Journey's End
Page 14
“Did you love her?” Gabrielle’s soft, questioning voice cut through my reminiscing.
I looked up at her and I saw something in her eye that wasn’t there yesterday. It looked a bit like jealousy, but when I blinked, it was replaced with that same expression of compassion Gabrielle always held, when she gazed at me. Gabrielle was young; too young to know more about me than what legend told, but it was time she knew what I was. I rose from my chair and crossed the room to sit beside the young woman, seated on the large bed.
Taking one of her small hands in my own much larger one, I began to speak. “There was no love in me or for me, back then, Gabrielle. I killed and I raped, and I took, all for one reason, and that’s because I could, because I was strong and others were weak. My life was about power and control, because I thought that whoever had that, had everything.”
I lowered my head as I continued speaking and my dark hair surrounded me like the hood of a cloak, making it easier to share the awful truth of my existence, to the young woman before me.
“The things that I’ve done, Gabrielle... what I have been... it sickens me and I know now that there really is no amount of good that I can do, that can possibly atone for my acts. It’s true what they say about me, you know. Perhaps you shouldn’t be nice to me, Gabrielle... I am evil.”
I wasn’t looking for pity or even compassion, although I believe I received both from my young slave. I simply told her, in the fewest words possible, who I was. I wondered at my actions. In those long heartbeats between the time my voice ended and Gabrielle’s next movement, a quick bit of introspection caused me to ask myself... why, just when I’ve drawn her closer, am I trying to push her away? Why am I trying to frighten her out of caring for me?
I could only hope that someday I would find the answers to those questions. I felt the smoothness of Gabrielle’s fingertips under my chin, and as I’ve done with her a hundred times, I felt my face tilted up until I was looking into an expression that could surely melt, even the hardest of hearts.
“I have read many things, My Lord, about this woman, Xena the Conqueror. The scrolls are filled with her history, her stories of war, as well as her proclivities. I know I’m young, but I understand more than you think. I know of Xena the Conqueror, but I do not know her. That Xena is not the woman before me, and she is certainly not the Xena to whom I belong.”
I’m not sure why I did it; only that it seemed natural to do. I lay my head down in her lap, stretching the length of my body out on the mattress, one arm wrapped tightly around her waist. Gabrielle rubbed my back, in small soothing circles, while caressing my temple with the fingertips of her free hand. It was that insecurity-ridden woman that spoke next.
“Do you belong to me, Gabrielle?”
My eyes were closed tight against the respectful silence I was sure I would hear. Why couldn’t I leave well enough alone, why did I have to push the issue? I felt silky tresses surround me as Gabrielle placed a feather light kiss upon my ear. I tried to hold back, without success, the hot tears that leaked from the corners of my closed eyes.
“Yes, My Lord... only you.” Gabrielle’s warm breath responded in my ear.
I wrapped both arms around her waist and squeezed. My heart couldn’t decide whether it should be grateful or terrified. It decided to choose both. It felt so right to be lying here with Gabrielle this way, not worrying about whether I should be in control of my emotions, not caring how it might look to anyone else. It also felt very natural allowing someone... no, not just someone. It felt very natural allowing Gabrielle, to care for me. As ruler and warrior, I was never allowed to look weak or foolish, but in Gabrielle’s presence, I’m positive I looked both, but sure, to her anyway, that I appeared neither.
* * *
I felt a heavy comforter being pulled over me, and the soft warm presence of another, wrapping their arms tightly around my shoulders. I moaned and pushed into the embrace further. A loud rapping on the outer door to my chambers interrupted my pleasant state. I growled, knowing I would have to leave this comfortable sanctuary.
“Shall I, My Lord?” Gabrielle asked.
“Mmmm,” I murmured. “Get rid of whoever it is, please, Gabrielle, I don’t want to see anyone till morning.”
I rolled on to my back, immediately missing the soft body that silently rose from the bed. If I had been more awake, I might not have thought it merely a pleasant dream, when smooth lips were pressed delicately against my forehead, before moving away.
A male voice in my outer room instantly brought me awake. Gods, I slept so soundly when I was beside Gabrielle, it frightened me. I suddenly remembered that only moments ago I asked Gabrielle to answer the door. I rolled to the end of the bed, standing and grumbling under my breath once I discovered the male voice belonged to the scum, Demetri. The exchange between Gabrielle and my headman was muffled, but suddenly their voices became clear as they moved directly in front of the door to my bedchamber. I sat back down on the mattress, listening to the more than surprising exchange.
“Move aside slave, or I’ll move you myself.” Demetri growled.
I silently swore to myself that if the man laid a single hand on her, a slow crucifixion would be too good an end for him.
“I cannot, Lord Demetri.” Gabrielle’s voice suddenly came closer and I realized she must have stepped in front of the door, to block the man’s way.
“You little bitch. You know if I have to move you out of the way, you won’t be happy about it.” Demetri hissed.
I practically applauded Gabrielle’s next words, even though every muscle in my body was poised to intervene should things get out of hand.
“Lord Demetri, the Lord Conqueror has given me orders that she not be disturbed. If her wishes are not obeyed, then I will be punished for certain, but I expect worse will befall the person who actually does the disturbing.”
I almost laughed aloud. I could just imagine what Gabrielle looked like, delivering those words filled with caution and innuendo. Her brazenness surprised me more every day, and my mind’s eye conjured up a vision of the tiniest smirk on her lips, along with the ever so slight arch to her eyebrow. Gods, this woman was no idiot!
I walked to the door and heard only silence as Demetri was obviously contemplating the words, Conqueror and disturbing, and weighing his chances. I grinned to myself, and then fixed a fierce scowl onto my face. I grabbed the door and pulled it open so swiftly that Gabrielle, who was leaning with her back upon the heavy wood, flew into my arms.
The small blonde was surprised and momentarily lost until she realized it was I behind her. The look on my face caused Demetri to take a full two steps, backward. I held Gabrielle’s back against me snugly with one arm wrapped around her waist. Demetri looked rather relieved and opened his mouth to speak.
“Lord Conqueror, I--”
“Good night, Demetri!” I slammed the door in his face, leaving him still standing there, stammering, for a few heartbeats. Eventually his footsteps walked away and the outer door to my rooms slammed shut.
“Oh, that was worth the price of admission!” I laughed, falling back against the door and wrapping Gabrielle in my arms, kissing the top of her blonde head.
“Was that... was it all right to do that?” Gabrielle asked, her cheek pressed against my chest.
“That was very all right, little one, I’m very pleased.” I replied and I could feel the tension leave the young woman’s body.
I moved to open the door and peered out into the room before deeming it safe to enter. I crossed the room and grabbed up a flask of wine, pouring a large cup. I stopped and lifted the container in Gabrielle’s direction.
“Gabrielle, have you ever tasted wine?”
“No, My Lord.”
She answered as I expected, for few masters would ever give good drink to a slave, it would be considered a waste.
“Would you like to... hmmm, try some?” I asked.
“I’m not sure, My Lord. If it would please you.” She answered
.
“The point is; would it please you?” I responded, and we seemed to be at an impasse. We both stood there, seemingly unable to release one another from the tender gaze.
I pulled away first and poured a small bit of the red liquid into a heavy metal cup, then added a good deal of water. I figured that never having tasted the brew before, along with her slight build, watering the drink down would be the best way to initiate my young slave to the grape.
I handed Gabrielle the cup and waited until she took a sip first. Her nose crinkled up and she smiled slightly. “Sweet.” She commented. “It’s like juice... in a way.”
I lifted my own cup to my lips, but stopped short. I paused momentarily and raised the cup a bit further in salute. “I drink a toast to you, Gabrielle. You have pleased me greatly today.”
Her blonde head lowered slightly. “Is it because of what I did with Lord, Demetri? Is that why you’re pleased, My Lord?”
I took a large swallow of my wine, then another before answering. Setting my cup on the side bar, I leaned against, I pushed off and walked toward the open window, the stars shimmering and suspended in the black sky. I wanted to say so much, yet as always in my life, words deserted me when I needed them the most. I made an attempt to say what was in my heart, but I was still so far from being able to put a voice to all that I felt there.
“I guess I just like knowing that you can take care of yourself.” I said with my back still facing her, realizing how very weak that sounded.
“I am a slave My Lord, I’m not sure everyone will accept aggression coming from me.”
I turned to look at her and I noted her furrowed brow. “Gabrielle, there is a enormous difference between being aggressive and being assertive. I don’t see you as becoming an aggressive woman, it just doesn’t seem to be in you.” I looked across the room and paused, but Gabrielle looked just as confused as before.
“Gabrielle, if I taught you to use a weapon, if you were able to become skilled with it, would you use it to kill?”
“I--I don’t know if I could ever do that, My Lord.” Gabrielle answered, disappointment evident in her voice.
“And, I wouldn’t expect you to be able to. Like I said, it’s not in you. But you might defend yourself with this weapon, mightn’t you?”
“Yes, perhaps,” she responded hesitantly. “Yes, I think I could protect myself, or someone I cared for.”
“Then you have just learned the difference between aggression and assertion. If the first were true about you, you would be able to attack someone. If it is the latter... well, being assertive means defending one’s self, little one. That’s what I want you to learn to do. It will help me not to worry so much when you are away from me.” I answered, but as the words slipped off my tongue, I realized what I’d said, and how easily I said it.
Did I actually just admit that I worried about her? Me... Xena the Conqueror? I could feel my ears growing hotter, and that’s never a good thing for a warrior. I watched as the crease in my slave’s brow eased and suddenly I saw something that could only be described as mirth; enter Gabrielle’s forest green eyes. I folded my arms across my chest, shifting my weight to one foot, as I tried to appear casual. When Gabrielle took a few steps forward, her facial muscles quite obviously straining to hold back a smile, I turned slightly and began examining the hanging tapestry on the wall. Mind you, that tapestry has hung against this wall for nearly 12 seasons, but suddenly, it became the most fascinating object in the room.
“My Lord... you... worry? About me?” Gabrielle said, I must admit way too merrily for me. Gods, I think it may have been a colossal mistake, giving this woman power!
“Well... ” I paused, still fingering the tapestry, knowing that if I made eye contact with the small blonde I was done for.
I knew that if I allowed myself to be caught in that gaze, filled with a combination of compassion and seduction, I would fall on my knees and promise her anything. I would end up flat on my back in some sort of submissive posture, allowing my young slave to take me as if our stations in life were reversed. I would do the one thing I swore to myself I would never do again... I would beg. Gabrielle would use her talented body and my own weakness to take control, and I would end up begging for her divine touch like a pup begs for dinner scraps, whining and whimpering my need until my master would take pity and satisfy me.
“Is it true? Do you worry for me... ” Gabrielle paused momentarily.
All right, I won’t look at her. I will not give in; I continued to think to myself, unconsciously pulling threads from the priceless piece of heavy fabric. I can be strong. I can be articulate. I’m the Conqueror of practically the whole Gods be damned world!
“... Xena?” Gabrielle finished.
Then I looked. Hades!
I fell into the eyes, which displayed a temperament and an attitude that I helped put there. My heart stopped as my libido soared, and I realized that I created this. Somewhere along the line, I took a small, frightened lamb, and turned her into a ravenous wolf.
“Do you, Xena?” Gabrielle repeated the question, tilting her head slightly in the most charming manner. She stopped in front of me, her body so close, we were almost pressed against one another.
“Um... I... sometimes.” Gods, how pathetic!
I froze as I watched her capture my attention with no more than a commanding look. Gabrielle smiled at me. Not the feral grin I expected from such a capable huntress, but an innocent smile, laced with sweetness, the kind that can capture an old warrior’s heart, and within a candlemark, have her begging for mercy.
My young slave raised herself up on her toes, sliding her body along my own. She reached up, and almost shyly, placed the most gentle of all kisses on my cheek. It was so light and delicate, it felt like the beat of a butterfly’s wings against my flushed skin. I felt those ears that grew warm earlier, burning like flames now. I could do no more than look down on her, a sheepish expression on my face.
Gabrielle slipped one small hand within my own and began to walk toward the bedchamber. As she drew me through the door, I suddenly remembered a phrase I’d read. It said something to the effect of...
be careful what you wish for...
CHAPTER 12
MISTRESS, MINE
I LOWERED MYSELF INTO the steaming bath water, wincing at the stinging sensation the hot water caused on the tender flesh between my legs. I squirmed a bit, trying to find a comfortable position, since the scratches raked across my backside were smarting from the heated water, too.
“Gods, this girl is simply going to be the death of me.”
It was indeed a pleasurable pain as the indelible grin on my face indicated. I lay there in the warm water replaying the previous evening’s events in my mind and a small shiver took my body. There was no mistaking that tremble; it was caused by the mere memory of our lovemaking last night. The grin became wider.
I cracked open one eye at the sound of movement from the other room. Sylla entered the bathing chamber, bending down repeatedly to pick up the path of discarded clothes from the tiled floor.
I see that your Gabrielle is still asleep.” Sylla commented.
I raised an eyebrow, yet my eyes remained shut. “And, how do you know that?”
“Because that girl is neat as a pin. I always suspected she was trailing after you. Leave you to your own devices and it looks like a barracks full of soldiers live here.” My maid grumbled good-naturedly.
I opened my eyes and couldn’t stop the deep laughter that issued forth. “Sylla, if I wasn’t such a slob, what ever would you do for a living?”
“Very true, Lord Conqueror, very true.” She admitted, continuing to collect my laundry, placing it into a basket.
I settled back into the water, closing my eyes once more. I could sense that my maid stopped and stood, waiting at the entrance to the room. I cracked that one eye open again in question, only to see Sylla silently chuckling at me.
“What?” I asked as innocently as I could mus
ter.
“Forgive me, Lord Conqueror, but might I suggest that people would know less about what you do in the privacy of your bedchambers, if you tried taming that smile down a bit?” Sylla said, a mischievous grin falling across her own features.
I grabbed a sponge and feigned throwing it at the younger woman. “Out!” I bellowed; chuckling as she slipped through the double doors, pulling them closed behind her.
She was right, though and I realized that I must look like that clumsy schoolboy again, grinning like an idiot. I tried, but all I could force it down to was a maddening smirk. My eyes drifted closed once more and it was a few moments before I heard the doors open again.
“Gods, woman! Did you come back to hear it from my own lips? Yes, I got laid last night!” I said in exasperation to my maid.
“Actually, I do somewhat already know that... My Lord” Gabrielle’s soft, teasing voice came at me.
I jerked forward to a sitting position and turned my head to see Gabrielle standing at the head of the tub. She wore only her robe, but her hair was already brushed and pulled back from her face. I have never blushed in embarrassment, shame, or modesty, but at this very moment, I could feel my skin turning absolutely scarlet.
“I... um... I--I thought you were Sylla.” I responded weakly.
“I see. I came in to see if you would care for me to scrub your back... perhaps wash your hair?”
“Yes, please,” I answered, thankful that she wasn’t rubbing salt in the wound of my humiliation. “I’d like that.”
My beautiful young slave proceeded to wash my hair, and then she carefully lathered a sponge, preparing to scrub my back. When Gabrielle tenderly brushed my hair over one shoulder, I heard a small gasp.
“I’m sorry, forgive me, My Lord.” She said with some concern.
I turned my head and followed her eyes to my shoulders and the light scratches there. Then I looked up to witness the expression of fear; no, it looked literally like terror, in Gabrielle’s eyes.