketball. It was that simple.

  This was his chance. It had been taken away from him the night that SUV had jumped the median and snatched away his dreams in a matter of seconds. But now, for some reason, he was being given a second chance. He could have the life he’d always dreamed of. The life that was stolen from him.

  Toby heard when the shower ceased running. Moments later, the bathroom door opened.

  Should he even tell Sienna about the call? He’d hardly had enough time for it to sink in, and they both had so much on their minds today. She had that stupid society ball her mother had coerced her into attending, and he needed to get everything in order before they flew out to Los Angeles in the morning.

  “What’s wrong with you?”

  Toby raised his head to find Sienna staring at him from the open French doors that led to the penthouse’s living quarters. She’d thrown on his bathrobe. She was so damn beautiful with her face washed of all makeup and the light blue satin wrap covering her hair.

  “Toby?” she asked, coming further into the living room and propping her hip on the edge of the sofa. She slid her fingers over his hair and started rubbing his head in a soothing, circular motion. “What’s going on? You look like somebody just ran over your dog.”

  “Never had a dog,” Toby said. His eyes rolled in the back of his head, the relaxing rhythm of her stroking like a drug to his brain.

  “Then you look like somebody just ran over your turtle.”

  His lips quirked. “You remember Mr. Bing?”

  “Of course I remember that stupid turtle. Now what is it that’s bothering you?”

  Toby took a deep, bracing breath. It wasn’t as if this was a decision he would make on his own, though he’d wanted to think it through a little while longer before bringing in outside opinions.

  Toby caught the concern radiating from Sienna. It was there, in every stroke of her hand. He had to tell her.

  “I got an interesting call while you were in the shower,” he told her.

  “Okay,” Sienna said, leaving her perch on the back of the sofa and coming around to where he sat. She resumed her head rubbing. “Want to tell me about it?”

  Toby gave his practiced shrug. “It was a representative from the Madrid Lions.”

  “Who?”

  “The European Basketball Association.”

  The rubbing stopped. “Okay,” Sienna said slowly.

  “He said he saw a bunch of old tapes from my days at St. Johns, and wondered why he had not heard anything about me in the last few years.”

  “He didn’t know about the accident?”

  Toby reached over to wipe a smudge off the coffee table’s glass top. “He’d heard about the accident, but only what had been written up in the papers.”

  “There isn’t all that much more to know, is there? I thought it was pretty much a known fact that your basketball days are over.”

  “A team of doctors studied my injury, and they could never make a definitive decision about whether or not I could return to the courts.”

  “Toby what are you talking about?” Sienna pulled away from him, her expression perplexed. “I thought the doctors said you couldn’t play basketball again.”

  “They said I shouldn’t play.”

  “There’s a difference?”

  “In my mind, yes. There’s some risk—”

  Sienna shot up from the sofa. “Some risk? You could be paralyzed for life! You’re willing to risk never walking again for a few years of playing ball in some European league?”

  Toby just stared as Sienna paced back and forth across the living room. “And what about all this?” she continued, spreading her arms wide, encompassing the room. “What about your songwriting, and everything else you’ve gained with this new career? What about being Aria’s manager, and the show on Tuesday?”

  She stopped right in front of him. When she spoke, her voice was whisper soft. “What about us, Toby? Are you willing to give up on us, too?”

  The pain in her voice reached to the very depths of his soul. Hurting Sienna was the last thing he’d wanted to do, but the one thing that was guaranteed if he were to take the team up on their offer to try out for the trainers.

  He couldn’t deal with this right now. Toby dragged his hands down his face, wishing he were anywhere but here. He didn’t have this stuff straight in his own mind yet, how was he supposed to rationally discuss it with Sienna?

  “I haven’t made any decisions, Cee Cee. I just hung up with the man a few minutes ago.”

  “What decision is there to make? How can you consider putting yourself in jeopardy again?”

  He held his hands out to her. “You don’t understand. This is my chance.”

  “Your chance for what?”

  “To prove I can still do this, dammit! That I can still play ball. To prove I’m not some worthless, washed up asshole.”

  Sienna plopped her hands on her hips. “I would never have picked worthless and washed up to describe you, but asshole sure fits right about now.”

  Toby shook his head, his blood coming to a boil in his veins. “Just forget it. You don’t understand what this is about.”

  “I know exactly what it’s about. Your entire life you let people convince you that basketball was all you were ever good for, and when it was taken away, you didn’t know what else to do. But you’ve found it, Toby. You’ve found it with music.” She grabbed his hands and forced him to look at her. “You don’t need basketball anymore. This—what you’re doing right now—is your gift. Don’t throw it away on some dream that was never meant to be. Please.” She squeezed his hands to the point of pain. “Don’t throw us away.”

  Toby stared into her eyes, his heart constricting at the pained expression on her face. How was he supposed to choose between the two loves of his life: basketball and Sienna?

  He shook his head. “I can’t make this decision right now.”

  Hurt flashed across Sienna’s face and her arms went limp as she relinquished his hands.

  “You just did.” Her voice cracked over the words. “I have to get ready for the ball.” Tightening the robe at her waist, she turned and walked toward the bedrooms.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The grand ballroom of the Fairmont Hotel had played host to scores of impressive dignitaries, from U.S. Presidents to a number of world leaders. It was one of the most exclusive addresses in New Orleans. Because of this, even if one had not seen the elaborately engraved invitations, they would have known where the Camellia Club’s ball was being staged tonight. It was only the best for the Camell
ias.

  Sienna had been dreading this moment since she’d agreed to take part in this exercise in hypocrisy and excessiveness. She’d suffered through the Sunday teas and fancy dinners, but she knew this ball, the crown jewel of the debutante season, would be the greatest test of her will.

  The massive ballroom was draped in taupe and ivory-colored silk bunting. Thousands of tiny lights threaded through shiny, sheer gossamer, casting a shimmering glow around the richly decorated room. A ten-piece band played soft music while guests floated from table to table, engaging in meaningless babble no one really cared about.

  Sienna didn’t even try to fake interest in the conversation taking place at her table. She had been dreading this night for weeks, and it was certainly living up to her expectations.

  The gaucheness of the evening was enough to make any normal human being who was not used to the society world sick. Sienna figured just one of the elaborate centerpieces, with its sterling silver ten-piece candelabra, and delicate Chinese orchids, cost more than her monthly car note. Champagne flowed from fountains, and steaming stations occupied the four corners of the room, filled with the most delicious smelling food.

  Too bad she didn’t have an appetite.

  That’s how she knew things were really bad, when she could not summon the desire to indulge in good, free food. But as Sienna brought the bacon-wrapped shrimp to her mouth, her stomach turned, and she placed it back on the plate. As her eyes roamed around the room, she took a deep breath as the threat of the tears she had been trying to stave off all night started up again behind her aching eyes.

  Sienna briefly lowered her head, willing her scattered emotions to get under control. She could not get thoughts of what had occurred at Toby’s apartment earlier that day out of her head. After everything they had been through, after how far he had come, the fact that he was even considering playing basketball again hadn’t only stunned her, it hurt her. Terribly.

  Sienna knew in her heart Toby loved her. The words he’d whispered in her ear as they made love, the care he’d taken with her, it could not have been an act. But, apparently, she came second to his first love, and that’s something she could not stomach.

  The band struck up a native New Orleans tune, and a number of the guests took to the dance floor. Sienna peered around the ballroom and spotted Curtis Henderson leading his mother, Edwina, onto the floor. Sienna fought to keep the bile from rising in her throat. Fear knotted her stomach, and she struggled to hold onto the fragile control she’d managed to maintain as trepidation quaked through her insides.

  It had been ten years since she’d seen him. From the moment she’d stepped into the ballroom, a horrid feeling in her gut had told her he was somewhere in the room, but Sienna had purposely kept her eyes away from Mrs. Henderson’s table.

  Her mother leaned over and whispered in Sienna’s ear. “It’s almost time for the dance. Did you practice the quadrille like you were supposed to?”

  The sick feeling that grabbed hold of her stomach nearly caused her to wretch. Memories of what Curtis had done to her had ruled her life for far too long. Why was she even putting herself through this torture?

  Sienna closed her eyes and sucked in a deep, calming breath. It quieted her rapidly beating heart, but it wasn’t enough. She had to get out of here.

  Sienna turned to her mother. “Mom, I know I promised I would do this, but I can’t handle being here right now.” Sienna placed her napkin on the table and slipped from her chair.

  “Sienna!” Her mother pushed back from her seat, trying unsuccessfully to hide her shock behind the apologetic smile she gave to the rest of the table’s occupants.

  Sienna exited the ballroom and headed for the coatroom, her mother trailing behind her.

  “Don’t you dare embarrass me like this, Sienna Elaine. If you walk out of this hotel I will never forgive you.”

  “I can live with that,” Sienna answered as she handed the attendant the ticket to retrieve her wrap and umbrella.

  Her mother grabbed her shoulder and turned her around. “Stop this right now! I will not tolerate you making a fool of me.”

  “This is not about you!” Sienna jerked her arm away. This wasn’t totally her mother’s fault. Sienna knew the type of person Sylvia was; she couldn’t blame her mother for simply being her normal, selfish self. “I’m going through some things right now that you just don’t understand, and being around this group of hypocritical women you call your friends is not helping.”

  “Sienna!”

  Sienna rolled her eyes at her mother’s affronted gasp. “You knew from the very beginning that I did not want any part of this, so don’t look so surprised.” The attendant handed Sienna her things.

  Her mother looked up at the ceiling and held out her hands. “I don’t know what I did to get stuck which such awful daughters!”

  Sienna stared at her, her jaw clenched tight. “Is that what you really think of us?” she asked, unable to mask the hurt in her voice. “We’re the awful ones?” She tucked the folded wrap in the crook of her arm and clasped her hands around herself, cradling an elbow in each hand. “Do you know why I didn’t want to participate in this ball, Mother? Do you even care?”

  “I’m sure it’s the same reason you do everything else,” Sylvia answered. “To irritate me.”

  “Do you really think I live my entire life thinking of ways to make you miserable? Your inflated sense of self-importance is even worse than I thought.”

  “Don’t give me that, Sienna. I know that’s the reason you’ve always been such a tomboy, because I wanted you to be the total opposite. That’s why you’ve given me such grief over this ball.”

  “Not even close. Do you really want to know, Mother?” She pointed toward the ornate doors of the ballroom. “Do you want to know why I despise everything about what’s going on in there? It’s because of this society world, and your friends, that I was raped.”

  Sylvia’s eyes widened in horror. “Sienna Elaine, stop that lying.”

  “I was raped, Mother.” Sienna’s entire body shook, along with her voice. “The night of my debutante ball, Curtis Henderson raped me.”

  “What…”

  “I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen,” Sienna said. “He hurt me so much…and you didn’t do a thing,” she choked out, anger clutching at the words in her throat.

  Her mother’s bottom lip quivered. She looked toward the ballroom, then back at Sienna. Collecting herself with a deep breath, Sylvia lifted her nose in the air. “I don’t believe you,” she said.

  Sienna’s shoulders drooped in defeat. Any hope of ever having a relationship with this woman washed away at her mother’s dismissal.

  “Of course you don’t,” Sienna said.

  Sylvia sniffed delicately and pursed her lips. “If something like that had really happened you would have found a way to make me listen.”

  “Make you listen?” Sienna choked on a horrified laugh. “That’s like trying to calm a hurricane. I tried to tell you about what happened that night, but you brushed it off as nonsense, just like you’re doing right now.”

  Her mother slashed a hand through the air. “Sienna, I don’t have time for this. Now get back into that ballroom.”

  “Curtis Henderson is in there. I am not subjecting myself to being in his presence,” Sienna said. “I wanted to face him, to finally put it all behind me, but confronting him after all this time won’t do anything but bring unnecessary pain. I have put it behind me; I don’t need to see that bastard again to prove anything to myself.”

  “But…if you leave, I’ll look like a fool in front of everyone,” Sylvia sputtered.

  Sienna stared at her mother. What had she expected? Sympathy? Remorse? This woman had never cared about anyone but herself. What made her think things would be different now?

  Sienna unfolded her wrap and draped it over her shoulders.

  “Mother, enjoy your friends.”

  ***

  Toby’s stomach
plummeted along with the Boeing 757 as they began the descent into LAX, but he wasn’t sure it was gravity causing the downward plunge of his gut. Their flight to Los Angeles for the live finale to A Week in the Life of a Wannabe Star had left early this morning. They had rehearsals today, then tomorrow night was the big show.

  Toby found it hard to concentrate on it all. His insides had been in an uproar since yesterday after Sienna had walked out of his apartment. He’d tried calling her at least a dozen times, but she wasn’t in the mood for talking. At least not to him.

  He was worried about her. She’d had the society ball last night, and he wanted to make sure she had been able to handle being back there with all the horrible memories that place had in her past.

  Even more, he was worried about leaving their relationship in the state he’d put it in after mentioning that call from the Madrid Lions. He never should have told her about it. He’d already decided to turn them down. He’d questioned it only for a moment, but in the end, Toby knew he could never play professional basketball again. And not just because of the physical limitations. He didn’t have it in him anymore. The game wasn’t a part of his soul the way it used to be. Music had replaced it.

  And Sienna.

  What he’d found with Sienna meant more than anything.

  “Toby.” Aria tapped his shoulder. “We’ve landed.”

  Toby’s eyes popped open. He unhooked his seatbelt and grabbed his carry-on from the overhead compartment. “The limo should be waiting. Kellerman called while we were laying over in Phoenix. The plane delay set us back about a half-hour, but we should be okay. We’re going straight to the theater. Someone is going to bring our bags to the hotel.”

  They exited the plane and spotted the limo driver holding a sign with Aria’s name on it. What neither expected—but probably should have—was the crowd of fans waiting around the limo driver.

  “Oh, my God,” Aria said. “Is this how it’s going to be, Toby?”

  “Welcome to Hollywood,” Toby answered.

  As they made their way through the throng, Toby encouraged Aria to sign an appropriate number of autographs that would prevent her from being called a stuck-up celebrity bitch, yet not make them any later for the rehearsal than they already were. By the grace of God, traffic from LAX to the Kodak Theater was virtually non-existent; something even the limo driver admitted was rare.