Eliot jerked his thumb in my direction. “She’ll whine if she can’t play Lego Star Wars.”
“Doesn’t she whine regardless?”
I ignored the insult. “I happen to be a strong and confident woman,” I shot back. “I do not whine.”
Eliot and Jake snorted in unison, causing my temper to boil.
“I don’t whine,” I repeated.
“Of course not, Trouble.” Eliot adopted a soothing voice. “You’re a paragon of virtue, and I have no idea how I made it through a single day before you were in my life.”
“That’s better.”
“That’s a load of crap,” Jake said, shaking his head as he turned his full attention to the television. “Isn’t this a game for little kids?”
“And some big kids,” Eliot said, smirking. “It keeps her busy and doesn’t cause her to believe there’s a monster lurking in every bush, like when she plays Silent Hill. I actually prefer the Lego games.”
“I didn’t say there was a monster lurking in the bush,” I protested. “I said that one of our neighbors was probably hiding in the bushes so he could watch us swim naked. There’s a difference.”
“Oh, geez.” Jake slapped his hand to his forehead. “That was an overshare.”
Eliot snickered. “I over shared with her that night, if I recall.”
“You’re a pig.” Jake extended a warning finger. Despite the fact that Jake and I had dated first – we grew up in the same small town and spent a lot of time together as teenagers – we’d managed to put together a comfortable trio. Er, well, for the most part. That essentially means Eliot was only mildly suspicious of Jake and his intentions, and Jake admitted he loved me but could never be with me because I’m just too fabulous. Okay, that last part is a slight exaggeration. The meaning is still correct. We’re all friends and we’re fine with it. Yeah, I keep waiting for the situation to explode, too.
“So you came early to help us get ready for the party?” Eliot asked, changing the subject with ease. “That was nice of you.”
“I figured Avery would be panicking about having her work colleagues and family here,” Jake said. “She doesn’t look freaked out, though, so apparently I read this situation incorrectly.”
“You didn’t, but there’s nothing I can do about the party,” I said. “My mother will show up early and take over preparations. Nothing I do will be right, so why even try?”
Jake arched an eyebrow. “You invited your mother over to set up for your party? Wow! You really are growing as a person. I’m proud of you.”
“I didn’t say I invited my mother,” I clarified. “She’s simply going to show up and take over – that’s her way, after all – and I see no sense in putting in work that she’ll ultimately veto. That’s wasted time and effort. No one wants that.”
“Okay, that sounds more like you.” Jake grinned at Eliot, both of them finding perverse amusement in my predicament. “Strike the me being proud part.”
“Ha, ha.” I rolled my neck as I leaned forward and navigated a particularly tricky part of the game. “Speaking of being proud, we ran into Cara yesterday.”
It was as if all of the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. I remained focused on my game instead of our guest, because I wasn’t sure what emotion I’d see on Jake’s face. If he was about to cry or something – which I sincerely doubted, but you never know – I didn’t want to be the one to have to console him. In this house, if you see someone crying you have to deal with it. That’s why I refuse to make eye contact with most people.
“I see.” Jake’s voice was pleasantly neutral when he finally spoke. “Where did you see her?”
“Meijer,” Eliot answered. “We were in the snack aisle buying three million bags of chips. She came by with some lawyer she’s apparently dating.”
“She didn’t own up to dating him,” I corrected. “She called him her friend. It was Edward Haugh. Do you know him?”
Jake shifted a bit, his interest clearly piqued. “She’s dating Edward Haugh? He’s like, the slimiest lawyer in the tri-county area.”
“That’s like saying Kim is the worst Kardashian,” I pointed out. “All of the Kardashians are annoying, so one really can’t be better than the others. They all suck. It’s the same with lawyers.”
“Yes, well, that’s hardly the point,” Jake muttered, rubbing his chin. “By the way, how does running into Cara have anything to do with being proud?”
“It doesn’t.”
“You said ‘speaking of being proud.’”
“Oh, right.” He had a point. “I said that because I was tired of waiting for an appropriate transition moment. It was never going to come, and I wanted to tell you about Cara, so I simply added that part so I wouldn’t look like such a goof.”
“Good job.” Jake flashed me a sarcastic thumbs-up. “What did she say to you?”
He was a little too interested in his evil ex-girlfriend’s machinations for my comfort. “She said she was looking for small children to lure into her oven so she would have something to eat over the holiday weekend.”
“Avery.” Eliot pinched my thigh in admonishment. “He’s serious.”
“So am I.”
Eliot made a clucking sound with his tongue and closed the catalog, apparently believing that conversation with Jake was more important than our Sunday ritual. I wasn’t about to kowtow to good manners, so I remained focused on my game.
“She didn’t say much,” Eliot offered. “She and Avery were snarky, but it wasn’t unbearable until the end, when Cara said she hoped I wouldn’t get saddled with Avery for life.”
“That’s not what she said,” I protested, dragging my eyes from the television.
“Then what did she say?”
“She said that she hoped you would wise up and realize I was evil,” I replied. “She didn’t say anything about being saddled with me for life. Wait … is that what you heard?”
“Focus on your game,” Eliot ordered, pointing for emphasis.
I’m not one for doing what I’m told, but I was tantalizingly close to the end of the level.
“Avery made fun of the fact that she bought soy hot dogs – which I have to agree is totally gross – and they said a few snarky words to one another,” Eliot explained. “Cara didn’t seem to really go off the rails until that Haugh guy mentioned he knew Avery because he’d seen her on television.”
Hmm. I hadn’t put that together yet. “She did get extra snarky when that happened,” I mused. “I can’t believe you noticed that.”
“I notice everything where you’re concerned. And I didn’t like the way he was looking at you,” Eliot said.
“Which was how?” Jake prodded.
“As if she was the only real hot dog in a sea of soy dogs,” Eliot replied. “He was … intrigued.”
“I have that effect on a lot of people.” I tilted my game controller to the side and hit the trigger button. “Die, you imperial scum!”
“Yes, and a lot of those people ultimately try to kill you,” Eliot pointed out, ignoring the video game outburst. “I wanted to make sure that wasn’t the case this time.”
“Did Cara say anything else?” Jake asked. “Did she ask about me?”
“We only talked to her for a minute or two,” Eliot replied. “She seemed surprised to see us, asked why we were at that particular store, and then expressed sadness that a fine piece of man meat like me was off the market because I was officially cohabitating with Avery.”
“Oh, now I know you’re delusional,” I muttered, earning twin chuckles from Eliot and Jake.
Eliot sobered after a beat. “She was normal. We mentioned we were shopping for a housewarming party, but she seemed keen to put distance between us. I had to box Avery in between me and the cart to make sure she didn’t attack when Cara was leaving, but other than that it was fairly mild.”
“Still, I’ve been dreading the day Avery and Cara crossed paths again,” Jake said, his hand restlessly moving throug
h his hair. “I thought there might be bloodshed. She was convinced I was dumping her for Avery.”
“You should’ve told her you were dumping her for toilet paper and really put the screws to her,” I suggested.
Jake ignored me. “She was always deranged where Avery was concerned. When the end actually came, she completely melted down.”
“Have you seen her since?” Eliot asked. “Have you run into her yet?”
“Not technically, but I’m fairly positive I’ve seen her car parked on my street a time or two,” Jake admitted, forcing my eyes to momentarily drift to him.
“Is she spying on you?” I didn’t turn off the game, but I put my character in a corner where she couldn’t get hurt while I focused on Jake.
“I don’t know if I would use that word,” Jake hedged. “I think she’s just … naturally curious.”
“Oh, puh-leez.” I rolled my eyes. “If I was parked on someone’s street and watching their house multiple times over a few weeks I’d be arrested for spying.”
“That’s because you’re a menace,” Jake fired back. “When you spy it’s out of malice. When Cara spies it’s out of … sadness.”
“Oh, someone get me a puke bucket,” I muttered, shaking my head. “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard … and I’ve heard some truly dumb things. You’re making excuses for her because you feel guilty about dumping her in the dirt.
“Well, here’s the thing,” I continued, refusing to back down despite the wounded look in Jake’s eyes. “She needed to be dumped. She’s a complete and total sociopath, and I don’t like her. I could live with the fact that I don’t like her if I thought you liked her. But you only stayed with her out of a sense of obligation.”
“Do you want to shut her up?” Jake challenged Eliot.
“Not when she’s right,” Eliot replied. “Dude, I don’t want to get involved in your personal life more than I already am, but you didn’t even really like Cara and now you’re making excuses for her craziness.”
Instead of putting up a fight, Jake looked miserable as he lowered his forehead to his palm. “I know. I don’t know what to do about it.”
“I know what to do about it,” I said. “Next time you see her there, call me. I’ll come over and handle the situation.”
“That sounds like a truly terrible idea,” Jake muttered.
“I think it sounds fun.”
“I think it sounds necessary,” Eliot added. “If you’re not going to talk to her, I think we should let Avery off her leash – with appropriate supervision, of course – to handle the situation. She’s the most effective weapon we have against Cara.”
“I’m going to ignore that leash remark because it’s something I want to do,” I argued.
“You do that, Trouble.” Eliot patted my head and made a face, reminding me of the goofy expression he made whenever he saw a dog while we went on walks. Things were clearly getting out of hand.
“Jake, you can’t let Cara get away with something creepy like that simply because you don’t want to cause a scene,” I said, adopting a pragmatic tone. “She could spiral into weird Fatal Attraction territory if you’re not careful.”
Jake was morose. “I don’t think she’d go that far.”
“Well, as one corner of her imaginary triangle, I’m warning you right now that I’ll beat the snot out of her if she starts showing up here.”
Eliot’s shoulders stiffened. “I didn’t even think about that. She seemed surprised to have learned we moved out here. What if she’s been watching the Roseville house for signs of Avery? That house is sitting mostly empty while we have some work done on it.”
“She wouldn’t go after Avery,” Jake argued. “She’s not like that.”
Eliot didn’t look convinced. “If she comes after Avery, I’ll get involved. Then things will get really ugly. I won’t risk Avery’s safety because you believe Cara isn’t unbalanced. I’ve seen Avery derange sane people in less than thirty seconds. Cara isn’t sane to begin with.”
“I know you’re right.” Jake blew out a sigh as he stared at the vaulted ceiling. “I honestly don’t know what to do about this.”
“You need to make sure she understands that stalking isn’t allowed,” Eliot suggested. “If you see her in front of your house again, call her out. She can’t terrorize you in your own home. That’s just … lame.”
As if on cue, the front door popped open to allow my mother entry. She made a whistling sound to get our attention and made loud noises as she tugged a rolling plastic caddy full of cleaning supplies over the threshold. The look she fixed me with chilled my blood.
“Do you knock?” I challenged.
“Welcome,” Eliot offered quickly. “You’re early. The barbecue doesn’t start for two hours.”
“Yes, but I’m here to make sure the house is clean and the food is edible,” Mom said. “I’m also here to make sure Avery doesn’t set up the food herself because then we’ll simply have to re-do everything … which will be a mess.”
Eliot flicked an apologetic gaze in my direction. “I should probably entertain Jake. He is a guest, after all. You’ll have to deal with your mother on your own.”
“Nice,” Jake muttered, grinning.
I narrowed my eyes. “You’ll pay for this. I told you this would happen.”
“That’s why you’re the wisest woman I know.” Eliot’s tone reflected sincerity, but I knew better.
“You’ll have to give me an hour-long massage in the pool tonight once everyone is gone.”
“Sold.” Eliot flopped back to how he was sitting moments before. “You should probably check on your mother before she starts going through our underwear drawers and realizes your panties have sharks and Star Wars characters on them.”
I realized Mom had disappeared when I flicked my eyes to the spot in front of the door. “Crap! This is exactly why I didn’t want people in our house. They’re nuisances.”
“Duly noted.” Eliot snagged the video game controller from my hand. “I’ll take care of Jake. You take care of your mother.”
“That’s not a fair trade to me.”
“You’ll live.”
I wasn’t so sure.
5 Five
Three hours later the house was packed. People were pawing through my things, and the nonstop sound of people splashing in our pool was enough to give me a migraine.
When I saw my mother breezing between the kitchen and patio I took the opportunity to slip out the front door and take refuge on the side of the house that didn’t have a gate leading to the backyard. I needed five minutes of peace.
Eliot and I are both creatures of habit, although he’s a bit more adventurous. I’m perfectly happy spending a lazy Sunday playing video games or reading a book. He generally is, too. That’s why I was surprised when he suggested the housewarming party. At the time I gave in because he seemed excited by the notion, but I grew to regret that decision fairly quickly.
I sat on one of the ornamental rocks that littered the landscape close to the house and rested my back against the brick façade. It was a warm day – stifling really – and I couldn’t breathe any easier outside than I could inside.
I wasn’t outside very long before Jake found me.
“What are you doing?”
I opened one eye and regarded him with overt suspicion. “If you try to make me go back inside I’ll kill you right here and hide your body under this rock before I flee.”
“I see you’re in a very good frame of mind.” Jake heaved out a sigh as he lowered himself to the ground. “What’s going on in that busy brain of yours?”
“Did you know the chick who played the new sheriff on the final season of Bates Motel also played the woman trapped in the hole in Silence of the Lambs? She’s the ‘don’t you make me hurt your dog, mister’ chick.”
Whatever Jake was expecting, that wasn’t it. “Wow! You really are a fountain of useless information, aren’t you? You’ve told me that before, but I d
idn’t realize exactly how true it was until you said that.”
“I’m the gift that keeps on giving.”
“You’re definitely that.” Jake shifted the beer he carried to me so I could take a sip. It was too hot, so I waved off the offer.
“I don’t think I can stomach beer right now. Thanks, though.”
Jake’s expression shifted from amused to concerned. “Are you sick?” He pressed his damp hand against my forehead, the condensation from the beer serving as a mild salve. “You feel a little warm. Do you want me to get Eliot?”
“I’m not sick. I mean … I’m sick of people, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not sick.”
Jake lowered his hand. “Then what are you?”
“Tired.” I saw no reason to lie. If anyone would understand my dilemma, Jake would. “I don’t like people. This was Eliot’s idea. Now we have a buttload of people in our house, and I don’t like it. All I wanted to do was play video games and swim all day. Why couldn’t we do that?”
Instead of taking my side and raising the sympathy flag, Jake barked out a laugh. “Oh, you’re so much work. I pity poor Eliot. How does he put up with you day in and day out?”
“He feels lucky to have me,” I sniffed, working overtime to tamp down my annoyance.
“I don’t doubt for a second that he feels exactly that,” Jake supplied, stretching out his legs. “Do you know what I thought when I walked into your house and saw you guys on the couch?”
“Thank goodness they’re not naked and getting frisky, because that would blind me?”
Jake chuckled. “Besides that.”
I shrugged. “No. What did you think?”
“I thought, ‘Wow, they totally fit together.’ Not only did I think that, by the way, but I didn’t feel guilty or anything when I thought it. What I saw today is exactly why I know you’re where you’re supposed to be.”
That was an interesting way to phrase things. “Did you doubt that before?”
[Avery Shaw 11.0] Unwritten & Underwater Page 5
