Don't Let Me Go

by Glenna Maynard

  It makes me happy to see my Gram looking so pleased. It has been quite a few years since her house was this full on a holiday.

  I wonder if she used to keep people away to keep me from learning the secrets she was hiding. Because everyone else would know that there was no Robert Rose. The lie still stings but I am trying to let it go. Sometimes you forgive, not for the sake of the person who has wronged you, but for your own sanity. And sometimes you have to forgive people even if they aren’t sorry.

  Brianna helps me clear the table and load the dishes into the dishwasher. “Hurley and I are going to head out in a few.” she raises her eyebrows suggestively at me. “I am hoping he is going to finally ask me out, officially. He is taking me to meet his parents,” she squeals in my ear. She taps her feet and twirls me, forcing me to join in on her happy dance.

  I wonder how Cutter is feeling, not being with his family today. If it is bothering him, he is doing a great job masking his hurt.

  Alex says his goodbyes as well. He shakes Cutter’s hand and tells him he hopes he will see him around. I don’t miss the double meaning behind his words. I offer to carry out the leftovers my Gram has loaded him down with out to his vehicle. I really just want to know what his problem with Cutter is.

  We get down the street to where he is parked and far enough from the house that I know no one can hear. “What was that back there? Why are you so interested in Cutter?”

  “Bella, I am unsure what you mean. I am just taking an interest in the people you spend a lot of time with. Do you know that most victims are harmed by someone that they know? I am just taking necessary precautions, in case someone is watching you or doing these things to you.”

  “Argh!” Is all I can muster to say. I place the dishes securely in his backseat and walk away without another word. Does he really suspect my friends, or even worse Cutter? So now not only does he act fatherly, he is playing detective too. Incredible. I will never understand the male sex.

  I walk back into the house to find Gram and Cutter sitting on the couch together looking at my naked baby pictures. “Gram, really, are the pictures necessary?”

  “Oh hush, child, there is nothing wrong with a naked baby. But I am going to go take a nap. I am stuffed and ready to pass out. You and Cutter here.” she pats his knee. “You two enjoy yourselves, but not too much.” She points her finger at me like I am the one Cutter should be watching out for.

  He’s the instigator. I smirk to myself.

  He was the one trying to get me to do dirty things with him earlier. Not the other way around. He has Gram fooled with his good boy act. But I know better. I know he is a wicked pervert who wants to keep me naked, but I’m not complaining. Cutter Dawson could easily turn me into his sex slave.

  “I prefer to see the older you naked myself,” he whispers seductively in my ear, proceeding to trace the shell of my ear with that magic tongue, making me hot in all the right places.

  Damn him and his magical seducing tongue.

  Chapter 17

  I fix the two of us a piece of my cherry cheese pie. Cutter carries our dessert and I grab a blanket from the hall closet, as I lead Cutter onto the front porch to eat on the swing with me. It is gorgeous outside, but the air is so cold. We snuggle up under the blanket together and enjoy our sweet treat.

  Cutter takes his spoon and smears cheese pie across my nose.

  “Oh, you are going to get it,” I warn him.

  He grabs my wrist to stop me from retaliating, sending both of our plates to the floor of the porch. Thank goodness, I opted for paper plates and not Gram’s good china.

  “What am I going to get exactly?” he laughs capping my nose with his mouth and licking the pie from my face.

  I pull back from him, “Oh, that is for me to know and you to find out.” I snuggle back up to him and under the blanket. I lay my head against his right shoulder. He turns to the side a bit so that I am now lying across him.

  Cutter bends his head down meeting my eager lips with the most delicious of kisses. He tastes of cherries and desire.

  I lay here so long enjoying his lips pressed to mine that I forget we are on Gram’s porch, where anyone could pass by at any minute and see us fully engaged in an intense make out session. It also fails to register where we are as he slides his smooth hand into the waist of my skirt. “Touch me, Cutter,” I whisper into his mouth.

  He doesn’t hesitate running his fingers over my pulsing clit. I am still riled up from the way he was burning my skin with his stubble earlier today. One finger in slides then another. He curls his fingers back in a come here motion, repeatedly as he kisses me senseless. I am so turned on and on the cusp of release. I buck my hips pushing his fingers deeper inside of me.

  “I could lay you down now and lick you all over, just think of my finger as my tongue. Do you know how hard it is for me not to just throw you down right here on the porch and fuck you senseless? You are driving me crazy, Bella.”

  I grind into his hand harder. “Oh, Cutter, what is stopping you, I want you in me right here right now.” I unbutton his pants freeing his thick cock.

  “You are quite the exhibitionist, today aren’t you? Fuck, you’re wild,” He growls in my ear as I sit on his lap. He pushes my skirt up onto my hips and parts my panties to the side, giving him perfect access to my swollen folds. He gently rocks our bodies with the swing as I sink down on him.

  The creaking sounds it was making should have been a sign that the swing was too old to handle our movements. Right when Cutter is coming inside of me the swing decides to come too, off the hinges that is.

  We land on the floor of the porch with a thud. Cutter’s dick bends slightly inside me and not in a good way. I hope it isn’t broken but is possibly permanently bent now. I can see the pain etched on his face.

  We scramble to separate and right ourselves as we hear my Gram coming down the stairs inside the house. There is no doubt that our escapade woke her from her nap.

  I have the blanket folded and slipped through the window of the sitting room and behind the couch by the time Gram comes out the front door.

  “What on earth are you two up to out here? Bella, wipe that grin from your face. You look the cat who ate the goldfish.” She then looks past me and a grinning Cutter to see her broken porch swing. “You know what…I don’t even want to know. Damn horny teenagers,” she mumbles to herself. “Bella, get in the house it is too cold out here, you are going to get sick. And as for you, Cutter, I expect to see you here tomorrow bright and early to fix my swing. There are tools and some lumber in the shed out back.”

  Once Gram is back inside, Cutter and I both burst out laughing. He gives me a small kiss and I tell him I will text him once the coast is clear.

  I go inside to find Gram waiting for me.

  “I hope the two of you are being safe, Bella. And what if my neighbors seen whatever it was the two of you were doing?” Her face is full of disappointment. I almost feel bad, almost.

  “Gram, I don’t know what you are talking about, but just to ease your weary mind, I am on the pill. You have nothing to worry about.”

  I go into my bathroom and sneak a cigarette. I turn the fan on and crack my window. Gram would tan my hide if she caught me smoking in her house. I decide I am in need of a bath after all of today’s excitement.

  I love the bathtub I have at my Gram’s. It is an old clawfoot tub. It is white with silver feet. It is one of the things I miss the most about living here.

  My bubble bath is running, and I am going through my old dresser looking for something to sleep in. There is a light tap on my window.

  Cutter is standing outside of my window, he looks beautiful, and yes, I called him beautiful, because he is. It is twilight and the glow of the moon against his face is breathtaking. I open the window slightly and whisper to him, “What are you doing here? I told you I would text you later, not that I am complaining you are here.”

  “I couldn’t stay away.” He pushes my window open furthe
r and climbs inside of my old bedroom.

  “Well, I am getting in the tub, you can join me or not. I hope your dick is okay,” I don’t wait for him to answer. I strip as I am walking to the bathroom that is attached to my room. I feel no need to hide my scars from him. He knows all my ugly truths—inside and out.

  “You don’t have to tell me twice.” He lets out a whistle of appreciation at my naked form as he begins to undress himself as well.

  I can fully see him and all his scars too. The lighting in my room leaves nothing to the imagination. There are light scars where he has cut himself matching the ones I put on my own arms weeks before.

  I shut off the water and Cutter gets in first. I get in on the opposite side, I lay my head against the back of the tub and close my eyes while enjoying the silence between us. Cutter takes the loofa from the small shelf that hangs over the side of the tub and squirts some body wash into its center.

  Picking up one of my legs he washes it, repeating the motion with the other. I turn so that my back is now against him and he gently rubs the soap over each of my breasts. We take washing one another and enjoying the silence that stretches between us.

  Today has been perfect.

  I sag back into his chest and lie in his arms until the water turns cold.

  I grab us both a towel and start to dry off. As Cutter is getting out of the tub, I hear Gram knocking on my door. Thank goodness, I had the sense to lock it earlier. “Just a moment,” I call out to her.

  I whisper to Cutter for him to stay in the bathroom. If Gram catches him naked in my room, she may use that rifle on both of us.

  Hurriedly I kick his clothes under my bed, before open the door to my bedroom and block Gram from entering.

  “Here. This thing keeps buzzing and it is driving me nuts.” Gram takes my cell phone from the pocket of her apron and places it in my hand. “Are you alright? You seem out of breath. Your face is flushed.”

  “Never better, I just ran my water too hot for my bath. I scalded my backside getting into the tub.”

  “You are a strange one, Bella Rose. Beautiful, but strange. Be sure to put some lotion on your rear.”

  “Yes, ma’am, good night.” I shut my door and lock it to be greeted by Cutter and his firmness pressing against my backside.

  He takes some lotion from my dresser and starts rubbing it on my back. He orders me to lie on the bed, so he can give me a massage. While he rubs my back, I check my phone to see what was causing it to go off so much that it annoyed Gram.

  I have a few missed calls and a text from Brianna.

  Brianna: Hurley finally made it official and asked me to be his girl. Eek! I have a boyfriend. Call me, bitch.

  I send her a text back telling her I am so excited for her, but I am tired. I can’t wait to hear all about her excitement tomorrow.

  I end up falling asleep in my towel as Cutter works his way down to my calves.

  I awaken the next morning to the smell of bacon and the sound of a hammer. I look around my room feeling slightly disoriented. There is a note stuck to the mirror of the bathroom.

  Good morning gorgeous. I will see you when you wake up. I have a swing to hang.

  Cutter

  I throw on an old sweatshirt and a pair of holey jeans that I forgot I still had here and make my way to Gram in the kitchen.

  “That boy is an early riser. There aren’t many who can get the jump on me.”

  I just smile and nod, taking the cup of coffee she is holding out to me. She has cooked a feast this morning. I take in the spread she has laid out on the counter. The woman has made pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs, biscuits and gravy.

  “You expecting an army for breakfast, Gram?” I pull my wavy hair into a messy knot on top of my head.

  “No, no. I just figured you and Mr. Fix it might be hungry after doing whatever it was the two of you were up to last night. Don’t think my old ears couldn’t hear you. And you forgot to hide his shoes when I brought you your phone.” She laughs and takes a bite from a strip of bacon.

  I feel slightly humiliated and I can’t believe my Gram is being so cool about it all.

  “I was young once too ya know. It is nice to have some love bouncing around the walls of this quiet old house. Now go tell that young stallion breakfast is ready. I am going to hit the black Friday sales at the mall in Lawrence.”

  My cheeks are flaming as Gram takes her purse from the hook by the back door and grabs her keys. “Lock the house up if you leave before I get back.”

  I slice open a biscuit and spread mustard on it before I place a slice of sausage between the two halves.

  Watching Cutter trying to hang the swing by himself is comical. I can hear him cursing the swing under his breath. But there is nothing funny about the way his muscles flex and bulge through his sweat dampened t-shirt. It is clinging to his skin in all the right places. “Hey, Mr. Fix It, breakfast is ready.”

  He picks up his tools and puts them to the side of the porch. “I am hungry, but first you are going to help me hang this swing that you destroyed.”

  My brows kink up. “That I destroyed? I seem to recall that there were two of us enjoying ourselves out here yesterday. Oh, wait, I’m sorry that must have been that handsome handyman my Gram hired.”

  “Cute, real cute, Bella.”

  I have to stand on a stepladder to attach the chains to the hooks that are screwed into the beams running along the roof of the porch. It only takes us a few minutes.

  Cutter replaced the slats that couldn’t be saved, and it looks good as new.

  We put the tools and extra lumber back in Gram’s shed before heading into the house, so Cutter can have some breakfast.

  I pack some leftovers to take home with me from yesterday’s dinner and this morning’s breakfast. If our meals were left up to Cutter, we would live off the diner food and canned spaghetti.

  Chapter 18

  December

  The snow is coming down hard in heavy thick flakes. I haven’t seen it snow like this probably since I was in the eighth grade. The local news station is reporting up to a foot is estimated to fall over the next three days. Thankfully, they have called off classes. I wasn’t looking forward to trying to drive to campus, even if it is a short distance. I am glad for the snow day. I really need to work on my brochure for my photography class.

  For the first page I have a beautiful panoramic photo of the campus in the center. The natural light was downcast just enough to give an inviting feeling. I list general information, the name of the school, the address, websites, phone numbers etc. On the second page, I have a collage of my pictures from the library shoot with Hurley and Brianna.

  They are thrilled at the idea that this brochure could be picked to be handed out to potential future students during spring when high school students come from all around for tours of the University.

  On the third page, Brianna let me take a snapshot of her dorm room. I also feature a picture of the campus café, while highlighting the picnic area outdoors. On the fourth page, I list various activities, and clubs the students may be interested in participating in. Then on the fifth and final page, I display things about the town that may appeal to students to make them want to live here. I have a beautiful picture of the falls and mention briefly that many students enjoy taking in the local wildlife and walking the trails.

  I think I spend a total of six hours working non-stop on the damn project, except for the occasional bathroom break and cigarette. Photoshop is my friend. I really need to improve on my technique and utilizing natural light and shadows. I am about to fall asleep on my laptop when Cutter abruptly comes banging on my door.

  “Hurry up and get dressed—warmly. Hurley and Brianna are downstairs waiting in his truck. We’re going sledding.”

  “You do realize that it is 25 degrees outside and dark, right?” I roll my neck around popping and cracking my shoulder muscles to relieve some of the stress from sitting and staring at my computer screen all day.

>   “Yeah, and your point is? Come on, woman, we have inner tubes to race.”

  I rise from the couch and do a little stretching and yawning. “Okay I am getting my ass in gear.” I rush to my room and put on a pair of pantyhose. Next, I add a tank top, two pairs of socks, a thermal, jeans, and an oversized hooded sweatshirt. I slip into my boots and grab some gloves and a toboggan from my hall closet.

  Brianna is pressed up against Hurley inside of the cab of the truck.

  I peek in the bed of the truck and sure enough, they have sleds and inner tubes strapped down. I have to admit that part of me is really excited to go play in the snow. Cutter gets in the truck next to Brianna and I have to sit in his lap. Good thing the roads are bad enough not even the cops are out. We would get slapped with a huge fine for sure. Hurley has chains on the tires of his pick up even though it is four-wheel drive.

  “So where are we headed?” I ask with curiosity, because there aren’t many great places to go that aren’t on private land.

  Brianna tells me that we are going to Firestone Construction. It is an abandoned property that was bought to be strip-mined but the company tanked before they ever touched the land. I have to agree that it is the perfect spot. There are enough rolling hills and open spaces we can have a great time.

  There is a huge clearing in the center of the property, so like all boys with big trucks Hurley wants to do donuts. “Better hold on tight, girls, don’t want either of you flying through the windshield.” Hurley laughs as he revs his engine. Then he really gives it the gas before fishtailing us.

  He stops for a minute to pop open a can of beer, but not before reaching us all one. I don’t condone drinking and driving, but we are young, dumb and free. What the hell, you only live once, right?

  We all agree on a hill to sled down. The guys decide to turn it into a competition to see who can make it to the bottom the quickest. Imagine that. Brianna and I watch from the sidelines nursing our beers.

  This is exactly what I should be doing, out enjoying the world with great friends. It is days like these that I don’t feel the poison taking over my life. I feel like maybe there can be life after Harlan. That maybe everything doesn’t have to be all in vain. I still love Harlan, I miss him every day. However, a big part of me thinks that just maybe it is okay to open my heart up and allow Cutter to have a place in it as well.