Don't Let Me Go

by Glenna Maynard

  It doesn’t go unnoticed by me that as we are getting our bags from the car, Hurley fist bumps Cutter and tells him good luck. Knowing Hurley, he is probably wishing Cutter luck on getting lucky.

  He really is such a pig.

  Chapter 20

  January

  New Year’s Eve

  We are staying in a low-budget travel lodge, but I don’t even care. We are in New York City and tonight I will be watching the ball drop in the center of it all with Cutter. Nothing can bring down my mood today—nothing. I pull my hair halfback on my head and leave the rest in loose waves. I wore it braided all yesterday and today, so I would get the wavy effect.

  My eyes are smoky and smudged at the corners. I am dressed in my black leggings, with my favorite holey jeans over them. My shirt is an off the shoulders sequined scoop neck top, so I have a black tank top underneath of it. I top off my look with my black Uggs, my black gloves, matching scarf, and black pea coat. I haven’t taken my necklace off since Christmas Eve.

  “Babe, come on, we have to get going if we want even a slight chance at getting a good spot.”

  “Okay, okay I am ready.” I dab a little perfume behind my ears and I smile as we take each other’s appearance in. Cutter looks so handsome. He is dressed in a grey cashmere sweater with a white t-shirt peeking from under the neck. He has on a pair of dress slacks. It is so cute that he dressed up for me. His hair has grown out some on the top; it lays across his forehead now in a side sweep. I almost tease him about his Bieber hair, but I hold back. He stuffs the room key into his back pocket and we are on our way.

  Cutter has been acting nervous all day. His hands are sweaty, and his breathing is uneven. “Are you alright?” I ask him with curiosity and concern.

  “I’m fine, big crowds just make me nervous is all.” he takes my hand and pulls me through the throngs of people lining the streets. It’s as if we have been swallowed by a sea of people. “Stay close and try not to let go of my hand,” he orders me.

  We have six hours to kill so we go to all the hot spots on the strip. First stop, the world’s largest toy store. We have a blast playing on the oversized keyboard. It is just like the one in that Tom Hanks movie I used to watch when I was little.

  I wanted Starbucks but there was no way we were going to get inside with the coffee mob that was growing outside of the doors. Instead, we get some shitty hot chocolate from a street vendor. I am having too good of a time to even care that my drink sucks. I still can’t believe we are really here. It’s my first time away from home. I feel like a fish out of water.

  “You two, how would you like to be on TV kissing at the stroke of midnight in front of millions?” Cutter and I look at the guy who just intruded on us like he is crazy. “I apologize, let me introduce myself. I’m George Lange. I am a producer for Music City TV and I am scouting the crowds for attractive couples for the camera to pan in on when the ball drops. And well you would be perfect.” He sticks his hand out for Cutter to shake and reaches him a card.

  “Come on, guys, it is a once in a lifetime chance, there is a big party in our studio and that popular band, Imagine Dragons is going to play on the roof. That is where you will get to celebrate the night at.”

  I look at Cutter and he looks at me to decide. I love the Imagine Dragons and how many opportunities do you get like this in life? “I say hell yeah, where do we sign up.” But then I feel bad because I remember Cutter telling me once that he fears heights. I whisper in his ear asking if he is really okay with it. He says he will be fine as long as he isn’t near the ledge.

  “Great, follow me to the studio. I will need you to sign some release forms and then we are all set.”

  We make it inside of the studio and it is unreal. We are asked to sign a standard release form to appear on the air. I send Brianna a text and ask her to please do me a huge favor.

  Bella: You stayed in with Hurley, right? Can you do me a favor and record the New Year’s bash on music City. You might see Cutter and me on the screen!

  Brianna: Shut up! For real? Ugh, no fair, but yeah. Turning it on now.

  She is excited and jealous. I can just see her chewing Hurley out right now for not bringing her.

  We are shown to a green room with other extras, they have food and drinks. It is like a mini mixer.

  I am pulled from the room to get my hair and makeup touched up. I cannot believe I am in New York City and in the building of Music City. I have watched their channel since I was in junior high. And now I am going to be on their rocking new year’s special hosted by Kennedy Keys. This is all surreal.

  After my hair and makeup is finished we are taken on a brief tour of the set. I spy Cutter talking to that producer guy that brought us here with a huge smile plastered across his face.

  What is he up to?

  I don’t have time to think about it as we are hustled up to the roof for tonight’s performance.

  Cutter and I are placed right in front of the stage. I cannot believe I am going to be close enough to one of my favorite bands that I can almost reach out and touch them.

  I look out at the city before me and it is beautiful. All the noise and lights. It feels like a dream. A DJ begins playing all of today’s hits. We are instructed to just dance and have a good time. An hour or so goes by and Kennedy Keys takes the stage.

  She says her opening lines and begins telling the crowd about tonight’s performances. It is so hard not to lose my shit when she announces a performance from The Civil Wars.

  The music starts playing again and Cutter twirls me around. I turn my back into his chest and he wraps his arms around me as we sway to the music. And thank gawd he dances so much better than Hurley. I wish Brianna and him could be here, but in a way it is probably for the best that the millions of people watching this show at home aren’t subjected to Hurley’s dance moves or lack thereof. Seriously, the public would be begging for their eyes to be bleached. We all know some things just can’t be unseen by the naked eye.

  This night couldn’t get any better.

  I couldn’t have dreamt of a more perfect night.

  My heart swells, and I want so much to tell Cutter three little words—I love you…because now I can say them and really mean them. I am ready to give him all of me, he has dealt with me at my worst, and he deserves to see me at my best. I can be good—for him, like he has me.

  We dance to a few more songs and take a break for a couple of drinks, and I am craving a cigarette. I am so nervous to tell Cutter that I love him. Not because I am afraid he won’t say it back—I don’t want him to feel pressured to, but—saying it aloud to him makes it true. I am about to tell him, but we are asked to get back to our places.

  I will have to wait for the right moment.

  Before I know it, Kennedy Keys has taken to the stage to announce the next performance.

  “Welcome back to the rockin New Year’s bash, I am your hostess with the most, Kennedy. We have a little surprise for you all before The Civil Wars take the stage. Who doesn’t love romance people?”

  Cameras start closing in around Cutter and me…I feel like I cannot breathe, what is going on? Then it hits me when Cutter goes down on one knee in front of me. “Bella, my beautiful rose. You asked me to give you my terms, so here it goes. You promised me a year, but I don’t want a year. Any length of time you can give me will never be enough. I am asking you to give me your forever. Marry me, Bella.” he pulls out a red string from his pocket and ties it to my ring finger.

  I am overwhelmed. His question really is so unexpected. Everyone is whooping and whistling, screaming for me to say yes. Even Kennedy Keys mouths the word to me. How can I say no to Cutter, he put himself out to me in front of the whole world to see?

  “Yes!” I throw my arms around his neck and pull him into a kiss. He picks me up and spins me around, and I whisper into his ear, “I love you, Cutter.”

  “Ladies and gentlemen, The Civil Wars performing their song Tip of My Tongue. I love these two.” />
  The first line of the song explains why Cutter gave me a red string. The woman sings about a red string being tied to her finger and how her lover is poetry. I have listened to this song a hundred times and now I will listen to it a thousand more with a whole new meaning.

  Did I agree to marry Cutter?

  “I know it isn’t a proper ring, but it just fit the moment. I will get you a real ring, Bella.”

  “Shush, it is perfect I love it. Did you arrange for them to sing that song?”

  “Yeah, I overheard someone mention their names and I asked our new friend George for some help. He made it all happen. I had planned—I was going to ask you no matter what at the stroke of midnight. They say whatever you are doing at midnight on New Year’s is how you will spend the next year. So, I want to be sure it is spent being happy with you.”

  Kennedy Keys takes to the stage once more. “Are you ready to start the countdown? I can’t hear you. I said are you ready?” The crowd roars, “Yes!”

  “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 Happy New Year!” We all shout in unison. Cutter grabs me by the back of my hair and plants the most passionate kiss on my lips, ever. I could stand here on this New York City rooftop kissing him forever, but the Imagine Dragons just took the stage, and I really don’t want to miss their performance.

  The band actually just congratulated us at the end of their set. Tonight, is going down in the record books, best New Years and proposal ever.

  Kennedy Keys takes to the stage one more time. “That’s it everyone thank you for rocking in the New Year with all of us here at Music City. I’m your host with the most Kennedy Keys.”

  George and Kennedy approach us once the cameras stop filming. They both say they want invitations to the wedding.

  “Hey, guys, the camera loves you. Would you be open to a reality show, I have been pitching a college aged newlywed show that would show the ups and downs of young marriage.”

  Cutter and I both politely answer, “No,” at the same time. We have spent many nights watching crappy reality TV.

  “Hey, if you ever change your mind, say within the next three months you have my card.”

  *—*

  We have no chance of hailing a cab in this mess, so we have to hoof it back to our motel. I don’t mind I am pumped with excitement from the nights events. How many people can say that they had The Civil Wars sing their song to them on national television? And how many can say they were proposed to the way that I was?

  Cutter pulls me into a small cafe to grab a bite to eat. He flashes me a devious grin and shows me the bottle of champagne under his jacket. “A congrats gift, compliments of George. So, order light, we have some celebrating to do.” He leans across the table and kisses me.

  My phone is vibrating like crazy in my pocket. I peek at the screen. I have fifteen missed calls from Brianna. Guess it is safe to bet that she watched the show.

  She will have to wait to congratulate me tomorrow when she picks us up from the airport. Tonight, I am all about Cutter.

  I end up ordering a fruit salad and Cutter has a stack of blueberry pancakes. I think his cheeks are glowing just as much as mine are.

  Oh, jeez, how I am going to tell Gram? Will she be happy, or will she see it as a mistake? Well it isn’t like we are going to get married tomorrow, but it would be cool if we get married before the summer, then our trip to Europe could be an awesome honeymoon.

  Back in our room, I am in desperate need of a shower. I let Cutter know he better not start on the champagne without me. Damn, I cannot believe I forgot to pack my own shampoo. There is no way this tiny ass bottle will have enough to even get me started. Thankfully, I always keep a hair tie on my wrist for occasions like these.

  Stepping out of the shower, I am greeted by Cutter in his boxers. He has lit the room up with tea light candles. “Well someone came prepared, didn’t they?”

  He laughs and runs his fingers through his hair. “Well, I was counting on you not wanting to shoot me down in front of such a large crowd.”

  Cutter pulls my towel and I let it fall to the floor. He goes down on his knees and kisses each scar I have inflicted on myself. They are finally healing and fading some, I haven’t felt the need to cut myself for a while now.

  Starting at my thighs, he kisses his way up my stomach and to each arm, until he has kissed all of them—my scars. My body is trembling with anticipation. I can still feel the heat from each kiss lingering over my scars.

  He pulls me onto the bed with him. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are, Bella? All this time I thought I was putting you back together, when in fact you gave me back a part of myself that I thought I had long lost. You have given me back my ability to love.”

  When Cutter lost his baby sister a part of him died, he no longer thought he was worthy of giving love or accepting it, until me.

  We are like birds of a feather, he and I.

  Placing a knee between my thighs he pushes my legs apart. He scoots down on the bed and sweeps his tongue over my clit and runs his tongue from my front to my back. He repeats the action slowly and puts a finger inside me. “You are so sexy, baby.”

  I throw my head back and receive all his attentions eagerly. I grab him by his hair and pull him up to meet my mouth for a kiss. He greedily kisses his way back down to my heated core. His tongue slithers inside of me like a snake as he flicks his tongue around in a swirling motion. I am nothing but a puddle. I feel like a melted bowl of ice cream.

  “Make love to me, Cutter.” I thread my fingers in his hair again and pull his head up to meet my lips, tasting myself on his tongue as I suck on it.

  He supports his weight placing his elbows on either side of me. Raising my arms, I cross them above my head, giving all of me to him. He thrusts inside me and I tighten my muscles around him, he feels so good, I don’t want him to stop. Ever. I could stay here wrapped in his arms forever in this room, if we didn’t need things like food and water.

  Cutter kisses me tenderly on my neck.

  “Let me on top,” I demand, and he rolls us over so that I am now straddling him. I slowly lower myself onto his hard as steel shaft. Grabbing my hips, he guides me, grinding our bodies in harmony, faster and faster. My orgasm hits fast out of nowhere, and it feels like I have been shattered into thousands of tiny shards.

  Never in my life have I experienced anything like this—making love. I roll over and let Cutter behind me, he wraps his fist in my hair and pulls my head backwards to give me a kiss, as he finds his own release. He is still twitching moments later.

  “Fuck, I can’t wait to make you my wife, so we can do this every night,” he tells me as we lay side by side, relishing in the moment.

  Chapter 21

  The events of New York are a blissful blur. So much changed between Cutter and me during our trip and so much has happened during the two weeks since we have come home. I never knew that love could feel this good. But before we get to what is happening now let’s rewind and I will tell you all about the last two weeks.

  *—*

  As soon as we get through the gate, Brianna is waiting with a sea of questions. She says it is the most romantic proposal she has ever seen. She talks Cutter and me to death on the drive home. She seems to have already planned our whole wedding overnight.

  Hurley wasn’t able to come with her, he has to work today. According to her, they had a horrible night. She got in a huge fight with Hurley, he accused her of seeing Nolan behind his back, because he seen a text come through on her phone from him wishing her a happy new year, that it’d be better if she were spending it with him.

  Even Cutter admits that he can see that Nolan was doing it to be a dick, so why couldn’t Hurley? Jealousy and insecurity can kill a relationship in three seconds flat.

  I ban her from calling him—Hurley, the rest of the day.

  She needs to let him lick the spoon of the shit he is stirring up. If Hurley knew the way the River’s boys treated their women, he would find it funny that No
lan thinks he still has a shot with her. And seriously can’t Nolan just let her be. I figured he would be long gone by now, and his dad has recovered and is back to work. Why can’t he leave us all alone? I think a part of him can’t stand to see anyone happy—himself included.

  After Brianna drops us off at the apartments, I leave Cutter to do his own thing. I need to go see my Gram. I don’t want her to hear the news from anyone other than me that Cutter and I are engaged. Word travels fast around here. As soon as one of Gram’s old biddies’ catches wind of my engagement, it will be all over town. I light up a cigarette, I am so nervous to tell her my good news. Well I hope she takes it as good. I think that she will. She seems to really like Cutter.

  I rub a finger across the red string tied to my ring finger.

  “Gram, are you home?” I call out downstairs. Her car is here but I don’t hear a reply. Odd. I walk out the backdoor to the patio and call out for her once more. No answer. I walk upstairs her bed is unmade. This is not like Gram in the least. She always makes her bed first thing every morning. She does the chore before she even goes to the bathroom. I know unusual it is unusual. I can’t do anything until I have had my morning pee. I don’t know what makes me think to check the basement but as soon as I open the door and flick on the light, there she is at the foot of the staircase.

  “Gram!” I rush down the stairs and to her side. She has a pulse, but she is unconscious. I am afraid to try to move her. I dial 911 from my cell phone.

  *—*

  This brings us back to now. Two weeks have passed since New Year’s. My Gram has broken her hip and has been in intensive care. She woke sometime after midnight the morning I found her. She thought she heard someone come in downstairs. When she walked downstairs from her room, she noticed the basement door was open. She went to close it and was shoved down the stairs from behind.

  She shattered her hip and had to have replacement surgery. Now she is in recovery. Gram has a lot of physical therapy in her future. I have moved out of my apartment and back into her house, so I can take care of her once she is released from the hospital. The police think it was a break in. I can’t find anything missing from the house. What kind of monster could shove my sweet Gram down the stairs like that?