Don't Let Me Go

by Glenna Maynard

  What do I say to that?

  A calm feeling comes over me as Ryan and Mr. Monroe join the two of us.

  We take our seats and Ryan squeezes my hand the whole time.

  I thought I would feel odd being here, but I feel the complete opposite, like I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

  After the graveside service concludes, his mother insists that I come to their house. I can’t decline her invitation. I can see the eagerness in her eyes. I simply nod, and Ryan gets back in my car with me. Only I let him drive, because I have no idea where he lives.

  “Are you sure you want me here, today? I know it must be hard for you—for your family.” I don’t want him to think I am taking advantage of him during his time of grieving. I web my fingers together anxiously.

  “Bella, I have had years to come to terms with the loss of my sister, today is more about closure for my family. We finally have the answers we have been looking for, we can finally lay my sister’s disappearance to rest.”

  “Okay.”

  He gives me a weak smile, but it still makes my belly swarm with butterflies.

  I love him, whoever he is.

  Chapter 25

  Instead of driving us to his house, Ryan drives us out to the Mason County Park. “I figure we could use some place quiet to talk. My house will be crawling with family and reporters.”

  We exit the car and take a seat side by side on a bench facing the pond. The weather is nice today. As a child, I can remember every funeral I ever went to—it was raining out. It makes me feel like Carson is smiling down on her family today.

  “So, Ryan Dawson Monroe and not Cutter Dawson? You have some explaining to do, I just don’t get it.”

  “Yeah, sorry about that, name is Ryan.” he holds his hand out to me.

  I take his hand in mine. “You can’t charm your way through this conversation. Even your magic tongue can’t get you out of this. Why did you lie about your name?”

  “I guess I should start at the beginning, huh?” He smiles weakly, running his hand through his hair.

  I nod my head and wait for him to tell me his story.

  “After my sister went missing, I became manic depressive. My family tried sending me to different doctors but none of them were able to help me...I used to cut myself a lot, earning me the nickname Cutter at school. I was picked on a lot, because of my scars and because of Carson. My parents had finally had enough, my mom felt like she had to watch me constantly. She was so tired. It was wearing her down always worrying about me and waiting for news about Carson that never came.” He takes my hand and brushes a kiss over my knuckles.

  His touch still gives me tingles.

  “I was there the day they brought you into the hospital. You didn’t even look my way. You were the most beautiful yet broken person I had ever laid eyes on. I knew right then that I wanted to know you. I saw the sadness in your eyes that I had felt in my own for the last few years. I wanted to take your pain away. We were never in the same group sessions or activities together, so you didn’t see a lot of me,” he confides.

  His confession, his love for me before he knew me brings me to tears. God, I am a mess. I feel all over the place. My brain is so confused, but my heart tells me to hold him tight and never let him go.

  “I overheard you talking about your Gram’s flower garden and how much you missed it. I wanted to see you smile. I thought if I left the flowers for you they’d bring a smile to your face, and they did. You have no idea how good it felt for me to see you smile, even if you didn’t know it was me that put it there.”

  “Okay, but that day at the falls when we met, you could have told me who you were, but you didn’t? I want to know why.” I take my hand back from him. I am still pissed off about it. He isn’t going to win me over that easily. He has some major explaining to do.

  “That was an intense day, if you remember. Well, I kept waiting for you to recognize me. I had seen you around town a few times and at the apartments. This all happened coincidentally by the way, I did not follow you. I wasn’t stalking you,” he throws in.

  “But you didn’t recognize me, and I thought just maybe we could have a new start. I wouldn’t be Ryan Monroe, the guy that lost his sister. The lie grew a little bigger. I just wanted you to let me in. I wanted to be the guy you wanted, the guy you needed. I wanted to make you whole again. I thought if I told you I was enrolled at the university that I might come off as less of a creep.”

  He wipes away my tears as I try to process his story. “Thank you for coming today. I wanted to call you, but I was afraid you hated me and would want nothing to do with me.” He takes my hand in his once more and bumps my shoulder. “Are we okay?”

  “I am glad to be here, and I could never hate you, I kind of am in love with you. Cut—Ryan, okay, I am still trying to get used to the whole name thing. I guess we are okay.”

  I look into his eyes seeing nothing but honesty and love.

  We are just trying to figure out this life, how to get from one day to the next. And though we tried, we’ve lost it all somehow, but our love won’t be tragic.

  “Promise, me one thing,” he says, softly.

  “Anything.”

  “Don’t ever let me go again.”

  I grin at him. “Never.”

  He cups my face and plants a tortuous kiss on the corner of my mouth. God, how I have missed his lips.

  Him.

  I have missed everything about him.

  “What, is that all I get? I drove all the way out here and you give me a kiss like that?” I tease.

  “No, I was just warming up.” he slides his tongue into my mouth and caresses my tongue slowly with his.

  I think we sit on the bench at the park kissing until the edge of dark. My lips feel swollen and bruised, but I don’t care. I have missed his kisses. Being here with him, I finally feel like everything is going to be okay. He makes me feel whole again, well for the first time ever, if I am being honest.

  This guy has my heart…my soul. He makes me feel alive.

  I know he loves me with all his heart.

  He has captured mine from the start, since he took my hand that day on the bridge. I just wasn’t looking close enough to see it, to really see him. Ryan was my light guiding me through the darkness, and now I am ready to leave all the bad behind. He has given me so much, and I plan to spend the rest of my days making it up to him.

  “You can still call me Cutter, ya know.”

  “I think I’d like to get to know Ryan.”

  “I’d like that, Bella.”

  June

  “Are you ready to do this?” I ask as Ryan lugs our carry on bags through the gate. “You do have your passport?”

  “Yes, babe, I have it all right here,” he says as he drops our bags and starts patting his pockets with a panicked face. I give him a look that says you better be joking or I will kill you. “Just kidding, got it right here,” he teases, pulling his passport from his back pocket.

  I twirl the ring on my finger, it is back where it belongs, but I did make him ask again as Ryan Monroe and not Cutter Dawson. Everything we have shared has been real. The only things he lied about were his name and being a student.

  I have forgiven him.

  I mean, I am planning to marry the guy after all. Yeah, you read that right. The wedding is back on, but it won’t be at the falls. That place holds to much negative energy. The ceremony is going to be held in Gram’s flower garden. I can’t think of a more fitting place.

  I am so excited to start the rest of my life with Ryan. We are about to go on an epic adventure together, and if by the time our Europe trip ends we haven’t killed each other then I know we are going to make it.

  “You guys are so friggin cute, I can’t stand it.” Brianna snaps a picture of us with her cell phone.

  You didn’t think Brianna would allow us to go to Europe and have a romantic adventure of a lifetime without her and Hurley, did you?

  So, in the end ever
ything has worked out. I think in a weird way of sorts Carson and Harlan were working together to bring Ryan and I together, and to bring their spirits peace. With all that has happened, life couldn’t have just thrown us together. I feel a bigger force was at play. All the greatest love stories don’t have to end in a tragedy. Ryan and I plan on having an epic love saga for as long as forever grants us.

  I watch my friends and my fiancé board the plane to London ahead of me and I feel like all is right in the world. The town of Cold Creek Falls, no longer holds its record for being one of America’s safest college towns. It is at the bottom of the list thanks to the wicked ways of Nolan Rivers. My Gram always did say that everything the River’s boys touched turned to shit.

  Oh, and my Gram, I almost forgot, her hip replacement has healed. She isn’t as mobile as she once was, but she is planning the wedding and, she has new planning partner in crime. Mrs. Monroe.

  Ryan’s mother said that at least she could plan a wedding for one daughter. I told her I want them to reserve a chair for Carson in her memory. She got all teary eyed on me when I suggested we put a framed photo in her seat.

  I look out the window of the plane and my mind is playing tricks on me. I could swear I just saw Harlan and Carson looking out the glass window of the airport and waving at me. I shake my head. It couldn’t have been, they are dead and gone.

  “Are you okay, babe?” Ryan squeezes my hand.

  “I’m fine, just thought I saw somebody that I used to know.” I lean over and give him a kiss, as the plane gets ready to take off.

  Brianna and Hurley are already fighting over the armrest. Yeah, this is going to be a long flight. I just hope they don’t get us kicked off the plane by trying to have makeup sex in the bathroom.

  Epilogue

  Europe was wonderful. Can you believe we survived five months trekking across Europe with Brianna and Hurley bickering and screwing every five minutes? Oh, and we did manage to check off my list.

  Ryan says we now have to start a new one, but this time he is picking.

  Brianna has come home with a permanent souvenir. I smile as I watch my best friend caressing her small bump.

  In addition, today, I am about to marry my other best friend. Gram’s garden has been transformed into a fall wonderland. There are monogrammed pumpkins lining the walkway. Leave it to my Gram and Brianna to make pumpkins look fancy. There is beautiful fall foliage wrapped around the trellis and lining the orange carpet, I will walk on for the wedding march.

  Hurley tried to talk my Gram into letting him wear his camo hunting gear instead of a tuxedo. They compromised. The lapel of his jacket is camo. I thought Brianna was going to punch him in the nose when he asked.

  Brianna is my maid of honor of course. She is wearing a simple chocolate colored gown with an empire waist. She is trying to hide her bump, her and Hurley haven’t told their families about the baby yet. Brianna’s parents are pretty old fashioned, and they aren’t ready to get married yet. With the way they fight, I kind of can’t blame them. Brianna is afraid her parents will try to force them into a marriage they aren’t ready for.

  My sweet Ryan looks so handsome. He has a little bit of stubble. He has it in his head that he is going to grow a Duck Dynasty beard just like the guys on that TV show.

  I don’t think so.

  I see a straight edge razor in his near future. Punk. He could have at least shaved for our wedding. His tuxedo is like Hurley’s minus the camo.

  My gown is gorgeous. It is an A- line with long sleeves, a scoop neck, there is see through lace covering my back, and it fans out at the bottom just enough to cover my chucks. The dress is more Mrs. Monroe’s doing. If it were left up to me, well, let’s just say I wouldn’t be wearing this gown.

  Let’s face it, I am a ripped jeans and chucks kind of girl. Give me a ratty t-shirt and holey jeans any day over heels and dresses.

  My hair is left loose in long cascading ringlets. My something blue is my chucks. Hey, don’t judge me. They are navy blue, so it counts. My something old and borrowed is my soon to be mother-in-law’s veil. My something new is my panties—I think Ryan will appreciate them if no one else does. My diamond stud earrings complete my look.

  We didn’t invite a lot of guest, but it isn’t about that. I only care about sharing this day with the people who love Ryan and me the most. My Gram had to invite all her old biddies. I am sure they can’t wait to gossip about it over the next quilting luncheon. Some of Ryan’s extended family is here as well.

  “Are you ready to do this?” Dr. Peters hooks his arm through mine.

  “Ready as I will ever be.” I smile as he lowers my veil over my face.

  “Bella, I am so proud of you, you have grown to be an incredible young woman. I wish your mother could be here to share in this day.”

  Ryan’s song and mine begins to play. The Tip of My Tongue by The Civil Wars. It may seem an odd choice to some, but Ryan and I are anything but ordinary.

  I don’t even notice the faces staring at me from the crowd. Right now, I have tunnel vision, and it is leading me straight to Ryan.

  “Who gives this woman away?”

  “Her Gram and I do.” Alex releases me and places me in Ryan’s care.

  We turn and look at the priest as he begins going through the opening lines of the ceremony.

  We opted to write our own vows.

  “Many of you might not know this, but when Bella and I met, we were both lost. She was facing her darkest trials and I was coping with overcoming my own demons. Somehow, through it all, we fell in love, and I plan to keep falling in love with her even more with every passing day. I Ryan promise to love, cherish, and protect my beautiful Bella, as long as forever will allow me to. All you ever need to know is this—I’m with You…,” he promises sliding a silver diamond band onto my finger.

  “I never knew what it really meant to love someone, until you breezed into my life and took my breath away. You were the light I needed to pull me out of the darkness that surrounded me. I Bella, promise to love you, Ryan with all that I have. I can’t promise that it will be easy being married to me, but I can promise you it will be worth it. And all you need to know at the end of the day is—I won’t ever let you go…,” I promise placing his silver band on his finger.

  The priest pronounces us as husband and wife. Ryan cups my face and gives me the kiss of a lifetime. With his kiss, I can feel his love for me and the promises we have made.

  I would go through anything and travel anywhere as long as it is with him.

  Ryan found me and pulled me through my darkest times, and I am so glad we met that day on the bridge. He saved me from myself.

  I smile at him as we make our way through the small crowd waiting to congratulate us.

  We go inside the house to change into more comfortable attire, we already had our pictures taken before the ceremony. I promise to meet Ryan on the makeshift dance floor, also known as the back patio for our first dance as husband and wife. I have to practically push him out the door. He keeps trying to take my clothes off as I am putting them on.

  “Stop, we will have plenty of time for that later, and besides I don’t want to show up to our reception with just fucked hair.”

  “Babe, I don’t think anyone would mind.” he tugs on my bra strap one last time.

  “Maybe not, but I’d mind. I love you. Now get your fine ass downstairs before my Gram comes up here and turns the hose on us.”

  He gives me a heated kiss trying to persuade me otherwise. I have to say I am tempted, so tempted to just say fuck it and rip off his clothes. I’d never allow him to leave this room though if I do.

  “Fine. You owe me,” he says with a scowl before leaving me to myself.

  As promised I meet my man on the dance floor, we have our first dance to Somewhere Only We Know by Keane.

  After a few dances, it is time to throw the garter, but we thought we’d play a joke on Hurley. It was really Brianna’s idea. Gram is all too happy to go a
long with our prank.

  We tell Hurley that he gets to take my garter belt off blindfolded using only his mouth. He has no idea that this is normally for the groom, but it doesn’t matter, it’s funny. My Gram slides my garter belt up around her knee and takes my seat in the center of the patio/dance floor.

  Hurley is blindfolded and waiting. I lean down and whisper that I am ready for him in his ear.

  “I’m ready for you, Hurley. Make it good.”

  He licks up my Gram’s leg with his tongue. “Wow. Your legs are so smooth but no offense your skin feels kind of funny. Wrinkly but smooth.”

  We all have to hold our laughter in. He completes his task and pulls the blindfold off feeling so proud of himself only to have my Gram staring back at him. Gram winks at him as we all start laughing.

  “I knew it was her the whole time,” he claims with a red face.

  He so didn’t know by the look on his face,

  Ryan puts his arm around Hurley. “You didn’t think I’d really let you put your lips on my woman, did you?”

  Hurley laughs and gives Gram a hug telling her, “Clara, I guess we can’t hide the truth any longer, don’t deny my love in front of everyone.” He gives her a kiss on the cheek.

  Gram swats his arm playfully. “Hush your filthy mouth, boy.”

  Everyone goes back to eating, drinking and dancing after Brianna catches my bouquet. It isn’t like she was going to get much competition from all of Gram’s old biddies.

  Hurley and Brianna are already fighting after dancing to one song together. Imagine that. I am sure they will be sneaking off in about five minutes to have makeup sex.

  I think they are secretly horny all the time and fight for an excuse to screw.

  Ryan and I have decided against taking a honeymoon since we sort of just returned from one. We are going to spend the night at a nice hotel. I don’t think my Gram wants to hear the things I plan on doing with my husband tonight.